Set Fire To The Rain  Book III
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: AU - F!Cousland/Anders/Alistair - Commander Cousland rushes to Kirkwall to protect Anders from Weisshaupt who is coming after him for desertion when she unexpectedly runs into another Warden that left her when she needed him most.
1. Chapter 1  Set Fire To The Rain

**Chapter 1 – Set Fire To The Rain**

"I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it  
>It was dark and I was over until you kissed my lips and you saved me<br>My hands, they're strong, but my knees were far too weak  
>To stand in your arms without falling to your feet<p>

But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face,  
>Well, it burned while I cried 'cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!<p>

I set fire to the rain and I threw us into the flames  
>Well, it felt something died 'cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!"<p>

_Set Fire To The Rain by Adele_

Commander Josephine Cousland stood on the battlements of Vigil's Keep looking down at the preparations that were taking place in the courtyard for her trip to Kirkwall. Kirkwall would not have been her first choice to take a much needed leave of absences, but it would seem that damn, loveable mage of hers wasn't giving her any other option. To say that she had been stunned and hurt by Anders sudden disappearance after the final battle with the Brood Mother would actually be an understatement. After all that the two of them had shared together, all of his proclamations of love, he had been able to leave her without so much as a good-bye, and she hadn't expected his absence to cut as deeply as it had.

However, once all of the dust had settled from that final battle and she had more clarity of mind, she thought his unexpected departure might have been for the best. Anders had been the one that had helped her pick up the pieces of her shattered heart after Alistair had deserted her just before the final battle with the Archdemon. Anders had loved her unconditional and had never asked her to return his feelings. He had been patient and willing for her heart to mend, knowing that she would never be able to truly give herself over to him completely, until she came to terms with Alistair's betrayal and moved beyond the pain. What she had never been able to tell him was that during the nine months that they had been together, she had fallen in love with him, but some bizarre way she felt she was betraying the love that she still held for Alistair by confessing that to him. So even when she had learned that Anders was in Kirkwall, she didn't go to him because she felt he deserved a woman who wasn't in love with two men; he deserved the pretty girl that loved him and only him. She smiled as she recalled that conversation that she had with him.

_They had been in Amaranthine investigating a smuggling operation and had ended up spending the night. It was late as they made their way back to the inn from a tavern they had spent the better part of the evening getting drunk at. _

_Anders breathed in deep, "Do you smell that?"_

_Josie breathed in, "So you enjoy the smell of dog shite, piss and vomit? Good to know. I won't send you roses on your birthday just a warm pile of Mayhem's poop topped off with some party favors courtesy of Oghren." _

_Anders laughed. "Please I would much prefer the roses. No, amongst the shite smells is the smell of freedom."_

_Now it was Josie's turn to laugh. "I didn't realize freedom smelled so foul."_

"_It's mixed in there, you just have to look for it."_

"_So you think becoming a Grey Warden is freedom?"_

"_Well after being in solitary confinement for a year, this is a step up for me."_

"_Wow, that isn't a ringing endorsement for the Circle."_

"_Well, in the eyes of the Chantry, all mages are evil just waiting to be unleashed on innocent people…" Anders stopped walking and turned to her. "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot fire balls at idiots." _

"_There's a pretty girl right in front of you," Josie purred._

_Anders stepped into her, slid his arms around waist and drew her into him. "I know, Phine," he murmured just before his lips claimed hers. _

She continued to smile as she thought about that first night with Anders, and how different it had been from her previous lover. When Josie had first met Alistair, he had been a naïve Chantry boy and the first time he had kissed her, he was shy and unassuming which she had found sweet and endearing. He was clumsy in his attempts to win her affections, but that had been the attraction for her. He was so different from the pompous, arrogant noble prats that had sought her hand. His innocence, humor and devotion to her had at first captivated her, enticed her, but it was the way that he had been able draw her out of her grief and allowed her to be herself with him that had won her heart. When they were alone in their tent together, she no longer had to be the strong, courageous leader of a motley crew that was caught up in an epic fight against good and evil, but he encouraged her to be the grieving daughter who had lost everything, he allowed her to be the nineteen year old girl that she was, who was terrified of allowing anyone close to her again for fear of losing them too. Alistair had somehow broken through the wall that she had erected, helped her to believe in herself once again and she had fallen madly in love with him. The first time that they had made love, Alistair had been a virgin. Of course he had all that legendary grey warden stamina, but at the beginning, he still had to be given instructions. Thank the Maker, he was a quick study and enthusiastic to learn.

However, her experience with Anders had been completely different. There was nothing sweet and innocent about their relationship. It had been hot, sensual, and at times animalistic as Anders instinctively knew what she needed to work through her anger and pain. From the moment that Anders had possessed her lips, she knew he was no amateur. The instant his mouth claimed hers, a fire burned deeper into her soul. Maker, the way that man had kissed her, made her toes curl, her stomach flip and her body quiver with hunger. The way his tongue stroked, caressed and explored hers was nothing short of erotic and she was dying to feel his tongue on the rest of her. In that first kiss, Josie knew that Anders would know exactly what to do with a woman's body and all the ways to please her. He had willingly showed her the extent of his knowledge when they finally made it to her room after pausing in several allies along the way to relieve some of the aching desire they had for each other. The memory of that kiss made her tremble.

"Josie, you're going to freeze to death up here," Nate said as he slid her cape around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she replied as she snuggled deep into the fur that lined it.

"They are almost done with the preparations. I have given Sigrun all of your instructions and Oghren and Kai along with Fergus are waiting for us in the throne room."

"I will be right down. Ask them to meet me at the stables in ten minutes."

Josie headed for her quarters, grabbed her backpack, her daggers, the rose that Alistair had given her that Wynne had magically preserved for her, and the griffon amulet that Anders had made her. After she slipped the pendant on her fingers twisted around the chain. Anders had faked his own death when the Keep fell to darkspawn. It was obvious that he wanted out of the Wardens and away from her. Her fingers ran over the griffon amulet. A part of her wanted to hate him for deserting her in a similar manner as Alistair, but she just couldn't find in her heart to hate him. She knew what and who he was when she became involved with a notorious womanizer. Is it the lion's fault for biting the hand that feeds it or the trainer's for knowing the nature of the lion and not taking better precautions?

Josie would have left Anders in peace to live as he had wanted if it hadn't been for the letter that she had received from that sodding arse of a First Warden at Weisshaupt. When Josie had received word that Anders was in Kirkwall she had written First Warden Gatlin that she had given Anders some time off for personal reasons so that he didn't become suspicious of Anders sudden disappearance from her reports. That prick had replied that even if she was the Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey and the Hero of Ferelden, she didn't have the authority to issue _personaltimeoff_and that he would be sending Stroud and Loghain to investigate. To which she replied in so many words, fuck off, she would retrieve her own Warden, thank you very much.

She flung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the stables.

Fergus was holding the reins of her horse when she entered the courtyard. She strolled over to the group waiting for her, bent down and hugged her mabari, Mayhem. "Now you be a good girl May and don't give Fergus a hard time."

She looked up at her brother. "Take good care of my baby."

Fergus smiled at her. "I will love her as if she were my own child."

Josie frowned. "You do remember that mabaris understand sarcasm, Fergus."

"Only yours seems to have that ability," Fergus replied as she stood up.

"Now Jo, this is Giles. The gentleman I was telling you about," Fergus said as he pointed to the man standing behind him.

Josie gave a curt nod to the stanch looking man then let out a sigh of frustration. "Fergus as I've told you before, I am the Commander of the Grey, not some sodding noble that needs to have their asses wiped. I don't need a manservant."

Oghren chuckled. "I haven't stood down wind of you lately, but Commander you are noble so maybe you do need some assistance in the ass wiping department."

"Dwarf, it would be wise of you to remember that we are about to head to sea. I would hate for you to accidentally fall overboard," Josie retorted.

"Jo, Giles is much more than a manservant. He lived in Kirkwall for ten years, serving several of the noble families that lived there. His insight into Kirkwall will be invaluable to you. Not to mention he is the one that obtained the estate in Hightown for your stay."

"Yes, because a Grey Warden should be staying in an estate," Josie countered.

"You are also a Ferelden Arlessa. You cannot be sleeping in some hovel in Lowtown."

Josie looked over at stuffy wannabe butler. He bowed graciously at her. "I am at your service, my Lady."

"Fine, let's go Jeeves," Josie replied.

"It's Giles, my Lady."

"Yes I know and as long as you continue to call me my lady, you will be called Jeeves," Josie said dryly.

"Now Sister, play nice," Fergus said.

"I don't play well with others, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Fergus and Nate said in unison.

"Doesn't play well with others and she's a biter too. That's not a good resume," Nate added.

Josie rolled her eyes, "Oh for Maker's sake, I only bit you once and I was four!"

"Once a biter always a biter," Fergus chuckled as he leaned in to give his sister a hug and a kiss.

"That's what all of her lovers say," Kai Amell said from behind them.

"And you would know this how?" Josie asked.

"Anders," she said flatly.

"That damn mage needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," Josie muttered as she climbed onto her horse, waved good-bye and headed out the gate.

**xxXxx**

Four very long weeks later, they finally arrived in the port of Kirkwall and the dwarf really needed to be thanking his ancestors that he wasn't dropped overboard with a bag of rocks tied around his neck. Not that Josie would ever do such a thing to her beloved Oghren, but when the ship ran out for ale with a week left at sea, Oghren had resorted to stealing the cook's cooking sherry; from that point on things took a drastic turn for the worst.

As she stepped off the ship she closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air. She felt it instantly…the taint. Her eyes shot open and she looked around the docks. She didn't see any wardens, but there was one here. She closed her eyes and concentrated, it wasn't Anders' taint, but it was very familiar. When she had been traveling with Alistair during the blight, they had learned to distinguish between the darkspawn's taint and their own. Alistair said that it was not a talent that he had ever heard other Wardens possess and they had assumed that it was because they were the only Wardens left in Ferelden. However, when she had begun to recruit Wardens she realized that she could sense them too. She had gone to Soldier's Peak to visit Avernus who was an expert on tainted blood. He found the whole thing fascinating and he gave her some exercises that helped her to differentiate between the individual Wardens. Anders taint hummed while Nate's vibrated and Kai's chirped. She had taught her Wardens Avernus' tricks so that they could do the same. It was a very handy technique that helped out immensely during a fight. She had never learned what Alistair's was because at the time that they had traveled together they hadn't realized that their individual taints were different.

She smiled as she recalled lying in bed with Anders after a night of vigorous love making.

_He chuckled as he brushed her hair out of her eyes, "Did you know that your taint makes sweetest keening sound I've ever heard when you cum?"_

"_How would I possibly know that? If you're doing your job correctly my brain is otherwise too preoccupied to listen to the sound of my taint."_

_Anders brow furrowed as a smirk spread across his face. "MY Job! Now it's my job to make the Commander have an orgasm!" _

_She grinned as she rolled on her back. "Yep, multiple ones."_

_His eyes widened, his pupils darkened with desire as he rolled on top of her. "I missed that in the Wardens Handbook."_

"_It was in the fine print at your joining…so what does my taint sound like when I'm not overly excited."_

"_A soft low whistle," he muttered as he began to do the most delicious things with his tongue on her ear and neck._

She stood there and reached out once again to the familiar taint, but it was already gone. She let out a sigh of frustration.

"My lady, I have made arrangements to have the luggage delivered to the estate. If you would follow me, I show you to your new accommodations," Giles said from behind her.

"Lead the way, Jeeves," Josie replied dryly.

Once they had settled in at the estate Giles knocked on her study door before entering.

"My la…Commander…"

"Ma la Commander," Nate chuckled as he stood over a map that was spread out on Josie's desk. "Is that the Orlesian way of addressing a commanding officer?"

The manservant looked flustered and unsure of how to proceed.

"Giles, ignore Warden Nate. He is under the delusion that he is funny. What can I do for you?"

"Delusion, my arse," Nate mumbled as he folded the map.

"I took the liberty of doing some preliminary investigating for the Warden that you are looking for. There wasn't a lot of information forthcoming to outsiders, but I found a source that was able to gather that Warden Anders is acquaintances with man named Garrett Hawke who lives in Hightown, but who also spends a lot of time at the Hanged Man."

"The Hanged Man?" Josie asked.

"It's a sinfully vile tavern in Lowtown," Giles replied.

"Oooo, I like places of sin," Josie smirked.

"Oh Jo, the Hanged Man is your kind of place; loose women and even looser men, ale so bad it makes Oghren's home brew taste like fine Antivan brandy and it's a slow night if there isn't at least one bar fight, a stabbing and someone leaving the bar with no knickers on," Nate said with a grin.

"Well hot damn, when can we go?" Josie asked as she slapped her thigh.

"My lady, a woman of your nobility shouldn't set foot in such a place," Giles exclaimed.

"Damn Jeeves and you started out so good, but here is the thing… I'm not a chantry sister and I don't need you looking out for my virtue…"

"He would be a little late on that front," Nate said dryly. Josie raised an eyebrow. "Not that I would personally know that… it's just that's what I… okay, I think I'll be leaving now, before I put my foot even deeper in my mouth."

"Tell the others that we will head down to Lowtown after dinner tonight," Jo stated before she turned her attention back to _her_ manservant. "Look, we need to set some ground rules if you don't want me to send you back on the first ship returning to Ferelden. You are here because my brother insisted that your services would be invaluable to me, and it seems that he was right regarding the information that you have provided about the Hanged Man. But I need to make some things clear if this arrangement has a hope in hell of working out. The reason I don't want you to call me, _myLady_, is because I live and work in a man's world. I am Commander for the Ferelden Wardens. My men need to believe and trust in my abilities and skills in order for me to effectively lead them. I cannot have them viewing me as some pampered and spoiled noble. Can you understand that?"

"Yes Commander," Giles replied humbly.

"Now I don't know what my brother told you about me, but let's be perfectly clear about this… I am no longer the daughter or sister of a Teyrn. That title died the night my parents were murdered and I was conscripted into the Wardens. Men, especially military men, go to some unsavory places, they tell vile jokes while slurping down piss and talk about all the women they screwed. If I acted like some high and mighty noble, I would never earn their respect and without their respect I can't properly lead them. You undermine me and my authority by questioning my nobility and my behavior in front of them."

"But you're the Hero of Ferelden, they should follow you on that fact alone."

She smiled sadly. "I'm a woman in a man's job. People quickly forget about the past. It's all about 'what have you done for me lately?'. I am an excellent fighter, a brilliant strategist and a highly effective commander, but none that would matter if they ever began view me as a noble and not one of them."

Giles hung his head in shame. "Commander, I'm so sorry… I didn't realize."

Josie rested her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay and now that we understand each other let's put this behind us."

"Yes, Commander, thank you," Giles said as he bowed and headed out of the room.

Much later that evening, after fighting through several street gangs, Josie and her Wardens entered the Hanged Man. Just as they stepped inside, a body went flying past them and hit the wall.

"See, I told you there is never a dull moment here at the Hanged Man," Nate said. "Jo, how about you get us a table and I will get the first pitcher of ale? I know the bartender and will see what he knows about this Hawke fellow."

Josie nodded as she started for a table; she paused and looked around as she sensed that familiar taint again, but then it disappeared as quickly as she had felt it.

They found a table and few minutes later Nate rejoined them. He set the pitcher down and gave a subtle nod to group gathered in the back. "That man with the black hair is Hawke."

Josie casually turned to the table. A ruggedly handsome man was sitting in a chair facing her, with a scantily clad woman in his lap. Josie surveyed the rest of the group. Anders wasn't there. She returned her gaze to the woman in Hawke's lap. As she recognized the rogue's face, her eyes went wide and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

"Maker's hairy balls," she muttered as she quickly spun away from the table.

"What's wrong?" Nate asked.

Josie stole another quick glance over her shoulder at Isabela and a memory of her on a large bed with Alistair and the Pirate Captain flashed through her mind, making her cheeks feel like they were on fire.

"Jo?" Nate asked again.

"Aaah, its nothing; just a memory from my misspent youth making an appearance."

Oghren glanced over at the table and nearly spit out his ale, "Hey Commander, isn't that the pirate wench that taught you how to be a duelist in exchange for sleeping with you and the Pike Twirler?"

"What?" Both Nate and Kai exclaimed at the same time.

Josie rolled her eyes and groaned, "Yes."

"You slept with a woman?" Nate asked shocked.

"And with Alistair at the same time?" Kai asked with note of admiration in her voice.

"Well, we didn't actually get much sleep," Josie said dryly as she looked Nate dead in the eye. "Not a word to my brother!"

He grinned at her and shook his head, "Warden's honor, but damn who knew the Teyrn's daughter was so naughty? No wonder Alistair and Anders fell in love with you."

Oghren chuckled, "Yes, the Commander did a fine job of _educating_ that chantry boy."

Josie drew in a deep breath as she stood up, "Well, I guess there is no time like the present."

"I'll back you up," Nate said as he stood up beside her.

"I don't think I need backup."

"You never know in a seedy place like this. Not to mention we don't know a damn thing about this Hawke."

Josie's eyes narrowed, "You just want to witness first hand, my reunion with Isabela."

"Damn straight I do," Nate replied as the two of them made their way over to Hawke's table.

"I heard that the best duelist in Thedas was at this bar. You can't perhaps point me in the right direction?" Josie said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, as she grinned at Isabela.

It took a moment for Isabela register who she was, but then a playful smile spread across her face. "Oh my, if it isn't the Sweet Thing that I met in Denerim; my favorite student is looking as delectable as ever."

"Some would say that I'm good enough to eat, but that would mostly be Darkspawn, sadly."

"That's because most haven't had the privilege of taking a nibble," Isabela cooed.

"And most don't know how much I love a good 'nibbling'," Josie replied flirtatiously.

A choking noise came from behind her and she cursed under breath as she remembered that Nate was with her.

"Isabela, are you going to introduce us to your lovely friend?" Hawke asked.

"Of course, everyone, this is the Hero of Ferelden, Josephine Cousland, Josie," Isabela waved her hand at the group gathered around the table, "this is everyone."

"Aaah, I could have done without the official title. It's just Josie."

"Damn, the Hero of Ferelden," Varric muttered as he pulled out a notepad.

"Careful, Josie. If you don't watch every word you say, it will end up in one of Varric's stories," Hawke cautioned.

"Well, if he wishes to retain the ability to write those stories, he will forget that little exchange between me and Isabela."

"The Hero threatened," Varric murmured.

Josie's eyebrows furrowed, "Does he do that often?"

"The Hero questioned."

"Yes and it's very annoying,"

"Hawke chuckled."

"Oh, for the love of the Maker!" Josie exclaimed.

"The Hero looked at the handsome dwarf as if she was about to eat him," Varric stated.

"The Hero looked at the Death Mark above the Dwarf's head and pictured how lovely her daggers would look protruding from him."

"Varric... Now would be a good time to run... if you're fast enough!" Hawke smirked.

"Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm a dwarven man." Varric chanted.

"So Josie, what brings the Hero of Ferelden, Commander of the Grey and the Arlessa of Amaranthine to Kirkwall?" Isabela asked.

"Maker's balls, enough with the titles already!" Josie huffed.

"Is it just me or doesn't she like the kaleidoscope of names that she's obtained in the last couple of years?" Isabela purred.

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Captain Crunch," Josie said sardonically.

Both Varric and Hawke spat their ale out as they begin to laugh and choke at the same time.

Isabela glared at her, while Josie shrugged her shoulders. "Two can play the name game, my dear pirate wench."

"Oh, you don't wanna play with me. Wait till I get really creative, I'll start with the kinky names next, my dear Hero." Isabela cooed.

Hawke ignored Isabela. His eyes narrowed on Josie as he lent toward her. "Why is the Commander of the Grey here?"

Josie smiled her most disarming smile as she rested her hand on his. "I have misplaced a Warden and I have it on good authority, Hawke that you have been keeping him safe for me."

"Misplaced? How do you misplace a person?" Varric asked.

"It's not as difficult as you think. Start with an epic battle, mix in a City being burnt to the ground, let that marinate for a while, then top it off with your Keep being overrun with darkspawn and presto, misplaced Warden."

"Damn, you have the best stories," Varric stated.

"What makes you think I have your misplaced Warden?" Hawke inquired.

"I have it on good authority that Anders is working with you, Hawke. Please know that I mean him no harm," Josie said.

"Really? Then why has he remained in Kirkwall all this time," Hawke replied.

Josie smiled, "I'm glad that Anders has a friend like you watching his back. As for your question on why he has remained in Kirkwall that is something I would like to ask him."

"Well, I'm sure it has to do with his extra passenger," Varric chuckled.

Josie's eyes narrowed as her heart began to race with fear. "Extra passenger?"

Hawke shot an angry look at Varric. "I have no idea what that dwarf is talking about half the time. He's a storyteller…he makes shit up as he goes."

"Riiiight... Stop bullshitting me. I'm here to help him… to protect him. Please help me do that."

They were all quiet for a long moment as Hawke thought over what had been said.

"I have only heard that expression used when someone is making reference to a mage being possessed. Hawke, is that what has happened to Anders? Is he possessed?" Josie begged.

Hawke placed a comforting hand on Josie's arm. "I can tell you care about him. Let me reassure you that Anders is not possessed by a demon, but he is not the man that you knew back in Ferelden."

"What do you mean?" Josie demanded.

Hawke studied her for a long moment. "You're her… the one that he refers to as mon precieux."

She smiled and sadly nodded. "Yes."

Hawke gave a curt nod. "Meet me tomorrow morning in Darktown and I will take you to him. I believe Anders should be the one to explain what is going on with him."

"Thank you," Josie said as she hugged him.


	2. Chapter 2 Missing You

**Chapter 2 – Missing You**

"I've been holding out so long, I've been sleeping all alone, Lord I miss you  
>I've been hanging on the phone, I've been sleeping all alone, I want to kiss you<p>

Well, I've been haunted in my sleep, you've been starring in my dreams, Lord I miss you, child"

_Missing You by The Rolling Stones_

Anders hadn't felt right since he had returned from the Wounded Coast with Hawke earlier in the day. He had felt the taint the moment that he entered the city, but it was too far way for him to tell whose or where it was coming from. He was supposed to join the group at the Hanged Man tonight, but the presence of Wardens made him and Justice anxious. So he paced around his clinic instead, trying to calm both of their nerves. It would really depend on which Warden it was. If it was that tight ass Stroud again, he was going to avoid him like the plague. After the Deep Roads when he had saved Bethany's life by basically conscripting her into the Wardens, Stroud had come to Kirkwall looking for him afterwards. Luckily, Varric, who always had his hands in multiple fires, gave Anders plenty of warning. Hawke took Anders with him on a mission to Sundermount that was going to last over a week. Giving Stroud plenty of time to search the city for him and come up empty.

But…what if it wasn't Stroud? What if it was her? What if she had learned that he was here and came after him? The non-spirit side of him couldn't help be relish the idea of his mon precieux coming after him. The thought of his fierce, courageous Commander coming for him, instantly made his groin swell with throbbing hunger for her. Maker, how he ached for her? When he was awake she was always in his thoughts. From the way she led her Wardens, to how her brilliant mind worked, to her radiant smile, to her legendary temper and her infectious laugh. He smiled when he thought about her laugh. She had two very distinct laughs. One that she used in front of her Wardens, which was hearty, but reserved to the one she used in front of the people that she truly let her be herself around, which was carefree, boisterous and very contagious. When she truly let her guard down, you couldn't help but be drawn to her…like a moth to the flame.

However, it was in his dreams that she truly haunted him. She had been unlike any another woman that he had ever been with. Her sexual prowess was equal to his and she had taken him to new heights that he had never dreamed possible, but what really consumed his mind was the way she completely opened him up, exposing him, making him want to bare his soul to her. He had never felt so at home, so at peace with anyone as he had with her. He had wholeheartedly and unequivocally fallen desperately in love with the one person he would never truly be able to have - someone who was desperately in love with someone else. Fate was definitely a fickle bitch who had a sadistic sense of humor.

His mind drifted back to the time that they had made camp on their way back from the Wending Woods. The two of them had first shift for guard duty and they had lain down under a tree to stare up at the stars. They had been together for about two months, but other than the mind blowing sex they had ever night, she had yet to really open up to him. If he had a hope and a prayer of helping heal her broken heart, he needed her to talk about what had happened between her and Alistair.

_She was lying in the crook of his arm as the two of them stared up at the thousand of stars in the sky. _

"_It's hard to imagine that tonight, under something so beautiful as that star filled sky, that horrible things are being done to people," Josie said absentmindedly._

_Anders pulled her even closer to him and kissed the top of her head. "Phine…what horrible things were done to you under such a sky?"_

_She had been quiet for a very long time before she answered. "It was on a night very similar to this, that Howe's men attacked my home. It was a perfect night actually for a sneak attack; with no moon to cast shadows to warn the tower guards, just the faint light of the stars to guide you. Howe planned it flawlessly."_

"_I've heard you mention that you were conscripted that night. How did that happen?"_

_Again she was quiet for while before she let out a long sigh and began. "I was woken in the middle of the night by the castle bells ringing and Mayhem barking viciously at my door, wanting to be let out. I knew something was wrong, so I quickly put my armor on and grabbed my weapons. My door opened and one of the servants ran in to warn me, but he was shot from behind with an arrow…I fought my way through Howe's men as I tried to get to my sister-in-law and nephew."_

_She paused as she collected her thoughts. "When I pushed open the door to Oriana's room I..I was completely horrified. Those bastards had slit Oren's t-throat…" she paused again as her voice cracked. "H-he was just a little boy, but that hadn't stopped them. Then they'd raped and brutalized Oriana before they k-killed..." Her voice hitched again and she paused to collect herself. Anders rubbed her back reassuringly, encouraging her to continue._

_"I hadn't realized my mother had come in behind me…she broke down when she saw them. I got her out of there as quickly as I could, telling her we needed to find my father. We had to fight our way through at least a dozen of Howe's men as we made for the larder, to the servant's exit…In every room we went through, those monsters had savagely murdered the men and raped, tortured and killed the women. I never realized that people could be so utterly cruel and inhuman to each other. I was so naïve."_

_At the time, Anders had thought he had seen the worst of humanity in the Circle, but what she was describing was downright savage. _

_"When my mother and I got to the larder, we found my father. He'd been wounded badly, was bleeding so much, I-I knew he was dying. I knew he couldn't be saved. Duncan found us a few minutes later. My father asked Duncan to get my mother and I to safety. Duncan said he would, if he had my father's permission for me to join the Grey Wardens."_

_"Duncan conscripted you while your father was dying?"_

_Jo nodded. _

"_That seems…so cruel."_

"_To some yes, but Duncan knew nothing could be done to save my father and he still had a Blight to contend with."_

_Anders was quiet for a long moment and then muttered, "In war, victory."_

_"Exactly." Josie was silent for a while before continuing, "My mother refused to leave my father's side even though she knew that she would die there with him…I never understood that until…" she didn't want finish the sentence._

_Anders finished for her, "Until Alistair."_

_She nodded. "I-I would have died for him if I had to…I-I would have taken the final blow if it came down to the two of us. I couldn't let him die. He was supposed to be king. We had united Ferelden and they needed him to led them once the Blight was over…I didn't know at the time, why Riordan would ask us to conscript Loghain. It didn't make sense; he knew what Loghain had done at Ostagar. Those Wardens had been his brothers and sisters and yet he still asked us to put him through the joining. I knew there had to be a reason and I had to trust that a senior Warden would have reasons that I didn't know about yet."_

"_You didn't know at that time why it had to be a Warden to kill the Archdemon?"_

"_No, Duncan …all the Wardens died before we had a chance to find out."_

"_So Alistair left you to fight the Archdemon without knowing the full story; he believed that you had allowed the man that had slaughtered his brothers and sisters to live and to join his Order?"_

_Josie nodded. _

"_And it never occurred to the man that you __**never**__ act on impulse. That you are a rational, logical person that always thinks strategically. I would think after traveling with you for a year, he would have realized that this wasn't just a spur of the moment decision for you," Anders replied, trying to keep his anger at the Templar in check._

"_Alistair always allowed his emotions to rule his actions. I'm sure once he had calmed down, he regretted his decision, but by then it would have been too late. He had already been exiled."_

"_He could have come back, Phine. Why didn't he come back?"_

"_I'm sure he felt I betrayed him. That I chose a murdering son of bitch over him."_

"_And how did his leaving make you feel?"_

"_I…I felt abandoned, deceived…that all his claims of love were nothing, but lies. How could he ask me to marry him then leave me to face the Archdemon alone? He obviously didn't care whether I lived or d-died." Her voice cracked and she turned to bury her head in his chest as she lost the battle with her tears._

_Anders ran his fingers through her long, silky black hair. He slid his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. Her incredibly blue eyes shimmered with tears. "Phine, he was a fool for leaving you. The man must be heartless and insane. To willingly walk away from you, he had to have been severally unbalanced."_

Anders laughed at the dramatic irony of that statement. Because of a quirk of fate that is exactly what he had done to her. When he had merged with Justice, he immediately knew that it had been a mistake. His anger and hatred had corrupted the Fade Spirit, turning him into something unrecognizable from the spirit that he had called friend. Anders knew he couldn't expose Josie to the uncontrollable rage that was now coursing through him. He couldn't bear to see face her wrath at his stupidity or worse, her pity.

Walking away from her was the hardest thing that he had ever done, but he knew it was in her best interest that she believed that he had died in that final battle. He had disguised one of the Keep's guards that was similar in build and stature to him, in robes and placed his body in a location that was in the path of the rapidly spreading fire. Then he took the next ship out of Ferelden and headed for Kirkwall. Knowing that leaving her was the right thing to do didn't make the pain of losing her hurt less and after all of these years he still yearned for her.

There was a loud knock on his door before the door burst open and Hawke strode in with Isabela in tow. Not exactly the company he was in the mood for.

"Anders, you were missed at the Hanged Man tonight," Hawke said as he strolled in.

"Yes, it turned out to be a very interesting night indeed," Isabela cooed as she pulled three glasses off of his shelf and poured them a shot of rum.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it there tonight. I…I wasn't really feeling up for company and to be perfectly honest I'm still not, so if you don't mind…"

"Why didn't you ever mention that Commander Josephine Cousland was so incredibly gorgeous? With all that raven black hair, those exotic almond shaped eyes with that piercing sapphire stare of hers and those lips…Maker those pouty lips look like they could definitely show a man a good time."

"What! Josie is here and you met her?" Anders exclaimed.

Ignoring his question, Isabela purred, "I do believe that she has grown even more beautiful than the last time I saw her. Help a girl's ego out, please tell me under her clothes that her body is riddled with scares from that final battle with the Archdemon," Isabela teased.

"W-what?" Anders stuttered, glaring at Isabela.

"A girl can hope."

Anders turned to Hawke. "W-what did she want?" Anders demanded.

Hawke's lips spread into a mischievous grin, "You!"

"What?"

"You really need to work on your vocabulary," Isabela stated.

"What do you mean _me_?"

"She was looking for you."

"Did she say why?"

"No, just that she meant you no harm. That she was here to help you, to protect you. I told her I would bring her to you in the morning."

Anders shot out of his seat. "NO! Please Hawke, don't bring her here. I can't…she doesn't know about Justice. I…she can't see me like this. Please, I left because I didn't want her to face this anger. Justice was her friend too."

"Anders, she knows you are here. Even if I don't bring her here, it's only a matter of time before she finds you."

"I can leave town until she gives up and goes back to Ferelden," Anders countered.

"She looked pretty determined to find you."

"Please Hawke you have to help me. She can't find me…"

"I knew you must have been desperate to get away from the Wardens for you to fake your own death, but I thought you would have been at least a little more welcoming to an old friend," a cool sultry voice came from behind him.

Anders spun to face her and his breath was sucked out of his chest. Maker, Isabela wasn't kidding. Josie was breathtaking as her raven hair swirled around her flushed face.

Hawke stood up and began to laugh. "Damn, you're good. I thought Isabela and I had done an outstanding job of covering our tracks."

"I didn't unite a nation, end a Blight and survive Ferelden politics without picking up a few tricks along the way," Josie cooed as she stepped into the room. Her eyes never left Anders' face as she strolled over to him and it was clear that the mage was shaken by the appearance of his ex-lover and Commander.

"J-josie…" was all Anders could manage to say. What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He couldn't put together a proper sentence, let alone find the ability to speak.

She smiled that radiant smile at him then she leaned into him and hugged him. Maker's breath, she felt fantastic as she pressed her body against his. He turned his head and breathed in the scent of vanilla, lavender and spice that was uniquely her. "It's good to see you alive and well Anders," she purred as she released him.

"Josie…I can't believe you're here," Anders stuttered.

She turned to Hawke, "Garrett, Isabela, would you mind giving me some time alone with Anders?"

Hawke looked at Anders and he gave a curt nod. Hawke stood up, "Sure, not a problem."

"Damn, we're going to miss all the good stuff," Isabela moaned.

Hawke took Isabela's hand and lead her out the door. Once they were alone, Josie took a deep breath. "There are several reasons that I am here. One of which is that I need to hear from you, why you faked your own death and why you left without so much as a word? I have a pretty good idea why, but I need to hear it from you."

"You do?" Anders questioned.

She nodded.

His eyes narrowed on her. "Why do you think I left?"

She leaned back against the pillar that was behind her. Damn he had missed her so much and now she was here in front of him, tempting him beyond his ability to resist her. She looked so good…so delectable that it took all of his self-control not to press into her and take her right there.

"I knew from the start it would be difficult for you to remain in one place for long. It's not in your nature. You're a nomad at heart…But I had hoped…never mind."

He stepped closer to her. "What had you hoped for, Phine?"

She looked at him and in those beautiful eyes he saw sadness and longing. She shook her head, "It doesn't matter."

He stepped even closer to her. He wanted desperately to pull her into his arms, but he resisted the urge by holding onto his hands behind his back. His heart was beating wildly and he hoped that she couldn't hear it. "It does matter. What had you hoped for?"

She bit at her lower lip; a sure sign that she was nervous. "I had hoped…that you would have at least said good-bye before you left. I know that you escaped the Circle all those times because being confined makes you feel trapped. I understand that you hate that feeling of being imprisoned. I'm sorry the Wardens made you feel that…that I made you feel that way."

"Wait a minute! You think I left because you made me feel trapped?"

Josie nodded. Anders ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Oh for fuck sake, Jo, I told you, I loved you. I told you that you were the most incredible woman I had ever met. I don't take saying that lightly. Do you know, before I met you, how many times I told a girl I loved her?"

"If it got her into your bed…"

"None!" He interrupted her in anger. "I may have slept with a lot of women, but I never lied to get them into my bed. I never lied to you. When I told you I loved you, it was because I meant it. I didn't leave because you made me feel trapped. I left because I made a very stupid decision…one that changed me…changed my life forever and I couldn't bear to disappoint you."

She now stepped closer to him. She was only a few inches away. Maker, he wanted her in his arms, holding her, taking comfort in her. "What decision? What happened to you, Anders?"

Anders let out a long sigh then motioned to the chairs that were near his desk. She walked over and took a seat. Anders poured both of them a glass of rum from the bottle that Isabela had left behind and then took a seat across from her. Then he told her all about the day that he had invited a Fade Spirit to merge with him, how his anger at the mistreatment of mages corrupted their friend and he even told her about the innocent lives that he had taken immediately following that merge.

"Oh, Anders," she exclaimed. "You of all people should have known better."

"I know…But Justice wasn't a demon. He was a Fade Spirit and I honestly thought I was saving a friend. Instead, I forfeited everything that was important to me; my place within the Wardens, the ability to have my thoughts be my own, my life and most importantly you. " Anders grasped her hands in his. "Leaving you, Phine, was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I just couldn't face seeing the disappointment in your eyes. I also knew that damn noble streak of honor that you have would never be able to overlook the death of those innocent people and you would be forced to deliver Justice of your own. I wanted to spare you that pain."

"I want to speak to Justice."

"Jo, it doesn't work like that. For the most part, Justice is a part of me, his thoughts are my thoughts, and my thoughts are his. He only comes to the surface when my anger becomes all consuming."

Without warning, Josie drew her arm back and cold cocked him the jaw. "What the fuck!" Anders roared.

"I want to speak to Justice!"

"I can't make him surface on demand."

Josie pulled her arm back again, but Anders leapt to his feet his hand tingling as the magic gathered there. "Jo, beating the shit out of me isn't going to bring Justice out, but it will force me to defend myself. I don't want to cast a spell at you, but if you leave me no choice, I will."

"I need to speak to the spirit that invaded your body and as your Commander and his, the two of you better figure out how to make that happen."

"Let me think about it. I'm sure I can come up with something. You said there were several reasons you came here. What were the other reasons?"

Josie sighed, sat back down in her chair and drained her glass of rum. Anders raised an eyebrow. "That bad?" He asked.

"It could be. When you disappeared and it was very apparent that you had faked your death…"

"Wait I planned that perfectly. There should have been no way anyone could have identified that body," Anders said defensively.

"Well, except for me," Josie said. "I knew every inch of your body. The path that you had laid the body did an excellent job of burning the front of the corpse to the point it was beyond recognition, but the ground protected its back. When they asked me to identify your corpse, I asked them to turn the body over…" An impish grin spread across her face.

"My strawberry birthmark on my arse was missing," Anders finished for her.

"Yes, and before I could reign in my emotions, the relief had shown on my face. Due to my lack of control, too many people knew that corpse wasn't you, so I had to devise a plan to protect you from the long arm of Weisshaupt, who would realize that something had happened when your name stopped appearing in my reports. So I decided a direct approach was best. I told them that being the only mage during campaign against the Brood Mother and Architect had been extremely stressful and that I had given you some personal time."

Anders sat there in stunned silence. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She had protected him, had covered for him. She had risked her career to keep him safe.

"Why? Why would you do that, Jo?"

"The penalty for desertion is death. There was no way I was going to let that prick Gatlin get his hands on one of my Wardens. Besides, if anyone was going to kick your ass it was going to me."

Anders laughed nervously as he rubbed his jaw and prayed she was joking. "So how did Weisshaupt respond?"

"That asshole said I had no right to give you personal leave. What a joke? I'm your Commanding Officer, I have every right to let you take personal leave. I don't know what Gatlin is up to, but something didn't sit right with me. So when he informed me that he was sending Stroud and Loghain to investigate, I knew I needed to get to you first."

"Both Stroud and Loghain are looking for me?" Anders asked. Still in shock after all that she had revealed.

"Yes, I'm not sure which of the two is worse, but I'm leaning toward Loghain," she replied dryly.

"So what happens now?"

"You need to come back to Vigil's Keep with me."

"Josie, I can't do that right now. Something very strange is going on with the Qunari and Hawke is stuck in the middle of it. I can't leave him until that is settled."

"Anders, you're life is in danger. It isn't safe for you here."

Anders laughed. "Sweetheart, this is Kirkwall. My life is in danger every day. Hawke has been a good friend; better than I deserve. I can't leave him until a solution for the Qunari situation has been worked out."

"Fine, but if we are going to stay in Kirkwall for any length of time, you might as well move into the estate with rest of the Wardens. That way we keep an eye out for Stroud and Loghain, and keep you safe."

"Estate?" Anders said as he began to gather a few of his things.

Josie let out a frustrated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Fergus."

Anders laughed. "Enough said. I think I might have an idea for how you can talk to Justice. There is the elven mage named Feynriel. He is trapped in a dream in the Fade. We are waiting for the Dalish keeper to arrive. When she does, we will go into the Fade after the boy. You should join us. It would be the easiest way to make contact with him."

Josie threw her arm around Anders waist as they headed out the door. "That sounds like a mighty fine plan. I hear the Fade is lovely this time of year."

"Yes, balmy temperatures mixed in with a few scattered demons here and there. Should be delightful," Anders chuckled as they headed for her estate.

**A/N – Thank you to everyone that has added this story to your fav and alert lists. The response has been great. I also wanted to thank everyone that took the time to share their thoughts with me. I really appreciate it. **

***A very special thank you to the spookalicious Beta Goddess, Jinxy for her fanfrickentastic editing skills; thank you for always making me look good. Hugs and kisses for all that you do for me. You are wickedly awesome!**


	3. Chapter 3 Fallin'

**Chapter 3 – Fallin'**

"Sometimes I love ya, sometimes you make me blue, sometimes I feel good  
>At times I feel used, lovin' you darlin', makes me so confused<br>I keep on fallin', in and out of love with you  
>I never loved someone, the way that I love you<br>Oh, oh, I never felt this way, how do you give me so much pleasure? And cause me so much pain  
>Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool I start fallin' back in love with you"<p>

_Fallin' by Alicia Keys_

Alistair sensed their taint the moment that the group of Wardens stepped off of the ship. He immediately masked his own taint; a little trick that he had learned from Avernus when he had stopped by Soldier's Peak on his way out of Ferelden. He carefully watched the Wardens as they made their way through the docks. Judging by the red and gold colors on their matching armor, they weren't Orlesian Wardens, but Ferelden. What the hell were Ferelden Wardens doing in the Free Marches?

Alistair's gaze narrowed in on their leader. Even though their leader wore a hooded traveling cloak, it was obvious by their graceful movements that it was a woman and as she agilely moved through the crowd, a memory of her flickered across his mind.

Alistair stood beside her in a field covered with a light morning fog. Even though it was chilly, Alistair only wore a loose pair of trousers. His feet and chest were bare. She also wore a loose pair of trousers, a loose shirt and her feet were bare too. He wished her chest was bare, but then again if it was, they would never make it through their morning workout. The sun had just risen and the rest of their companions were still sleeping as the two of them began to move in unison through a sequence of movements that fluidly flowed from one pose to the next as they coordinated their breathing in time with each other. The exercise achieved balance – both physically and emotionally and the dancelike movements helped the two of them remain flexible, strong and energized while mentally making them more alert and attuned to their surroundings and each other. He had never felt so connected to anyone as he did with her. The two of them were able to read each other so accurately at times that it actually made their companions uneasy. Completely in sync with each other they gracefully moved their bodies together as one. He looked over at her; she was the picture of calm and tranquility. The world was falling apart around them, but you would never know that by looking at her now. Maker, he desperately loved this woman.

Alistair watched the Wardens leave the docks and his insides twisted into knots. Anger coursed through his veins as those four little words pulsed in his head. "I hereby conscript him!" Alistair threw the last of the boxes on the ship and then headed for the Blooming Rose to wash the memory of her out of his head…at least for a little while.

When he had finished with the whore that was the complete opposite of her, he headed to the Hanged Man to lose himself in numerous pints of ale. When he had first arrived in Kirkwall, he had been a loud obnoxious drunk that had allowed his anger and bitterness to overwhelm him, causing him to prattle on about all that he had lost. Corff, the bartender, had given him a warning that if he continued on in this manner, he would be banned from the tavern. There weren't many bars in Kirkwall where you drink all night and then stumble upstairs to your room nowadays, so Alistair just sat in a dark corner and quietly drank his troubles away as he tried to forget her and all that they had shared, he failed miserably at it. No matter how much he drank, he couldn't escape his memories of her and even when he finally passed out, she haunted him in the Fade. He loved her, he hated her, he had a fierce longing to hold her, to touch her once again while at the same time he fantasized about wrapping his strong hands around her frail neck, choking the life out of her and taking a deranged satisfaction in watching the life drain out of her eyes.

He ordered another ale. He immediately pushed the image out of his mind, but pushing Josie out of his mind only led to thoughts of Jazmine Amell and a different guilt blossomed in his chest over his inability to save her from the chantry. He downed the mug in two long gulps as the mage's dull eyes, monotone voice and the sunburst branded on her forehead flickered through his mind.

The door to the tavern swung open, he felt the taint first, he looked up and his heart stopped as he stared at the face he hoped to never see again. "Jo," he whispered as he watched her cross the room to a table that was not far from him and he sank even deeper into the shadows.

She was even more beautiful then he remembered. Her long black hair flowed down her back and her eyes danced as she surveyed her surroundings. As he watched her, once again mesmerized by her, he instinctively reached out through the taint to touch her the only way he would ever touch her again. She froze, her head whipped around as she scanned the crowd looking for the source of the pull. He immediately pulled back and masked himself. As her head turned away from where he sat, Alistair saw a large scar that started under her chin and run down her neck, disappearing beneath her armor. Horror rippled through his body. He had seen her briefly after the battle. He remembered the bandage that had been around her neck, but hadn't realized the extent of injury. That type of injury should have killed her, yet here she was alive and well. How had she received such a grave wound? Damn it, he should have been there. "I herebey conscript him" marched through his head reminding him why he hadn't been.

His eyes narrowed as the table where that Hawke fellow and Isabela sat drew her attention. He watched her eyes flair and her face flush when she recognized Isabela. He had managed to avoid the pirate wrench while he had been in Kirkwall. He had no desire to relive that experience. He had only gone along with it because not knowing what had gone on would have driven him insane. In hindsight, they had laughed about it when she had confessed that the only reason she had suggested it in the first place was because she didn't want him to become bored with her. Bored with her? Was she insane? She was the most exciting, erotic woman he had ever met.

His groin immediately throbbed as he watched her saunter over to Hawke's table. Her hips gently swaying back and forth as she walked. She smiled her most radiant smile at the group as she approached them.

"I heard that the best duelist in Thedas was at this bar. You can't perhaps point me in the right direction?" Josie said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, as she grinned at Isabela.

Playing the impish rogue as she warmed up her audience and eventually making them putty in her hands. She was up to something. She wanted something from them, but what could that possibly be?

It took a moment for Isabela register who she was, but then a playful smile spread across her face. "Oh my, well if it isn't my Sweet Thing that I met in Denerim. My favorite student is looking as delectable as ever."

"Some would say that I'm good enough to eat, but that would mostly be Darkspawn, sadly."

"That's because most haven't had the privilege of taking a nibble," Isabela cooed.

"And most don't know how much I love a good 'nibbling'," Josie replied flirtatiously.

"Once a tease, always a tease," Alistair thought as his mind drifted back to the second time they had spent the night at Eamon's castle.

They had just saved Connor and were spending a few nights at the castle to recuperate. However, by the end of the third night, Oghren had practically drunk his uncle out of house and home. Josie had suggested that they go to the Redcliff Tavern so that the group could cut loose and burn off some steam without worrying about offending anyone. Alistair thought it was a wonderful idea.

Later that evening, after dinner, the group headed down into the village to the tavern. The group found a large table towards the back.

A pretty and very busty barmaid came over to the group, "By the Maker, is that you, Alistair?"

Alistair stared at the familiar looking woman. "Zoe?" He questioned.

She grinned at him. "Yep it's me. I haven't seen you in years. Not since we played the healer and the patient in the Arl's barn."

Alistair blushed, "Aaah, yes it has been a while."

Zev smirked, "Chantry boy, my ass."

"It's good to see you again, Zoe," Alistair muttered nervously.

"It's very good to see you again… Lover." Zoe cooed as she roughed up Alistair's hair with her fingers.

Alistair's face was now scarlet as he mumbled, "Hmm, could I get a round of ale for everyone?"

Zoe patted the side of his face and said, "Coming right up."

Josie raised an eyebrow and asked, "Lover?"

"No! Of course not, we were just kids," Alistair said nervously.

Zev seeing how uncomfortable Alistair was did not want to let the opportunity go by, "She didn't call me that and I find that insulting 'cause I am much better looking than you."

Alistair recovered quickly, "That's 'cause she has good taste in men."

The group laughed as Zoe brought their first round of ale. Josie held up her mug and said, "In war, victory, in peace, vigilance, in death, sacrifice, to the Grey Wardens!"

They all clinked their glasses and yelled out, "Salute!"

Alistair looked over and saw Josie take a hearty draw from her mug. "Take it easy, I don't want to have to carry you home."

"I can handle my ale," Josie said.

"Really, a tiny little thing like you can handle her ale. So you were a big ale drinker back in Highever?" Alistair asked.

"Maybe, I was," she said defiantly as she gulped down the rest of the mug and slammed it on the table.

Oghren bellowed, "That's my kind of girl. Get this little Lassie another."

Zoe came over with another round. Josie looked at Alistair then at his half full mug, and she smirked."What's a matter, Lover, can't keep up with a tiny little thing like me."

Alistair grabbed his mug and tossed down the rest of the ale. He then grabbed the new mug of ale that just arrived, clinked Josie's glass and before he even realized what he was saying, replied, "Lover, I can keep up with you all night long and probably even teach you a few things along the way."

"Somehow, I doubt that, Chantry boy," Zev chuckled.

Josie took a swig from her mug then gave him a sinfully wicked grin as she said, "Don't be so cocky, Lover. I have moves you've never seen."

Alistair laughed and said, "We'll just have to see about that."

"I would like to see these moves, la mia caramella dolce," Zev cooed in her ear.

While they had been talking, a small band had set-up and had started to play. Josie grabbed his hand and lead him to the dance floor. Alistair grinned as he grasped her firmly around the waist and whirled her around the dance floor. He knew he was a good dancer, Eamon had seen to it that Alistair had received all the proper training of a noble, even if he would never be acknowledged by his father. It had always seemed pointless to him, but seeing the surprised look on her face as he twirled her around, made it all worthwhile.

She smiled up at him and asked, "Oh my, aren't you full of surprises?"

He laughed nervously, "It's good to keep someone like you on their toes?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Someone like me?"

"Aaah…yes…someone who is used to making people nervous…"

She smiled up at him. By the Maker, she was beautiful. He wanted to make her smile like this all the time. "Do I make you nervous, Alistair?"

"Only a blind man would not be nervous around you," Alistair replied as he dipped her and watched as her face light up with delight.

The song ended and as they made their way back to their table. Their companions stood up and cheered. Josie took a bow as they took their seats.

Zev leaned over to Leliana, "You've been to the Orlesian courts. On a scale from one to five, I would give that performance a solid three."

"I was wavering between a two and three so we can go with your score," Leliana chortled.

Josie feigned outrage. "Are you sodding blind? That was easily a four if not a five."

Zev shook his head, grasped Leliana's hand and said, "No, my pet, it wasn't. Come Leli, let's show them how it's done."

Alistair and Josie drank the rest of their ale as they watched the couple spin around on the floor and show off the latest Orlesian dance moves. When they returned, Josie shook her head and said, "Your movements flowed and your form was excellent, but your dance lacked feeling and passion. I just didn't feel the connection so we give you a two and a half stars."

"What? No passion! I'll give you passion, dolce cuore. I demand a rematch," Zev exclaimed.

Josie had a glint in her eye that Alistair had never seen before. "You're on," she then turned to the rest of the table and said, "Would you kind folks be the judges?"

"Hell, yeah, Jo, you give them hell," Oghren roared.

"What's in it for us?" Morrigan asked.

"The loser has to buy the next round," Josie said the looked to Zev and Leliana for approval. They both nodded in agreement.

"Let the judging begin," Morrigan said.

Josie winked at Alistair, extended her hand and said, "Ready, Lover?"

Alistair took her hand, led her towards the floor with Zev and Leliana trailing close behind. Alistair splayed his hand on her lower back then pulled her towards him; she sank into his arms as he began to guide her around the floor. He spun and twirled her around the other couples and as the symbols crashed, Alistair grasped her waist, lifted her into the air and twirled her in a circle. Josie beamed down at him as he lowered her to the ground and guided her in the opposite direction. Alistair didn't want the night to end. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever.

When the song finished, both couples made their way back to the table. The group could not come to a majority decision, so both couples pitched in for the next round. The group stayed late into the night, joking, laughing and drinking. Zoe had to finally kick them out. They made their way back to the castle and quietly tried to make their way to their rooms.

Alistair grabbed Josie's arm to hold her back so that the rest of the group could head upstairs without them. He was standing so close to her that their chests were mere inches away from each other. He could feel her breath on his neck as she leaned toward him…tempting him to pull her into his arms and kiss her. He wanted to feel her soft lips on his and know the taste of her mouth.

With his hand still resting on her arm he said, "Josie, I'm glad we went out tonight. I had a really good time. It was good to see you smiling and happy."

Josie was quiet for a moment and then replied, "It felt good to be out enjoying life again. I really needed that." She looked up at him, smiled then she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his. His breath hitched in his chest as their lips melted together. Oh, the sweet taste of her mouth was divine, this was pure bliss; she parted her lips as their tongues entwined and danced together. He couldn't get enough of her; her taste, her scent, he wanted it all over him. She gently pulled away and whispered, "Good night, Alistair. Have sweet dreams."

He watched her head up the stairs and knew exactly what his dreams were going to be about.

By noon the next day, the group was ready to get on the road for Denerim. Some of the members of their party looked a little green, but that morning, Josie had come down to breakfast, bubbly and energetic. Alistair watched her completely amazed as she ate a three egg omelet, three pieces of bacon and toast. When she was nearly finished, she caught him observing her. She finished her orange juice, she walked over to him and whispered in his ear, "I told you I could hold my ale, but you, Lover, aren't looking so good." She patted him on the shoulder and headed out of the hall. He laughed as he watched her walk away.

The memory made Alistair smile, but a deep sadness also settled in his chest. He had lost so much. He brought his attention back to what was being said at the next table.

Hawke's eyes narrowed on Josie as he lent toward her. "Why is the Commander of the Grey here?"

Josie smiled her most disarming smile; one that Alistair had seen her use hundreds of times to put a person at ease. She rested her hand on his. "I have misplaced a Warden and I have it on good authority Hawke that you have been keeping him safe for me."

"Misplaced? How do you misplace a person?" Varric asked.

"It's not as difficult as you think. Start with an epic battle, mix in a City being burnt to the ground, let that marinate for a while then top it off with your Keep being overrun with darkspawn, and presto misplaced Warden."

Alistair had heard rumors about darkspawn over running the City of Amaranthine, but he had taken it as little more than over exaggerated tales. Obviously there was truth behind these stories.

Then something that Hawke said caught Alistair's attention.

Hawke studied her for along moment. "You're her…the one that he refers to as mon precieux."

She smiled, "Yes."

My precious one…this apostate meant something to her. Alistair felt the stab of jealous in the pit of his stomach, but he pushed it aside. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her she belonged with him and no one else, but then those words pulsed through his mind, making him see red. "I hereby conscript him! I hereby conscript him! I hereby conscript him!" He drained his mug of ale as he reigned in his fury.

Once she had trailed Hawke out of the tavern, Alistair made his way up to his room. He threw himself down onto the bed and immediately slipped into unconsciousness.

He was standing on top of Fort Drakon watching her as she battled for her life. The tower was overrun with darkspawn, there to protect their master. The damn beasts were everywhere, their armies were being swarmed. Josie was fighting four and five darkspawn at a time, she looked exhausted, but they just kept coming at her, they were unrelenting. Alistair looked around and reached for a sword so that he could help her, but his hand just passed through it. He cursed out loud.

She finally had severally wounded the Archdemon, she charged at the beast, and then slid under it on her knees with the sword extended upward, driving the blade in deep and slicing its belly open. The beast roared in pain as Josie staggered to her feet beside the dying creature; she raised the sword, closed her eyes and drew in a breath before she delivered the killing blow. The monster wailed and in its death throes, its tail sliced through the air, cut across her neck and down her side. Josie collapsed to the ground, blood spurting from the wound. Wynne was instantly at her side, casting spell after spell until the moment when the Archdemon died and the world around them exploded.

Alistair jolted awake, his body covered in a cold sweat as he gasped for breath. She had nearly died and by all accounts she actually should be dead. Alistair felt sick to his stomach and pushed the bile that had risen up in his throat back down. Even though she had betrayed him, he should have been there for her. He should have protected her. He had failed her. He pulled his knees up to his chest, buried his head and cried.

* * *

><p><strong>AN -Your Italian lesson for the day - la mia caramella dolce – My sweet candy, dolce cuore – Sweetheart.**

***I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. The response has been awesome and I appreciate your support. I always try to personally respond to review posts, but things at work have been very hectic so if I missed someone, I apologize and please know that I am grateful for you taking the time to read and review.**

***Last, but never least a little diddy for my awesometastic beta and friend.**

**Jinxy Dooby Doo where are u? We've got some work to do now  
>Jinxy Dooby doo I need some help from u now<br>come on Jinxy Doo i see u , pretending you've got a sliver  
>you're not foolin' me 'cause i can see the way the those commas make you shiver<strong>

**u know we got a story to beta so Jinxy Doo get ready for your act, don't hold back**

**'cause Jinxy Doo when u come thru you're gonna have yourself an Alistair snack, that's a fact  
>Jinxy Dooby Doo here are you? I'm ready and I'm willin'<br>if I can count on you Jinxy Doo, i know that we'll soon be chillin'**


	4. Chapter 4  Faith

**Chapter 4 – Faith**

"Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your body  
>I know not everybody, has got a body like you<br>But I've got to think twice before I give my heart away  
>And I know all the games you play because I play them too<br>Oh but I need some time off from that emotion, time to pick my heart up off the floor

And when that love comes down without devotion  
>Well it takes a strong man baby but I'm showing you the door 'Cause I gotta have faith"<p>

_Faith by George Michael_

Josie was conflicted as she paced around her study. Anders had been back with the Wardens for five days now, and he had settled back into his routine of harassing Nate about his lack of humor, and cracking dirty jokes with Oghren and practicing magic with Kai who was also helping him out at his clinic. The only routine that hadn't resumed was their relationship, nor were there even overtures of them rekindling it. He had told her that he had meant it when he had told her that he had loved her and she believed him. Maybe in the three years they had been apart he had gotten over her. Could there be someone else? Three years is a long time for someone to remain celibate, but for someone like Anders it was an impossible feat.

She also noticed that he was definitely more somber. The lighthearted mage that she had met years ago was toned-down and it was easy to see Justice's influence at work. He rambled on more about the mage's plight, and seemed to spend a lot of time working on some kind of philosophical declaration that he was calling his manifesto. However, there were brief moments that she would see longing… yearning flicker across his face when he looked at her and it would take all of her strength not to pull him into her arms to comfort him.

Part of her thought his aloof attitude toward resuming their relationship was probably for the best. In the three years that they had been apart she too had changed. Being Commander of the Wardens had hardened her and with the exception of the few Wardens that she had started out with, there were very few people she could be herself around. She could never let the men and women that fell under her command see her as weak or vulnerable.

Although her status as Hero of Ferelden carried influence with the nobles and commoners, it held very little weight with the Wardens who viewed her as an oddity they didn't know what to do with. They had never had to deal with a living Hero before, so they downplayed the power that she truly wielded. She should have died and it baffled them that she still lived. She had played dumb as to why she was alive, and had kept the fact that Loghain had gone behind her back and performed the dark ritual with Morrigan. She kept the secret for several reasons. First, she didn't want the Wardens going after Morrigan; mnot because Josie did not want to see any physical harm come to the apostate. It was because if she ever crossed paths with that mage again she had a few choice things she had to say to her and there was a good chance that one or both of them might not walk away from the confrontation. Her second reason was that it gave her something to hold over Loghain, something she could use to control him. With a man like Loghain you needed that.

However, she honestly couldn't stand to be around him. She had conscripted him because if Alistair had stayed four Wardens were better than three, but that didn't mean that she liked or trusted him. So after the battle with the Architect and Brood Mother she had sent him to the Orlesian Wardens to research and study their books for recruiting, the joining and the Wardens' history. It was there he had met Stroud, the two of them had been thick as thieves ever since. Something that Josie found highly suspicious since Stroud was Orlesian and Loghain typically mistrusted all things Orlesian. When Loghain had returned to the Keep with what he had discovered in Orlais, he had brought Stroud with him. Despite the man's overly polite Orlesian manners, Josie had taken an immediate dislike to the man and she trusted him even less. When asked why he had accompanied Loghain back, he simply stated that he wanted to help Ferelden rebuild their Wardens, but there was something he wasn't telling her. When she had discovered him going through her personal artifacts, she had sent him back to Orlais with her boot print on his arse. Her father would have said it was wise to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Nevertheless, she couldn't live under the same roof nor fight alongside a man she couldn't trust. Loghain had asked her for permission to return to the Orlesian Wardens, which she gladly gave, but reminded him that he fell under her command, not theirs. To which he retorted, "_a little fact that you seem to never let me forget."_

So now, on Weisshaupt's orders they had been sent to Kirkwall to investigate one of her Wardens. Was Weisshaupt the puppet master behind Loghain and Stroud? Or was Weisshaupt's involvement just a red herring for whatever Loghain and Stroud were up to was a completely separate issue? She felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise as her instincts told her she needed to navigate these waters extremely carefully.

"Phine… are you okay?" Anders asked from the doorway.

She spun to face him; she smiled as she tried to force her shoulders to relax. "Yes."

He stepped closer to her, his eyes narrowed on her, his fingertips glowed blue and then she felt the relaxation spell wash over her, relieving the anxiety and instantly calming her. "You can lie to them and get away with, but I know you too well. What's going on Phine?"

She turned away from him, rested her hands on her desk as she stared down at the map of Thedas. "I honestly don't know, but something is going on with Loghain and Stroud. I just can't put my finger on it, but there are several things that are making me very uneasy."

She felt Anders warm hands rest on her shoulders then he slid them down her arms and back up again. She gripped the sides of her desk to stop herself from leaning back into him, taking comfort in him. He gently began to massage her neck and shoulders and a low moan escaped her lips. He chuckled. "You always did carry all of your tension in your neck and shoulders."

"Where am I supposed to carry it, in my arse?"

Anders laughed. "No, there are much better uses for an ass as perfect as yours."

"Oh really, and what would those be?"

Anders hand slid down her arm to her hip, he hesitated for a moment. When she offered no resistance, his hand slipped back and caressed her bottom. "Pleasure…" he whispered against the back of her neck sending a shiver down her spine as he stroked her. "Something this flawless should only be used to indulge in one's deepest desires."

Maker, his touch sizzled, burning her skin even through her pants as his sensual caresses sent every reservation, every doubt spinning out of her head. "And what is your deepest desire, Anders?"

His one hand slid into her hair as he forced her to bend over the desk while his other hand reached around and slipped between her legs, stroking her through her clothes. He pressed his rock hard groin into her ass as he moaned into her ear, "To make up for the years of being away from you, by taking you from behind and fucking…"

"Josie… Jo, are you okay?" Anders asked as he squeezed her shoulders pulling her back to reality.

"What?"

"I said if you carried it in your arse it would make it rather difficult to sit on a bar stool," Anders chuckled.

"Oh," was all she could manage.

Anders turned her toward him as he eyed her suspiciously. "Where did you go just now?"

"Aaah nowhere," she muttered as she stepped away from him. "I was just lost in your excellent massage techniques."

Anders eyes narrowed as he gave her a knowing smile. "Really?"

"Yes," she said firmly as she stepped behind her desk putting distance between them. "Was there a reason you came to see me?"

Anders continued to grin at her, making her want to smack the damn thing off of his face. "I wanted to let you know that the Keeper arrived. We are going into the Fade tomorrow."

**xxXxx**

The following morning they headed to the alienage. Hawke introduced her to Marethari, the Sabrae clan's keeper. "Aneth ara, Commander, it is a pleasure to meet you. I have heard a great deal about you from Lanaya. She had nothing, but praise for you with regards to your handling of the werewolves and the problems with Zathrian."

"Aneth ara, Keeper. I was glad that I was there to help."

"It is my understanding from Hawke that you will be joining them in the Fade," Marethari said.

"That is correct," Josie replied.

"Have you been to the Fade before?"

"Yes, I have; a couple of times."

"Well then you know of the desire of the demons to trip you up, to lie and deceive you. Do not believe their lies."

Josie gave a nod of understanding. "Fine, let's prepare for the ritual," Marethari stated.

**xxXxx**

Josie walked through a doorway into a long hallway that intersected with another. Hawke came up beside her and smiled. Standing next to him was Isabela and Varric. Anders was the last to enter. The moment that Anders emerged through the door his whole demeanor changed as his eyes began to glow this iridescent shade of blue. He paused in front of her. "Commander, it is good to see you again."

Josie's eyes narrowed on him. "I wish I could say the same, Justice."

Anders eyes narrowed, "Have I done something to offend you, Commander?"

She looked sternly into his eyes then gestured for them to walk while they talked. "What do you think?"

"I can sense your anger and frustration, but I am unsure why it is directed at me."

"Because even more than Anders, you, as a Fade Spirit, should have known the dangers of merging with a living host and I do believe you did know, but that your overwhelming desire to survive and live outside the Fade overrode your better judgment."

"It was Anders' anger that corrupted me. Because of his…"

"Do. Not. Blame. Anders… for your selfishness!" Josie's eyes flared with fury. "You are to blame for this. Instead of going into the Fade when Kristoff died, you convinced a living host… someone who considered you a friend… someone who trusted you enough to merge with you. You manipulated Anders' emotions and guilt about the mages and persuaded him that you could help his cause. What Anders did was stupid, but his motives were pure. That cannot be said for your intentions."

Now Justice's eyes flashed with rage. "I did not manipulate him! I did not do anything that he did not already wish to do! You are placing a lot of the blame on me and not making Anders take any of the responsibility..."

"You're a Fade Spirit. You should have known better and if you didn't know the consequences of your actions then you should have never taken the risk!"

Justice was silent for a moment. "Commander, you're right. I didn't know how his desires, his fantasies, his anger would effect me and I should have taken that into consideration before I merged with him. What is done is done and I can't change the past, but now since the merge _**we both**_ see that sometimes it is necessary to fight against things that have become so wrong, so vile that they should no longer be tolerated, justice needs to be delivered and the guilty must pay."

"Bullshit! You are not the Maker. You have no right to be judge, jury and executioner. Justice isn't the same as being a vigilante. Justice doesn't take the law into its own hands. Justice is objective. It is based on fact. What you are talking about is vengeance. That is a subjective based on emotions and opinions," Josie countered.

"Sometimes Justice and Vengeance overlap."

"No, you're wrong! One is about maintaining order in a society. The other is about individual satisfaction. There is no honor in that, _Justice."_

"HONOR! Is it honorable for a society to do nothing while an entire class of people is persecuted because of an accident of birth? Is it honorable for a civilized world to lock up innocent people that have done nothing wrong? Is it honorable for a culture to take the mind of someone because they do not like what they say, or because that person fought back against the abuses that have hurdled at them their entire lives?"

"No Justice, there is no honor in those things and I agree that those things need to change, but change will not happen through vengeance. That will only create more fear and strengthen the world's opinion that mages are dangerous and should be locked up."

Justice studied Josie for a long moment before he replied. "You have given me some things to think about, Commander. I will take your opinions into consideration."

Josie gave a curt nod. "Thank you, Justice for listening to me. I ask one thing of you."

Justice's eyes narrowed on her. "What is that?"

"Please keep in mind that your host is a good man with a good heart… a healer's heart. 'Do no harm' is his personal belief when he heals. Please don't ask him to do something that would go against the core of who he is."

"You love him, Commander."

"That's irrelevant. I ask this of you, not because of my personal feelings for Anders, but because if you go against who he is at the core of his being, you will break and destroy him. If you do that, you will experience firsthand what true vengeance is."

Justice gave a nod of understanding. "I do believe that we are here to save a boy. We need to tend to that task."

The four of them headed deeper into the Fade. They had just entered two of Feynriel's dreams, and they had convinced the boy that the scenarios being played out before him were tricks being orchestrated by demons. However both Isabela and Varric had fallen prey to the allure of the demons. Now Justice, Hawke and Josie stood before the last demon. It turned its attention on her as the scene before her changed.

She was alone in her office. Anders was behind massaging her shoulders, his hand slid down as he bent her over the desk. It was her fantasy from earlier. The touch of his hands, the feel of his body against hers made her head spin with desire. She closed her eyes… it felt so real; the heat of his breath, the warmth of his touch, love in his voice.

Anders leaned into her as he kissed her down her neck, "You still want me, Phine. I can feel it. You want me as badly as I want you."

Anders slid his hand between her legs, "I can feel how wet you are for me, even through your pants. I've missed you, Phine. I've ached for you. I love you so…"

She brought her heel down on the demon's foot; it pulled away from her giving her enough room to elbow it in the stomach. It howled in pain as it jumped away from her. As Josie spun to face it she drew her daggers and leapt at it. The room changed and they were back in the Templar courtyard as the others joined her in battle. They quickly dispensed of the demon. They met Feynriel and it was agreed that his best chance for learning to control his abilities was to go to the Tevinters.

Eventually that evening, they made it back to the Warden estate. Without a word, Josie made her way to her room. The desire demon's vision had shaken her because it had been so close to what she had actually fantasized about the previous day. On top of that, she wasn't sure how much of the desire vision the others had seen. What if Anders had seen the whole thing? He would have immediately recognized it from the scene in her office. Damn it! The last thing she needed was for him to know that even though he was obviously over her, she wasn't over him.

There was a knock at the door, she opened it and found Giles waiting with a tray of meats, cheeses and breads along with several servants ready to bring in a nice hot bath. She smiled, "I'm really beginning to like you, Giles."

He smiled back at her and held up a bottle of fine antivan brandy. Her smile grew even wider. "Keep this up and I just might fall in love with you."

"I am glad that my… Commander is pleased. I heard it was a rough mission."

Josie's brows furrowed. "Who did you hear that from?"

"Warden Anders. It was actually him that suggested I bring up a hot bath and the brandy."

She smirked as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Of course."

Once she was alone, she quickly slipped into the tub; she retrieved her glass of brandy from the table, and took a long sip. She placed it back on the table then leaned her head back against the rim. The hot water soothed and relaxed her and within minutes she was fast asleep.

Sometime later, there was a loud knock at her door, woke her up with a start. Maybe if she ignored it whoever it was would go away, but she had no such luck as another loud knock came. "I'm coming," she cried out as she got out of the tub quickly, dried off and wrapped a towel around her.

She opened the door to find Anders smiling at her. "You're still in the bath? You're going to turn into a prune."

She waved him in and closed the door. "The water was so soothing that I drifted off to sleep. By the way, thank you for sending Giles up with the tub and brandy." She stepped behind the changing screen to slip into a robe.

"I remember how much you enjoyed a hot bath and glass of brandy after a mission. It took Varel a while to get it, but once he realized you were always in a much better mood after you had time to unwind, he was quick to make sure there was always one waiting for you when you returned. Giles seems a little green, so I thought I would save him one of your fiery moods and clue him in," Anders replied with a grin.

"I wasn't that bad," Josie said defensively.

Anders raised a questioning eyebrow.

Josie chuckled. "Okay, maybe I was a little grumpy, but when a girl gets back after killing a nest of broodmothers, she just needs a little pampering and relaxing to unwind."

Anders grinned at her mischievously."Yes and I believe I found just the right combination of pampering and relaxing for you."

"Well, let it never be said that Anders doesn't know how to make a girl feel special," Josie said as she sat down in the chair near the fire.

Anders took the chair across from her. "It was only you that I truly went the extra mile for."

"Well, aren't I the lucky one."

Anders looked at her for a long moment. "Your Fade vision, that is what you were thinking about the other day in study. Wasn't it?"

"Well you have definitely lost your subtlety over the years."

Anders stared intently into her eyes, waiting for her to answer. When one didn't come he said, "Well?" Trying to prompt her.

"Fine! Yes! Now you and Hawke both know that I still fantasize about you. Are you happy now?"

"I don't give a rat's ass about what Hawke knows. I only care about you." Anders was on his knees in front of her. He grasped her hands in his. "Phine, if it makes you feel any better, there isn't a day… an hour that goes by that I don't have at least one dirty thought about you."

Surprise spread across her features then she grinned at him. "You do?"

"Maker, Phine, how could I not? I love you… not to mention you're the most incredible, adventurous lover I've ever been with. That day in your office, you must have been reading my mind because that is exactly what I wanted to do to you."

"Then why didn't you?"

Anders released her hands as he sat back on his heels. "Love, as much as I want to be with you, I can't. I left you because I am too dangerous to be around. I would never be able to live with myself if I lost control and harmed you. And now after your little chat with Justice, he has done nothing, but scream at me about what a distraction you are, what a bad influence, that you are bad for our mission… like I even know what our mission is," Anders said frustration.

Josie started to giggle. He looked at her wide eyed. "This isn't funny."

She continued to laugh. "I'm sorry, but I haven't been called a bad influence since the time I convinced Nate to put itching powder in his father's boots."

Anders burst out laughing.

"You talked stiff-arsed Nate into pulling a practical joke on his tight ass father. That's priceless. I'm sure that went over like a Hurlock showing up at a Warden's Twelfth Night party."

Josie's face immediately became serious. "If you think Nate lacks a sense of humor, Rendon Howe makes him look like a court jester. Saying that the Arl was infuriated would be an understatement. I honestly believed that the man was going to kill his son."

"Well, Nate is still among the living so obviously he didn't."

"That's 'cause I took the blame."

"You did what?"

"I told you the man was going to kill Nate. I told him that Nate didn't do it, I did and that he was just lying to protect me."

"What did the Arl do?"

Her eyes took on a haunted look as she continued the tale."The riding crop that he had been using on Nate he turned on me… Nate managed to regain enough of his strength to attack his father and wrestle crop out of his father's hand, giving me enough time to get away."

"Your father had to have been furious."

"I never told him."

"Why the hell not?"

"I was twelve, I had convinced Nate to put itching powder in his father's boots, I was worried about getting in trouble. Now that I look back on it I wish I had. It might have saved my family's life."

"Jo… how can you think that?"

"Now that I'm older, if I had told my Dad how insane Rendon had acted. His beating Nate then me, it might have forced my father to consider that the Arl wasn't the man he thought him to be. He might not have put so much trust in him."

"Jo, those are a lot of what if's?"

"Not really, any noble so out of control as to beat a Teyrn's daughter would have sent huge warning signals to both my father and the King regarding the man's instability. If I had told my father about the incident and my father would have pursued it by taking it before the King. Rendon would have been stripped of his noble title and his lands, but I was a kid. I didn't understand any of that. I was just afraid of being punished."

Anders stood up, he pulled Josie to her feet and into his arms. He kissed her forehead, "Phine, you can't blame yourself for this. You didn't know, you couldn't have understood the ramifications of not telling anyone."

Tears slid down her cheeks, soaking through his shirt. He slid his hands up, cupped her face and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "Don't cry, Jo. You did everything in your power to save your family."

He hesitated for a moment as if debating with himself then he leaned into her and gently, tenderly kissed her lips before he lead her over to her bed. He pulled the covers back and helped her in. She didn't want to be alone, not after being in the Fade, Anders telling her why he couldn't be with her and the memory of Rendon Howe beating her. She looked up at him, "Anders, will you stay with me? I don't want to be alone."

Again Anders wavered for a moment before replying. "Of course, Love." Anders slid in behind, drew her against his chest and pulled the covers back over them. For the first time in three years, Josie felt safe and at peace.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- *A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and when you share them with me it makes my day so much brighter. **

***All hail to the Beta Goddess Jinxy for her superior grasp of the English language, her command of commas, colons and semicolons, and her exceptional spellchecking skills. Thank you, my friend for your outstanding ability to help me get the creative juices flowing and your most impressive turn around speed! I bow to you! You rule Jinxy! **


	5. Chapter 5  Without You

**_Chapter 5 – Without You_**

"I can't win, I can't reign, I will never win this game, without you, without you  
>I am lost, I am vain, I will never be the same, without you, without you<br>I won't run, I won't fly, I will never make it by, without you, without you  
>I can't rest, I can't fight, all I need is you and I, without you, without... You!<p>

Can't erase, so I'll take blame, but I can't accept that we're estrange without you, without you  
>I can't quit now, this can't be right, I can't take one more sleep this night, without you, without you<br>I won't soar, I won't climb if you're not here I'm paralyzed without you, without you  
>I can't look, I'm so blind lost my heart, I lost my mind without you without... You!"<p>

_Without You by David Guetta featuring Usher_

Anders didn't sleep at all that night. He just stared into her peaceful, beautiful face as she slept and relished in the feel of her back in his arms. He thought about how strong she was, how she fought for those she loved with every ounce of her being, and that was how most saw her - as the strong, take no shit, courageous Commander that she was. However, only a few saw the vulnerable, exposed side of her that she showed last night. He thanked the Maker that he was one of those privileged few that she allowed into her inner sanctum and he also had prayed that as she clung to him, her emotions bared, her soul exposed, that he didn't give in to his rapidly growing hunger for her. The Maker…or someone must have heard his pleas because he had been able to remain in control and be the friend she needed him to be.

There was a time however that he was never in control around her. Damn there wasn't a place at the Keep that they hadn't been together. His favorite was in the larder room. A devilish grin spread across his face when he thought about that night.

_Josie tried to keep their relationship discreet and despite the fact that Anders found it difficult to sleep without her pressed against his side, he only spent the night in her chambers a few times a week. It was on one of those alone nights that he made is way down to the kitchen for an after midnight snack. When he had entered the larder, he found Josie on a ladder, reaching for a jar of chocolate syrup. He accidently startled her; she slipped off the ladder. He caught her, but the jar bounced off of a shelf and broke, splashing chocolate sauce down her neck and nightshirt. _

_Anders set her down on the ground. He looked at the chocolate syrup that was on her palm and fingers. He brought her hand up to his mouth; his tongue licked the sensitive palm and he felt her tremble against his lips as his warm tongue cleaned the palm. He grinned at her before he licked his way up her finger, then slowly sucked it into his mouth. When he had thoroughly cleaned the sauce off, he moved onto the next finger. Josie let out a slight moan as she leaned back against the door frame. _

_Anders leaned into her and ran his tongue up her neck licking a streak of chocolate off of her. "Chocolate tastes divine on you," he groaned as he nibbled at her ear. Then he slid his mouth over hers, devouring her, hunger for her. His tongue slipped into her mouth, she caressed him, licked him, stroked him with hers. She pulled away and sighed, "It tastes pretty damn delicious on you too."_

_Anders looked down at her chocolate stained shirt; he grabbed the top of it and ripped it apart. Buttons went flying across the room. Her bare breasts completely exposed; her nipples hard, her soft, supple skin was…lacking chocolate. Anders ran his fingers along the shelf that the syrup now dripped off of. He reached for her breasts, but she grabbed his hand, she bent forward and took his fingers in her mouth. Her tongue swirled around as she laved at the sweet syrup, licking every drop of sauce off, by the time she was done, Anders was so hard he thought his raging erection was going to tear through his pants; he pressed into her trying to relieve some of the pressure. Josie grinned at him before she quickly spun him around so that he was pressed against the larder wall. Her hands slipped down his sides to his night shirt, she nimbly pulled it over his head. Then her fingers made quick work on his trouser. He was now completely naked before her as her eyes hungrily roamed over him._

_He grinned, "Do you like what you see?"_

_She gave him an impish smile as she licked her lips, but her only reply was to dip her finger in the sauce that had spilled on the shelf and draw a line down the center of his chest to his pelvis. Josie then dropped her head as she glided down his muscular abdomen; her tongue licked and sucked the chocolate away. She ran her finger through the sauce again, her fingers painted the syrup on his cock that was now aching with want. She stroked him several times before her mouth covered just the head; her tongue swirled around the sensitive tip and Anders nearly lost it. He dug his nails into the wall, trying to regain control. Her mouth was so hot, so moist and as she slowly, agonizingly took all of him into her mouth, his vision blurred._

"_Oh fuck," he groaned as he buried his hands in her hair, relishing the soft wet pleasure of her mouth. Her tongue swirled and licked at him as her hands wrapped around his sack and gently stroked. It was more than he could take. _

"_Phine…stop…I can't take…much more." She ignored him as she continued to work magic with her lips and tongue until he could no longer take it. His world exploded as he released into her velvety mouth. His fingers gripped her silky hair as he chanted her name over and over again. _

Anders looked down at her and felt nothing, but pure love for the woman in his arms.

Just before dawn, he slipped out of her arms and headed back to his room. The Warden Gossip Mill was worse than a knitting circle and the last thing she needed was the rumor that they were back together. It didn't matter how fiercely he wanted it to be the case, he knew he would only break her heart – a heart that was already fragile. More importantly as Justice's pressures on him were became more and more demanding, it only placed her in great danger; he would never be able to live with himself if he ever physically harmed her. He loved her so much, needed her desperately, but he had to put her wellbeing ahead of his own.

Later on that morning, he made his way downstairs for breakfast. After grabbing a cup of tea and danish, he went looking for her to see how she was doing. He found her and Nate in her office, studying a map.

"Here," Nate said as he pointed at something. "This looks like the closest entrance to the location we need. It will require more traveling time, but I would rather do that on the surface with the sun shining on my face than in the Deep Roads."

Anders felt his heart nearly stop. "You're going into the Deep Roads?"

Josie spun to face him. She smiled warmly at him. "Hi there."

He was not about to let that radiant smile of hers distract him. "Phine, are you heading into the Deep Roads?"

She remained cheerful when she replied. "I do believe that is part of the job description."

He was growing frustrated with her avoiding the question. "Yes or no, are you going into the Deep Roads?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"That requires more than a yes or no answer."

"Jo!"

"Because Hawke's little excursion into the Deep Roads disturbed something…"

"Disturbed something?" Anders interrupted.

"Unearthed something," Nate suggested.

"Exposed something, might be a better way to phrase it," Josie offered.

"What the bloody hell are the two of you going on about?"

"Well, Anders, if you would stop interrupting, I believe the Commander was trying to explain," Nate countered as Anders shot him a dirty look.

"There has been a lot of darkspawn activity in the area that Hawke discovered that Primeval Thaig. All of the Wardens in Thedas are concerned about it."

"Define a lot," Anders said.

"Horde, mass, throng," Nate offered.

Anders face went pale. He looked at Josie. "I haven't had any increase in darkspawn dreams…this can't be another Blight…not so soon."

"No one is saying that, but there are reports…of talking darkspawn," Josie stated.

"What? But we killed the Architect."

"We know he wasn't the only one, he was just the most intelligent one. If there are more of them with the ability to effectively communicate, you don't need me to tell you that those implications would be…"

"Deadly." Anders finished for her.

She nodded. "So is that the _**real**_ reason you are in Kirkwall."

She smiled at him. "Anders, do you doubt me true intentions?"

"You told me that you knew I was Kirkwall shortly after I arrived, but you waited three years to come here."

"Have you never heard of multi-tasking?"

Anders let out a frustrated sigh. Josie turned to Nate, "Can you please tell Kai and Oghren to be ready to leave by Noon?"

"Yes, Commander," Nate said as he headed out of the room and closed the door behind them.

"You're going to the Deep Roads without me!"

"Can you let me answer one accusation at time?"

Anders rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Anders, I didn't come after you because… because I thought you deserved someone better than me…"

Anders started to protest, but she waved him off. "Would you please let me finish without interrupting me?"

"Fine," he muttered.

She looked up at him as she stepped closer. She was only inches away, the scent of spices, vanilla and lavender wafted up and he breathed her in deeply. "Anders, I know when you were in Amaranthine, I never told you this and I'm sorry because you deserved to hear this from me. During our time together, you saved me. When I had lost all hope, when I felt crushed beyond belief and lacked the will or strength to go on, you saved me and in that process I fell in love with you. I fell head over heels in love with you…"

Hearing her say those words broke his resolve. Anders knew he shouldn't, but he could no longer control his need for her. He pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry Jo, but I'm going to have to interrupt you."

His mouth came crashing down on hers, the soft feel of her lips, the sweetness of her mouth washed over him and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips. Her mouth intoxicated him, drowning him in his desire for her. Her arms went around his neck; she pressed herself against him, the heat from her body sending shockwaves through him and he trembled with desire for her.

Josie's lips moved over his, coaxing them apart; she deepened the kiss and it was heated, demanding, hungry and it sucked every reservation he had right out of him. Her tongue eagerly met his – stroking, exploring, caressing – fire licked through him, deep and low.

"The taste of you, Jo, I've dreamed of this for three years," he moaned. His lips moved across her cheek to her slender neck. He breathed in her scent and it enslaved him. The brush of her fingers against his neck was like a caress of flames against his already aroused body as he pressed against her core.

He moaned into her throat as an incredible surge of carnal lust coursed through him. He felt primal, possessive and ravenous. He burned from the inside out for her; unable to get enough of the only woman he had ever loved. The only thing Anders knew at that moment was that he had to have her, had to be with her and had to consume her - all her. He couldn't wait a minute longer. He pushed her against the wall as his hand slip down her back and grabbed her supple ass. He pressed into her and she moaned against neck….

There was a loud knock and the door flung open. Anders leapt away from her just as Giles walked into her office. Anders looked over at Josie. Her face was flushed, her hair tousled and her clothes were askew. Damn she looked so incredibly hot.

"Commander, there is a dwarf here to see…" he stopped midsentence when he saw their appearance. "I am so sorry, my…Commander." Giles said in a fluster as he began to back out the door.

"Giles, it's okay, come on in," Josie said as she tried to straighten out her clothes and hair. "Who did you say was here?"

"Aaah, a dwarf by the name of Varric. He asked to see Warden Anders," Giles explained as he continued to stare at the floor. His cheeks were a bright crimson.

"Please show him in."

"Yes, Commander."

A few seconds later, Varric entered her office. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Commander, but Hawke asked that Anders join him outside the Qunari Compound. There have been some interesting developments with them and he needs Ander's assistance."

"Varric, I can't go. I'm accompanying Josie into the Deep Roads…"

Josie stepped forward and touched his arm. "Anders, I wasn't planning on bringing you on this mission. I know how much you hate the Deep Roads. I have an excellent healer in Kai and Hawke needs you here with this escalating Qunari problem."

"Kai is good, but I wouldn't use the term excellent," Anders muttered, feeling completely side stepped and left out.

Josie turned to Varric, "Can you give us a few minutes?"

"Sure, but the Arishok has about as much patience as a templar needing a lyrium fix, so I wouldn't keep him waiting too long."

Once the door was closed, Josie smiled as she stepped into his embrace. "Anders, you're the best healer I know, but I will be in very good hands with Kai. I know how the Deep Roads make you feel claustrophobic and anxious. I wanted to spare you that if I could."

Anders brushed a loose piece of hair out of her eyes. "I'm not sure what is worse. The damn roads themselves or worrying about you every minute you're gone."

"I will be fine and I'll be back before you even have time to miss me."

"Impossible. You're still in my arms and I'm already aching for you," he whispered as his lips once again claimed hers.

Hours after he said good-bye to her, he was standing in the Viscount's throne room watching Hawke in single combat with the Arishok. It was a brutal, intense battle, but Hawke was starting to get the upper hand. His mind drifted back to his fierce rogue. What Hawke was doing here was amazing and only a brilliant fighter could pull it off. However, it was a dim comparison to what Josie had done and continued to do. She laid her life on the line every day for the sake of humanity. She hadn't been gone for more than a couple of hours, but he already yearned for her. She was like the sun warming and comforting after being solitary confinement. Then when it's ripped away, it seems so much harsher to deal with the lack of light then it did the first time. She had only been gone hours and he physically ached for her. How was he going to make it through the next month without her?

**xxXxx**

Ever since Alistair had that disturbing dream of the final battle, he had to see her again. He needed to see her. He knew she was alright, he had seen with his own eyes that she was alive and fine, but it wasn't enough. So for weeks now, he had sat in the dark shadows of the Hanged Man, waiting for her return, but she never came. This only frustrated the hell out of him and deepened his desire to see her again.

He had overheard some gossip saying that the Hero of Ferelden was staying in Hightown. He had gone there that night, trying to feel her taint, but felt nothing. He went back to the Hanged Man, but instead of drinking, he just went to his room and dreamed about her. He went to Hightown every night for the next week, but she wasn't there. Had she left? Panic rose up at the thought of her leaving. Even though he had not spoken to her, there was something oddly comforting knowing that she was close by. Then his anger at her would roar its ugly head as those words march through his brain, '_I hereby conscript him!_' and then the only reason that he wanted to see her was to wrap his hands around her neck.

She had been gone for over a month when he had accepted that once again she was gone from his life and a horrible sense of loss and grief washed over him. He couldn't explain it or understand it, but it was as if she was now lost to him forever. He was working his way through his sixth ale when the new Champion of Kirkwall and his entourage made their way into the pub. Champion of Kirkwall, what a joke? What had he done really? Stopped a Qunari invasion and killed the Arishok. In the grand scheme of things that really isn't that big of a deal. Josie was a real hero. She had raised an army, united a country, killed an Archdemon and lived to tell about it. Everyone was buying the Champion ale and congratulating him. Alistair studied the group and noticed the mage was with them. That's interesting. Why hadn't the Warden gone with her? From the conversation that he had overheard last time, he was the reason she was here.

"Anders, don't look so moppy. This is a celebration," Varric said.

"We have been celebrating for a month. I'm a little burned out on this piss poor ale," Anders retorted.

"Well, that's cause we drank all the piss ale earlier in the month now all that's left is the piss poor shite," Hawke chuckled.

"I do believe, Blondie has a case of the missing-the-lovely-warden-blues," Hawke chuckled.

"I don't believe I know that tune," Anders replied dryly.

Isabela stood up, ran her hand along the mage's shoulders and crooned in his ears. "Since my baby left, I've found a new place to dwell; it's down at the end of Lonely Street, called Heartbreak Hotel…"

Anders swatted her hand away. "She didn't leave me…"

"Hmmm, you're here…. she isn't, how else would you describe it?" Isabela cooed as she sat back down.

"I would describe it as she is doing her duty by going into the Deep Roads," Anders grunted.

The Deep Roads…those three words hit Alistair like a ton of bricks. That's where she has been…the one place in the world that she dreaded the most.

_The night after they had killed the Brood Mother, Josie and Alistair had found a little cubby hole for the two of them to sleep in. He was holding her tightly against his chest. She was shaking and at first he thought it was because she was cold, but when he felt the wet tears soak through his shirt, he knew it was something else entirely. _

_He forced her to look at him, "Love, what is wrong?"_

_She looked at him with those tear filled eyes, "Promise me…"_

"_What? Promise you what?"_

"_Promise me you will never let them take me alive. I couldn't bare it if I became one of those abominations."_

_Alistair tenderly kissed the tears from her cheeks. "Oh Jo, of course, I give you my word."_

"_Thank you, Alistair." She clung to him the rest of the night, both of them taking comfort in each other._

A sultry, alluring voice pulled Alistair out his memories and he looked up into her face. He couldn't help, but breathe a sigh of relief. She was fine. She had once again survived the Deep Roads.

"I heard the Champion of Kirkwall could be found drinking this establishment out of all their ale," Josie said. "And since this place isn't known for its celebratory brew, I brought you a little something more worthy of a Champion."

She set down a bottle of fine Antivan brandy in front of Hawke. The Champion picked up the bottle and smiled. "This is excellent brandy. Where did you come across this in the Deep Roads?"

"I found it after we had left the Deep Roads from…"

"From an Antivan of course," a handsome elf stated as he stepped out from behind Josie.

"Zevran," Alistair hissed under his breath and he watched as Josie introduced the assassin to everyone at the table.

"Couldn't stay away from a good party could you, Zev?" Isabela cooed.

"Or the company of a beautiful woman, my dear Isabela," Zev purred.

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Isabela chuckled.

Alistair watched as Anders slid his arm around Josie's waist and pulled her into his lap. He whispered something to her; she smiled as she stroked his cheek, leaned into him and whispered something back. A huge grin spread across the mage's face. Alistair could only imagine what she had said and jealousy raged through him.

"Well, there are a few places, I could think of traveling with you, Isabela," Zev smiled.

"Hey, that road is closed...permanently," Hawke grunted.

"How about we all take a detour together? I know the best routes," Zev chortled.

"I don't like detours," Hawke stated.

"So you're the infamous Zevran Arainai? I've heard so much about," Kai said.

"And who is this delicious treat?" Zev asked as he eyed her up and down.

"Kai is one of my Wardens," Jo explained.

"Any Wardens of Josie's is a Warden of mine," Zev said.

"I just threw up in my mouth. Did anyone else have that reaction?" Nate asked and Alistair nearly choked on his ale as he tried to stifle his laughter.

"I did, but I think it was just the ale talking back," Oghren interjected.

"So that's where the smell is coming from. I was wondering for a moment," Hawke said.

"That's normal. You should smell him on days that he really goes to town on the liquor supply. Maker be with you on that day." Josie added.

"And the next day if you're downwind from him," Anders chuckled.

"Day? Don't you mean for week?" Kai corrected.

"Well, it's been a while since I've traveled with him. I've blocked it from my memory as best as I can," Anders explained.

"Yes, my brother has that effect on people," Zev chortled.

"Brother?" Hawke and his entourage said in unison.

"Oh hell, here we go again. Hold onto your asses and don't say I didn't warn you," Josie stated as they started about their tale of the Broma Brothers.

Alistair drowned out the assassin as he began to tell the story. He just concentrated on Josie, the way she smiled and laughed, it was warm as sunshine and as addictive as lyrium. He wanted to touch her and hold her desperately. He reached out briefly to her through the taint. Immediately, every single Warden at the table sat up and looked around the room. Alistair instantly pulled back, shielded himself as he shifted deeper into the shadows.

Hawke eyed the Wardens suspiciously. "What's wrong?"

"I felt it again," Josie muttered as she looked around the room.

"Felt what?" Hawke asked.

"Again?" Anders questioned.

"I…I've felt a familiar taint ever since we stepped off the boat. I have felt it several times since we have been here," Josie explained.

"You can feel other Wardens taints?" Hawke asked.

"Maybe it's Loghain?" Nate asked. Alistair cursed at the mention of that man's name.

"No, I know what his feels like," Josie said as she continued to survey the room.

"Stroud?" Kai offered.

"Maybe, I wasn't around him long enough to truly get a good feeling for his…but from what I remember it doesn't feel the same. This taint it feels…intimate."

What the hell was she talking about? Had she found a way to identify a Warden through their taint?

Anders raised an eyebrow. "Intimate? As far as I know, you have only been intimate with one other Warden."

"Alistair," she sighed in a voice so enthralling, it made Alistair tremble. He had to get out of here; he had to get away from her. He shot to his feet and swayed slightly as all the ale that he had consumed went to his head. He pulled the hood up on his travel cloak and headed for the side door.

He heard her call his name as the door slammed behind him, and he started running down the back alley. He couldn't let her see him like this – drunk, unshaved, hair past his shoulders. This wasn't how he wanted to look the first time he saw her in the four years they've been apart. From out of nowhere, a body blindsided him, slamming into the brick wall. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He looked up into the face of the man he despised the most.

"Well, well, well! Look what we have here. I came to Kirkwall to kill one deserter, but it looks like I'm going to get two for the price of one," Loghain hissed in Alistair's face as he grabbed the collar of his jacket.

"Fuck you," Alistair jeered back. Then spat in his face.

Loghain just smirked at him. "Oh no, there will be none that, at least not in the good way. However, someone is about to get fucked up," Loghain said as he brought his gauntlet down on the side of Alistair's face. Alistair swayed on his feet as stars began to appear in his vision. He grabbed the wall behind him to steady himself, but before he could get his bearings, Loghain slammed his fist into his gut, bringing him to his knees.

"I do believe what you meant to say was, 'Loghain, spare my miserable, pathetic excuse for a life'."

Alistair laughed and spit out the blood in his mouth. "Fuck you, Loghain and that whore you call a daughter that sits on the Ferelden throne."

Loghain dragged him to his feet. His face was mere inches away from Alistair's and the traitor spoken spittle hit him in the face. "It's going to be a pleasure watching you die, but not before I have a little fun." Loghain then drove his knee into Alistair's groin. He released him, and Alistair crumpled to the ground and doubled over in pain.

Alistair curled into a ball, trying to protect himself from the next blow when he heard the distinct sound of swords being unsheathed. "Loghain! Enough!" Josie called from behind them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - *****Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face.**

***A big thanks to the randy minx, Jinxy, for being the most shagadelic beta ever. You are the best, my dear!**


	6. Chapter 6 The One That Got Away

**Chapter 6- The One That Got Away**

"In another life, I would be your girl, we keep all our promises, be us against the world  
>In another life, I would make you stay, so I don't have to say, you were the one that got away<br>I was June and you were my Johnny Cash, never one without the other we made a pact  
>Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on<br>Someone said you had your tattoo removed, saw you downtown singing the Blues  
>It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse<br>In another life, I would be your girl, we keep all our promises, be us against the world  
>In another life, I would make you stay, so I don't have to say, you were the one that got away"<p>

_The One That Got Away by Katy Perry_

When Josie rounded the corner she was horrified to see Alistair beaten to the ground and Loghain leering over him, fury at that son of bitch raged through her. "Loghain! Enough!" She yelled, but the bastard drew his leg back as he readied himself to deliver a kick to Alistair's head.

"Loghain! That's an order! Back off!" Josie commanded.

Loghain went ridged; he gradually lowered his foot and slowly turned to face her. He glared at her, "Commander," he sneered.

"Kai, Anders, please check on Alistair," she ordered.

Both of the mages rushed over to him. Anders gently rolled him over and examined him. "He has a broken nose, a few busted up ribs, but nothing to severe," Anders stated then added, "However, he may be walking funny for a week after that blow to the groin."

Both of the mages began to heal Alistair as Josie turned her attention back to Loghain. "What are you doing here?"

"The First Warden sent me to investigate Anders desertion," Loghain explained.

"Anders didn't leave the Wardens without my permission," Josie replied.

"Oh, really? I don't recall it happening that way when the Keep was overrun with darkspawn. When that corpse was found, at first you thought it was him. So you gave him permission to fake his death?"

"Of course not. It's true that when that corpse was found, I thought it was him and was relieved that it wasn't as I was when I learned that all of my other Wardens had survived."

"Well not all, Commander," Nate said as he glared at Loghain.

Josie ignored Nate's comment as she continued. "Anders contacted me, saying that he needed some time to regroup; that the stress of being the only mage on the campaign against Architect and Brood Mother had taken its toll on him. I gave him a personal leave of absence."

"Three years is a very long time to _**regroup**_, don't you think, _Commander?"_

"Loghain, I do not need to explain my actions to you. As I told the First Warden, I can take care of my own Wardens and that is why I'm here in Kirkwall. Now explain why you are beating the shit out of your fellow Warden."

"Just like Anders, he too is a deserter and I was dealing with him."

"You have no right to _deal_ with him. He is Ferelden, he falls under my Command, not yours and I will **deal **with him how I see fit. Now back **the** **fuck off** or I will have you sighted for insubordination."

Loghain pointed at Anders, "He is a deserter!" Then he pointed at Alistair, "And he is a traitor, a fugitive and coward."

"Alistair is a lot of things, but coward isn't one of them. He very well may have come back if that bitch on the Ferelden throne hadn't exiled him, making it near impossible for him to return without the punishment of death."

Loghain sneered at Josie. "Desertion from the Wardens is punishable by death. I want both of their heads."

Josie just coolly smirked at him. "I want yours, but it looks like it's a day of disappointment for both us."

Loghain leaned into her as he hissed. "I will have justice."

Josie's eyes narrowed as she reigned in her fury. She pushed Loghain away from her then stepped into him. Both Nate and Oghren readied themselves for a fight. "You want justice, how about this for a little justice of my own. You harm a hair on one of these Wardens heads and I will make a trip Weisshaupt to personally inform the First Warden why I survived delivering the killing blow and the role you played in my survival."

Loghain's face went white. "You wouldn't dare. You would have to admit that you knew and that you covered it up."

"I've had amnesia this entire time, but it has all of a suddenly come back to me and now I feel it's my obligation to inform the Wardens, the reason for my survival," Josie said sarcastically.

"This is bullshit! You know both of them deliberately left. They deserve death."

"Oh, and while we are at it. For my continued silence, you will inform your bitch of daughter to lift the ban on Alistair, making him free to return to Ferelden if he so chooses."

"What? Have you lost your mind? You would jeopardize the stability of Ferelden by allowing him to return!"

"Alistair, do you want to take the throne from Anora?"

Anders and Kai helped Alistair to his feet. He shook his head. "I didn't want it four years ago; I certainly don't want it now."

"See there, Anora's rule is safe," Josie stated.

"Then why lift the ban?"

"Because if Alistair wishes to return home and to return the Ferelden Wardens, then I want him to have the freedom to do so."

"You would allow this traitor back into Wardens?"

"I allowed you into the Wardens, so why not him if that is what he wants," Josie sneered.

"You are unbelievable and completely unfit to command."

"You're unfit to be called a human being. You might want to be grateful someone hasn't mistaken you for an abomination and killed you," Nate grunted.

"So what is your decision? Do you let these two go and write your daughter or am making a journey to visit the First Warden Gatlin?"

Loghain glared pure hatred at her, "Fine! You win this round, but this isn't over. Not by a long shot."

Both Anders and Nate leapt in front of her. "How dare you threaten your Commanding officer?" Nate demanded.

"Just as delusional as your father; with any luck, hopefully your demise will be just as bloody as his was. _Your Commanding Officer_, can tell you all about it, since she was the one that gutted him like a pig."

Nate went to lung at him just as both Josie and Anders grabbed Nate by the arms and pulled him back. "He isn't worth it, Nate," Anders said.

Josie released Nate's arm and stepped toward Loghain. "First Warden Gatlin, will be hearing about this incident, Loghain. I will leave some of the pertinent details that we discussed, but he will be aware that you seem to be losing respect for authority and that you don't seem to have problem taking justice into your own hands."

Loghain scowled at her before grunting, "Yes, Commander." Then he turned to walk away.

"Oh Loghain, I expect a copy of the letter that you are sending Anora at the Warden estate first thing in the morning."

"Yes Commander!"

"Well, I see he is as charming as ever, always winning friends and influencing people that one," Anders chuckled.

Nate touched Josie's arm. "Jo… are you okay?"

Josie gave a curt nod. "I'm fine. Let's head back to the estate. Alistair, you will be joining us back at the Warden estate, correct?"

"Aaah, well…I don't want to seem ungrateful…"

"Let me save you the trouble of making up an excuse. You can go back the Hanged Man tonight, but I need you to be at the estate first thing in the morning. I just put my neck on the line for you and I need to get a few things straight with you before I have Gatlin crawling up my ass."

"I'm supposed to work in the…."

"This wasn't a request, Warden. That was a command. Now be there first thing in the morning or else next time, I will let Loghain have his way with you."

Josie spun on her heels and made her way back to the estate. She said little, just asked Giles for a bath and headed to her room.

She couldn't believe Alistair was back. She honestly believed when he walked out on her and the Wardens, she would never see him again and as the pain in her chest grew, she really wished she hadn't ever seen him again. Her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't seem to rein them in. She closed her eyes and his image flickered across her mind. He looked… different, but good… He looked strong. Whatever he has been doing has kept in shape. He was unshaved, his hair was long… really long actually, but it definitely gave him that '_I've been done wrong, I'm now going to brood about it for the rest of my life, so don't fuck with me_' look… It was a good look for him. His eyes… they weren't the eyes that she had looked into the last time. Those eyes would have killed her, if looks could kill. But tonight his eyes looked sad… vacant. He had reeked of ale, but he looked…clean. Not like he had been living on the streets. Somehow that made her feel… feel what? She honestly didn't know what she was feeling… numb… that's it. She had to be in shock. She picked up her glass of brandy and drained it. Numb was good… numb meant no pain… no pain was very good. She liked no pain. She refilled her glass.

There was a knock at the door. She called out that it was open and Giles came in with her bath. He didn't linger which she was grateful for. Once alone, she quickly undressed and slipped into the hot water. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the rim of the tub. The hot water soothed her; relaxed her and it made the numbness dissipate. All of her memories and emotions that she had buried long ago came rushing back along with all the pain. She literally moaned as she grabbed at her chest; her heart aching as she thought about the night he left her… deserted her… betrayed her… take your pick of the most fitting word… a piece of her died that night.

_Josie rushed from the palace back to Eamon's estate after the Landsmeet. She had to make Alistair listen, she had to make him see reason. She loved him, he loved her, they could find mutual ground on this issue. Isn't that what marriage would be about anyways? If they were going to be husband and wife they wouldn't always agree, but they would communicate with each other and learn to compromise. She had seen her parents to that dozens of times._

_She found him in the Arl's study. He was… packing. What the hell? Was her actually going to leave her? He couldn't… he wouldn't… not after all that they had shared, not after all of the promises that they had made to each other. He wouldn't leave her. They had fought for a year by each other's side with one common goal… to kill the Archdemon. He wouldn't make her face it without him. H-he loved he… w-wouldn't do that to her._

_He barely glanced up at her, but didn't stop packing his bags. _

"_Alistair, please listen to me," she begged._

"_There is nothing you have to say that I want to hear. You betrayed the Wardens, you betrayed Ferelden," his voice hitched but he managed to say, "A-and you betrayed me."_

"_Alistair, before that decision, there were only three Wardens in all of Ferelden…"_

"_Well, thanks to your decision there still are only three Wardens in all of Ferelden," Alistair interrupted. "I want nothing to do __**you**__ or __**your**__ Order any longer."_

_Josie tried to fight the tears as she struggled to remain in control of her emotions. "Alistair, think about this. There has to be a reason Riordan asked us to conscript Loghain."_

"_There is no logical reason to conscript that traitor. There isn't a reason good enough to make him our brother," Alistair spat her._

"_Riordan lost brothers and sisters at Ostagar too. He has to have a good explanation for this." _

"_He is an old, crazy Warden that is close to his calling. He could have no good reason for conscripting that son of a bitch!" _

_Her tears now spilled over and ran down her cheeks as she reached for him "Alistair, please, my Love…"_

_Alistair jerked his arm away from her, "DON'T you ever call me that again! How can you say you loved me? You knew what this meant to me. You knew I needed to do this! NO! You never loved me. If you had you would have never done this to me. You took from me the opportunity to avenge the deaths of our King, my mentor, our fellow Wardens. You had the satisfaction of killing Howe, but you deny me the same gratification…"_

"_Revenge… leaves you hollow. It won't bring the peace you're looking for…"_

"_Fuck you, Josie! Now, I'll never know! You took that from me."_

_Josie drew herself up, wiped away her tears as faced him. "If you could have put your own selfish need for revenge aside for one moment and had reached out through the taint, you would have realized that Riordan was trying to tell us something. We need Loghain! I don't know why, but I could feel it. Every instinct in my body tells me to trust, Riordan. Please, Alistair, don't leave like this. We need you… I need you."_

_Alistair heaved his bag onto his back and said, "Well Sweetheart, you should have thought about that before you saved Loghain's life… Don't come after me. I never want to see you again! I want nothing to do with you!" Alistair turned and walked away._

_He shouted over his shoulder, "You and Loghain have fun with that Archdemon. Give it my love."_

Till the day she dies, she will never forget the look of utter hatred in his eyes. She couldn't believe how in a matter of hours her entire world had been flipped upside down and completely destroyed. She went from being his future wife to being despised by him. Even now, when she thought about all that they had shared and been through together, she still couldn't believe that he had left her… to fight a fucking Archdemon by herself… he had deserted her over his fucked need for revenge. Her anger began to rise up. With her eyes still closed she reached for her brandy glass. It wasn't there? She lifted her head to look for it.

"La mia caramella dolce, is this, what you are looking for?" Zev purred as he held out her brandy glass.

"Holy shit, Zev, why didn't you let me know you were there?"

"I was hoping the bubbles would disappear in time for me to catch a peek at that delectable body of yours," Zev cooed.

Josie glanced down relieved to see that there were still plenty of bubbles. She took the brandy from Zev's hand and took a large gulp.

"Dolce cuore, you keep drinking like that, you are going to get very drunk."

"Yes, I hope so."

Zev took the brandy glass from her, held out a large towel, as she stepped out of the tub, he turned his head the other way. Once she had wrapped the towel around herself, she turned, grinned as she gripped Zev's cheeks with her hand. "You can fool most into thinking you're a heartless cad, but you can't fool me, Zevran Aranai, you a real gentleman."

"Yes, well I have a reputation to uphold, so don't let that get out."

Josie stepped behind her changing screen and quickly got dressed. She wrapped her robe around herself and joined Zev in front of the fire. "So you once again saved the bastard prince from his pig headed actions. This is becoming a nasty habit of yours."

Josie picked up her brandy and took a long sip. "What would you have me do Zev? I couldn't very well leave him at the mercy of Loghain. He would have a better chance of surviving a horde of darkspawn alone then the fury that Loghain has for him."

"Alistair washed his hands of you when he left you to face an Archdemon by yourself. Why do you care what Loghain does to him, my pet?"

Josie didn't reply, she just stared into the flames then she took another long sip. "I n-need to know… for my own sanity, I need to know if he regrets it or if he is disappointed that I lived."

"Dolce cuore, what regrets do you have? If you could go back and change what happened at the Landsmeet; what would you change?"

"I tried to reach out to him through the taint to trust me, but he was so outraged, I couldn't reach him. I know that all of the nobles of Ferelden were waiting for an answer, but I could have taken a few minutes to pull him aside and talk to him. To try and explain why I thought we needed to conscript Loghain."

"He wouldn't have listened to you, my dear. Alistair was hell bent on killing Loghain. Nothing you could have said would have derailed him from that path. He wanted vengeance and he wasn't going to be denied. So knowing what you know now, if you couldn't get him to change his mind, would you have allowed him to kill Loghain?"

"Yes."

"Even though your instincts told you it was wrong; that Riordan was trying to help the two of you, trying to increase your odds for survival, you would have ignore the sixth sense that kept you alive for over a year because the man you loved needed his revenge? And then what? Would you have allowed Alistair to sleep with Morrigan to save both of you?"

Zev knew about why it had to be a Warden to kill the Archdemon and the dark ritual because he had hid in the shadows and eaves dropping on those conversations. Josie drained her glass. She had thought about this… a lot. The noble part of her wanted to say that she would have made the same decision. That creating a life of an unknown entity was not something she could be a part of and that she would have turned down the ritual. However, that would be about the time her heart would speak up and remind her how much she loved Alistair. She would have willingly laid down her own life for him, but if there was a way that both of them could survive, she didn't think that she would have had the strength to walk away from that, even if it meant Alistair sleeping with another woman.

"Honestly, Zev…I don't know. I want to say that I would do the right and noble thing…but M-maker help m-me…" Her emotions finally caught up with her as her voice broke. She paused to regain control of herself. "Z-zev…I l-loved him s-so much."

Zev was on his feet and pulled her into his arms. "My sweet Warden, I know…" He tenderly stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. "Maybe things worked out for the best. The Maker took the decision out of your hands, ensuring that both of you lived."

Josie giggled as she looked up at her dearest friend. "My, my all those nights in Leli's arms seemed to have rubbed off on you. That was downright insightful."

"Well, it was her rubbing against me that had more of a profound effect on me," Zev chortled.

Josie playfully smacked his arm. "Please that is a visual I could do without."

Zev continued to laugh. "Let's get you into bed my dear. It's been a long emotional day for you and I have a feeling tomorrow isn't going to be any easier. I'll inform Jeeves to order more brandy."

Josie chuckled as she walked over to her bed. "It's Giles."

"Yes, I know, but he looks more like a Jeeves."

**xxXxx**

Well, Zev had once again been astute in his prediction that the following day was going to be a difficult one. She was in her office, sipping her morning tea when a Giles entered, carrying a sealed letter. "My…Commander…"

"Why don't you just start calling me, 'my Commander'? Maybe that will help you feel better about the title."

Giles chuckled. "Very well, my Commander, this just arrived for you."

Josie smiled and began to open it. "Oh, and there is a gentleman that said he has an appointment with you this morning."

"Did he give his name?"

"Yes, it was Alistair."

"Well I'm glad to see the man can still follow a command. Give me about ten minutes and then please show him."

"Yes, my Commander."

Josie broke the seal and found two letters inside. She took a sip of tea then read the first.

_Commander,_

_Enclosed you will find a copy of the letter I sent to Anora this morning. Even if she consents, I wouldn't plan on Ferelden rolling out the red carpet for the deserter. I should have her answer in a few weeks. _

_Loghain_

Josie tossed the note aside and took the other one in hand.

_My dearest daughter,_

_I miss seeing your smiling face and hearing the warmth of your laughter._

For a moment there Josie thought she was going to lose the content of her stomach. Josie hadn't realized the Queen had the ability to smile or laugh.

_It has come to my attention that we may have been too harsh in our expulsion of Alistair. I have recently run into the man and I believe that he means no threat to you or your throne. The man only wishes to return home and rejoin his beloved Wardens. I know this is a lot to ask of you, my dear, but since it was I that helped you secure your throne, I ask that you do this as a personal favor to me. I promise, no harm will come to you or your throne and the darkness of the ceremonial past will remain safe. _

_I hope to see you soon. Please give my regards to Bon Cedric Gee. I do miss hearing his tales. _

_Love,_

_Your father_

Josie stared at the letter. Two things immediately jumped out her, '_the darkness of ceremonial past will remain safe' _and '_Please give my regards to Bon Cedric Gee'._ The first was an obvious reference to the dark ritual and his participation in it; which meant his daughter also knew about it. The second was Bon Cedric Gee… she knew every noble family in Ferelden and there was no one with that name. She wrote the name out on piece of paper and studied it. She began playing with the letters, rearranging them. After a few minutes everything fell into place. Bon Cedric Gee was an anagram for Being Coerced and the reference to the dark ritual would tell Anora why the request for the pardon was made.

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled.

"I've been called worse," Alistair said from the doorway.

"Oh, I didn't see you there." Josie sprung to her feet, she waved Alistair in, motioned for him to take a seat and called for Giles.

Giles came rushing in. "My Commander, you told me ten minutes…"

"It's fine Giles. I need to see Zev and Nate immediately."

"Yes, Commander."

Alistair eyed her suspiciously. "Aaah, is everything alright? If I've caught you at a bad time, I can come back."

"No, just sit there and be patient," she ordered.

She paced the room as she waited for them to arrive. She could feel Alistair's eyes on her, but she honestly couldn't even think about him at the moment.

"La mia caramella dolce, this had better be good. These early mornings do not help…" Zev's voice trailed off as he saw Alistair sitting on the sofa. "Aaah, I see you need me for one of my many talents. I promise, I will leave no visible marks. Everyone will believe he died of natural causes."

"You have a better chance of getting pregnant than you have of killing me, Assassin," Alistair grunted.

"Aaah I see the brat prince has found his funny bone. Too bad I am about to remove it... permanently."

"The only thing you'll have to worry about removing is my fist down your throat," Alistair sneered.

"Would the two of you shut the hell up! Maker's breath, I feel like I'm back at camp," Josie ordered.

"I can always build a fire in your office if it would make you feel more comfortable," Zev chortled.

"Zev, you couldn't build a fire to save your life," Josie retorted.

"I may not be able to build one. But I can light yours in mere seconds," Zev purred.

"Please give my stomach a rest. If you haven't gotten into her bed by now you never will," Alistair replied.

"Who says I haven't?" Zev questioned.

"I do," Alistair and Anders said together as the mage appeared in the doorway.

"Jo, Giles said you needed to see me immediately." Nate paused as he peered over Anders' shoulder to survey the room and chuckled. "Interesting group dynamics you have here."

"Yes, if there were wine spritzers and canopies, this would be the party from hell," Josie declared.

"All we need is Loghain and we'll have the full set," Nate laughed.

"Speaking of Loghain," Josie pushed the letter into Zev's hand. The elf quickly read it and without the need of paper and quill deciphered the anagram.

"That fucking bastard! Do a man a favor…. like let him live and this is how he repays you," Zev declared as he shot a look over at Alistair and handed the letter to Nate. Nate grabbed a piece of paper to decode it.

"Let me save you the trouble. It says 'being coerced'," Josie explained.

"Son of bitch," Nate retorted.

"What do you need us to do, dolce cuore?"

"Zev, can you ask Isabela to help you retrieve that letter before it heads out on high tide?"

"Of course, my dear."

"That letter cannot reach Ferelden soil. Is that understood?"

Zev bowed to her then kissed her hand. "Have no fear, all will be taken care of." Then he spun on his heels and disappeared.

"Nate, I need you, Oghren and Kai to bring Loghain back here. I don't care how, as long as he is still breathing when he arrives."

Nate grinned at her. "It will be a pleasure." Then he left her alone in the room with both of her ex-lovers.

She smiled tentatively at Anders. "Anders…"

"I'm not leaving you alone with this asshole," Anders interrupted.

"Anders, I'm going to be fine. Alistair isn't going to hurt me." She glanced over at him and he glared back at her. "And even if he tried to, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Phine, yesterday during your confrontation with Loghain, it raised a few questions of my own. I'm sure they will be addressed during your conversation with Alistair. It would be easier on you if you only had to retell it once," Anders said gently as he rested his hand on her arm.

"Fine, you can stay," Josie said as she gestured for him to take a seat. She steadied herself against her desk, drew in a deep breath and began.

**A/N - A huge shout out to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists and thank you to those that have shared your thoughts with me. I really appreciate it. I also want to thank those that have added me to their favorite author's lists. It is an honor to be mentioned among such great and talented writers.**

***Jinxy Pooh, "thank you" can never be enough for your outstanding insight, snarky wit and putting up with my insane writing schedule. You the best! Thank you for all you do.**


	7. Chapter 7 I Can't Live With You

**Chapter 7 – I Can't Live With You**

"I can't live with you, but I can't live without you, I can't let you stay, but I can't live if you go away,  
>I don't know just how it goes, all I know is I can't live with you, I'm having a hard time, I'm walking a fine line<br>Between hope and despair, you may think that I don't care  
>But I travelled a long road to, get a hold of my sorrow, I tried to catch a dream, but nothing's what it seems<br>Love is saying baby it's all right when deep inside you're really petrified  
>Lover turns to hater on this escalator<br>I can't live with you, but I can't live without you I can't breathe - if you stay  
>But I can't bear you to go away, I don't know what time it is, all I know is I can't live with you"<br>_  
>I Can't Live With You by Queen<em>

Alistair had watched Josie pace around the campfire hundreds of times as she worked out a problem or strategized battle plans. Now he watched her pace around her office in this grand estate and he could almost picture her in the Palace, walking back and forth as she worked out a problem with the nobles or a Warden issue. She would have been the perfect Queen for Ferelden, she would have united them and made them strong, but she had destroyed that dream and all of the many other dreams he had with that one decision. I hereby conscript him.

She was obviously having problems with Loghain after the confrontation she had with him yesterday. What did she expect? You couldn't trust that bastard and if you did then you got what you deserved. She had threatened to expose him in order to make him bend to her will and whatever she had on him was enough to put the fear of the Maker in Loghain's eyes. Alistair had gone back to his room at the Hanged Man and thought about what she had said.

"You want justice, how about this for a little justice of my own? You harm a hair on one of these Wardens heads and I will make a trip Weisshaupt to personally inform the First Warden why I survived delivering the killing blow and the role you played in my survival."

What the hell did that mean? Why wouldn't she survive the killing blow if her injuries weren't fatal? And the role you played in my survival. It was that last part that made Alistair's blood run cold, but he had no idea why.

Now however, as Josie issued orders it would appear that Loghain was having second thoughts about letting his Commander get the upper hand on him. He watched closely as the mage refused to leave her side because he feared for her safety. Now wasn't that sweet, but if Alistair truly wanted to hurt her, there wouldn't be a thing he could do about it. Alistair would smite him and be on top of her with his hands around her throat before the mage even knew what hit him.

Alistair looked at the large oak desk that she was now leaning against and he had to bite his lip to keep from grinning. Yes, he vividly remembered what it was like to be on top of her, moving in her and with her as she cried out his name over and over again. The surface of that desk would be perfect as he slid her to the edge, knelt down between her legs and tasted the most delicious…

"Alistair…" Josie said giving him a questioning look.

"Huh? Sorry, all that Warden shit made my attention wander."

He saw her eyes flicker with anger as she narrowed her gaze on him. "I asked if I could get you some tea."

"Is it too early for ale?"

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Yes, it is."

"Fine, then tea will do."

She sent for tea then turned her attention back to them. She looked nervous. Maker, he couldn't remember the last time he had seen her look so uneasy. Part of him cringed at the idea of her being anxious around him, while his other side took great pleasure in being the cause of her unease. Seeing her unnerved was so unlike her, even at the very beginning of their relationship, they had immediately hit it off. There was no uneasiness as they had an instant rapport.

Alistair noticed her approach out of the corner of his eye. He glanced over at her and his heart nearly stopped. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. That was saying something since he had seen quite a few at the Arl's annual Fall Harvest Celebration. As she approached him, she was graceful and elegant, her raven black hair shimmered in the sunlight, giving it an almost blue hue, but it was her eyes…those sapphire blue eyes that had captured him from the very start. Even though he saw sadness in them, they danced around as she surveyed her environment, calculating, analyzing and evaluating the situation that she had just walked into.

He could tell that she was shrewd, but there was also a hint of mischief there. Before he had even spoken to her, he knew he was a goner. He tried to concentrate on what the hell the mage in front of him was saying, but for the life him his brain refused to comprehend the words. He had no idea what was coming out of his mouth until he saw the mage's face turn red and the raven haired girl bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"You know, one good thing about a Blight is how it brings people together."

"Well, so does a bottle of ale and holding someone at knife point, but I don't think that would go over so well here, do you?"

Alistair couldn't help, but laugh and before he could stop himself he said with a grin. "Beauty and wit, I must have done something right in the Maker's eyes." Even as the words left his lips, he felt the burn on his cheeks as all the blood rushed there. Maker's breath, being around her had him completely unhinged and out of control.

She smiled roguishly at him, a glint of playfulness in her eyes, "You don't know me, I could actually be sent by the Maker to punish you. Any past sins I should know about?"

"Uhm..well…none that I'm willing to confess to…I... Just be gentle in that punishment. I bruise easily."

"I thought I was the punishment, but you mean physical punishment? Huh?...I hadn't even thought about that kind of reprimand." A naughty smile spread across her rosy red lips and his groin immediately jumped to attention. Thank the Maker he was wearing a codpiece to hide his now throbbing erection. "Duncan mentioned you were raised in the Chantry. You don't talk like any Chantry boy I've ever met?"

"It must be you...you seem to bring it out of me."

She eyes danced over him as she grinned. She had the most hypnotizing smile. "What exactly am I bringing out?"

He never had a chance to answer her as Daveth came up to her and began to monopolize the rest of conversation. However, it was at that moment that Alistair realized he would do anything, be anything to win her heart. Without even comprehending it, in that first meeting with her, she had begun to forever change him.

Sent as a punishment… she wasn't fucking kidding about that. He should have heeded that warning and saved himself a lot of heartache. She had single handily destroyed his dreams, his life and his heart. He wanted to hurt her as she had hurt him. He wanted to see and take satisfaction in the pain on her face. The mention of his name pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Alistair, if you're wondering why I'm here…"

"As a matter of fact, I was wondering what would bring the great Hero of Ferelden to Kirkwall," Alistair interrupted as his eyes moved over to the mage. "That was until I saw that it was just the latest piece of ass you were chasing. Wasn't Loghain good enough for you either?" He hissed.

Josie looked as if she had been punched in the stomach…with a sledgehammer. She was too shocked to react, but her lover wasn't. The mage was lightening quick and before Alistair could even react, he felt Anders' fist connect with his jaw, snapping his head back causing stars to form in front of his eyes.

"You fucking bastard," Anders spat at him as he grabbed his collar with both hands.

"Takes one to know one," Alistair groaned, he rubbed his jaw as the mage towered over him and the pain from the punch broke the dam that built inside him for years. All the anger that he had felt for years, the rejection, the betrayal, came rushing out of him. "Lucky for you, mage, she was already done with me long before she met you. She used me to fight the Blight then tossed me aside when she was ready for a new toy. She then used Loghain to get her to the top of the tower so that she could feed her ego by becoming Ferelden's savior and once he had fulfilled his purpose she was free to move on to you. Be careful, my friend, you're just another notch on her Warden belt."

He saw the second punch coming, but barely had time to prepare for it. His vision clouded as his head began to spin from the impact. The mage released his grip on him and Alistair slumped forward, putting his head between his legs as he tried to clear his head. When he stopped seeing stars he sat back up, he was immediately hit with the pain that his words had inflicted and instantly regretted it.

Josie was visibly stunned, she looked as if his words had literally crushed her, tears were brimming in her eyes, making them an even deeper blue. Alistair cursed at himself. For the life of him, he had no idea where the hell that even came from. He honestly never believed for a minute that she would have anything to do with Loghain, but the implication that he thought that clearly unnerved her.

Anders was drawing back to deliver another blow when Josie grabbed his arm.

"Anders, don't."

"Don't what, Jo? Don't let this son of bitch slander you? Don't set the prick straight, that you would rather die before you ever let that traitor touch you? Or don't give him a clue that he is the stupidest bastard to ever walk Thedas for leaving you?"

"Oh wow, she really does have you pussy whipped," Alistair snapped, unable to control his mouth.

"You fucking idiot… this isn't about who is or has slept with her." Anders sighed as he released Alistair's shirt and ran his fingers through his hair, obviously frustrated with the whole situation. Anders spun to face him. "You left her…after you promised her you would remain by her side…you fucking prick, you left her to die…"

This fucking mage knew way too much about his relationship with Josie and that thought just ate at him, igniting the flames of his wrath even more.

"Oh, for fuck sake! Now you're just being overly dramatic… her odds of surviving were excellent," Alistair interrupted. "Hell, she had raised an entire army. The chances of her being the one to deliver the killing blow were miniscule… unless you have an ego the size of Ferelden and you have to play the hero."

"Is that what you tell yourself to get through the night? Fuck you, Alistair…don't you get it…"

"Anders." Josie said trying to get his attention.

"It has to be a Warden…"

"Anders, stop!" Josie exclaimed.

"It has to be one of us… it can only be one of us!" Anders yelled as he once again grabbed Alistair by the collar.

"Anders drop it! Let him believe whatever he wants to about me."

Anders ignored her as he got right in Alistair's face. "If it isn't a Warden, the Blight continues only worse."

"ANDERS!"

"Riordan was trying to give you the best odds of survival, you arrogant bastard!"

Alistair barely had time to register what the mage had just said before Anders began to glow blue. The mage fell to his knees grasping his head as he chanted "No, no, no…not now!"

"He's an abomination," Alistair yelled as he leapt to his feet and drew his sword.

However, Josie waved him off. "Stand down, Alistair," she commanded as she fell on her knees beside him, her arm went around him as she reassured and calmed the apostate. Eventually, the blue glow dissipated and the mage was once again himself.

"What the hell was that about?" Alistair demanded.

Josie helped Anders to his feet. "That is a different story for a different time. And one I won't be sharing with you, since you have made it clear that you want nothing to do with me or the Wardens."

Alistair was quiet for a long moment as Anders words rung in his ears, "It has to be one of us…it can only be one of us!"

"Why, Jo? Why does it have to be a Warden?" Alistair asked quietly.

"Oh now you want answers," Anders retorted.

However, Josie remained silent as she considered her words carefully before she spoke, "When a Grey Warden kills the Archdemon, its soul seeks out the tainted blood of the Warden and enters the Warden's body. Since two souls cannot inhabit the same body the demon's soul destroys the Warden's, killing both of them in the process."

Alistair sat there stunned by her revelation, but it made sense in a very ironic sort of way. Maker's breath…Riordan had been trying to tell them to conscript Loghain so that they could use him as the scapegoat. That would have given Alistair the revenge that he desperately needed while saving the two of them. By the Maker, he was such a fool, why hadn't he trusted her?

"But how can that be, if both you and Loghain are alive? Were the Wardens wrong?"

"No, they weren't wrong," she said quickly.

"It was you that delivered the killing blow, wasn't it?" Alistair asked.

She nodded. "Then how are you alive?"

She shook her head sadly and stood to leave. "I'm sorry, Alistair, but you aren't privy to that information."

Alistair grabbed her arm. "I need to know. Why are you alive?"

She yanked her arm away, the resolve back in her eyes. "Why do you want to know so badly? Want to make sure the archdemon gets it right the next time?"

"W-what?..N-no…of course not." Alistair said, horrified by her accusation.

Josie laughed a hard cold laugh that chilled him to his bones. "You could have fooled me? You seem rather upset that I'm alive. Sorry to disappoint you, Alistair." Before he could respond, she was walking out the door.

None of Anders punches had hit him as hard as her last words to him had. He stumbled back as the realization slammed into him full force. She actually believed that he wanted her to be dead. There were a lot of things he wanted to do to her and had fantasized about doing to her, but in reality, he would never really be able to do those…because deep down, buried amongst all the pain…he still loved her and the very thought of her death made him sick to his stomach, he clutched at his chest gasping for air. No…he never truly wanted her dead and when he had learned that she had survived the final battle he had been flooded with relief, but she believed that he had wanted her to die on top of that tower…that thought crushed him and broke him.

"Jo," he yelled as he started after her, but Anders grabbed his arm.

"Leave her go. You've done enough damage for one day," Anders retorted.

Alistair pulled out of the mage's grasp. "She's wrong…she needs to know I don't want that…I would never want that."

"Really? You have a funny way of showing it."

"Mage, I don't care what you believe, but I n-need her to know I would never… wish that for her."

Something in Alistair's voice made the mage pause and he studied him for a long moment. "I will let her know," Anders replied coolly.

Alistair laughed sardonically. "Yeah right, I'm sure her lover will do a bang up job of getting the message correct. By the time you're through with it, you'll have me wanting to push her off the tower myself."

Anders grinned. "As tempting as that might be, I will tell her that you don't want her dead. Whether or not she believes me that is another story because I can't promise I will be giving the performance of a life time."

"Great, that's just great!" Alistair exclaimed as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration and he watched as the mage's eyes narrowed in on the index finger of his left hand. Alistair pulled his hand away and looked at the tattoo that Anders was staring at.

"Wondering what this is?" Alistair asked as a sinister grin spread across his lips.

"Josie has one just like it. Was curious why you have one too," Anders replied trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

Alistair continued to smile at him. "Oh Josie never told you, its a Dalish mating tattoo. It is inked on the bodies of the couple at the ceremony as a sign that their bodies, hearts and souls belong to another."

Anders lips tightened into a thin line, but he remained silent.

"See Josie and I participated in such a ceremony during our Blight travels. So you might want to keep in mind that every night your with her; you might want to remember your fucking another man's mate," Alistair said smugly.

"Good thing neither, Josie or I are Dalish so that has no bearing on me. You might want to keep in mind that when a man who willingly tosses aside his mate and leaves her for dead he has lost the right to call her his mate," Anders said casually as he headed for the door then paused and looked back at him. "Next time… if there is a next time, might I suggest that you don't open the conversation with accusing her of sleeping with the one man that is hell bent on destroying her… and just so there isn't any confusion, on this occasion I am referring to Loghain, not you."

The parting shot hit its mark. In her eyes and her Wardens' eyes he was viewed no better than that fucking bastard, Loghain. Alistair now stood alone in her office as he replayed the conversation back in his head; which really made him need a drink. He looked around the room and saw a bar in the corner. He went over, poured himself a large glass of bourbon and took a large gulp.

It was easier to hate her when he believed that she had betrayed him, that her selfish actions had forced him to leave her, to leave his country and the Order that he loved, but now… now he had to face the fact that he had been wrong and she had been right. She had completely understood that their duty, first and foremost, had been to stop the Blight. She had done exactly what Duncan would have done and Alistair had allowed his need for revenge to blind him to his duty to the Wardens, to Ferelden and most of all to her - the woman who had just the night before the Landsmeet had agreed to be his wife. He really was a bastard in every sense of the word.

He honestly didn't know where to go from here. He didn't know how to make things right out of the huge fucking mess he had created. He had lost her that was obvious, but he needed her to know that he had been wrong, that he had been a fool for not trusting her, for walking away from her. He needed her to know that he never wanted her to die. He wanted desperately to take away the pain that he saw in her eyes; the pain that his words and actions had caused.

He set his empty glass down on her desk and was about to leave when the glint of an object on her desk caught his eye. He looked at an area that had her personal affects arranged. The first thing that drew his attention was the most brash item which was the dagger that Zev had used in his attempt to kill her. When he had failed and she had allowed him to live, the assassin had the dagger bronzed. Then in Antivan he had engraved, Un nemico è troppo e cento amici non bastano which meant, One enemy is too many and a hundred friends aren't enough.

Beside the blade was a book given to her by Wynne. They had been nearing the end of their quest and it was general knowledge among the companions that Josie was going to put Alistair forward as King. One night in camp, the old mage had given to Josie a romance novel entitled, A Rogue for His Majesty's Pleasure by Isabella Monroe. Alistair couldn't believe that Wynne, who he considered a mother figure, would have thoughts that lead down that path, but Josie had reminded him that she was human with human needs. Even now the thought of Wynne with those kinds of needs made him shiver. However, it turned out that the book had provided hours of entertainment as Josie, Leli, Zev and Maker help them, Oghren, acted out parts of the story. Alistair tenderly ran his fingers over the leather bond novel and sadly smiled at the memories.

Sitting on top of the novel was a musicbox that had the Cousland Laurels etched on the top. Alistair opened the lid, the beautiful melody of a song Leliana had sung to them at camp drifted into the air. Alistair let the music continue to play as he looked at the empty vial beside the novel. From his days of Templar training he recognized it as a phylactery. It had to belong to Anders. Why else would she have an empty phylactery in her personal items? Alistair felt a surge anger and jealousy course through him, but he pushed it aside. He had no claims on her and he hadn't had in a very long time, but she had placed herself in grave danger by going after that mage's phylactery, she risked the ire of the Chantry, the Templars and even Circle… then it hit him, like a ton of bricks… to risk so much, she must truly love him. That knowledge stabbed at his heart and tore it to pieces.

Alongside the vial was the enchanted rose that he had given her. Of course, it wasn't bewitched when he had presented it to her, but when Josie had become so sullen over the rose dying, Wynne had cast a spell to preserve it, but it was Morrigan who had made the rose priceless to both of them. She charmed it so that it would bloom new every morning, as the day would wear on the petals would fall off, only to be reborn the next day. Alistair didn't think the witch had a romantic bone in her body, but that was how he had once described each new day with Josie… as a fresh start to the day, to life, to love. Morrigan had taken his words and applied it to Josie's rose as a reminder to all of them, what she meant to them.

A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye, she had kept his rose even though he had given her every reason to destroy it as he had nearly destroyed her, but she had held onto it and had placed it among her other treasured mementos. What did that mean?

Was there a chance she could find it in her heart to forgive him? When she had been arguing with Loghain, she had referred to both Anders and himself as her Wardens. She had threatened that prick, that if he hurt either one of them she would go to the First Warden. Did that mean she would take him back and let him be a Warden again? Hope sprung into Alistair's heart.

Alistair rushed out into the hall and saw the butler. "Aaah, Jeeves?"

"It's Giles, Ser."

Alistair's eyebrows furrowed. "Really? I thought I heard someone call you Jeeves. You don't look like a Giles."

The man let out a long sigh. "Yesss, I have been getting that a lot lately. Is there something you wanted, Ser?"

"Is the Commander still here?"

"Yes, but Commander Cousland will be tied up all day with Warden business."

"Do you know if she will be here tomorrow?"

"Unless something unforeseen should arise, she will be here most of the day, training with her Wardens."

"Training?"

"Yes, Teyrn Cousland had the garden converted into a sparring…"

"Wait a minute…Teyrn Cousland, you mean her brother Fergus? He lived?"

The butler smiled, "Yes, he survived the Blight."

Alistair returned the smile. "Good… I'm really glad to hear that."

That night as he lay in bed, he couldn't stop thinking about her and how sad she looked. When they had been together, it had physically caused him pain when she was hurting. When he had looked into her eyes earlier and saw the pain he had inflicted on her, it literally felt as if a knife had gone through his heart and what made it worse was that he was the cause of her misery. He was the one to blame for this mess, not her. The mage had gotten it right when he had said that Alistair was the stupidest bastard to ever walk Thedas. Instead of belittling her and humiliating her, he should have been on his knees and begged her to forgive him, but those would just be meaningless words. He would tell her how incredibly stupid he was for not trusting her, for not believing in her and he would beg her to forgive him, but only after his actions proved how truly sorry he was.

After breakfast the following morning, Alistair made his way over to the Warden estate. Jeeves… Giles let him and showed him to the garden that had been transformed into a state of the art sparring ring. Alistair masked his taint as he stood in the shadows and watched. She was standing in the center of the ring, Zev along with her four Wardens who were surrounding her and it also looked like a few members from Hawke's group were also in attendance.

"As you can see today, I have asked Hawke to join us. Since we have never sparred with them, it will be harder for you to anticipate their moves. Today we are going to train in teams, since this ring isn't big enough to accommodate two large groups at the same time. The first two teams will have three members; the second group will have two. When the team player in the ring gets tired, he can tag a fellow teammate to come into the ring for him. They can choose anyone they want, but choose wisely because the other team has the last choice for that round. Each new member in the ring must fight a minimum of three minutes, but they can go longer if they wish to. Mages can use magic when they are fighting each other. However, just as magic can be dispelled in real life and must find another way to fight, so shall it be in the ring. If a mage faces a non-magical opponent they must select another weapon. A head or body shot is considered a killing blow or if the opponent is knocked down and unable to get to their feet. The team that wins is the team that has the last member standing."

"So my pet, what are the teams?" Zev asked.

"Team one, will consist of Oghren and Nate and they will face Aveline and Fenris."

"Have I mentioned red is my favorite color?" Oghren grunted.

"It's mine too, but I prefer it at the end of my blade," Aveline retorted.

Oghren chuckled. "Oooo, I'm going to like her."

"My team will consist of Zev and Kai. Our opponents will be Hawke, Isabela and Anders."

"Hey why am I not on the Warden's team," Anders whined.

"That's what happens when you can't make up your mind about which team you want to play for, my friend," Zev chortled.

Nate rubbed his hands together, "The Champion verses the Hero…that should be very interesting. Any wagers on who wins that one?"

"I wouldn't bet against your boss, my friend. I'm just saying," Zev chuckled.

"Want to know what you're playing for?" Josie asked. The group eagerly nodded. "After much consideration, Hawke and I decided that you were in desperate need of some pampering. The two winning teams are to receive a day of pampering, while the losing team is going to be there to wait on them hand and foot."

"Define pampering," Fenris stated.

"It's whatever your heart desires," Hawke purred.

"So if I win and I want Zev to sit on my face, he has to do it?" Isabela cooed.

"Oh sweetheart, you don't have to win in the sparring ring for that to happen," Zev chuckled.

"Aaah, well let me clarify, you can't command the losing team to perform any acts that are sexual in nature unless they are a willing participant," Josie stated.

"Party pooper," Isabela muttered.

"Win or lose, I'm very willing," Zev said with a grin.

"Yes, we know," Nate said.

"Alright, the first two teams in the middle. Hawke and I will judge this round."

Alistair inched forward as he watched the first two groups fight. It was a close battle, the two teams were evenly matched and Alistair thought their match might go on forever until Oghren went all berserker on Aveline, drawing blood and immediately disqualifying him. After that it was only a matter of time before Fenris and Aveline wore Nate out.

For the second match, Nate and Fenris were the judges and the first two in the ring were Zev and Isabela.

"I want a clean match. No dirty fighting, you hear me, Zev?" Nate asked.

"Moi… never! I'm insulted you would imply such a thing."

The two rogues circled each other for several minutes. Then Zev lunged forward just as Isabela twisted to the right and jabbed at his back, but he pivoted out of the way just in time to miss the blow. Both of them crouched into a fighting stance as they began to circle each other again. Again, Zev made the first move which Alistair found unusual, since the assassin was normally extremely patient when it came to his attacks. But Isabela easily side stepped him and rolled out of his path. Their battle went on for what seemed like an eternity, until Zev finally maneuvered an exhausted Isabela into a corner. Hawke was yelling at her to tag out, but it was too late, her ego had gotten the best of her, which is what Alistair believed Zev had intended. Once he had her in close range, it only took a few quick moves before he had the headshot he was looking for, knocking Isabela out of the match.

Zev then tagged Kai, who faced off against Anders. Both mages were excellent battle mages and it was easy to see that Kai might even have the upper hand here if it wasn't for Anders outstanding healing abilities. Kai was a good healer, but it drained her mana a lot quicker than it did Anders; mana she desperately needed for her offensive and defensive spells. Alistair could see that Kai knew she was in dire straits as she headed for the side to tag out, but Anders still having an abundance of mana, froze her in place then casually walked up to her, kissed her cheek as he tapped her on the head with his dagger and smiled. "You're dead."

Anders looked up, grinned at Josie and winked. "I do believe that makes it your turn, oh faithful leader."

Despite his best efforts, Alistair couldn't help, but like the mage. He had a quirky sense of humor which Alistair found appealing and he was extremely loyal to Josie. He would just have to overlook the fact that the mage was helplessly in love with her.

Anders tagged Hawke. As the champion entered the ring, Josie climbed over the fence and made her way towards the center. Alistair inched closer while trying to remain concealed in the shadows of the estate.

Kai lowered her voice as if she were an announcer at a tournament. "Today we will bear witness to an epic confrontation between the infamous Champion of Kirkwall and the legendary Hero of Ferelden. This will not only be a contest of skills, but also of wills. It's a classic battle that you will tell your grandchildren about." Kai made an over exaggerated spin as she turned to Isabela. "Excuse me mademoiselle, but who do you think will win this extraordinary fight?"

Isabela feigning the worst Orlesian accent Alistair had ever heard as she replied, "Well, if I was a betting woman…which I'm not, because no woman of my pedigree would ever do such a thing. But if I did, I would place my money on that handsome Hawke fellow. He has some very impressive moves. I just don't see how a tiny little thing like the Hero stands a chance."

"I didn't realize you brought your own personal public relations person," Josie chuckled.

Hawke grinned, "I never leave home without one."

"You would bet against the Commander, you're crazy lady!" Oghen bellowed. "She may be tiny, but I've seen her drink like a man, fart like a man and take down a dozen darkspawn quicker than any man. My money is on the feisty tiny one."

Hawke laughed as he raised an eyebrow. "You fart?"

"Only in her sleep," all of her Wardens said in unison and Alistair had to stifle a laugh because it was true. There was this one morning as he was crawling into their tent after taking the late watch, when she farted so loud she woke herself up. She had jumped up, grabbed her sword and started to charge out of the tent. Alistair was laughing so hard that it took him nearly ten minutes to explain that there were no darkspawn that was her expulsion of gas that had woke her up.

"I obviously need better public relations people," Josie grumbled. "And I don't fart in my sleep!"

Hawke winked at her, "I like a woman that can fart like a man. It shows she isn't too high on herself."

Josie just grinned as she adjusted her grip on her swords, rolled her shoulders and then dropped into a defensive stance. Hawke and Josie began to slowly circle each other as they got a feel for one another.

"Two rogues enter, one rogue leaves," Oghren quietly began to chant. Zev picked up on it and began to clap in time with the chant's cadence; before long all of the observers where chanting as they watched their Champion and Hero begin to exchange blows that would go down as one of the classic contests of all times.

Hawke was the first to make a move, he lunged forward, Josie twisted to the right and jabbed at his back just as he pivoted out of the way, missing the blow. They spun to face each other. Not wanting to give her a chance to regroup; Hawke brought his sword up for an overhand strike. Josie raised her sword as she brushed aside his weapon with a swift sweep while the dagger in her other hand remained in front of her in a defensive position as she stepped to the side and circled around him again.

Again Hawke was the first to make a move. He lunged forward with his sword, Josie side stepped the blade as she brought up her sword to block his dagger as he thrust it toward her. The two blades connected with a loud clang.

Hawke leaned over the blades toward her, "When I win, will you give the victor a kiss?"

Josie laughed as she pushed off the blades and began to circle him. "Don't get ahead of yourself. You haven't showed me anything that would result in a kiss at the end of this fight."

Hawke was muscular for a rogue and Alistair knew that his strength in close contact situations would be no match for her. She would have to rely on her superior footwork, her astonishing dexterity and her quick agile mind to stay one step ahead of him. Alistair also knew she would try to throw him off his game by playing to his ego.

"Sweetheart, I'm just getting warmed up," Hawke chuckled as he lunged to her left; she parried, he then flipped his sword under hers and charged for her legs. She leapt to the left, tucked her head, rolled past him on the ground, and came up behind him. She jumped to her feet and using the broad side of her blade swung at his back. He had anticipated the move and jumped to the right, but she still managed to connect with his side and the hit made him stumble forward.

"That's going to leave a mark," he groaned.

Josie tilted her head coyly and grinned, "Would you like me to kiss that and make it better?'

"Watch out Hawke, she's a bitter," Isabela yelled.

Hawke grinned impishly at Josie, "I like that."

"Are the two of you going to flirt with each other all day or will there actually be sword play in this epic fight," Oghren hollered.

Josie raised the eyebrow, "They want to see me play with your sword and I feel obligated to indulge the will of the crowd."

Alistair could tell that Hawke was shocked by her innuendo and he knew that was the advantage that Josie was looking for as she advanced on him. She suddenly thrust and Hawke barely had time to block the blow. Josie thrust again and again as she advanced on him driving him back, in order to keep her from hammering him into the side of the ring, Hawke took a side step and then another until they were circling each other again.

"So you want to play with my sword, huh? I knew it was only a matter of time before you could no longer resist my charms and good looks," Hawke chuckled, but Josie ignored the comment.

She was no longer joking around; her face had hardened as she had begun to calculate her next several moves…always several steps ahead of her opponent, forcing them to react the way she wanted them to, so that she could maneuver them into a position she could take them out. She was now entirely focused on the match and this was when she was most deadly. Hawke also recognized the change in her demeanor and knew the time for fun and games was over.

Alistair noticed Josie's eyes narrow as she concentrated on his body language and read his attacks. He lunged, she parried, he swung, she blocked, but when he lunged forward a little too deep she side stepped him, catching him off balance, and she brought the blunt side of her blade down his arm and shoulder.

Hawke growled as he swung his sword around and hit her in the back of her legs with broad side of his blade, but as he pulled away the tip it caught the upper part of her thigh and sliced through the tender skin. Josie cried out. Blood had been drawn, and both Zev and Fenris stepped forward to call the fight.

"You call this fight over a flesh wound, Zev, and you will be talking in a higher octave tonight at dinner," Josie threatened.

Both of the judges looked at Hawke; he nodded in agreement. "I agree, unless it's a life threatening injury do not call this fight."

The pair faced off once again. Hawke grinned as he immediately advanced on her, he swung his sword horizontally and Josie moved quickly, stepping out of the sword's reach with a fast retreat. She then pressed forward immediately and came up behind Hawke's weapon and jabbed forward at his midsection. He leapt back as the blade barely missed him. The crowed hooted and hollered their approval.

Hawke smirked at her. "This has been fun, but I do believe it's time to end this," he chuckled as he quickly danced toward her in a blur of motion as his sword and dagger worked in tandem. Josie backed up as she met each swing with a block, but he had driven her back against the ring boards. She was in a sideways stance with her left leg leading the right. She pivoted her hips and swung her right leg around in a semicircular motion and struck Hawke on the side with her leg. The momentum from the kick caused him to stumble back, but his reflexes were lightening quick, before she could pull back her leg, he dropped the sword in his left hand, grabbed Josie's ankle and twisted forward. She lost her balance and fell on her back. Hawke stood over her with his blade pointed at her chest and grinned at her.

Moving almost too quick to be seen, Josie slapped her hands on the flat sides of the blade, completely catching Hawke off guard, enabling her to propel the sword up and drive the pummel into Hawke's forehead forcing him to stumble backwards. Josie then arched her back, bent her knees and used her arms to push herself off of the ground. She leapt to her feet and resumed a fighting stance.

"Maker, what a fantastic move? I wonder if I can duplicate that in bed," Isabela pondered.

"I think it would depend on what your goal is, Bells. Are you screwing them or trying to knock them out?" Zev asked.

Alistair noticed her hand slip on the pummel of her dagger and saw the blood dripping off the handle. She must have cut her hand when she forced Hawke's sword forward. Alistair glanced over at Anders, his hands were glowing blue, but Zev grabbed him and shook his head. "She will be disqualified if you heal her."

Hawke had regained his balance and began to circle her again. He lunged forward, swinging his sword low towards her knees; she jumped over the blade, the sideways movement of Hawke's blade exposed his back. Josie twisted around and delivered a hard blow to his back with the pommel of her dagger. Hawke stumbled forward, but he remained on his feet and he quickly spun towards her.

Circle, attack, parry, swing, block and the dance continued for what seemed like hours each move being met, blow for blow as sweat ran down both of their faces. He advanced on her again and lunged forward; she spun to the right, dropped down and swung at the back of his legs, but he anticipated the move, dodged out of the way as he thrust the broad side of his sword catching her on her left side. She fell down from the blow, but quickly rolled to her knees and crossed the sword and dagger above her head just in time to stop a blow to the head. She pushed off of Hawke's sword, rolled backwards and was back on her feet quickly. He charged, but Josie once again rolled under his charge and as she came up behind him and delivered a blow to the back of his knees, Hawke staggered forward. Josie twisted around and using his forward momentum, she hit him in the back with the blunt side of the blade. Hawke fell forward; his sword flew a few feet in front of him. Josie rested her foot on his back, holding him in place; she tapped his head with her sword. "You're dead. Now it's you that owes me the kiss, and I believe you can plant that kiss on my arse."

The crowd laughed as Hawke rolled over and Josie offered him her hand, but he looked at the blood now pouring out her cuts. "Anders, get over here and heal your woman."

Anders was at her side immediately, he ran his fingers across her hand sending healing magic into her. "Thank you," she said with a smile. "That will be only the beginning of the pampering you're about to do."

Anders chuckled as he led her towards the house. "It will be my pleasure, my lady."

Alistair stepped out of the shadows and into her direct path. "Alistair," she groaned.

"Who let the riffraff in?" Zev asked.

"Jo, I need to talk to you," Alistair said.

"I believe everything that we needed to say to each other was said yesterday."

"No, it wasn't… please Jo."

She looked up at him and studied him for a long moment. "Fine, but I need to get cleaned up first. Zev, can you show him into my office?"

"It would be my pleasure," Zev jeered as he took Alistair by the arm and escorted him towards Josie's office.

**A/N – Huge thanks and hugs to my spankalicious beta and friend, Jinxy. Thank you for always being there, for being so supportive and for being fanfreckintastic friend. You rock!**


	8. Chapter 8 All I Want Is You

**Chapter 8 – All I Want is You**

"You say you'll give me eyes in a moon of blindness  
>A river in a time of dryness, a harbor in the tempest<br>But all the promises we make from the cradle to the grave when all I want is you  
>You say you want your love to work out right to last with me through the night<br>You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold  
>Your story to remain untold your love not to grow cold<br>All the promises we break from the cradle to the grave when all I want is you  
>You...all I want is...You...all I want is...You...all I want is...You"<p>

_All I Want is You by U2_

The moment they realized that the familiar taint was Alistair, Anders immediately felt nauseous as his heart froze with dread because of all the complications his return would bring; he was an exile with a bounty on his head, he was a Warden deserter and he was Josie's ex-lover. Anders watched with both alarm and admiration as Josie faced down Loghain to protect Alistair and anger flared deep down when the bastard hesitated about coming back to the estate to talk to her after she had just saved his ass. If he hadn't agreed to come by in the following morning, Anders had the distinct feeling that Oghren and Zev were going to finish the job that Loghain had started.

Josie was quiet as they made their way back to estate. Anders could tell that she was experiencing a wide range of emotions as her taint whistled and buzzed and he could feel her struggle to keep control of them. A memory that was obviously Justice's floated across his mind.

_They were in camp one evening as they made their way back Vigil's Keep from Wending Woods. It was obvious to those around her that Josie was second guessing her decision about not conscripting the dalish mage, Velanna. Josie felt that the elf's loyalty and duty would never be to the Wardens, but always to finding her sister and she couldn't risk Velanna turning her back on the Wardens at a critical moment, possibly endangering innocent lives. When Josie refused to let the mage join the Wardens, she turned on them and attacked. It was with great regret that Josie took the elf's life. _

_Justice made his way over to her as she silently sipped from Oghren's flask. He sat down beside her. She offered him the flask. Justice shook his head. "Alcohol is a corrupting enemy. It weakens the will and perverts the soul."_

_Josie looked at Justice, took another swig from the flask and dryly replied, "Oh yeah, well if alcohol is the enemy and Chant of Light teaches us that we are to love our enemies then I'm going to be a good little Chantry girl and do what I'm told."_

_"I could use some of that lovin'," Oghren stated as he reached for the flask. _

_"Commander, I know that you are upset by what happened with the Dalish elf, but you must see that you were correct in your evaluation of her. If her duty went beyond her sister she would not have attacked us at your refusal."_

_"The line between duty and desire is a fine one. Velanna blurred that line. It's not the first time that I've seen that happen and that is why I couldn't put her through the joining," Josie replied._

_"When did you see that line blurred before?" Justice asked._

_Josie hesitated before she replied. "It was during the Blight. I saw it on more than one occasion."_

_Justice's eyes narrowed as he looked at her. "But only one has scarred you."_

_Josie smirked. "You don't miss much, Justice."_

_"You're fellow Warden… the one that deserted you; he did more than blur that line, Commander. He allowed his own desires to crush his duty to Ferelden, the Wardens and to you. That is an injustice that needs to be corrected, that should not go unpunished."_

_"Sometimes Justice, people punish themselves far worse than any punishment we could inflict on them." _

_"How is that possible?"_

_"Because as humans, our minds and emotions can be powerful weapons that can cause far worse damage than any beating can if we turn those poisonous thoughts inward. Our minds and feelings can become toxic, slowly eating away at the core of our beings until we are a shell of our former self."_

_"Is that what you believe will happen to your fellow Warden?"_

_"Possibly…I saw him turn inward after the events of Ostagar, but I was there to help him through that. After the events of the Landsmeet… he had no one to lean on, no one to give him support. Alistair is a strong person, but I'm unsure if he has the inner strength to fight his own demons."_

_"And how does that make you feel?"_

_"It hurts, Justice!" She breathed in as pulled back her anger. "I understand that he has to take responsibility for his own actions, but I was the catalyst that set that chain of events in motion. I am also responsible for what happened that day; not all the blame can fall on him." _

_"You can't change the past," Justice stated._

_"Yes, I know, but if I ever have the opportunity to make it right I will."_

Well, that explained why Josie was so willing to risk everything for a man that betrayed her and nearly destroyed her. When they reached the estate, Josie wordlessly made her way up the stairs to her room. Anders watched her go and wanted to take her in his arms to comfort her, but he wasn't what she needed right now. As the man she was currently in love with, he would only complicate things and he wasn't sure he could control how he felt about Alistair's return.

"Are you going after her?" Zev asked from behind him.

"I think she needs a friend right now more than a lover," Anders replied.

"I agree, my friend. I promise, she will be in good hands with me," Zev purred.

"Not too good, Zev."

Zev just started up the stairs without replying.

"Zev?"

The elf still didn't reply as he continued toward her room.

"Zevran! I mean it."

Anders' only reply was the assassin's faint chuckle.

"Son of bitch," Anders muttered.

The following morning Anders made his way down to breakfast. He found Josie was already there, looking better mentally and emotionally. When he entered, she lifted her head and smiled at him; that radiant smile that could warm the coldest heart. Anders immediately regretted sending Zev to comfort her. Not because he was worried that anything would happen between the two, but because she had just returned from the Deep Roads after being gone for over a month and he yearned to have her in his arms again. She had barely declared that she loved him before she had to leave, and now that she was back, she was all he could think about.

"Good morning, Love. You look well rested." Anders purred.

Her grin grew wider. "Thanks to you for having the foresight give Zev a hangover draught. Otherwise, it wouldn't have started out so good."

"When we returned last night, you had the look of someone that was about to bury their problems with a bottle of brandy. I was just looking out for the clueless souls that may have crossed your path this morning."

"Well, what a humanitarian you are."

"That's me, protector of the innocent, guardian of all fair maidens' virtue and defender of kittens everywhere."

"You? Guardian of a maidens' virtue?" Zev chortled as he strolled into the dining room. "That isn't the rumor I heard the last time I was at the Randy Stag."

"That's a brothel. What would they know about virtue?" Josie asked.

"About as much as Anders knows about defending it," Zev chuckled; then ducked as Anders threw a scone at his head.

Josie stood and gathered her papers. "I'm heading to my office before this turns into a real food fight. Just don't leave Giles too big of a mess to clean up."

"It's Jeeves," Zev and Anders said together.

Zev and Anders were about to head out to the practice ring when Giles came rushing up to them. "Ser Zevran, the Commander wishes to see you in her office immediately. She said it was urgent."

Both of them made their way to her office and from the moment he entered the room he couldn't take his eyes off of Alistair. The bastard sat there with an air of arrogance about him that made Anders skin crawl. Justice ranted in his head about this arrogant man's injustice to the Commander, but it wasn't until Alistair's ignorance over the truth of what happened up on that tower, that both the man and the spirit within him lost control. Anders hadn't even realized his feet were moving or that his hand had formed a fist until it was connecting with the side of Alistair's face. Anders looked down at the red and already bruised mark on the side of the Alistair's jaw. The Healer in him was repulsed by this unproved attack, but the man… the lover, took some kind of sick satisfaction in it, while the spirit in him cried out that it wasn't enough. That justice had not been served.

When he had punched Alistair again, Anders felt the Spirit surge to the forefront of his mind, fighting him for control. Anders wrestled to remain in control, but was losing the battle. It wasn't just that this son of a bitch had left her to die, but now he smugly sat there insulting her. Maker's breath, did he ever really know her? Did he ever really love her? If he had, he would never be able to say those things so cavalierly and watch the pain that his words were inflicting on her. Justice was now battling for control as Anders fell to his knees trying to force the spirit back. As the battle for control waged in his head, he felt her comforting arms slip around him, her cool voice whispering in his ear.

"Anders…Justice…it's okay. I'm okay… no justice will come out of beating him to a pulp…They are only words. The damage he did was long ago and his actions here today can no longer inflict the pain it once did…Let it go. Please Justice, let it go."

He felt her soft lips brush the side of his cheek as she sighed in his ear. "Stay with me, Anders. Don't let Alistair win here today, Love."

It was her and her words that had allowed him to remain in control. It was her that had soothed the raging spirit within him. Justice was reluctant to admit it, but Josie had a profound effect on both of them. For Anders, it was his love for her, but for Justice it was his unyielding respect and admiration for Josie as a Commander and as a human being that allowed the spirit to relinquish the battle for control.

As much as Josie denied the effect that Alistair's words had on her, there was no mistaking the pain in her voice, masked by an icy cold tone when she replied, "You could have fooled me? You seem rather upset that I'm alive. Sorry to disappoint you, Alistair."

The shocking realization that Josie believed that Alistair wanted her dead had stunned the ex-templar and rocked him to his core. Anders watched him grasp the side of the desk to steady himself. As Alistair began to gather himself, he started after Josie, but there was no way in hell that Anders was going to allow him to inflict anymore damage to her and immediately stopped him. When he was sure that the man wasn't going to pursue her, Anders went to look for her himself. He found her in the library with Nate, Oghren, Kai and Loghain. They had somehow managed to bring the asshole back. The man looked a little beat up, but he was breathing, which was Josie's only prerequisite.

She paced around the room as she stared Loghain down. "I know that you have no respect for me, Loghain and to be truthful, I sleep just fine at nights with that realization. However, I would have thought that you would have had enough reverence for my father and his knowledge, to know that he would have taught his daughter the codes that you used during the Orlesian war."

"I underestimated you. A mistake that won't happen again," Loghain spat at her.

"And who says I'll give you another chance."

"You need Anora to lift the ban on Alistair. That won't happen without a letter from me. Not mention the letter I wrote is gone. It went this morning on a boat headed for Denerim."

"Sorry to rain on your parade, my friend," Zev strolled in waving the letter in his hand.

"How the hell did you do that? I paid good coin to the captain for it not to be mentioned in the ship's manifest," Loghain scoffed.

"Good coin means nothing compared to a good lay," Isabela chuckled as she walked in behind Zev.

"How did you have time for any kind of lay, let alone a good one? You have only been gone a few hours and most of that time would have been tracking down the letter?" Nate asked bewildered.

"Not just now, you cute boy," Isabela chortled. "Captain Reever and I go way back. Let's just say I reminded him all the good times we've had."

Josie grinned as she turned back to Loghain. "Oh, you're going to write it and I'm going to dictate every word to you."

Loghain just glared at her, so she continued. "Before we begin, could someone get something to clean him up with? The last thing I need is for him to be bleeding all over a letter to his daughter."

Anders stepped into the room. "Would you like me to heal him?"

"Yes that would great. Thank you."

Anders quickly evaluated him than healed his nose, jaw, ribs and ankle. Anders looked up at Oghren. "A little rough on him, weren't you?"

"My axe slipped in my grip and accidently landed on the man's leg," Oghren grunted.

"Well, to defend my fellow Warden, he wouldn't have lost his grip if Loghain hadn't put up such resistance," Kai said defensively.

"And did Nate _accidently _lose his grip on his fist when it hit Loghain's face and ribs?" Anders asked.

"That's exactly what happened. How did you guess?" Nate asked dryly.

"He's breathing and conscious that's all I care about at the moment," Josie said as Anders finished up and handed Loghain a wet cloth to clean up with.

Then Josie handed Loghain a piece of parchment and a quill.

"Let's see, I believe this time we should take a more direct approach so why don't we begin the letter in same nauseating way you began the last one," Josie said.

"Glad I went light at breakfast," Oghren grunted.

Loghain began to write as Josie dictated to him.

_My dearest daughter,_

_I miss seeing your smiling face and hearing the warmth of your laughter. I anxiously look forward to seeing you again. _

_I have recently run into Alistair here in Kirkwall and after our encounter, I believe that we may have been too harsh in our expulsion of him. I am confident that he is no threat to you or your throne. The man only wishes to return home and rejoin his beloved Wardens._

_It has also come to my attention that Warden Commander Cousland has obtained the letters that were sent between both of us and Rendon Howe regarding your involvement in your mock kidnapping, including your letter that states that the Warden will undoubtedly do our job for us by eliminating Howe._

Loghain stopped and looked up at her stunned as a sly smile spread across her face. "Oh yes, I've had the proof and known for years, Loghain, I was just waiting for the right moment to use that information. It might not be enough to call for her immediate abdication, but it is definitely enough to get the nobles talking. Something we both know they love to do."

Anders watched Nate's knuckles turn white as he clenched them tightly as the youngest Howe reigned in his anger.

"Cornered, like the rat. How fitting," Oghren chuckled.

"You bitch," Loghain sneered.

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment. Now let's continue with your enlightening letter to your daughter."  
><em> I know, my dear, this is a lot to ask of you, but I believe it would be in your best interest to immediately lift the ban and bounty on Alistair before those letters fall into the wrong hands. Consider it a personal favor to me. I look forward to receiving a copy of your decree as soon as you receive this letter. <em>

_As always your loving father._

Josie took the letter from Loghain, she placed it in an envelope, sealed it with wax then she pulled Loghain's signet ring off and pressed it into the hot wax. She handed it back to Zev. "Can you make sure that this makes it onto a ship that is friends with our dear Captain?"

Isabela grinned. "I'll do you one better. I convinced Reever to wait till tomorrow to leave. He will personally ensure that the letter falls into Queen Anora's hands."

Josie smiled as she walked toward the door and called for Giles. A few minutes later the butler entered the room. "Giles, out of my own personal stock, can you retrieve for Captain Isabela a bottle of my finest rum."

"Yes my Commander," Giles said as he headed off to the cellar to retrieve it.

"You're finest, rum…I'm not sure my constitution will know how to handle that."

"Oh if he pulls the bottle that I'm thinking of, I believe you will make an exception."

"Now you have my curiosity up."

Josie turned back to Loghain. "I do believe Warden, that until I receive a decree from your daughter. You will be enjoying the hospitality of the Warden Estate. Anders, can you cast a tracking spell on our dear brother in arms?"

Anders smiled at her. "Of course, Commander."

"Good, now beware Loghain, I'll know how often you visit the Blooming Rose and any other vile establishment you decide to frequent. I'll be watching you."

Loghain shot to his feet. Nate, Zev and Oghren immediately drew their weapons while both Anders and Kai's hands glowed as the magic lingered there, waiting to be released. Loghain glared at them then back at Josie. "You may have won this battle, but you haven't won the war."

"Hmmm, where have I heard that speech before? Oh right, from you and if memories serve, I beat you then too. You're only breathing because I needed you alive to aid in battle against the Archdemon, otherwise I would have enjoyed watching Alistair remove your traitorous head from your body."

"Here you go Commander," Giles said as he walked in pausing when he saw the swords drawn and pointing at Loghain.

Josie walked over, took the bottle from the butler and patted the man on the shoulder. "It's okay, Giles. Sorry if we alarmed you. It's just a heated discussion between colleagues. Warden Loghain will be staying with us for a while, would you please show him to his room?"

Giles frowned. The butler was Ferelden. He knew of Loghain's betrayal to his mistress' family and his face reflected the unease he felt about the traitor staying under the same roof as the Commander, but professional as always Giles simply said, "It would be a pleasure. Follow me, Warden."

Loghain stared at the blades pointed at his chest. "Oh I feel like such welcomed guest."

"Loghain, you have brought this on yourself. We would have never been close friends, but I could have been an ally. Yet, ever since the final battle you have treated me as an adversary, you have questioned my authority and purposely gone behind my back to Weisshaupt to try and make me look bad to the First Warden. So if your fellow Wardens aren't rolling out the welcome wagon for you, you have no one to blame, but yourself," Josie replied curtly.

Loghain remained silent then just spun on his heels and stormed out as Giles led him toward his room.

Josie sighed as she gathered herself. She then walked over to Isabela and smiled warmly. "For your invaluable service that you have rendered to the Wardens today, may I present this bottle of Rhum de Sa Majeste to you."

Isabela's mouth dropped open as she struggled to find words.

"Wow, that's something you don't see very often, a speechless Isabela," Anders chuckled.

"Enjoy the peace and quiet, my friend," Zev chortled.

"Fuck you, Zev," Isabela retorted.

"See, what did I tell? Although I believe that was a record."

"J-josie, this bottle is priceless. I can't accept this," Isabela stammered.

"The pirate wench just turned down rum. I do believe the Void just froze over," Anders stated.

"I have two more bottles bottle. Besides, what's the point of having it if you don't drink it," Josie replied.

"What makes this rum so special?" Kai asked.

Zev walked over and looked at the bottle. He nodded his head approvingly. "This rum was produced from lands formerly owned by the Empress Josephine on a small island in the tropics…."

"Wait a minute, you mean the Orleasian Empress Josephine who lived over a one hundred and fifty years ago?" Nate asked.

"The one and only." Zev confirmed before he continued explaining why the rum was so valuable. "This rum is so rare because her crops only yielded about twenty cases a year, so it was uncommon even back then, but now it's even harder to come across a bottle. The last three known bottles that I heard about went down with Captain Calico Jack aboard his ship, The Avenger."

"Is that the story? Huh?" Josie said as she winked wickedly at Anders.

"Yes, that's the tale. Every pirate knows it," Isabela confirmed.

"Okay, if you say so. Well, enjoy your rum. You deserve it," Josie said nonchantely.

"Wait, you can't leave it like that. What have you heard?" Isabela questioned.

"If I told you, I would have to take the bottle back," Josie replied.

Isabela pulled the bottle closer to her. "Who said?"

"Those were the terms when the sale was made and my father is a man of his word."

"The Teyrn purchased that bottle?" Nate asked.

"Yes and the other two are in the cellar," Josie replied, obviously enjoying watching both Zev and Isabela itching to know the real story.

"Who's going to know? Anyone who knows anything about the bottles is long dead," Zev stated.

"The rum is cursed. Only its owner can know the real tale, if the owner tells the story without an actual purchase taking place, the new owner and the previous owner will die horrible deaths," Josie explained.

Isabela and Zev stared at the bottle with a new found admiration. She threw her arms around Josie. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Now go and enjoy the fruits of your labor."

"Come on, Zev, I do believe there is a bottle of rum with both of our names on it."

Josie smiled wickedly as they left.

"You're evil," Anders chuckled.

"Who me? Never!" Josie exclaimed.

"What? Did you just make that up?" Nate asked.

"Of course," Josie replied.

"But why?" Kai asked.

"She's a pirate. It would be a nice gesture to give her an old bottle of rum, but to give a bottle of rum with story and a curse attached to it is now that's priceless."

"Anders is right, you're evil… in a brilliant kind of way, but still very, very wicked," Nate said with grin.

With the Loghain and Alistair mess behind her, at least for now; Josie and Nate headed to her office to start making plans for their next expedition into the Deep Roads. Anders spent the day at his clinic catching up on the work that he had lately neglected since his return to the Wardens. When he eventually made his way back to the estate, Anders wanted to find a way to help her relax and unwind from the stress of the day's events. Even with the lighthearted exchange with the rum, Anders knew that the incidents with both Alistair and Loghain had taken its toll on her. So on his way home, he had purchased some herbs at the market, some flowers and a nice bottle of wine. He knew that she had plenty of wine in her cellars, but this bottle had a special meaning to them.

When he arrived home he looked all around the estate for her, but couldn't find her anywhere. He asked Giles if she had gone out, but the butler was unaware of it if she had. Then he asked Giles to have a bath drawn for her and have the bottle of wine opened. He was about to head up to her room again when the faint smell of fresh bread wafted in. Anders smiled as he raced to the kitchen. All those years of being at Nan's apron strings in the Cousland kitchen had given Josie a love for baking and whenever she was stressed, she would bake to help relieve it. During the Brood Mother Architect campaign the Keep was well stoked in breads, rolls, cakes and pastries.

When he walked into the kitchen her back was to him. He stared at her slender neck, the curve of her hips, her long legs and delectable bottom. Maker, he loved her, but at this moment he wanted her more than his next breath of air. He came up behind her; her hands were wrist deep in sweet bread dough. He watched as her fingers sensually kneaded the dough; her long fingers gently manipulating bread. Anders slid in behind her, his arms went around her waist and his fingers intertwined with hers as together they suggestively worked the bread…kneading…massaging…pressing it together.

Anders pressed into her behind as he kissed her ear then his lips moved down the side of her neck.

She giggled, "What is it with you, larders and sex?"

"It's all the delectable things that are there to eat," he groaned against her soft flesh as he continued to rub against her from behind until a low whimper escaped her lips.

"Anders," she sighed.

"Yes, love," he moaned as he dipped his hand in the water basin beside them and raised the dough off. Then he ran his fingers delicately down her neck then his hand slipped inside her shirt. Even through the material of her breast band he could feel her hard nipples. He palmed her breast as he rubbed his thumb across the hard nub then pinched it through the fabric. She moaned his name again as she pushed back against his now raging erection. Her fingers squeezed his other hand that was still in the dough.

Anders freed his hand from her grasp, washed it off then slipped it between her thighs. He could feel her heat even through the material of her pants. Maker, he was dying to slip his fingers into her hot center, to feel walls encase him. He caressed and stroked her through the fabric as his other hand pinched and teased her nipples. Her hips began to move in time with his hand as her purrs of pleasure grew louder. It was music to his ears. He had dreamed about the sounds of her arousal, her soft moans, her muted whimpers and then the sweet keening of her voice and blood as she came. Finally, after all these years, she was here, in his arms as he once again manipulated her body to the point of orgasm.

He pulled his one hand away from her sex while his hand continued to squeeze and play with her breasts. "Keep up all that noise and the whole estate will know that more than bread making is going on in here." Anders teased.

"A-anders…p-please." She groaned as she pushed against his hand.

He laughed. "Please what?" He said as his hand began to once again stroke against her as he rubbed his throbbing groin into her backside trying to relieve some of the pressure that was rapidly growing along with his hunger for her.

"Stop t-torturing me."

Anders nimbly unbuttoned her pants, slid his in hand down and underneath her panties, his fingers deftly slipped through her curls. He found purchase as his fingers glided deep into her hot wet core a shudder of desire tore through him as the feel of her encircled him. His fingers began to move in and out of her as his thumb caressed her swollen nub.

"Mmm Phine, you are the sweetest form of torture that I know," moaned in her ear.

She pushed back against him, giving his hand better access. He moved deep within her slick walls releasing tiny vibrations that started at her core then spread throughout her body. She shook violently against him as she cried out his name and her hips moved in time with his hand.

Anders kissed his way up the side of her neck, tugged at her earlobe with his teeth then whispered, "Say my name again, Phine."

"Anders," she moaned and Anders sent another tiny vibration through her.

"Again." He demanded as another pulse this time stronger rippled through her.

"A-anders." She gasped. "Fuck…M-maker."

"No, it's Anders, Love. Say it again." He sent a stronger pulse through her and her muscles clenched around his fingers. She was magnificent as writhed against him.

"A…An…Anders…don't stop."

He didn't. Over and over again he sent small vibrations thorough her until his name was a chorus falling from her lips and it was the most beautiful thing he ever heard. He felt her body tighten as her walls constrict around his fingers. He sent another pulse through her, he felt her knees give away and he grabbed her around the waist as she cried out his name as she slipped over the edge into pure bliss.

He continued to hold her up and feather kisses along her neck as she gradually returned back to him. "How did I forget how incredible you were at that?"

"What? You forgot! I'm hurt." Anders said as he feigned outrage. "Well, I guess I'm going to have work extra hard to bring back all of your memories tonight."

Josie raised her hands off in the basin then spun in his arms and gripped his still aching groin. "Speaking of hard?"

Anders grinned at her. "I like the way you think, but I do believe that we should take this upstairs. I have a very special night planned for you."

She smiled back at him. "You do?"

"Oh yes, I do."

Josie quickly adjusted her pants and hair before they headed out of the kitchen and directly into Zev, Nate and Kai who stood there with grins on their faces.

"So is the bread ready?" Nate asked.

"Yep, it's cooling off as we speak," Josie replied.

"Did you work out all of your aggressions…in there…_baking?" _Zev asked.

"Oh, yes. It's quite amazing how a girl can just let loose while going at it. You should try it sometime," Josie replied.

"I didn't realize that baking was so loud," Kai said dryly.

"If done properly its very loud," Josie stated.

"Or that Anders name was such a vital part of the baking process," Nate added.

"Anders name is the magical ingredient," Josie purred.

"And who knew that it needed so much kneading," Zev chortled.

"See, I told you I was special. I even have an impact on the bread you eat," Anders stated.

"I think I'll be avoiding that bread," Nate said matter-of-factly.

"I wouldn't pass it up for the world. It has Essence of Jo in it," Anders chuckled.

"Yuk," Kai groaned.

"Well now, that is tempting," Zev considered.

"The non-magical bread is cooling in the courtyard," Josie said as the two of them headed to her room.

She was pleased to find the hot bath filled with calming, relaxing herbs, the table arranged with fruit, cheese, bread and the wine. She looked at the bottle and smiled. "You remembered?"

"How could I forget the bottle we shared the first time I told you that I loved you?"

"Oh I thought you would remember the night, but not the minor detail of what wine we drank."

Anders pulled her into his arms. He kissed her forehead then his lips trailed down her cheek till they brushed against her lips as he whispered, "I remember every moment I spent with you, Love. I will never forget any of it until the day I die and even then I will take your memory into the Fade with me."

His lips claimed hers and everything melted away. There was only her…no Loghain…no Alistair…no Justice; just the woman that he loved and nothing else. Anders lips barely left hers as he skillfully undressed her then himself. They both slipped into the hot bath together. Anders spent the rest of the night bathing her, feeding her, dancing with her and reacquainting himself with every inch of her. They had both finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning when they both were completely sated and exhausted.

The following day Anders had watched Josie take Hawke on in single combat. It was difficult fight as both fighters were adeptly skilled, but when Josie won she was a bubbly as school girl who was just crowned Harvest Queen. She bounced around with a large grin on her face.

"You're gloating," Anders grinned at her.

"Who me? I never gloat," Josie said joyously.

"It's in poor taste to revel in your victory while your opponent is still present," Hawke chuckled from behind them.

"I am enjoying the spoils of victory is all," Josie chuckled as her arms encircled Anders neck and she kissed him. "I am plotting just how you will be spending an entire day with the four of you licking my boots."

"Oh no, _you_ have to be the most humble victor ever," Isabela said dryly.

Anders couldn't help but enjoy her moment of triumph. She had been through so much lately it was wonderful to see a glimpse of the carefree girl she had once been before the death of the her family, the Blight, Alistair and Loghain had permanently tainted her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her before they started for the estate. He felt her tense in his grasp before his mind processed the reason; from the shadows Alistair emerged.

"Jo, I need to talk to you," Alistair said.

"I believe everything that we needed to say to each other was said yesterday," Josie said coolly as she went ridged and her taint began a high pitch whistle.

"No, it wasn't…please Jo."

She looked up at him and studied him for a long moment. "Fine, but I need to get cleaned up first. Zev, can you show him into my office?"

"It would be my pleasure," Zev jeered as he took Alistair by the arm and escorted him towards Josie's office.

Anders spun to face her. "Jo, I don't think this is a good idea."

"I need to hear what he wants, Anders."

"He wants to hurt you. He wants to make you feel the pain that he has felt all these years. Don't let him do that to you anymore."

"I'm not, Love." She stepped into his embrace. "He said everything that could hurt me yesterday and I'm still standing…And that is because of you. I love you, Anders and I know how much you love me. That is what will give me the strength to face him."

Anders kissed her tenderly, lovingly. "Fine, but I don't have to like it. However, I will somehow deal with it."

She started to turn away from him, but he pulled her back to him. His lips brushed against hers. "I love you, Phine, more then you will ever know. All I want is you. I want nothing else, but you."

She kissed him, gently at first, but it grew more heated with each stroke of her tongue with the supple caresses of her lips. She eventually pulled away. "You're all I want too, Anders."

* * *

><p><strong>AN- I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. The response has been awesome and I appreciate your support. I always try to respond to review posts, but I have been out of town for a few days so if I missed someone, I apologize and please know that I am grateful for you taking the time to read and review.**

***I also want to thank my fantabulous beta, Jinxy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills, for her support and for being such great sounding board. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock!**

***To all my Stateside readers, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble, gobble! **


	9. Chapter 9  Free Me

**Chapter 9 – Free Me**

"Something that you don't see every day, a little girl who found her way  
>Through a world that's designed to break all of your dreams,<br>And if there's one thing I will say to you, is that there is nothing that you can't do  
>'Cause it's all about your attitude, don't let them get to you<p>

Now don't tell me that I won't, I can, don't tell me that I'm not, I am  
>Don't tell me that my master plan ain't coming through, yeah<br>Don't tell me that I won't, I will, don't tell me how to think, I feel  
>Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real what I can do, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, hey"<p>

_Free Me by Joss Stone_

Josie quickly made her way up to her room; she stripped out of her armor, washed up in the water basin as best as she could. She changed into a pair of black trousers and loose blouse that laced up the front and a black vest that once buttoned, clung tightly to her figure. She glanced at her reflection and surmised that she looked presentable, than headed down to her study.

She honestly didn't know what to expect from Alistair this time, but if he was back to give her another verbal beating, this time he wouldn't catch her off guard. His words hadn't been a complete shock. On some level she knew that for him not to try and contact her once in six years that he truly had to hate her, but to actually hear those hateful words come from his lips…lips that had once professed his undying love for her had cut her deep. Thank the Maker, for Anders; his assault on Alistair and then his almost losing control to Justice had pulled her out of her stunned stupor.

Josie stood outside the closed door for a long moment as she composed herself. She drew in a deep breath then opened the door and walked in. Alistair was sitting in a chair in front of the fireplace. She really didn't want to have this conversation with him there. That setting implied comfort, ease and familiarity. None of which applied to this situation. She glanced over at the chair behind her desk. If she sat there it represented strength, power, control…however that wasn't truly her style and Alistair would see right through it.

Oh, fuck it. It would be best if she was just herself. She strolled over to the bar, poured two large shots of bourbon then walked over to him and handed him one.

Alistair snickered as he took the glass from her. "Are we working under the rule that it's five o'clock somewhere?"

"No, we are working on the assumption that if yesterday was any indication of how this conversation might go, we are both going to need it before this little exchange is concluded."

"About that…" Alistair paused as he tried to collect his thoughts.

_The image of his distorted face, filled with anger and hatred as he hissed those hateful words to her, flickered across her mind. "Lucky for you, mage, she was already done with me long before she met you. She used me to fight the Blight then tossed me aside when she was ready for a new toy. She then used Loghain to get her to the top of the tower so that she could feed her ego by becoming Ferelden's savior and once he had fulfilled his purpose she was free to move on to you. Be careful, my friend, you're just another notch on her Warden belt." _

Her own anger welled up inside her and she could no longer control it. "You know, Alistair, I'm sure there are a lot of things that you think about me and some of them may actually be true, but you dishonored both of us yesterday by saying that I used you. I never used, I loved you and I did what I thought needed to be done for both of us to survive. For you to insinuate that I dumped you so that I could have a new bed partner with a man I despise is disguising. It defiles and disgraces what we once shared. You may hate me now, but there was a time that we meant the world to each other."

Alistair hung his head as he stared into his glass. "I don't hate you, Jo."

Josie laughed sardonically. "Really? You could have fooled me. The last time I checked '_unless you have an ego the size of Ferelden and you have to play the hero_'," she said in a mocking tone. "Won't win you points in charm school."

"I was angry…I felt betrayed…I had lost everything and I blamed you."

"You lost everything because of a rash decision you made!" She exclaimed. She sipped her bourbon as she tried to rein her emotions. Yelling at him isn't going to solve anything.

"I know," Alistair muttered as he took a gulp of the bourbon.

Josie sat back, once again stunned. After yesterday, the last thing she expected was for him to be agreeable. "Well, agreeing with me is just going to take all the fun out of this confrontation," Josie said sardonically.

"Josie, I don't want to fight with you. I came here today to apologize."

Another shocker and the hits just keep coming. Josie gulped down the rest of her glass then she stood up, walked over to the bar refilled her glass and guzzled that down too. She looked over at Alistair and saw his glass was empty too. "Need another?"

Alistair nodded. She walked over, filled his glass then set the bottle down between them as she took her seat. "So let me get this straight, you felt that I betrayed you, that I destroyed your life and the first time you see me in six years you rip me a new one, then the next day you come back to apologize….I don't know what kind of fucked up mind games you are playing, Alistair, but I really don't have time for this."

Josie stood up, set her glass down and turned to leave. Alistair grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Josie, please…I'm not playing some game here. Please hear me out."

Josie looked into his eyes. He was pleading with her to hear him out. All of the malice that was there yesterday had been replaced with genuine sorrow. Josie let out a sigh and sat back down.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I need you to believe me, Jo, when I tell you I didn't know…I didn't know it had to be a Warden. If I had…"

"If you had known, you would have still left me?" She interrupted.

Alistair was quiet for a long moment before he answered. "Yes…I thought about this all night. Yes, my initial reaction to conscripting Loghain wouldn't have changed. I was so fucking angry at you, Josie. That rage would have forced me out of the Landsmeet, but if I had known that only a Warden could kill the Archdemon I would have come back once I cooled off. I wouldn't have sent you to a certain death. I would have fought at your side. I may have still left you after the battle…I just don't know and may never know."

Josie started into the fire as she absorbed what he had just told her. He wouldn't have deserted her. He wouldn't have made her face the Archdemon alone. "So you didn't want me to die?"

"NO! Maker, no!... I would be lying if I said I never thought about killing you myself, but that was just my anger fueled fantasies… I don't want you dead, Jo… the thought of you not in this world…" Alistair's voice just trailed off and the rest of his thought remained unspoken.

She poured both of them another drink. Then she stared once again into the flames as she sipped her drink and thought over the situation. It was as if a burden that she hadn't realized she had been carrying had been lifted. He would have stayed with her, not as her lover or her future husband, but as her fellow Warden. He wouldn't have let her face that monster alone. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as the release from the weight that she had been bearing washed over her.

Alistair grasped her hand. "J-jo," his voice cracked. She looked up at him and saw his own tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to spill over. "I…I am so sorry. After all that we had been through; fighting the Blight, raising an army, uniting Ferelden, I should have trusted in who I knew you were…you were exactly like Duncan. I am so sorry that I allowed my need for vengeance to corrupt who I knew you to be. Can you ever forgive me?"

Unconsciously, her hand went the scar on her neck and her finger stroked the faded mark. "I want to…I really do, but I'm going to need time."

Alistair sat back and hung his head in a defeated manner. "I understand…I honestly do. I will give you all the time you need."

She sat there quietly trying to think about where they go from here. She still cared about Alistair. She wanted to help him if she could. "Where do you want to go from here, Alistair?" She asked.

Alistair looked at her questioningly. "Do you want to continue to live your life the way you have been or do you want to come back to the Wardens?"

Alistair looked at her honestly shocked. "You would invite me back into the Order…after I deserted you…not just as your lover, but as your brother in the Wardens?"

_The distinct voice of her father echoed in her ears. "At some point in life, we all stumble, we all fall. Who falls first doesn't matter. What does matter is the one that finds the strength to get up first, must help those who are fallen around them. Redemption is something you have to fight for in a very personal, down and dirty way, but if one truly seeks salvation it is possible to find the right path again."_

"Once a Warden, always a Warden…Besides all of us should be allowed the chance to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the Marker and in the eyes of each other."

"Redemption?"

"If that is what you are seeking…I'm sorry…I don't mean to presume to know what you are looking for."

Alistair nodded his head. "No redemption is a good word to describe what I seek…Thank you, Josie for giving me a second chance."

"You're welcome. I would offer you a place here to stay, but I don't think I could handle both you and Loghain under the same roof, so until…"

"Loghain is living here?" Alistair asked in a voice that almost a growl.

"Yes, just until the decree from Anora comes through with the bounty and ban on you lifted. Is that going to be a problem?"

Anger flickered across his face, but Alistair controlled it as he shook his head. "No, I know that he is one of your Wardens. I will learn to tolerate his presence."

"Good, I have enough problems to worry about then to have concerns about infighting amongst my soldiers."

"I'll behave as long as he behaves," Alistiar retorted.

"I will be warning him also."

"So you were actually able to convince Loghain to make that request to Anora?"

"Maybe you don't remember, but I can be very persuasive when I want to be."

"Oh I remember, but I don't remember you being a miracle worker."

"My skills have improved over the years," Josie chuckled.

"I can see that."

"Once the decree comes through, I will write the First Warden notifying him that Anora lifted the decree and that you wish to return to the Ferelden Wardens. That will take more finesse than Anora, but I believe I can sway the old stick in the mud. In the meantime, I will have Gaston, our supply quartermaster, fit you for practice armor and supply you with a shield and sword. We will also order your Ferelden Warden's armor."

"Thank you, I haven't had a need for armor lately so that will be helpful," Alistair said.

"I would suggest you find some light armor to practice in and build your strength again," Josie stated.

Alistair raised an eyebrow, "You think I'm weak?"

"Oh, no not all; it's like you said, you haven't had a need for armor and I doubt working on the docks gave you a lot of extra time in the practice ring," Josie replied uncomfortably.

Alistair chuckled. "Good point."

There really wasn't much more to stay so Josie stood indicating that meeting was over. "The Wardens will cover your room at the Hanged Man until you can move in here. Please feel free to use the sparring ring whenever you wish. We have dinner every night at seven o'clock. You aren't obligated to attend, but it will help the other Wardens become more accepting of you if make a point to interact with them."

"Feeding me to the wolves right away, I see."

"No point in putting it off. You will need to face them eventually."

"I'll see you at seven then." Alistair replied as he headed out the door.

Josie breathed out a sigh as all the muscles in her body relaxed. The meeting with Alistair had taken a toll on Josie emotionally and mentally. She felt completely drained. She closed the door, walked over to the sofa near the fire; she removed her boots, trousers and vest then curled up on it, pulled a blanket over herself and was asleep before her head even touched the pillow.

_Josie was having the most delicious dream. She was in her study at the Keep; she was naked on the fur rug in front of the fireplace. Anders was on top of her, his greedy mouth kissed her over and over again. The taste of him filled her, setting her senses of fire. His skilled lips teased hers as his teeth tugged at her lower lip, his tongue licked and caressed, every stroke added to the building hunger and her intense need for him. _

_Anders' hand massaged her supple mounds as his thumb and forefinger pinched the taut nub, sending lightning, coursing from her breasts straight to her groin. She pushed against his erection as she tried to find some relief. "Anders, please."_

_He grinned at her. "Not yet, I want to see you like this a bit longer. Naked…hungry, wanting, needing only me…You're so beautiful…" _

_Anders dropped his head as lips captured her nipple causing her to cry out. _

"_So soft…" his lips tugged at the hard bud. _

"_Your skin flushed with heat." His tongue swirled, caressed and teased as his hand slipped between her legs. _

"_Fuck…so wet….Mmm, Phine…oh so wet for me." His fingers slid inside her, her hips bucked against his hand as she cried out his name over and over…_

Her eyes opened slightly as she took in the shadows of the darkened room. She must have been asleep for several hours. A figure hovered above her, kissing her neck and the sweet scent of spices and magic enveloped her.

"Hmmm, Anders," she moaned. Just before her hips involuntarily moved against…oh shit…her own hand. Her eyes popped open and she began to jerk her hand away from between her thighs when Anders grasped her wrist.

"Don't stop," he growled into her ear.

"Watching you…" Anders' lips closed over her earlobe and sucked. "…in your sleep…" His tongue swirled down her neck to the delicate spot where her neck and shoulders met and sucked, sending fire licking through her veins straight to the throbbing between her legs.

"Maker, that was so incredibly hot," he sighed as his hand rested over hers.

"Jo, you looked fantastic…so tempting…your hand…touching…stroking," Anders sighed as his fingers entwined with hers.

"I wanted to be your hand," he moaned as he guided her hand back to the junction between her legs.

"I wanted your hips pressing against me," he breathed against her neck as together they pushed her panties aside.

"To feel the wetness of your silky curls against my fingertips," Anders seductively whispered as their fingers slid through her folds.

"Oh fuck, Jo…t-to feel your heat," he groaned as he led her fingers to the bundle of nerves that ached for his touch.

"To evoke your cries of pleasure," he murmured as he guided their fingers around the throbbing nub, together caressing, stroking to the point that she was about to come undone.

She whimpered his name and she felt his lips smile against her neck.

"To have your silky walls embrace me," he growled has his fingers slid inside her.

"Maker's breathe…Jo…you feel amazing…so fucking wet…hot…"he rambled as he pressed into her and his mouth nipped at her neck.

"Tell me about it, Phine," he demanded as he sent a tiny vibration through her. "Tell me."

"Pretty much…w-what you're doing now," Josie stammered.

"I want to hear you say it," Anders groaned as he crocked his fingers, stroked the exact spot that would surely make her unable to form two coherent words.

"Tell me Jo, did I make you cum?"

"Anders…I ache…"

"Did you cum, Jo?" Anders asked again as he sent another vibration, a stronger one through her. This time all words escaped her as her body went ridged and the most delicious pleasure ripped through her. She dug her nails into his back as she tried to ground herself, but it was no use, she was gone.

"I'm going to watch you come apart in my arms," Anders snarled as he sent another strong pulse through her. His wicked…sinful…skilled fingers continued to stroke deep inside her as her body erupted.

"Anders!" She cried out as the intense orgasm tore through every fiber of her body. She clung to him as her body writhed uncontrollably against his.

He tenderly kissed her. She trembled against him as she moaned from sheer pleasure as the aftershocks coursed through her. Eventually she returned to the present and relished being in the arms of the man she loved.

"So where were we?" He asked as his tongue swirled up her neck to her ear.

"What?" She asked.

"In your dream…where were we?" He asked, not letting her rest for even a minute as he continued to stroke and caress her. The terrible aching never even had a chance to ease as Anders surged forward, building it up all over again.

"My s-study…fireplace," she sighed as he sent an electrical current through her and she shuddered as the sensation grew stronger rapidly.

"What were you wearing?" His fingers rubbing, stroking her inner muscles, she gripped and clenched around him greedily, begging him not to stop. He growled into the side of her neck as he bit down….pleasure…pain coursed through her.

She didn't reply…couldn't reply as her body arched against his hand as she rubbed against him, desperate to find that sweet relief again. Anders brought his thumb over her fingers that had stopped encircling the swollen nub because she couldn't find the ability to concentrate. He stroked her through her fingers as his teeth tugged at her earlobe. She quaked beneath him as his hand thrust in and out of her, each surge taking her higher and higher.

"What were we wearing?" He asked patiently again.

"Oh…fuck…A-anders…nothing," she cried out as her hips pushed against his hand. She ground against him…aching for a release, but he wouldn't give it to her yet as he continued to build the need in her to the point she thought she would break from need for him. Each stroke, each caress, each current of electricity he sent only made the delicious friction grow hotter and more intense. She heard herself cry out, but she couldn't catch her breath as the next orgasm slammed into her. All she could do was twist and thrash in his arms as he held her while she rode out the wave and then fell limp in his arms.

"Then I believe we are both overdressed," Anders purred.

She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. He leaned over and kissed her lips. "Your dream, Love. According to your dream, we are overdressed," he said as he leaned her forward, pulled off her shirt and breast band before he deftly slid off her panties.

Anders stood and began to remove his clothes.

"Tell me, Phine…in this dream, did I say anything to you?"

She felt her cheeks burn as the blood rushed there. The blush didn't go unnoticed by him. "Hmm, that good, huh? Tell me."

He grinned as he stood before her now completely naked. Maker, he had such a beautiful body. Not overly sculpted like a warriors, but tone, fit and the muscles in his stomach rippled under her gaze. "Tell me." He demanded again.

She lips formed a sly grin. She stared at him as he stood over her. "Are you enjoying watching me touch myself?"

His eyes darkened with heated desire as his gazed drifted toward where he had left her hand. His breath hitched as he watched her fingers stroke and caress the area that he intimately knew. "Y-you know I do," he growled.

Her smile grew even wider. "Then if you want to hear about the dream then I want to watch you pleasuring yourself while I tell you."

Anders grinned at her as he palmed himself and began stroke as she spoke.

"You were teasing me as you always do."

He snorted as his grin widened. "You love it."

"That's beside the point," Josie replied as she watched Anders continue to work himself. "I was so…I was so…horny…and you wouldn't help a girl out."

Josie smiled at him and his hand faltered, but quickly resumed his pace. "I was begging you…"

"Say it," he muttered.

"Anders….please," she whimpered.

He moaned, "Say that again."

"Anders….pleeeease," she cried out.

"Mmmm, I like the sound of that," he groaned as she continued.

"You just grinned at me and said, 'Not yet, I want to see you like this a bit longer. Naked…hungry, wanting, needing only me…You're so beautiful'."

Anders closed his eyes as his hand continued its steady tempo. "Then what?"

"Then you took my nipple in your mouth. An urgent hunger coursed through me and I cried out. You said, 'so soft' before you tugged it hard." Josie sighted as she quietly slid to the edge and sat up straight.

"Then your hand slid between my legs and it was evident how much I needed you, how much I desired you as you moaned, 'Fuck…so wet….Mmm, Phine, oh so wet for me'."

Before Anders could react, Josie's hand slid over top of his as her tongue curled around the tip of his erection. Both shock and pleasure registered on his face as he moaned her name and buried his hands in her hair as he swayed on his feet. His eyes widened as he watched. She took in the length of him and she took deep satisfaction when his body jerked as her tongue swirled around the sensitive under side.

His fingers tightened in her hair as he moaned, "Oh…fuck Phine…Maker, yes…"

She increased the rhythm of her strokes as her lips, tongue and hand brought him closer and closer to the brink. His hips began to move with her as she felt his body tremble against her hand.

"Mon precieux, you're killing me," he moaned as he tried to pull her up, but she refused to relinquish her grasp. His hips growing more frantic with need as she took him in deep. Working him over until he was so caught up in the sensation of her mouth.

"Oh Maker, Jo, I can't take any more," he groaned, but she continued on as if he hadn't said anything. She continued to tease him till he was on the brink of an orgasm, then her mouth would relax long enough for him to calm down before she would do it again. She would pull at him, suck at him, until he was begging for release. His hands fisted in her hair as his hips grew more urgent, moving helplessly in time with her mouth. She took him deep until he was so enraptured with pleasure, he cried out her name over and over again as he released into her mouth.

She swallowed then kissed her way up to his lips. She smiled at him, "How does it feel to be teased?"

He grinned back at her, "It felt pretty damn good actually."

She laughed and was about to reply when there was a loud knock at the door. "My Commander…the Wardens were wondering if you and Warden Anders were going to make it to dinner?"

"Oh, damn," she whispered to Anders as she reached for her pants.

"Aaaah, yes…we will be right there," she yelled through the door as both of them scrambled to find their clothes that were scattered around the room.

Anders grabbed her by the waist just after she pulled her shirt over her head. He passionately kissed her then whispered, "That was just a warm up. I'm not done with you yet."

She smiled at him. "I should say not. Leaving me wanting…wet and horny…who knows what will come out of my mouth at dinner."

Anders laughed. "Oh well that should make things very interesting then."

A short time later, they made their way into the dining room looking only partly disheveled. Josie stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Alistair sitting there. She felt her cheeks redden as she unconsciously fixed her hair. She cursed under her breath for forgetting about the invitation.

"A heads up would have been nice about our surprise guest," Anders whispered in her ear.

"Should I have brought that up before or after my dream narration," Josie muttered back as she stood in front of the chair at the head of the table.

Anders chuckled as he took his seat beside her. "Good point."

"As you can see, Alistair has rejoined us. I know that all of you will make him feel welcome," Josie replied as she turned to toward Alistair who was seated half way down the table. "Alistair, let me introduce you to those you don't know. I don't think you were officially introduced to Anders yesterday."

"Oh, I do believe his fist and I have been formally introduced," Alistair said as he rubbed the bright bruise that was still on his jaw.

"You did that?" Zev asked. Anders nodded shamefully.

"I'm impressed," the assassin replied.

"Alistair, I do apologize for my behavior yesterday…"

"No need to," Alistair interrupted. "I deserved it."

Before anything more could be made about the encounter the day before, Josie continued on. "Beside Anders is Kai, next to her is my second in command, Nathaniel Howe."

The shock was visible on Alistair's face. "Nate is not like his father, Alistair. He is a good man and a good Warden."

Alistair shrugged his shoulders, "Who am I to judge? Nice to meet you, Nate."

"It's Nathaniel," Nate replied coolly.

Alistair nodded in understanding. "You know the rest," Josie said as she waved at Oghren and Zev.

"The rest? Come on, Jo. You're making it sound as if we're part of the furniture already." Zev chortled.

"Aren't you?" Alistair asked.

"Do I look like a damn foot stool to you?" Oghren retorted.

"You're short enough to be one," Anders countered.

"Let's see how short I can make you when my axe collides with your body," Oghren grunted.

"Is this before or after I freeze you?"

"You won't be able to freeze your nether regions fast enough to stop me, Sparkle fingers!"

"Careful what you do to Anders below the belt or you will have to answer to Josie about that," Kai stated.

"Well, Thunderhumper. I'm surprised the boss lady welcomed you back with open arms like she did, but just when I think I have her figured out she goes and does something that completely throws me for a loop."

"Tell me about. I'm just as shocked as you," Alistair replied as he looked up at Josie and gave a tentative smile. She smiled encouragingly back at him.

"Well, you can thank the ancestors you got a second chance. Don't screw it up this time," Oghren retorted.

"I'll try not to," Alistair said sincerely.

"That's good…that's very good because I can't guarantee that the next time you betray her, you will live through the experience," Zev stated with a pleasant smile on his face.

"Zev! Enough!" Josie ordered.

"I'm done, la mia caramella dolce. I was just making sure the brat prince and I have a clear understanding of each other," Zev replied his smile never leaving his lips as his eyes stared coldly at Alistair.

Alistair returned the glare as he replied, "We do."

A sly grin spread across the assassin's lips. "Good, so then let's raise our glasses for a toast."

Everyone lifted their mugs as Zev cheerfully said, "May the Maker grant good health to your enemy's enemies."

The group solemnly replied, "Salute" as Zev's underlying declaration was realized.

Josie fixed her hard eyes on Zev as she stood then she turned to Alistair and smiled warmly as she raised her glass. "Alistair, here's to your coffin... May it be built of a hundred year old oak tree which I will plant tomorrow."

"Here, here," the group chanted.

With the tension broke, Josie sat back down, leaned into Zev and in a whisper said, "If you ever threaten one of my Wardens again Zev, even though you're my best friend and I love you dearly, I will have to ask you to leave my side."

Zev recoiled from her as if she had slapped him and looked at her. "Capisce?" She asked.

Zev saw the fierce look in her eyes then he nodded and replied, "Capisce."

Much to Josie's delight, the rest of the meal was uneventful as the group ate, drank and told tales late into the night. However she was thoroughly exhausted as she and Anders made their way up to their room. True to his word however, Anders was not done with her and once again kept her up late into the wee hours of the morning as they savored their insatiable appetites for one another.

Now as Anders lay beside her, breathing softly as he slept, her mind replayed the conversation with Alistair. Now that he knew the truth about why it had to be a Warden, he seemed genuinely remorseful that he had left her to face the Archdemon alone. That knowledge had been a comforting relief, that he didn't hate her enough to let her die, but he did loathe her enough to possibly still leave her. _"__I may still have left you after the battle…I just don't know and may never know." _

Even though he knew it was the right decision, that Loghain was needed to increase their odds of survival, Alistair still felt she betrayed him; that she had taken away his opportunity to avenge Duncan and his brother's deaths and was unsure if he could forgive her for that. He needed her now if he wanted to return to the Wardens…to the Order that had given him a home, security and place to belong. Alistair wanted and needed to return to the Wardens because of his sense of duty and the fact that he had failed both. He wasn't returning to her and even if he had stayed after the final battle, he would have ended their relationship because he wouldn't be able to overcome the knowledge that she had placed her duty above her love for him.

"_I may still have left you after the battle…I just don't know and may never know." _His words echoed deep within her soul. A sharp pain wrenched at her heart…it was the last piece of hope that she had held onto for years tearing away and dissolving. She had hoped that when he had learned the truth that he would have understood, that he would have begged for her forgiveness…and if she was honest with herself; when she allowed herself to indulge in her dark fantasies he would declare his undying love her and how miserable he was without her; which of course was the furthest thing from the truth. Alistair had moved on, had made a life for himself without her and for all intense purposes seemed pretty content. He wanted to make amends, he wanted to set things right, but that was simply for his own peace of mind…something he had to do so that his soul could come to terms with his failures and eventually find serenity.

Josie looked over at the man that now occupied her bed. She gently stroked his hair then leaned over and kissed his cheek. He murmured in his sleep as he rolled towards her and pulled her into his arms. She loved him. He had healed her…in more ways than one and when she was with him, Anders had a way of making her feel as if she was the only girl in world. He worshiped her, adored her and she loved him even more for that. But there had been that small piece of her heart that had held onto her first love and the beautiful love story they had once shared. Now as she let that last piece go, she rolled on her side as the tears fell and she mourned for the last time, the relationship that had died seven years earlier.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Bryce Cousland's quote on redemptions was pieced together from these quotes.**

"**Redemption is something you have to fight for in a very personal, down-dirty way. Some of our characters lose that, some stray from that, and some regain it. – Joss Whedon**

"**Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other." - ****Vera Nazarian****, **_**The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration**_

"**No matter what a waste one has made of one's life, it is ever possible to find some path to redemption, however partial" ****Charles Frazier****, **_**Cold Mountain**_

_*****_**Your language lesson for today - ****Mon precieux – French for my precious one. ****La mia caramella dolce – Italian for my sweet candy. **

***I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face.**

***A big shout out to my betalicious, Beta Goddess Jinx1983, for her fanfrickentabulous beta-ing skill. You, dear lady, are the best! Thank you for all of your help, advice, support and most of all your friendship.**


	10. Chapter 10 Lonely is the Night

**Chapter 10 – Lonely is the Night**

"Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone  
>Your demons come to light and your mind is not your own<br>Lonely is the night when there's no one left to call  
>You feel the time is right- say the writin's on the wall<p>

It's a high time to fight when the walls are closin' in  
>Call it what you like-It's time you got to win<br>Lonely, lonely, lonely-your spirit's sinkin' down  
>You find you're not the only stranger in this town"<p>

_Lonely is the Night by Billy Squire_

For the past month, Alistair spent the majority of his days at the Warden Estate, training and working out in the sparring ring building back his strength. He had maintained a lot of his muscles strength from working at the docks, but it was his endurance that seemed to have declined the most. He had just now reached the point that while wearing light armor that he wasn't winded after an extended sparring match. Oghren suggested that he now start off with medium armor, which was what he preferred, then as he began to tire switch to the lighter armor. It seemed like a lot of work, but the technique was working as his endurance and his strength continued to increase.

Over the past month, he had only run into Loghain twice. The man was as antisocial as they come, he never attended the evening meals and only rarely practiced in the sparring ring. This was fine with Alistair, the less he saw of him, the less chance there was for the two of them to have a confrontation. He was just starting be at ease with the other Wardens and the last thing he wanted to do was cause Josie any problems.

For the most part, Alistair got along fine with the other Wardens. Oghren was very accepting as long as you didn't steal his ration of ale. Kai at first was leery of him when she found out he had Templar training, but she slowly began to trust him when he started to teach her how to use her staff as a weapon. He enjoyed Nathaniel's stoic dry sense of humor and felt most at ease with the aloof rogue. Which was strange considering he was Josie's oldest friend, but Howe took his queues from Josie and if she trusted him, then so did Nathaniel. Zevran was more of an honorary warden, but everyone considered him as much as part of their group as their fellow Wardens.

Since their uncomfortable altercation at that first dinner both of them had worked hard to remain civil to each other, but Alistair could always feel the assassin's eyes on him. As if at any moment Alistair might pick up a dagger and stab Josie in the back.

Zevran was in charge of training the Wardens. He worked closely with them, evaluating their strengths and weakness than he devised ways to maximize and minimize those attributes. However, Zevran let all of Alistair's training go through Oghren, who was the only other warrior at the compound.

Zevran's evaluation of Alistair had been accurate, but it was somehow easier to hear it coming from the loud mouthed brash dwarf then from the assassin; who had been a thorn in his side ever since Josie had spared his life. During their travels together Alistair had tolerated Zevran because of Josie, and the unexplained friendship and bond that had quickly formed between the two. Now he would be forced to endure it because the assassin was his commanding officer's closest friend and not to mention that beside Oghren he was the only one of her original companions that had remained at her side. For that reason alone, Alistair had great respect for both of them.

Then there was Anders, the mage brought a mixed bag of emotions. Alistair's initial impression had been correct; if Anders was not emotionally involved with Josie he would have enjoyed his company. He was quick witted, had a mischievous side to him and generally had an optimistic view of the world. This is unless he was ranting about the mage's plight; a plight which Alistair mostly agreed with. Alistair also felt that the cruel treatment of mages needed to change, but at times Anders seemed torn on the measures that needed to be taken to bring about that change.

Anders had also won Alistair's respect when he had so vehemently defended Josie, when Alistair had verbally attacked and humiliated her. That was also the reason they would never be friends. Anyone could clearly see that Anders loved Josie with fervent passion that almost bordered on obsession. Maker help the person that would dare to stand in between him, and the woman he loved. Alistair had only seen a love like that once before, it was how he and Josie had once loved each other.

From the moment that they had met there had been an intense attraction to each other that had only heated up as they spent more time together and were constantly thrown into life threatening situations. Being a virgin, it had taken Alistair sometime to gather his nerve and fully commit himself to her emotionally and physically, but when he finally gave into his love and hunger for her his world had forever been changed.

Whether they were fighting Darkspawn, fighting with each other or making love their relationship had been intense, impassioned, and at times obsessive, but it was the sweetest love he would ever know. Even when she made him outraged, she still managed to turn him on making him want to take her, to own her, and possess her. He thought about the first real fight they had and the heated way they had made up.

_Alistair paced around the camp waiting for her to return from cleaning up at the lake. How could she allow the Arlessa to take her own life? How was he going to explain to Eamon that his wife was dead? The Circle was two days away. They could have gone to them for help. What was she thinking? He tried to calm himself. Yelling at her wasn't going to solve anything, but seeing Isolde's lifeless body lying on the cold stone floor made his blood boil. _

_When she entered the camp, he called her over toward the edge of the forest, so if they raised their voices during their discussion no one else would hear them. _

_When they were out of earshot he rounded in on her; his anger boiling over. _"_I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the castle today." _

"_Alistair, I'm sorry about Lady Isolde, I wish there could have been another way…"_

"_YOU allowed her to sacrifice herself with blood magic. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" He shouted at her. _

_Josie stumbled back as if he had struck her, but she quickly composed herself. "Alistair, get a hold of yourself and I will gladly discuss this with you."_

_She turned to walk away from him, but he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. "Don't walk away from me, Josie. You need to explain your actions."_

"_Now you want me to explain my actions to you, like this is a democracy of some kind. But when the decisions are too hard you lay the burden of leadership at my feet and wash your hands of it. I didn't hear you speak up when Teagan and I were trying to find an alternative solution!"_

"_Bullshit! I said that we should try the Circle, but you dismissed it with some flimsy excuse…"_

"_Flimsy excuse! Did you see the corpses lining the streets of town as we made our way back to camp? Did you see them dragging the bodies out to the pyres to begin burning them? If I had gone to the Circle in the four or five days it would have taken to get there and back, how many more bodies would have been added to that pile? I couldn't risk this entire village being annulled."_

"_But the Arlessa… Eamon's wife…"_

"_Is her life more valuable than the lives of the entire village, Alistair? I know Eamon. He is a reasonable man and a strong Arl. He would agree with me. It was tough decision… a hard one, but it was the right one! You didn't want to be leader, Alistair. You laid this at my feet, and now you have the nerve to question my judgment when you walked away from this responsibility. How fucking dare you?" _

_Alistair stood there as his anger instantly dissolved away. She was right. He had willing let her take on the role of leader because he didn't want to make the hard decisions and to be responsible for the lives of others. He grabbed her arms to pull her towards him. "Jo, I am so sorry. You're right, I should…"_

_She yanked her arms free, tears brimming in her eyes. "Don't touch me! I trusted you, Alistair. I thought you trusted me…"_

"_I do… Jo please, I do trust you. I'm sorry," Alistair said as he tried to pull her back into his embrace, but she pushed him away. _

"_After Ostagar, you promised that we stick together no matter what, that together we would get through this…" She paused as she wiped the tears from her face. "I felt horrible about what happened to Isolde. I-I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I needed you tonight, Alistair… not as my fellow Warden, not as a friend, but as the man that says he loves me. I-I __**needed**__**you**__ and when I needed you most you turned your back on me."_

_Alistair grabbed her, pushed her back against the tree pinning her there. She hit, punched and yelled at him to let her go, but he just held onto her, as he let her take her anger out on him. When she was exhausted, her arms just fell loosely to her sides and she hung her head. Alistair pressed into her as he brought his mouth up to her ear. _

"_Jo Jo, forgive me, please," he begged in a harsh whisper. The feel of his breath against her skin caused her to tremble, but she remained silent and still. _

"_I am so sorry, I need you too, my Love," he murmured as his lips vibrated against her tender neck, and again she shuddered beneath him. _

"_I love you so much. Please Jo." He slid his hand up her hip, underneath her shirt and along the curve of her waist till his hand came to rest on her supple breast. _

"_If you're still angry with me, then use me to take out your rage," his tongue swirled down her neck, as his fingers pinched at the hard nipple through her breast band. He smiled as he watched her quiver at his touch. _

"_I deserve it, Jo." Without a word, she pushed him back, and leapt into his arms as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He stumbled out into the woods away from camp with her still clinging to him; where they had the most heated, intense, angry sex of his life. _

_During their travels, they hadn't disagreed often, but with the exception of their very last fight, when they did fight they always had the most amazing, frenzied make-up sex. _

With a multitude of memories just like that one, Alistair found it difficult at times to even look her in the eye when he was near her. There was something about her, something she didn't even realize she possessed that brought out all of a man's most primal, animistic instincts and urges. He had felt it the moment he met her and it only grew stronger the longer they were together; other than love, passion that had been the cornerstone of their relationship. Even now, seven years later, with his conflicted emotions regarding her, he still hungered for her, yearned for her. It was because of this that he overexerted himself with training and sparring so that while he was wake he didn't think about her and when he went to sleep he was too exhausted to dream about her.

This was why he could not be friends with Anders. He knew firsthand how incredible she was. How loving, warm, open and passionate she was with the man she was with. He knew personally how special she made Anders feel, he knew all the little things she would do to make him feel needed, appreciated and loved. He had vivid recall of how Anders was spending his nights with her. Now, he got to witness the effect she had on a man, unfortunately this time he was not the participant in the torrid affair, he was just a bystander. Redemption is a real bitch!

Somehow, he had to find a way to make this work. She was his Commander, and he wanted to once again be a Grey Warden. He had to find a way to put her and his past behind him. She had managed to do it. She had gotten over him quickly enough and moved on and from the smile that was always on her face she seemed very happy, he should be happy for her… he was trying to be happy for her.

A few days later, with that thought in mind, when he saw Josie in the library after dinner intensely studying a map he decided to go in and talk to her. She heard him approach and spun around.

"Oh, Alistair, you startled me," she gasped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you," he muttered. He glanced over her shoulder at the map of Ferelden and the Free Marches that had six red pins in it. "You seem very distracted, is there something I can help you with?"

She ran her hands through her hair – a sign that she was frustrated. "Oh, it's nothing that you need to worry about," she replied.

He looked at her for a moment and said softly, "I might not need to worry about it, but I can sense that you are worried. Maybe I can help. There was a time that I use to be good at giving you my thoughts about situations you were contemplating."

She looked at him curiously then smiled tentatively at him. "Yes you were."

She turned back to the map and said, "All of the red pins mark sites were suspicious Darkspawn attacks have taken place."

He stepped up behind her and looked over her shoulder at the map. The scent of vanilla, lavender and spices flooded his senses and it took every ounce of control to keep from burying his face in hair.

"What makes them suspicious?" Alistair asked.

"Well, the sites that we have investigated, it would seem that the two factions of Darkspawn that are warring with each other and their conflict as spilled out onto the surface," Josie explained.

A confused look settled on Alistair's face, "Two factions of Darkspawn? When did that happen?"

Josie let out a long sigh, grabbed her glass of wine, and headed over to the oversized chair by the fireplace. Alistair joined her in the chair opposite her. She poured him a glass of wine as she explained. "I suggest you read my reports. They will give you a lot more detail. I have copies in my desk if you care to read them. The short version is The Architect is a Darkspawn emissary who is the first Darkspawn to develop a will of its own. According to Duncan's diary he encountered him years ago in the deep roads. He is an unusual outcast who does not appear to be subject to the call of the Old Gods, nor to other Darkspawn compulsions. Although he is highly intelligent, the Architect has little understanding of humanity."

"Wait a minute? You have Duncan's journal," Alistair asked.

"Yes, I found it in the Warden Compound in Denerim," she said as she stood up and walked over to her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a leather bound book.

She returned to her seat and handed him the diary. "I believe he would have wanted you to have this."

Alistair stared dumbfounded at the journal. "I don't know if I should…"

"Most of it is Warden histories, but there are a few entries in there about you that you might find interesting," she said matter-of-factly.

Alistair's head shot up and stared at her. "He talked about me in his journal."

She smiled warmly at him and he melted at the sight of it. He had forgotten how disarming her smile could be. "Yes Alistair, you meant a great deal to him. I believe you will see that when you read it. It will also give you a more in depth back ground about the Architect."

"I… I don't know what to say. Thank you this would be a good start," Alistair stammered.

"You're welcome," she replied kindly.

"Okay, what can you tell me about the Architect," Alistair said.

"Well, besides the fact that he is dead. The few times that we meet he was calm and polite, however, he could be cold, decisive, and manipulative; for him the ends justifies the means he was willing to carry out his plans even if that means sacrificing his allies. Before the final battle at Drake's Falls, I encountered him again and he explained that Grey Warden blood when given to Darkspawn provides them with immunity against the call to seek out an old God and turn them into a Archdemon. Once the Darkspawn are free from the calling they are able to think for themselves. As with most intelligent creatures self-preservation is their highest instinct - starting a blight goes against that instinct. Darkspawn with the ability to think and reason are choosing self-preservation."

Josie took a sip of her wine as she gathered her thoughts and then continued, "The Architect went on to explain some of the Darkspawn are flawed and they rage against the Architect. The Mother, which was a huge disgusting Broodmother, had gathered the flawed Darkspawn and rallied them against the Architect in order to stop him from freeing others and to stop the Grey Wardens."

She paused again and Alistair could see the conflict raging in her eyes. "I knew The Architect although highly intelligent was a Darkspawn none the less and went against all my Grey Warden intuition to trust him. However, he was trying to prevent another Blight; and at the time we had the same goal"

She paused almost hesitant to carry on. "And I had met his freed Darkspawn The Messenger. He had found me in the City of Amaranthine and told me about the attack on Vigil's Keep. He then stayed to help us during the fight in the City…."

"Wait a minute, what? A talking Darkspawn?" Alistair muttered completely flabbergasted.

Josie nodded.

"And it helped the Grey Wardens during the battle in the City? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard!" Alistair exclaimed.

"I know. I would never have believed it if he hadn't been fighting by my side. That's why when the Architect offered an alliance to defeat the Mother I accepted it, and then I let him go back into the deep roads to continue his research. I know that it's a controversial decision. Even some of my own Wardens questioned my reasoning, but I had to give it a try… if it meant no more Blights… no more death, I had to try," Josie stated.

Alistair ran his fingers through his hair, "Wow… that's a lot to take in… You said he was dead."

"Yes, after the Brood Mother was killed and the Darkspawn attacks continued, I tracked him down in the Deep Roads and killed him," Josie explained matter-of-factly.

"I would like to start reading about these events as soon as possible. Could I get copies of the reports tonight?" Alistair asked.

Josie nodded and said, "Let me go get them for you."

She walked over to her desk again and Alistair couldn't take his eyes off her. The tight fitting trousers that she wore emphasized every curve and accented her perfectly round bottom. Alistair had to stop torturing himself like this. She was his commander… nothing more… she was in love with someone else… he had to let her go… she would never be anything more than his friend. She walked back and handed him the reports. She told him that it had been a long day and that she was going to turn in. She smiled at him and said, "Good night, Alistair."

"Good night, Josie and thank you for taking the time to clarify this for me."

"I'm sorry I didn't take the time to explain all of this sooner. It's been a little hectic around here lately."

"It's fine. I understand."

She was about to start up the stairs when a knock came at the door. One of the house servants opened the door and Hawke rushed in.

"Josie, where is Anders?" He asked in a panic.

"He is at his clinic. Why? What is going on?"

"Some fucking weird segment of the Carta tried to kidnap my sister from the Wardens…"

"What? How?" Josie demanded.

"When she was out on patrol, they didn't succeed, but they didn't stop there. They have been running all over the city trying to capture me so that they can obtain the _blood of the Hawke_."

"Damn blood mages," Josie grunted.

"It's more than blood magic. I have a led on a Dwarven fortress that may help me get these bastards off my back, and force them to leave my family alone. But I don't want to go without Anders. He is the best healer I know."

"It's fine with me if Anders wants to go, and I'm sure he will want to help. Check with him in Darktown. If you don't cross paths, I will mention it to him when he comes home," Josie stated.

"Thanks, Josie. You're the best. A rose among the thorns."

"I prefer diamonds over compliments," Josie chuckled.

Hawke laughed as he headed out the door. "Good to know."

"You don't mind Anders running off to help Hawke," Alistair asked from behind her.

"He was friends with Hawke before I arrived in Kirkwall. The two of them have been working together for almost six years. I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

"You're a very open minded Commander," Alistair replied.

"Well technically until the First Warden reinstates both of you, I'm not either one of your Commanders."

"You mean I'm Commander-less? So I can dance the Remigold on your desk and there would be nothing you could do to stop me?"

"Technically, you don't have to follow my orders, but I can make you wish you had," she said with grin.

"You mean you don't want to see me shake some arse on top of your desk?"

"The only one shaking their ass on my desk will be me and that is a private, invitation only event," Josie replied coolly.

"Anders is a lucky man," Alistair replied as he tried desperately to keep the envy out of his voice.

"I keep telling him that," Josie chuckled.

"No need to remind me, Love," Anders purred in her ear as the mage's arms slid around her waist drawing her back to him. "I know full well how lucky I am."

Alistair forced a smile, even though his heart ached for what he had lost. "Yes, you are. I should be going while the night is still young and I will only have to fight a hand full of gangs on the way back to Lowtown. Thank you, Josie for the educational evening."

Josie looked uncomfortable as she stepped out of Anders embrace and smiled at him. "You're welcome. If you have any questions while you are reading those reports or Duncan's journal my door is always open to you."

She was genuinely trying to put him at ease and make this as comfortable as possible for both of them. "I appreciate that. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," they both replied as he headed for the door. He heard Anders mutter, "I want a private viewing of you shaking your ass on your desk."

Alistair didn't hear her reply, but he heard Anders laugh then the definite sound of a smack and her yelp as their footsteps thundered up the stairs as her laughter echoed through the house.

Alistair was lost in his thoughts as he made his way through the streets. He must have fought his way through several gangs because his sleeve was torn and his arm was cut, but he had been so lost in his thought to even really pay it much mind. Images of her and Anders flooded his mind; the smack, the sound of her laughter, her racing up the stairs eagerly anticipating another night with her naughty mage. He desperately tried to push the image of the two of them out his mind, but they were only replaced by very real memories of him with her.

_Alistair climbed out of the pond, completely naked only to discover that all of his clothes were missing. From behind a large oak tree, Josie peeked around and whistled. "Oh my, Ser Templar, what big… eyes you have?"_

_Alistair stopped dead in his tracks as he remembered the fairy tale that his tutor use to have him read. "Better to see you with, my dear," Alistair replied as he stepped toward the tree, but she agilely moved around the large trunk and out of his reach and sight. _

_Her head popped around the other side as she cooed, "Ser Templar, what big teeth you have?"_

"_Better to eat you with, my dear," he growled as he lunged for her, but she was too quick as she faded into the shadows. _

_From behind him she purred, "Oh Ser Templar, what a big cock you have?"_

"_Better to fuck you…" he spun to face her, but as she reappeared from the shadows completely naked, he was at a loss for words as he starred helpless at the most beautiful woman he had ever known, and who he was hopelessly in love with. _

_She grinned at him as stepped into him, pressing her naked, warm body against his. "What was the last thing you were going to do to me?" She asked coyly._

"_I'd rather show you," he growled as he pushed her against the trunk of the large oak tree. _

When Alistair entered the Hanged Man, he ordered a bottle of wine then he made his way up to his room. He needed to get his mind off of Josie, and as much as he wanted to read about the reports about the Architect those pages would be filled with her thoughts. He needed to get her out of his mind for now. Not to mention his curiosity about what was in Duncan's journal got the best of him. He poured a glass of wine and then flipped open the journal toward the back of the diary.

_Bloomingtide, Fifth day of the Thirtieth Year of the Dragon Age - _

_I've been back in Ferelden now for almost six months observing Alistair at the Chantry. He has grown into a very strong handsome man since I saw him three years ago. He looks more and more like Maric with each passing year, but I definitely see Fiona in there. He has her honey brown eyes and her crooked smile. _

_Despite all that he has been through, the boy has managed to retain a good sense of humor and cheerful disposition. However, it was obvious that the Chantry isn't the life for him. He is miserable and it's abundantly clear that the boy doesn't buy into the whole mages are evil and templars must be vigilant, and pure to withstand their evil temptations. From what I've observed, if a pretty enough mage walked by and battered her eyelashes at him, Alistair wouldn't give the vows he is about to take a second thought._

_I have written Fiona about this situation and have asked her permission to conscript him. I have a feeling she would rather condemn him to a shorter life than for him to become a lyrium addicted mage hunter. The Chantry won't be pleased to lose another recruit to me, but according to them I'm going to the Void anyways so why should I care if they despise me a little more. _

Alistair laughed. Well that explained why Duncan always gave him a hard time about harassing the mages, and the Reverend Mother. He found it very interesting that Duncan knew both his mother and father and he never revealed the truth. Duncan also asked his mother for permission to conscript him. His mother knew about him and not once did she seek him. Why? Maybe those answers were at the beginning of the journal; he would need to read it from the beginning, but for now he could only stay awake to read one more entry. Alistair skimmed the next several entries until he came to the mention of his name.

_Kingsway, Fourteenth day of the Thirtieth Year of the Dragon Age - _

_Today as I watched Alistair spar it was like watching a mirrored image of Maric in the ring. He moves and fights the exact same way as his father. He definitely has his father's sense of humor, but he has his mother's heart. I watched as he defended a young beggar girl from a group of bullies. When he had scared the boys off, he helped the child pick up her basket of flowers that a bully had knocked out her hand. When the girl burst into tears that her flowers were now ruined and that her baby sister was going to go hungry tonight, Alistair purchased the entire basket of damaged flowers from her even though he has little coin himself and most of the flowers were crushed, but his heart couldn't let that child or her family go hungry because of the cruel actions of… _

The last few words were blurred from what looked like a drop of water. Alistair touched the distorted parchment. The water droplet looked like it could be in the shape of a tear… was Duncan crying when he wrote this… that seemed very unlikely. The only other person who read this account was Josie. But what about the story caused her to cry? It wasn't a sad story. It's story about a random act of kindness so why would she cry over that?

Alistair yawned as he set the journal aside and he fell asleep thinking about why she had been crying.

He slept restlessly as dreams of Josie crying and his unseen mother conscripting him filled his subconscious. When he woke before dawn he decided that a good workout on a practice dummy might help. When he arrived at the Warden Estate the sun was just peaking up over rooftops. He made his way out the ring. Josie was already there in the center. She wore a loose pair of trousers, a loose shirt and no shoes. She moved gracefully through the dance like movements, fluidly flowing from one pose to the next. She… she was breathtaking and Alistair was mesmerized as he watched her. He remembered how connected he had felt to her when they worked out together every morning.

He remained in the shadows of the building as she elegantly glided through the movements. When she was done he stepped toward the ring. She smiled and waved him in.

"You're here early," she said.

"I like to get here before everyone else. The solitude helps me to concentrate," he replied.

"I understand. I am actually out here late today. I am normally out here right after the sun comes up. It really is the only time I can practice before I am being pulled in a million directions," Josie said.

Alistair laughed, "You always were an early riser. I don't know how you could manage to pull yourself out of a nice warm bed to go workout."

His mind recalled an image of her warm naked body as she slid out of his arms to get dress and his hands encircled her waist as he pulled her back to him. He quickly pushed the thought aside.

"Well, somehow I managed to get myself and you out of bed each morning to workout," she replied.

"Yes, and if memory serves me correctly there was a lot of bribery involved."

She laughed. "I believe you are correct."

"So you said you got out here late. Why are you behind schedule?"

"Oh Anders left early this morning with Hawke…"

"My Commander, I am sorry to interrupt but there is a Ser Cullen here to see you. He says it's an emergency." Giles interrupted.

"Oh bloody hell, what is the problem now?" Josie muttered as she started toward the estate. Alistair followed her in.

They entered the study and the Templar from the Circle was standing there.

"Knight Captain, what brings you here so early in the morning?" Josie asked.

"Commander, I am sorry to intrude at such an early hour, but you are the only one that can help. Last night several of my men were attacked outside the city walls by Darkspawn."

"What? How close to the city?" Josie interrupted.

"Not far… approximately ten to fifteen miles from here. I can show you on a map, but that isn't why I'm here so early. One of my men… Ser Caron is showing signs of blight sickness and you're the only person I know that can help him."

Josie stepped forward and gently touched the Templar's arm. Alistair's eyes narrowed on Josie's hand as it lingered on the Templar's arm. There was a familiarity in the way she spoke to him. "Cullen, joining the Wardens isn't a cure and I can't just recruit someone out of pity to stop them from dying of blight sickness."

"Jo…please, Caron is a good man and excellent fighter. He will be an asset to you. Please just look at him." The way that Cullen had addressed Josie so informally and with an of air of intimacy that sent a wave of jealousy coursing through him. When the bloody hell had that happened?

"Cullen, joining the Wardens… it could be just as much as a death sentence as the sickness…"

"But it could also save him," Cullen interjected.

Alistair pushed his jealous feelings aside, stepped up and touched her arm. She turned and looked at him. "It wouldn't hurt to see the man."

Josie nodded. "Fine,bring him in Cullen."

A few moments later the young Templar was lying on Josie's sofa in her study. Josie sent Giles to get Nate then she asked Cullen to give her a few moments alone with him. When it was just the three of them Josie knelt down beside him. She tenderly touched the man's arm and his eyes opened. "Caron, my name is Josie. I'm the Warden Commander for the Ferelden Grey Wardens. You are a very sick young man. You have been exposed to the Darkspawn taint. In time the taint will corrupt your blood and kill you. I can try to help you by putting you through the Joining, but this too may end your life. I also need you to realize that being a Warden is no easy life and Wardens make many sacrifices, but if this is something you want, I will help you."

"Being a Templar… especially in Kirkwall is no easy life either. I want to live Commander. I want to join the Wardens."

Josie patted his arm then stood up. "So be it."

There was a knock at the door then Nate entered. "You wished to see me, Josie." He paused as he looked at the gravely ill Templar. "Blight sickness?"

Josie nodded. "Yes, please prepare for his Joining. I am going to leave that to you and Kai. I will be taking Alistair, Oghren, Loghain and Zev with me to investigate the attack site."

"Jo, if you are heading out to face Darkspawn you really should have a mage with you," Nate countered.

"Well, Anders is with Hawke right now and Kai is needed for the Joining ritual. I really don't have a choice. This attack happened close to the city. It needs to be investigated now."

"Please be careful. Anders will have my head if anything happens to you while he is away."

Josie laughed. "A big, bad rogue like yourself afraid of a mage?"

"Have you seen him when he does that blue thing? That could scare a drunk man sober," Nate chuckled as he headed out to prepare for the Joining.


	11. Chapter 11 Life is a Highway

**Chapter 11 – Life is a Highway**

"Life's like a road that you travel on when there's one day here and the next day gone

Sometimes you bend sometimes you stand sometimes you turn your back to the wind

There's a world outside every darkened Door where blues won't haunt you anymore

Where the brave are free and lovers soar, come ride with me to the distant shore

We won't hesitate to break down the garden gate there's not much left today

Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long

If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long

There was a distance between you and I, a misunderstanding once

but now we look it in the eye there's no load I can't hold road so rough this I know

I'll be there when the light comes in, tell 'em we're survivors"

_Life is a Highway by Tom Cochrane_

They made good time as they crested the hill that looked down on the ravine below that was scattered with both human and Darkspawn corpses. As the descended down the slope the smell was almost overpowering from the hot sun baking the bodies. As they neared the site Josie leapt from her horse and ducked behind a tree to relieve the contents of her stomach.

"Maker's breath that's horrific," Josie gasped as she wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

"I've smelled worse," Zevran replied.

"Only thing worse than this stench is Oghren's arse after week long bender," Loghain grunted.

"By the Paragons tits! What where you doing that close to my arse, Loghain?" Oghren growled.

Alistair looked at Oghren with a huge grin. "I'm surprised you'd ask that. Didn't you know that Loghain was known for being a huge ass-kisser? He's famous for it actually."

"I don't need my ass kissed... well at least not by some stuffy overzealous noble... excuse me, I mean Warden," Oghren snorted.

"Noble, Warden... hell, he could be the Divine herself, and I still wouldn't want him anywhere near my ass... or any part of me, for that matter," Zevran chortled.

"And coming from you, that's saying a lot!" Josie laughed.

"Since when has the assassin become so picky?" Alistair questioned.

"You're on that list too, my dear landless prince," Zevran retorted.

"Thank the Maker for that!" Alistair exclaimed.

"Who knew that you and Loghain had something in common," Josie stated.

"Would you mind concentrating on the mission at hand, instead of whose ass I'm supposed to kiss next?" Loghain growled.

"Oh, yes fearless ass-kisser. Your wish is our command," Jo chuckled.

Josie pulled a scarf up that hung around her neck to cover her mouth and nose, trying to easy the foul smell as she surveyed the battle ground. There were about a hundred Darkspawn bodies scattered everywhere with only a few human remains strewn throughout the site. It looked like it had been a bloody battle and that the Templars were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Well on the bright side, at least they are killing off each other and not humans," Alistair said.

"Yes, that is the only silver lining in this mess," Loghain grunted.

"I know some may consider Templars less than human, but they are still among the casualties, so please show a little respect," Josie reminded.

"Shouldn't they be busy hunting for another old god to corrupt? What the hell are they doing fighting amongst themselves on the surface?" Alistair asked.

"That is a very good question," Zevran said.

"One I intend to find an answer for, but first we are going to need to clean up and burn these bodies. We can't let anyone else handle them. I don't want someone to come across them and accidentally expose themselves to possible Blight sickness," Josie stated.

"By the Ancestors, that's a lot of burning, Boss. Can't we just bury them?" Oghren asked.

"No, the taint will corrupt the ground," Alistair said before she could reply.

"He's right," Josie confirmed. "Let's move quickly and then explore the mountainside for a cave entrance. They had to come from somewhere."

They moved into the center of the battlefield when Josie felt the first twinge in her blood. She drew her blades and spun round. The bushes on the hillside began to move.

"Darkspawn!" Both she and Alistair yelled together.

As if they had been fighting together every day for the past seven years, Josie dropped into an attack position as Alistair flanked her right side and the two of them charged up the hill. Alistair blocked, Josie attacked, he would attack as she back-stabbed. Not even losing a step, together they fought in tandem just as they had done all those years ago, as they cut a path through a dozen Darkspawn and made their way toward the emissary. They were so synchronized with their movements it was as if they were fighting as one. Josie reached out through the taint to Alistair, he was happy, excited, exhilarated and this made her smile. She was elated that she could give him this part of his life back. She wanted him to find happiness again.

Once they had taken out the emissary, they both spun around to see if anyone else was in need of assistance, but all of the Darkspawn were down or in the process of going down. Alistair looked over at her and grinned as he wiped some blood from his face. "That was fun."

"Yes, you did seem to be enjoying yourself."

"Throwing crates around on the docks isn't nearly as gratifying as decapitating a Hurlock," Alistair chuckled.

"Well, job satisfaction is one of the few benefits that the Wardens have to offer," Josie said as she started back toward the center of battlefield.

"It's a good feeling… to once again be a part of something that is larger than one's self," Alistair said humbly.

Josie smiled at him. "I'm glad… that you are once again with the Wardens… this is where you're supposed to be."

Alistair smiled tentatively back at her. "Thanks, Josie… I owe you…"

"You owe me nothing," she interrupted as she waved him off; feeling uncomfortable with his gratitude.

"What the hell, Commander? Now they're coming up with their own sneaky off-handish ambushes? The thought is enough to make a drunk dwarf sober," Oghren grunted as he trotted up to them.

"That isn't good," Zevran said as he strolled up to them wiping his blade off before sheathing it.

"As if those bastards talking weren't bad enough, now they are smart enough to plan an ambush," Alistair stated.

Josie half-heartedly listened to the banter as she glanced around the valley and hillside. She reached out through the taint and felt nothing. Not a living thing.

"Where's Loghain?" She asked.

"The last time I saw him, he was fighting a Genlock and two Hurlocks over there," Oghren said as he pointed toward the opposite side of the valley from where Josie and Alistair had been fighting.

She ran up the hill searching for him through both sight and the taint, but saw and felt nothing. She whirled around several times looking for an opening or fissure in the hillside. Then she saw it towards the top of the hill, a slight out cropping of rocks and she raced up the hill. As she neared the opening, she reached out for his taint and this time she felt the faint pulse of his tainted blood.

She drew her swords just as the rest of the group made their way up to her. "They took him," Josie announced.

"Well, is that really a bad thing?" Oghren asked.

"Took him? Why in the Maker's mercy would they take him?" Alistair asked.

"For his blood… his tainted blood, the Architect used Warden's blood to create the talking Darkspawn," Josie explained.

"Looks like the beasts are looking to reopen the conversing, thinking Darkspawn factory," Zevran stated.

"We have to go after him," Josie said.

"That's the craziest thing I ever heard," Alistair replied.

"Which bit? The creating talking Darkspawn from Warden's blood or the going after Loghain?" Zevran asked.

Alistair cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Well both bits actually."

"He's a Warden and as much as I despise the man, I'm not going to let him die at the hands of the Darkspawn. That would make me no better than him. Now let's go," Josie demanded as she walked into the cave opening.

The group cautiously followed Josie as she tracked the pulse of Loghain's taint through the maze of tunnels. When she came to a fork in the road, she paused trying to decide which one to take. She took several steps into the passageway on the left and reached out searching for him, but he felt further away. She turned toward the other cave and his taint felt stronger.

"It's that one," she instructed.

"How do you know that?" Alistair asked.

"His taint… I'm tracking his taint," she replied as she concentrated on the direction of the pulse.

"H-how are you able to do that?"

"I'll explain later, Alistair," Josie replied as her pace began to pick up, the stronger Loghain's taint became.

Moments later, they burst into a small cavern that was occupied by at least eight Darkspawn and an emissary who was standing over an unconscious Loghain. He was strapped down to a table. The fight immediately commenced, but was hampered by the tight confines they were in. Oghren and Alistair struggled to find the room they needed to properly fight, so all they could do was keep the monsters occupied as Josie and Zevran slipped in and out of the shadows taking the beasts out from behind. When the last Hurlock hit the floor, they turned to face the emissary who was now backing up towards the door.

It grinned at Josie. "You're too late. I got what I came for, Commander." It said with a smirk as it held up several large vials of blood. "Not as much as I had hoped for, but it's a start for now. However, it's your blood I really want, Josie."

There were three distinct growls that came from the men standing behind her, but the emissary ignored them as it continued.

"The essence of Urthemiel courses through your veins. He is the one that gives you all of that strength, that keen insight of yours and the ability to distinguish your Wardens' taint. He has made you even more powerful than you know."

"That's bullshit! I had those abilities before I sank my blade into your master," Josie retorted.

"Urthemiel heightened those abilities, Josie," it stated.

"You know my name, but I don't know yours," Josie replied.

It paused as it grinned at her. "They call me the Avenger because I am sworn to kill the Warden that betrayed the Architect and took his life."

"A Darkspawn with a vendetta; what will they come up with next?" Zevran chuckled.

"I feel a special kinship with you. It will sadden me when I have to take your life."

"Who knew they had feelings?" Alistair muttered.

"Perhaps I should call you mother? You see, I was made from your blood. The Architect used your taint to create me. Can't you feel your essence flowing through my veins?"

"The only thing I feel is the need to watch your blood flow upon the floor," she snarled as she lunged toward him, but he was too quick. He whirled out of her reach and started down a dark corridor. Josie raced after him, but Zevran grabbed her by the arm stopping her.

"It's a trap. You know this. He wants you to follow him. We need to get Loghain and get the hell out of here," Zevran demanded.

"He's right, Josie. Don't fight him on his terms," Alistair stated.

Josie gave a nod of consent. "Zevran, unhook those tubes in his arm so we can leave."

As Zevran began to work on Loghain, Josie walked around the small laboratory gathering all of the material and journals that she could find. Once done, with Alistair and Oghren's aid, they carried the unconscious man through the dark tunnels and emerged back to the hillside.

"Alistair and Oghren can you get our horses? We need to carry Loghain as far away from here as possible. I don't want to make camp anywhere near this opening. I wish I had a mage to close that damn thing up," Josie muttered.

"Would you like me to say it now or wait till later, la mia caramella dolce?" Zevran asked.

Josie just glared at him. "Yes, it might be best if I wait till later for the 'I told you so'," Zevran chuckled.

They rode south for an hour before they found a spot near a pond to make camp. The Avenger must have taken more than the three vials of blood, because Loghain was still unconscious when they all sat down to a bowl of stew that Josie had made. When Zevran had examined him, the assassin didn't think that Loghain was poisoned. He believed that Loghain remained catatonic due to the blood loss.

Josie nodded at his assessment then she started to read through the notes and journals that she had confiscated from the laboratory. None of it made sense, parts of it were written in what looked like Dalish and other parts in a language she had never seen.

"Find any useful information from that," Alistair inquired.

"No, I'm going to need to find someone who can transcript this for me. I'll be pissed if it's nothing but a recipe for sweet cakes."

"Just what you need to add to your repertoire, Darkspawn Sweet Cakes," Alistair chuckled.

"I think I'll pass on that," Josie replied with a smile.

Alistair sat down beside her. "I didn't realize when you explained about the talking Darkspawn that they kidnapped Wardens for their blood."

"Yes, that is what happened to all of the Orlesian Wardens that had arrived at Vigil's Keep to help us set-up the new Ferelden stronghold. All of those Wardens simply disappeared."

"That's terrible," Alistair muttered.

"Yes it was. It seems that they will use any Warden's blood if they have to, but they have a fondness for my blood. Aren't I special?"

Alistair hesitated in reply as if debating with himself. He finally said, "The Avenger mentioned the ability to distinguish between Warden's taints. How does that work?"

"Remember when we traveled together, we learned that we could tell the difference between our taint and Darkspawn taint."

Alistair nodded so she continued. "And do you also remember that at times we had this uncanny ability to read each other's emotions."

Again Alistair nodded. "Well, when I arrived at Vigil's Keep and started putting recruits through the Joining, I realized that it wasn't just your taint that I could differentiate from, but it was all Wardens. I also realized that each taint felt slightly different. So I went to Avernus since he was an expert in all things taint related and if anyone could help explain this phenomenon he could. However, he found it just as fascinating as I did."

She paused as she remembered Avenger's exact words and smiled sardonically. "Fucking Darkspawn wasn't lying...Avernus told me that the ability that you and I shared had to be due to the fact that we were the only Grey Wardens left in all of Ferelden so it was easy for us to distinguish between Warden taint and Darkspawn taint. However, he felt that the ability to read other Warden's emotions had to be some kind of effect from slaying the Archdemon and the soul of the old god passing through me before it moved on. Although this was beyond his practical knowledge. He theorized that together we could explore the depths of this ability and learn to use it to our advantage. It took some time, but by working together, we learned to hone in on each other's taints. Once I was able to master my taint and have a clear understanding of his taint, I was able to teach this skill to other Wardens."

"Can you teach me?" Alistair asked.

"Only if you teach me how to mask my taint the way you do?"

Alistair raised an eyebrow and grinned. "You know about that?"

"I could sense you from the moment I arrived in Kirkwall, but then the sensation would quickly disappear. Once I realized it was you I was feeling, I figured you had devised a way to hide your taint."

"Well, it would seem that you weren't the only one who paid good ole Avernus a visit. On my way out of Ferelden, I stopped by Soldier's Peak to pick up a few items that I had left there. I told Avernus that I was worried about other Wardens sensing me if I ran into any, so he showed me how to hide myself for brief periods of time. He told me to imagine drawing my taint inward toward the center of my body and away from my limbs. It took a while, but eventually I was able to master this. I can hold it for short periods, but after a while it begins to burn and I have to let it go."

"Huh? That's fascinating and now I'm going to have to kick Avernus' ass for not telling me about this. That would come in blood handy if you're trying to avoid a horde of Darkspawn."

Alistair laughed. "Don't be too hard on him. I paid him a sodding fortune not to mention to you that he saw me."

"Bloody hell, now I'm really going to kick his ass."

"So how does this whole distinguishing taint work?"

"Well, first you need to lie down."

Alistair did as instructed and stretched out on his bedroll. Josie sat down beside him. "Now close your eyes and concentrate on the taint in your blood."

Josie remained quiet while Alistair focused on his taint. After a few minutes he said that he was ready.

"What does your taint feel like to you?" Josie asked.

"It feels like a slight tremor running through my veins," Alistair said.

Josie smiled. "That's what it feels like to me too."

"Okay, so once again focus on the tremble of your taint then reach out towards me like we use to do when we were trying to sense each other," Josie instructed.

Alistair did as instructed. After a few seconds he said, "I can feel you, but you don't feel any different than you did back then."

"That's okay. Now, while still concentrating on my taint, push out further and try to sense Oghren."

Alistair remained still for a while, absorbed in the sensations that were flooding him then a smile spread across his face. "Yours is like a soft pleasant whistle while Oghren's gurgles."

Josie laughed. "Yes, exactly. Now once you begin to recognize each Warden's different taints, you will be able to feel the fluctuation in the sensation of their taint, depending on their emotional states. Different emotions will cause greater fluctuations. In time, you will learn the difference between anxiety and fear, joy and sadness."

"Wow, this amazing and very handy in battle," Alistair said.

"That isn't all its handy for, from what I hear," Zevran purred as he sat down beside them.

"Shut up, Zev," Josie demanded, but Zevran chuckled as Alistair looked at them questioningly.

"What else?" Alistair asked.

"Nothing… it's just a good way to judge a fellow Warden's emotional state."

"Emotional state… is that what we are calling it now-a-days?" Zevran cooed.

Alistair still had a dumbfounded look so Zevran continued. "How about 'a heightened sense of arousal'? That's more accurate don't you think, my pet?"

"And how would you know any of this, Zev? You're neither a Warden nor a lover of mine?"

"Pillow talk, my dear."

Josie's eyebrows went up. "Whose pillow have you been talking on?"

Zevran grinned at her. "Now you don't think your sexy apostate has been unfaithful to you, do you, my sweet?"

"No!" Josie said a bit louder than she intended. She glanced over at Alistair who was turning red as the realization of what Zevran was referring to dawned on him.

"It was Kai. You girls sure do know how to have some very smutty conversations. I am very pleased that you showed her that thing that you do with your tongue when…"

"Zev, this conversation is over," Josie said as she leapt to her feet yanking him up with her.

"Okay well, I think that concludes today's lesson," Josie said to Alistair. Then as she dragged Zevran off, she whispered, "Remind me to kick your ass tomorrow for that little stunt."

"If that's the only action I can get from you, dolce cuore, I will take it with a smile."

"When I'm through with you, you'll be lucky if you will have the ability to get any action from your hand let alone a dolce cuore."

"I love it when you talk dirty. You know how whips and chains excite me," Zevran purred.

"No…I actually didn't know that, but that explains a lot," Josie replied.

"And what exactly does it explain?"

Josie smacked her hands together loudly then cried out, "Thank you, Mistress Kai. May I have another?"

Zevran burst out laughing then kissed her forehead. "I truly love how your mind works, my pet. It keeps me very entertained."

"Thank you, I'm here all week. Try the mutton and don't forget to tip your bar wenches."

**xxXxx**

The next morning, Loghain was awake, but still very weak. So Josie took Alistair and Oghren with her to clean up the battle sight while Zevran stayed with the lame Warden to offer protection if any trouble should arise. Being two men down, it took them all day to collect and burn the bodies. They would have to spend one more night at camp before heading back to Kirkwall in the morning. Wearily, they dragged themselves into camp and Josie was thrilled that Loghain, not Zevran, had cooked the dinner. The man had many faults, but cooking wasn't one of them. After the hearty meal, Oghren pulled out two bottles of Mackay's epic single malt whiskey.

"Not one, but two bottles. To what do we owe this honor?" Loghain asked.

"I'm going to need the extra alcohol to drown out the smell of burning Darkspawn flesh from my memory," Oghren grunted as he opened one bottle and took a swig.

"Amen brother. Pass that this way," Josie said as she reached for the bottle, took a big swig then a second one before she handed it to Alistair.

Alistair rubbed at his hands. "I think my blisters have blisters," he muttered as he took a large gulp.

Then he handed it to Zevran. "Well at least you didn't have to play man servant to Loghain all day."

"My heart is breaking because of your pain," Josie said sarcastically.

"It should be," Zevran chortled as he took a long sip then waved his arm around. "He had me running all over the damn place gathering herbs, vegetables and other things just so you could have a decent meal when you got home. And what gratitude is shown me? None! Just use me, abuse me, then toss me aside," Zevran said as he feigned outrage.

Josie moved over beside Zevran and put her arm around him. "Aaah, my poor assassin, I didn't realize the dire straits you were in. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"A few wenches to tend to my every whim and desire would be an excellent start," Zevran muttered.

"Done!" Josie said enthusiastically.

A smirk spread across his lips."That's just a start. I'm not done with you yet, my pet."

"Well I can't make it up to you if don't tell me what I can do for you. What else can I do to set right this injustice done to you my trusty friend?"

"Okay, well then I think that you and I should take a trip to the Randy Stag together," Zevran replied.

"Again? Fine, Kat is finally starting to mix my drinks just the way I like them," Josie said.

"That isn't all, I want a chamber pot made of solid gold," Zevran countered.

"Done!" Josie stated.

Oghren looked at the bottle of malt that had just been handed him then back at Josie. "This is some strong shit. I thought I just heard the Commander agree to give Zevran a chamber pot made of solid gold."

"No need to clean the wax out of your ears. That is exactly what she agreed to," Alistair confirmed.

"Well, damn if I had known being Loghain's bitch for the day would earn a pot of solid gold I would have stayed and been his errand boy," Oghren growled.

"I would have been my own bitch if I had known that," Loghain stated matter-of-factly.

Everyone looked stunned by the statement then burst out laughing. "I always knew there was a sense of humor lurking underneath all that malice and hate," Oghren chuckled.

"Yes, well I work hard at suppressing it. It works against my nefarious reputation," Loghain grunted.

Josie glanced over at Alistair; he grinned knowingly at her then gave her a wink.

"What was that about?" Zev inquired.

"What was what about?" Josie asked.

"That exchange between the two of you… it was mysterious and secretive," Zevran replied.

"You know just because you're an assassin doesn't mean you have to know everything about everyone," Alistair interjected.

"It most certainly does. How else am I supposed to protect, my dear Warden," Zevran retorted.

"Zev, it's nothing, really. Once in camp Alistair asked my opinion on all of our companions, when I questioned why he wanted my opinion, he said that he had this _nefarious_ plan to tell everyone all the nasty things I said so he could become the group leader."

"Really? And what exactly did she say about us?" Oghren asked.

Josie smiled an impish grin and winked at Alistair. "Are you sure you really want to know? You might not like what you hear."

Now both Zevran and Oghren sat up and Oghren waved for Zevran to pass him the bottle. "We are grown men, we can take it."

"Just remember you asked for it," Alistair said with a chuckle. "Well… let's see… Oghren she said that she didn't trusted you as far as she could throw you and since she hadn't been in any dwarf throwing contests lately that wasn't too far. She also said that if she found you anywhere near her brandy, she would feed you to the first Hurlock she could find."

Oghren's eyes went wide as his lips moved, but nothing came out. Josie had to bite the side of her mouth to keep from laughing. She took the bottle that Zevran had just handed her and to keep from laughing took a big swig.

"And Zevran she said that she found your accent extremely sexy and that she was having trouble keeping her hands off of you. She said that she had to keep her hands behind her back to keep from pinching that tight ass of yours. She was seriously considering asking you to visit her tent until I gave her that rose and buggered the whole thing up for you. Sorry about that, mate."

A sly grin spread across Zevran's face as he sat-up straight. "I knew it. It's hard to resist my charms and good…"

His speech was interrupted as Josie spit the whiskey out that was in her mouth and began to choke and laugh at the same time. Alistair couldn't control his laughter either and joined in.

"What? You just made that whole thing up!" Zevran exclaimed.

Not able to speak from laughing so hard, both Alistair and Josie just nodded.

"Maker's arse that has to be…well to be honest, that was pretty damn good," Zevran conceded.

"Oh Z-zev….if you could…h-have seen your face…that was priceless," Josie said as she gasped for air.

"It wasn't nearly as funny as Oghren's lips moving like he was a fish out of water," Loghain grunted.

"So what did you actually say?" Zevran asked.

"I believe what I actually said was that despite Oghren's choice of cologne which I believe is O'de Ale Toilette that I found his brash manner and crude jokes refreshing and that anyone that could swing an axe as skillfully as he could was welcome to travel with me."

Josie looked over at Alistair. He nodded. "Yep, that pretty much sums it up."

She looked over at Oghren whose face had turned bright red. She smiled at him. "Are you blushing, my stout friend?"

"What? No… it must be the heat from the fire," the dwarf stammered as he backed away from the flames.

"Oh okay…well be careful. Wouldn't want you to be overcome by heat exhaustion and fall into the fire," Josie chuckled.

"Well what else did you say?" Zevran asked trying to steer the conversation back.

"Oh yeah, well I said that I thought Leliana was very pretty and crazy, but not in a stabbity stab psycho way…"

"I don't care what you thought about Lel," Zevran interrupted.

"Was there someone in particular you wanted to hear about," Josie cooed.

"Now you're just being cruel," Zevran retorted.

"Oh you wanted to hear what I thought about you…hmm, let's see…Zev, I thought you were very interesting and funny. Even though you tried to kill me, once you had sworn your oath to me I believed you would have died trying to protect me…"

"I still would," Zevran mumbled.

Josie reached over and grasped his hand. "I know you would as I would for you. I also told Alistair that I felt an immediate connection with you and that I thought we would be lifelong friends."

Zevran looked over at Alistair. He nodded to confirm her statement. Zevran smiled at Josie as he slid his arm around her shoulder. "I felt the same way and still do."

"I know," she said as she rested her head against her best friend's shoulder. She looked across the fire at Alistair. It was good to see him smiling and laughing again. He had been so quite at the Estate; not the happy, easygoing man that he had been when they were traveling together… but she guessed that it was to be expected. A lot had happened to both of them since then and both of them were trying to adjust to being around the other. If he was going to remain with the Wardens, she was going to have to come to terms with their past and find a way to forgive him. She knew that he needed her to do so that he could move on, and she needed it too so that she could find peace. He was trying, in his words and actions, he was trying to set things right and to be honest, watching his attempts to make amends had softened her heart towards him more than his words ever could.

She had enjoyed joking around with him as they retold that story and for a while it was easy to pretend that they were back in camp during their Blight travels…laughing, joking and having fun with their companions… their friends. She hoped that this was the first few steps needed to rebuild their trust and friendship. Alistair looked up and caught her staring at him. He smiled and tilted his bottle toward her as a sign of camaraderie. She acknowledged the gesture by tilting hers back at him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Italian refresher course - la mia caramella dolce_ – _my sweet candy and dolce cuore – sweetheart**

***Thank you everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face.**

***I want to take a moment to acknowledge not just a wonderful beta, but an awesome friend. Jinx, thanks for all the little things you do from letting me vent, to trusting me enough to tell me what's bothering you, for being honest with me when I really needed you to be and for understanding that I could never write a long enough A/N to express how much mean to me. Thank you for all that you do. **

***My beta and friend, Jinx, is taking a much needed break from beta-ing and the fantabulous Bonkzy has agreed to step in for her. Thank you so much for your help, my friend. I really appreciate it and as always you are going a smashing job. **


	12. Chapter 12 Basket Case

**Warning – This chapter contains spoilers from Dragon Age II Legacy.**

**Chapter 12 – Basket Case**

"Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once

I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up. Am I just paranoid? Am I just stoned?"

_Basket Case by Green Day_

As Anders walked through the door of the Estate all he could think about was pulling Josie back into his arms and taking comfort in her. This trip with Hawke had been hell. Hearing that damn Magister in his head and through his taint had almost driven him mad, but losing control to Justice had made him grateful that Josie hadn't been there to witness that. He didn't think he would be able to stand seeing the disappointment or worse fear in her eyes, but now he needed her. He needed to take solace in her loving embrace, drown the memory of the violation in the scent of her skin and purify his soul by worshiping her body with his.

Nate walked out of the kitchen stuffing nearly half a sandwich into his mouth. He waved at Anders then started toward Josie's office.

"Is Josie in her office?" Anders asked.

Nate shook his head no.

"Is she in the practice ring?" Anders inquired with a note of desperation slipping in.

Nate shook his head no again as he tried to swallow.

"Well bloody hell where is she? Spit it out, man."

"G-gone…" Nate started to choke out as he tried to swallow.

"Gone? Gone where?" Anders felt a sudden unexplained panic begin to well up in the pit of stomach.

Nate gulped hard. "D-darkspawn attack just outside the city. She went to investigate."

"Why aren't you with her?" Anders asked as his irritation grew.

"A Templar contracted Blight sickness so I stayed to put him through the joining while she went to examine the site," Nate explained.

"But you need a mage for the joining… shit, she went to investigate a Darkspawn attack site without having a mage with her," Anders growled.

"Anders, she had to go. It couldn't wait because it was too close to the city. She should be home anytime now. I actually expected her home yesterday."

Anders felt an unexplainable panic move up from his stomach to his heart as an icy cold fear gripped it. "So she is late and no one has heard from her."

"Anders, you really need to get a hold of yourself. She has been late before. Things happen out in the field that you can't plan for. You know this. You're going to make yourself sick every time she walks out the door if you don't control this and have faith in her abilities."

Anders nodded his head. "I know… I just really needed to see her and I wasn't expecting to not find her here when I got back."

Nate's eyes narrowed as he studied Anders. "Rough mission?"

"That's putting it mildly…" Anders stopped midsentence as the front door burst open and Josie's laughter could be heard throughout the house.

Anders headed toward the living room, but stopped short when he saw Josie doubled over laughing so hard she had to grip Alistair's arm for support. "Oh… damn… the look on Morrigan's face… when she came storming out of her tent after Strider had left those filthy pantaloons on her pillow…"

Zevran came up beside them and rested his hand on Josie's back as he too tried to catch his breath. "But I fell off my log and almost into the fire when she said, 'By all that is holy,' and Alistair matter-of-factly interrupted her tirade by saying, 'And what would you know about anything holy?' Maker I thought for sure she was going to turn you into toad right then and there."

Josie nodded as a new round of laughter overtook her. "I-I didn't know a person's face could turn that shade of red."

"B-but the best part was when Oghren nonchalantly walked by, grabbed the pantaloons out of her hand, wiped his mouth with it then put them back in her hands and causally walked away as if nothing unusual was going on," Alistair stammered.

"Oh shit, I forgot about that part," Josie said as she wiped the tears from laughing from her eyes. She looked up at Anders and grinned. He smiled back as he tried to force his jealousy down. She loved him; she was with him… but damn it sure looked like she and Alistair had gotten over that awkward _getting reacquainted_ stage. He had hoped that stage would have lasted a little longer… like a millennium.

Without hesitating, she raced across the room, leapt into his arms and kissed him like she hadn't seen him months. That simple action instantly reassured him that all of his fears were unfounded and that he was just being paranoid. There were a few coughs and whistles from the onlookers. She eventually pulled away and he asked with a grin, "Miss me?"

"Only as much as you missed me," she replied.

"Somehow I doubt that," Anders mumbled as he kissed the top of her head and looked across the room at the Templar who was looking visibly uncomfortable.

"Good," Anders thought. He was tired of always having to reign in his feelings for Josie because it might upset Alistair's fragile state of mind. He didn't look so frail a few minutes ago when Josie was clinging to him for support.

"How did things go with Hawke?" Josie asked.

"Oh fine, we found out his father was kidnapped by the Wardens and forced to use blood magic to reinforce a magical prison that housed one of the first Tevinter Magister who entered the Golden City. When his prison collapsed, a big battle ensued and we killed him," Anders explained matter-of-factly.

"Huh? So it was a slow day for you on the job," Josie replied nonchalantly.

"Pretty much, and you?" Anders asked.

"Oh, same old, same old, Darkspawn fighting each other and killing a few Templars in the process then they kidnapped Loghain for his tainted blood, nearly drained him. However, I did meet a very nice Darkspawn by the name of the Avenger who has sworn to kill me and wants my blood… oh and as it turns out the Avenger wants to call me mum because it was my blood that the Architect used to create him," Josie said causally.

"Sooo we have a vengeful Darkspawn with a mommy complex... pretty much status quo then," Anders replied causally.

"Yep, pretty much."

"Aaah, if the two of you are done with your briefing reports there is some Warden business I need to discuss with you, Jo," Nate said.

"Can I get cleaned up first or does this require me to look like something an Archdemon dragged in?"

"Well if you want to scare the shit out of your new recruit, you can see him as you are?"

Josie smiled. "So he made it?"

"Yep and he is thrilled with the newly acquired dreams he has been having," Nate replied. "However, I believe a pep talk from his Commanding Officer might help with his adjustment."

"I'll be there shortly, let me get cleaned up and changed."

"Who did you recruit?" Anders asked.

"A Templar, by the name of Caron. Do you know him?" Josie asked.

"Yes, he is a good man. He will make a good Warden."

"Great," Josie said as she leaned in, kissed him again then whispered, "I really did miss you and the time away gave me all kinds of thoughts…"

Anders pulled away and looked at her inquisitively. "What kind of thoughts?"

"Naughty ones," she whispered back before she kissed him quickly then darted up the stairs. Anders couldn't stop the mischievous grin that spread across his lips.

"You need to stop smiling like the cat that just ate the canary," Zevran said from behind him.

"Sorry… I just can't help myself," Anders muttered.

"Like I said before, pussy whipped," Alistair grunted.

"Oh like you weren't... and if you're going to be whipped my friend, that is the best thing to be whipped by," Zevran chortled.

"You look like a man that could use a drink," Nate said.

Alistair nodded. "Yes, it's been a long day."

"Follow me, I have just the thing," Nate said.

"It isn't Oghren's special brew is it?" Alistair asked.

"No, I only offer that to people I don't like," Nate stated.

Alistair raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Good to know."

Being home and knowing that she was safe lifted a weight off of his shoulders and the weariness from his excursion washed over him. He went in search of Giles to request a hot bath and a bottle of wine be sent to their room.

An hour later he slid into the steamy hot water with a glass of wine in his hand. The heat from the water immediately soothed and relaxed him as he slipped deep into the water. Every one of his muscles ached despite the rejuvenation spell he had cast, but it was his head that hurt the most as Justice ranted about Josie and the distraction she was causing to their mission… _Their mission –_ Anders was struggling with the direction that Justice was insisting that they head. On the way home from their trip with Hawke, Justice realized that their manifesto had failed and that the Grand Cleric would never side with the mages, had devised their current plan of action. Anders knew that change needed to occur, the current situation was unacceptable and that it would take an extreme act to wake the society that they lived out of the stupor they were in.

However, what Justice was proposing it frightened him. If they went down this path Anders would lose everything. He was willing to sacrifice it all including his life if it changed the future for all mages, but what was killing him was the pain that his actions would bring Josie. He loved her so much. The last thing he wanted to do was bring more pain into her life and that is exactly what would happen if he followed the course of action that Justice was proposing. Justice raged that the pain of one person was nothing compared to the pain that thousands of mages experienced every day, but Anders didn't know thousands mages and their pain. He only knew of the woman that had saved him over and over again, the woman that loved him deeply, the woman that had given herself to him freely and he knew what this betrayal would do to her. She had experienced treachery from too many people who were supposed to be loyal friends and devoted lovers. Anders truly feared this action would break her and that thought terrified him.

Anders cast another rejuvenation spell. This time both his body and mind completely relaxed and he drifted off to sleep. He was pulled out of his dream by a tickling at his nose. He rubbed at it and brushed what felt like a feather away. He groggily opened his eyes only to have his vision blocked by a feather duster. He pushed it aside to reveal Josie standing at the side of the tub in a sexy Orlesian maid's outfit. His eyes followed the path up her long lean legs that were covered with black stockings that attached to a barely visible garter belt that was under the very short black skirt and white petticoat. The bodice of the outfit was a tight black corset that was very low cut revealing the tops of her breasts.

"Andraste's sweet ass, if this is the kind of thoughts you have when we are apart, you need to go away more often," Anders sighed. Despite the chill that the water now had his groin reacted immediately to the vision in front of him and he was instantly hard.

"Messere, I do not know what you speak of. I am here to only offer you turn down service," Josie replied in a flawless Orlesian accent.

"Just as long as you don't turn down my services," Anders said as he reached for her, but she stepped back and out of his reach.

"Messere, I'm shocked at your behaviour. I'm not that type of girl," she said with feigned outrage as she continued the charade.

"I haven't met a woman alive that is able to resist my charm, and I don't think you will be able to resist for too long," Anders cooed as he got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around his waist.

Josie plucked a cherry out of the bowl that was on the table beside the tub and slowly sucked it into her mouth. Anders gulped and it was loud enough for Josie to hear. She grinned mischievously at him.

"I do believe, Messere, that it will be _you_ who is unable to resist my charms," she purred.

"Mademoiselle, let's test that theory, shall we? We can see who gives in first," Anders said as he advanced toward her.

Josie raised an eyebrow as she took a step back from him, "And what is it that you propose, good Ser?"

"The first one to break down and touch the other wins," Anders stated.

"And what will I win, Messere," Josie sighed breathlessly.

Anders grinned at her. "IF you win, I am yours to do whatever your heart desires, but if I win you are mine," he growled.

"Well then, mon esclave sexuel, maybe you should have a seat," Josie said as she gestured to the chair near her desk.

Anders raised an eyebrow and grinned, "Your sex slave, huh? We will see about that mon sexe petit chaton."

She smiled seductively, her hips began to seductively sway back and forth as her hands slid up and down her thighs then she turned, bent over revealing the lacy panties underneath. She rocked her bottom back and forth slowly, enticingly as she bewitchingly unhooked the garters on the stockings and gradually rolled them down her leg.

"Maker's breath, woman" Anders sighed then added, "Good girl, my ass. Where did a nobleman's daughter learn that?"

"A very imaginative mage helped fulfill a fantasy of mine," Josie purred.

"Thank the Maker for creative mages," Anders growled as Josie glided backwards toward him, her perfect bottom so close he could squeeze it, but he gripped the side of the chair to keep himself from touching her.

She spun to face him, her body still swaying back and forth as her hands slid up her torso and she nimbly began to undo the laces on the corset. Unconsciously he licked his lips, she grinned at him as the corset came free and slid to the ground.

"Does Mesere see something he would like to taste?" She purred as she bent over him, not touching him, but her beautiful bare breasts only inches away from his mouth. He needed to distract her if he was going to have prayer of winning.

He gathered the magic in his hand then he slowly sent the vibration straight to her core. He watched with satisfaction as her gorgeous face registered the pleasure that was now coursing through her and her eyes darkened with hunger.

"That's cheating," she hissed.

"Really? And nearly pressing your breasts into my mouth isn't?" Anders said as he began to move to get up, forcing her to back away to keep from touching him. He grinned. He had her. He stepped toward her and she stepped back. He took another step forward and she took one back. He kept advancing on her until he had her backed up against the wall then he planted his hand on either side of her head. His face was mere inches from hers and he could feel her warm breath on his face and smell her alluring scent. He slid his hand down the wall toward her pelvis. Still not touching her he sent another vibration through her. She trembled against the wall, but she still had enough clarity of mind not to touch him.

"I can go all night, Phine. I keep you here, writhing against this wall until you are begging to touch me," Anders murmured close to her ear and to emphasize his point, he sent another pulse through her, making her cry out.

When her eyes came back into focus, a sly grin spread across her face as she slid past his arms and down the wall. Without touching him she pulled the towel off and his raging erection was now only inches from her mouth. He felt her hot breath against the sensitive tip making him shudder with desire. He imagined her silky mouth taking him in, licking him, sucking him and he growled. He looked down at her, she smiled as her eyes caught his then she slid her tongue out so that it was so close, he could feel the heat that radiated from it. She moved her tongue in a circular motion as she pretended lick around the tip of his erection and that was what he sent him over the edge. His fingers entwined in her hair as his hips surged forward into the sanctuary of her mouth and he groaned as her warmth enveloped him.

She pulled back briefly and grinned up at him. "What was that you were saying about going all night?"

He grabbed her hair and pushed back into her. "Oh... fuck… you win Phine… just don't stop," he moaned and she didn't. The rest of the night she did whatever her heart desired to him and he willingly obliged until they were both sated and exhausted.

She now slept peacefully in his arms. He loved her so much and his heart ached for her. She was the one person that had calmed the spirit inside him and allowed him to feel like who he once was. She had brought peace and comfort back to his life. How could Justice ask him to do this to her? He knew the Spirit cared about her too, but as the battle raged on his mind tears slipped down his cheeks as he slowly came to terms with what he had to do and what it would do to her.

Anders woke the following morning and in the haze of sleep, reached for her only to find her side of the bed empty. She had probably gotten up early to train before breakfast. He quickly washed up, brushed his teeth, got dressed and headed down to breakfast. He found everyone already there except for Josie.

He fixed a cup of tea, grabbed a biscuit then headed for her office. He walked in to find Josie and Hawke watching Merrill intensely as the tiny elf studied what looked like a tattered journal. Anders entered quietly and took a seat beside Josie.

"You are correct, Josie, this is Dalish, but the entire journal is written in Dalish. The part that you didn't recognize is ancient Dalish which hasn't been written or spoken in a thousand years. Most elves wouldn't even recognize it, but the Keeper had several old books written in this language and I studied them when I was doing some research," Merrill explained.

"Can you translate it for me?" Josie asked.

"Yes, the part that is written in today's modern language will be no problem, but the ancient language I will need to review a key before I can give you an accurate translation. I can tell you that it mentions Asha'belannar numerous times…"

"Who or what is Asha'belannar?" Josie asked.

"You would know her as the Witch of the wilds," Merrill stated.

"Flemeth… the darkspawn are talking about Flemeth?" Merrill nodded. "But why?"

"I believe that is what is written in the ancient language, but it mentions tracking her movements," Merrill replied.

Josie's face turned white as a sheet and she swallowed hard. She looked up at Merrill with desperation in her eyes. "Merrill, I know you're busy…I'm sure Hawke keeps you busy, but it's imperative that I know why they are tracking Flemeth."

Sensing the Commander's anxiety, Merrill nodded. "I will start working on this right away."

"Thank you," Josie replied gratefully.

Both Hawke and Merrill stood; they said their good-byes then headed out the door. When they had left, Anders turned toward Josie. She was hunched over her desk, her arms supporting her weight as her head hung down. She was visibly shaking. He walked over to her; he ran his hands up and down her arms trying to calm her.

"Jo, why does this news have you so upset?"

She didn't reply she, just stood there trembling. "Does this have something to do with why you lived even though you were the one that killed the Archdemon?"

Josie nodded. "Yes… I'm afraid it might."

"How? How can Flemeth have anything to do with that?"

Josie slowly shook her head as she worked out this latest dose of information.

"Josie, why are you still alive?" Anders asked.

"I too would like to know that," Alistair said from behind them.

Both of them turned to see him standing in the doorway. "This was a private conversation," Anders said as he stared at the templar.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eaves drop, but I walked in on the end of your conversation," Alistair said as he stepped into the room. "But I want to know too... if you're willing to tell us."

Josie let out a long sigh then she gestured toward the chairs near the fire. She poured each of them a glass of brandy then took a seat.

Anders looked at the glass, set it down on the table then looked back at Josie. "It's not even Noon yet."

"Well, if you aren't going to drink it, I will. I'm going to need it after I'm through with this tale," Josie said as she took a sip then began the story.

"The night before we were to march out for the final battle, Riordan told us why it had to be a Warden to kill the Archdemon… both Loghain and I were stunned, but not completely shocked. I think I knew on some deeper level I knew it could only be a Warden. If anyone could kill the damn thing, it would kind of make us obsolete, but hearing it spoken out loud made it all seem so real… one or all of us in that room would be dead in just a few days." Josie paused to collect her thoughts then she took another sip of brandy before she continued.

"When I arrived back in my room, Morrigan was waiting for me. She told me that there was a ritual that she could perform that would ensure that whoever delivered the killing blow would live."

"I've never heard of any kind of magic ritual that had that kind of power," Anders stated.

"It was very old magic… blood magic… Flemeth is very old and has lifetimes of experience in magic. Morrigan got the ritual from her."

"How does this ritual work?" Alistair asked.

"Morrigan would sleep with Loghain, creating a child in the process. The taint from the Warden would lure the Archemon's soul into the unborn child…"

"What? That crazy bitch!" Alistair bellowed.

Josie chuckled. "That was pretty much my reaction. I told her that there was no way I was about to agree to bring a Darkspawn child into this world. She assured me that the child would not be a Darkspawn, that the child would survive and that it would possess the soul of an Old God that would be free from the Darkspawn corruption. I turned her down… I just couldn't risk bringing an unknown being into this world."

"Damn straight! You can't trust a word that comes out that witch's mouth. You did the right thing Jo," Alistair said indignantly.

Anders watched Josie's lips twitch as Alistair overlooked the obvious, but she let it go as she continued.

"Morrigan went against my wishes. She went behind my back to Loghain and made him the same offer. Which of course being the selfish bastard that he is, he accepted not having any idea what the consequences for his action would be."

"That son of a bitch," Alistair interrupted and Anders' anger began to grow. Was he so slow that he didn't realize that Josie willingly made herself the sacrifice?

Josie just hung her head as she continued. "When I delivered the killing blow I honestly believed I would die in the process of ending the Blight… something I was very willing to do if it meant saving humanity. The moment that I woke up in the palace I knew… I knew what he had done."

"Wait… Jo… I thought… I thought you intended for Loghain to be the one make the killing blow as justice for his action…" Alistair paused trying to collect himself. "You intended all along to be the one to kill the Archdemon… knowing it would kill you…Why?"

Josie remained silent. She just sat there with her head hung, unable to speak.

"Why Jo?" Alistair prompted again.

"Are you that bloody stupid, man? Or is it your ego that wants to hear her say it?" Anders exclaimed, completely outraged at the man's insensitivity.

At least the man had the decency to blush as the realization of why she would want to die dawned on him. "I… I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking… I… I just wasn't thinking. Oh Jo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be cold or heartless," Alistair stammered.

Wanting to change the subject, Anders asked, "I don't understand how this has anything to do with the Darkspawn or Flemeth."

"Alistair, do you remember what Morrigan discovered when she had read Flemeth's grimoire?" Josie asked.

Alistair nodded then his eyes widened as he realized where this story was headed. "Yes… holy shit… does that mean that Flemeth has already possessed the child?"

"I doubt she would possess the child at this age. She would not want to fall under Morrigan's authority. More than likely, she…"

"Would someone tell me what the bloody hell the two of you are going on about?" Anders demanded.

"During our travels, we discovered Flemeth's grimoire at the Circle. It was revealed that Flemeth is indeed a very old woman. She has had many daughters and when they become old enough, she possesses their bodies so that she can continue to live on in them," Josie explained.

"Maker's balls… that's insane," Anders stuttered.

"You met her. She is a few mages short of a Circle," Josie said matter-of-factly.

"But to possess her daughters? T-that's just… crazy," Anders said again as he tried to get his head around what they were saying. "And you think she has tracked down Morrigan to take the child?"

"Or she is trying to find her. I know Flemeth didn't teach Morrigan all of her tricks, but Morrigan is no fool. If there is a way for her to conceal herself and her child, she would find it," Josie said.

"Then why are the Darkspawn tracking Flemeth?" Anders asked.

"That is a very good question and one that we quickly need to find an answer for," Josie replied as she stood up and looked at the map that had all of the pins marking the Darkspawn battle fields."

Both Alistair and Anders joined her and studied the map. The attacks had originated in Ferelden in the Frostback Mountains shortly after the Blight had ended, but they had quickly crossed over to the Walking Sea into the Free Marches and on the border of Orlais. Anders bent over and noticed one of the pins was not far from where the Dalish camp was when Hawke had brought the pendent to the Keeper.

"If Flemeth had the child she would take the child far away from here, but the fact that she has remained relatively in the same area tells me that she hasn't found Morrigan or the child yet," Josie said.

"I believe that's a safe assumption," Anders said.

"So the real question is, are the Darkspawn tracking Flemeth or are they actually trying to find the Old God that is in the child," Alistair said.

Anders raised an eyebrow in stunned admiration. Alistair furrowed his eyebrows. "What? I do have a brain. I don't always use it, but it does occasionally function," Alistair said with a grin.

Josie smiled at him. "Yes, that is a good question and here is another. Why are the Darkspawn fighting amongst themselves? Are they once again warring about pursuing the Old God or is there a reason that we have yet to discover?"

Anders looked over at Josie as grief began to consume him. He wouldn't be here to help fight this new war with her. He wouldn't be by her side to keep her safe and heal her from her injuries. He glanced over at Alistair, who was staring at Josie with admiration, awe and what looked like love. Anders wouldn't be there for her, but he would. Alistair would keep her safe. Alistair would protect her and that brought Anders comfort. As strange as that may be, Anders knew in his heart that Josie would be okay...in every way. Alistair would see to it and in that moment, Anders developed a new found respect for the Templar.

**A/N – Your French lesson for the day Mon sexe petit chaton – my little sex kitten.**

*** A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***Last, but never least I would like to thank Beta Guru Bonzy for her mad beta skills, for her friendship and support. You're the best!**


	13. Chapter 13 Everyday People

**Chapter 13 – Everyday People**

"Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong, my own beliefs are in my song  
>The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then makes no difference what group I'm in<br>I am everyday people, yeah yeah  
>There is a blue one who can't accept the green one for living with a fat one trying to be a skinny one<br>And different strokes for different folks and so on and so on and

Scooby dooby doo-bee oh sha sha - we got to live together  
>I am no better and neither are you, we are the same whatever we do<br>You love me you hate me you know me and then you can't figure out the bag l'm in

I am everyday people, yeah yeah"

_Everyday People by Sly and the Family Stone_

Alistair wanted to kick himself for being such an ass. He hadn't meant to sound callous or uncaring. He honestly was in shock that Josie would willingly kill the Archdemon when all she had to do was order Loghain to do it. He couldn't believe that his leaving her had caused her so much pain that she wanted to die. He looked over at her as she studied the map and talked about the attack spots. He desperately wanted to pull her into his arm, beg for her forgiveness and tell her that he would somehow make up for all the pain that he had caused her.

Alistair felt the mage's eyes on him. He expected to see Anders glaring at him when his eyes met the apostate's. Instead what he did see shocked him. If he didn't know any better, Alistair saw resignation and defeat; but why? Anders was with Josie and it was plain to everyone that she was deeply in love with him. Yes, Alistair and Josie had come to some unspoken truce and had once again found their mutual respect and esteem for one another, but they were by no means romantically interested in each other… at least on Josie's part.

After Josie ended the meeting, Alistair hesitated near her desk, needing to clear the air with her.

"Is there something you needed, Alistair?" She asked.

"Can I talk to you privately for a moment?" Alistair replied.

"Of course." She turned to the mage, "Anders, can you let Nate know that I want to meet with all of the Wardens in the Commons Room in a half an hour?"

Anders nodded then headed out the door, leaving it open. Alistair smirked and slowly shook his head. What did Anders think he was going to do, throw Josie on top of her desk and have his way with her?

Josie walked over and closed the door to her office. She took a seat behind her desk and gestured for him to take the one across from her; a signal that she was all business.

"Jo… I need you to know that I didn't mean to be insensitive… I was just so focused on Loghain b-betraying you…" Alistair stuttered, knowing that he had done the same thing, but worse because he had claimed to love her. He finally realized that it was because of his betrayal that she freely and eagerly had been willing to give her life. He thought that when he had found out the truth about why it had to be a Grey Warden, he had hit bottom… he had been wrong. Finding out that she had wanted to commit suicide by Archdemon was the new low. He had taken a once vibrant, brilliant woman and had broken her to the point that she welcomed death. Tears stung his eyes when he realized how close he had come to losing her and he thanked the Maker that Loghain had gone behind her back.

"Josie… words can't express how sorry I am for all the pain that I have caused you. I know you don't believe me and you have every right not to, but I promise I will somehow make this up to you."

Josie was silent for a long moment before she spoke. "Alistair, you don't have to make anything up to me. You felt that I betrayed…"

"I was a fool. I allowed my anger… my need for vengeance to dictate my behavior when I should have known better… after traveling with you for a year… I should have trusted you… trusted in us, in your love for me and should have known that you would never do anything to purposely hurt me… I-I'm so sorry, Jo. I don't deserve the kindest you have shown me and I don't deserve your f-forgiveness." Alistair said as his voice finally broke and he buried his head in his hands.

He felt soft warm hands gently touch his arms. He looked and saw Josie kneeling before him. She smiled at him in such a tender way that it broke his heart. "We all deserve forgiveness and you deserve mine. I do forgive you, Alistair…I too am sorry…"

"What the bloody hell do you have to be sorry for, Jo?"

"I shouldn't have just assumed that you would follow my lead… my wishes blindly about something that had been so important to you. I should have made a better effort to explain to you, why I thought we should do this… and if you still had disagreed, I should have understood that Loghain's betrayal was asking too much of you to accept… I should have let you kill Loghain."

Alistair grasped her hands in his. "NO! Don't ever compromise your principles for me. You were right in your decision. Riordan was trying to save both of us by offering Loghain to us on a silver platter and I was too pigheaded to see it." Alistair stared at her long elegant fingers clasped in his. He affectionately ran his thumb over the top of her hand. It wasn't right that she was beating herself up over making the right decision. "Jo, you have nothing to apologize for. You followed your instincts and you were correct. I was wrong. But I swear to you… on my life, I will make this up to you and the next time I will be by your side."

She smiled that radiant smile of hers and his heart nearly stopped in his chest. "Planning on us facing an Archdemon sometime in the near future, are you?"

He looked into her beautiful face. Maker, he loved her, he always would and he would spend the rest of his life proving that or die trying. He stood up and pulled her to her feet.

"Maker, I hope not," he said with a smile. Then he bent down on one knee and took her right hand in both of his. "But whatever is coming, whatever we are about to face, I swear my loyalty and life to you." Then he kissed the top of her hand. He looked up and saw tears swimming in her eyes.

"I-I don't know what to say," she stammered.

Alistair stood. "You don't have to say anything. I just needed you to know."

"Thank you… your oath means a lot."

Before he could reply there was a knock at the door. Josie wiped her eyes then called out for the person to enter. Giles glided in, "My Commander, this just arrived for you." Giles handed her a letter. She looked at the seal and smiled.

"Thank you, Giles."

"It's Jeeves, my Commander."

Josie raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, I decided if you can't beat them you might as well join them," the butler replied.

"Okay and I was just getting used to calling you Giles again," Josie said with a grin.

"Nate also wanted me to remind you that you are now ten minutes late for your meeting in the Commons Room."

"Tell him I am on my way." Josie replied as she opened the sealed letter.

"Yes, my Commander."

"I should be heading there too," Alistair said.

"Hold on a minute. I believe you are going to want to see this," Josie said as she handed him the parchment.

Alistair's mouth fell open as he read the decree.

"_By the authority invested in me by the citizens of Ferelden, I, Anora Theirin, Queen of Ferelden, hereby lift the expulsion and bounty that has been placed on Alistair Theirin. Ser Theirin is free to enter the country of Ferelden without fear of retribution. This proclamation will go into effect immediately." _

Alistair read it three times and he still couldn't believe his eyes. "Holy shit… you did it, Jo… I can't believe you did it. You're a miracle worker."

"I tell her that all the time," Anders said from the doorway.

They both looked up at him. "Sorry to intrude, but the natives are getting restless."

"I'm coming," Josie said as she headed out the door. Alistair followed them out, grinning from ear to ear.

Anders slid his arm around Josie's waist, leaned in and whispered, "Is everything alright?"

She nodded.

They entered the commons room. Anders and Alistair took a seat while Josie strolled to the front of the room. Alistair noticed four Wardens seated in a corner in the back of the room. Their armor was blue and silver so they must have been Orlesian Wardens. A pretty strawberry blond with striking green eyes wore the emblem of the Warden-Commander on her left shoulder. She saw Alistair looking at her and she smiled warmly at him. Alistair smiled back then directed his attention back to Josie.

"As you can see we have a few visitors here with us today. Weisshaupt, in their infinite wisdom, has decided that for our next venture into the Deep Roads that the Orlesian Grey Wardens should join us. So while we make preparations for the trip, they will be staying here at the estate since we have plenty of room. I wanted to make sure that you show them your Ferelden hospitality and make your brothers and sisters in arms feel welcome," Josie instructed.

Zevran eyed the Orlesian beauties and grinned. "Oh, I don't believe it will be a problem making our honored guests feel welcomed."

Josie ignored the undertones of Zevran's comments and continued. "Let me introduce the Orlesian Warden-Commander, Leonie Caron, who will introduce her Wardens."

Leonie gracefully stood up and glided to the front of the room. The Orlesian Warden-Commander was tall and slender, and when she stood beside Josie it was easy to see just how tall Leonie truly was as she towered over the Ferelden Commander. Josie was very petite which made her an extremely agile and quick rogue, but because she was so tiny, whenever Alistair had kissed her he always had to bend down to her or scoop her into his arms. Leonie had to be only a few inches shorter than him which would make her very capable and accomplished warrior.

"First let me thank Josie for graciously offering us a beautiful place to stay so that we can prepare for this joint venture into the Deep Roads. Your hospitality and generosity is much appreciated," Leonie said in alluring Orlesian accent.

"Anything for our brothers and sisters," Josie replied.

Leonie smiled then continued. "Let me introduce my Wardens. My second in command is the lovely mage, Bethany Hawke." A young attractive girl with long dark tresses stood. Alistair saw Anders smile and wave at her and she smiled and waved back. She must be Hawke's little sister.

"The warrior beside her is Reve Gillette." A man with short black hair and roughish good-looks stood. There was an air of cockiness about him that immediately made Alistair uncomfortable and not trust him.

"The strapping rogue beside him is John-Paul Bouvier."

The handsome rogue stood, grinned impishly at everyone then bowed, his long blond hair falling into his face. "I see that Maker is once again smiling on me as he has placed me under the command of not just one beautiful lady, but two exquisite beauties."

Oghren chuckled and whispered. "Better watch out, Zev. I do believe your title of Shameless Kiss Ass and Brazen Charmer is about to be challenged."

"You call that a challenge? Pleeease! He still needs to learn things that I've forgotten already. I will probably have to teach him as well," Zevran retorted.

"Oooo, but look at all that long blond hair and his handsome face. He can brazenly charm me out of my smalls any day," Kai murmured.

"Been there, done that!" Zevran smiled.

"Oh, we know. We heard... as did the rest of the estate," Oghren grunted.

"Yes... too bad you couldn't keep up, but I've heard tales of Orlesian lovers and with all that Grey Warden stamina. Mmmm," Kai sighed dreamily.

"Oh, Please. I'll be able to go all night and run circles around him in the morning. You won't get any better than me, dear Kai. I assure you," Zevran reassured.

"Well, except for me," Anders said with an impish grin. "But I'm already spoken for."

"Yes, Isabela told me all about that electricity thing you do, Anders. That really… peaked my interest. If Josie was more adventurous or at least willing to share, we would find out just how good you are," Zevran chortled.

"Zev, in your wildest fantasize that you have had of Josie, I can guarantee, doesn't even come close to how truly adventurous she is. And what can I say, I'm a selfish man, I don't like to share," Anders said with a smug grin as Zevran's mouth dropped open.

"Maker have mercy, with the size of your egos, I almost mistaken you lot for the Orlesian Wardens," Alistair hissed.

"And I do believe that you have had the pleasure of meeting Tryce Stroud." A tall man with short dark hair and a mustache stood up. Alistair looked back at Josie and watched her body immediately tense up. She quickly composed herself then she introduced all of the Ferelden Wardens. Once everyone had taken their seats Josie stepped forward again to speak.

"Leonie and I discussed this earlier and decided that beside a sparring ring the best way to get to know each other is by sharing a few pints of ale. So please join us at the Hanged Man tonight at eight o'clock. Drinks are on us," Josie stated to round of cheers.

Josie waved Giles up to the front of the room. "Giles has conceded the battle and has agreed to be called Jeeves. That being said, Jeeves formally known as Giles would be delighted to show our Orlesian guests to their rooms."

Everyone stood up to leave. Leonie, Josie and Jeeves waited for the Orlesian Wardens to make their way up to them.

Nate walked past them. "Thanks Giles," he muttered.

"Thanks Giles," Oghren chuckled as he walked out.

"You're the best, Giles," Kai said with a grin.

And as each of her Wardens filed out of the room they addressed the butler as Giles. Josie's eyes narrowed as she watched his mouth twitch as he suppressed a grin. Once they had all left, Josie slid her arm around the butler's shoulder. "You sly old fox. What was that you were saying this morning about if you can't beat them join them," she said with a grin.

The butler smiled roguishly at her. "Is that what I said? What I meant was you have to beat them at their own game."

Josie burst out laughing as she hugged the butler. "You are alright in my book, Giles. When we get back to Ferelden, if you want to continue to work for me I would be honored."

The butler blushed at Josie's open display of affection. "My Commander, the honor would be mine to continue to serve you and the Grey Wardens."

That evening, the two groups of Wardens made their way to the Hanged Man. When they entered, they were joined by Hawke, Varric and Isabela. Between the three groups their table almost took up the entire first floor.

Josie sat down and grinned at Varric. "Who invited the second dwarf? My tab is going to high enough as it is with Oghren here, but two dwarves and I might have to sell my first born to pay the bill."

"You don't have a first born," Nate pointed out.

"Oh right… well maybe I could dress Oghren up as a baby and sell him instead," Josie replied.

"That would be the ugliest ale-smelling baby ever!" Varric chuckled.

"Look who's talking," Oghren grunted.

John-Paul glanced down the table at Oghren then back at Varric. "If you actually want to pay for the ale tonight, you might want to sell the prettier one with the nice chest hair. He would fetch a better price."

"What is this...'Let's sell a dwarf for some ale day'? That has got to be an oxymoron in some way," Varric stated.

"Oh, don't pull that ox and moron thing again," Isabela chortled as she eyed John-Paul up and down.

"So JP..." Isabela began.

"JP?" John-Paul questioned.

"Yes isn't your name Jacques- Paul or Javier-Paul..."

"It's John-Paul," the Orlesian rogue corrected.

"Exactly... So JP, how did a handsome rogue such as yourself become a Warden?"

"Well, that's easy. The Commander simply found me irresistible, and begged me to join," John-Paul chuckled.

"Oh please. Just tell the truth and admit that Leonie had to fish your ass out of a pond after an ogre threw you in during a Darkspawn battle," Reve interjected. "Lucky for you she is a sucker for damsels in distress."

"Only pretty damsels," Leonie stated dryly.

"So the Commander plays on my team," Isabela cooed as she slid over toward the Commander.

Leonie smiled playfully, "Both teams seem to offer plenty of interesting enticements."

"Oh, I'm going to like traveling with her," Zevran purred.

"I think this is the first time that I've ever said this, but now I want to go into the Deep Roads too," Isabela pouted.

John-Paul leaned across the table and smiled sensually at Josie. "And what does the Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens find irresistible," he murmured seductively and Alistair literally heard Kai purr beside him.

Anders slid his arm around Josie's shoulder. "Me." He said flatly.

John-Paul grinned. "Aaah, so the beautiful Commander is already spoken for. Good, I like a challenge."

"By Andraste's twat, that is the oldest line in the book. I was saying that to seduce girls when I was ten," Zevran chortled as he rolled his eyes.

"You have a better chance of turning into a one legged and female prostitute than you have of winning that challenge, boy," Orghen grunted.

Leonie looked at Josie then Anders then at Alistair. "I heard rumors that the Hero of Ferelden was involved with the Theirin Prince."

"I-I'm no prince," Alistair stuttered completely stunned that someone had brought up his bloodline.

"I'll drink to that," Zevran snickered.

"Oh I don't know about that. You were pretty princely that night at the Pearl," Isabela cooed.

"Well, wonders never cease to amaze me. I never thought I'd see the day that the bastard prince did anything that might be frowned upon," Anders mocked.

"Oh he wasn't frowning by the end of the night and neither was your girl," Isabela purred enjoying stirring the pot.

"W-what? I can't believe you never told me that," Anders stated as he stared at Josie in disbelief.

"Maybe she would like to keep some memories to herself," Alistair grinned.

Josie causally looked up at the ceiling and pointed. "What lovely crown molding? You don't see craftsmanship like that anymore."

Hawke chuckled, "Nice deflection."

"Gotta stick to what works," Josie whispered back.

"Jo, what happened at the Pearl?" Anders asked.

"Oh you know, the usual...a little bit of this, a little bit of that," Josie answered.

"Well with Alistair there was nothing little about it. More like a whole lot of this and whole lot of that," Isabela cooed.

Zev leaned in and whispered, "You're absolutely evil."

"Pay back for that damn rum story," Isabela chuckled.

"I am now even more excited about traveling with the Fereldens. Who knew they would be this interesting!" John-Paul exclaimed as he rubbed his hands together as if they were a tasty treat sitting in front of him.

"Good to know he has the tools, but does he know how to use it?" Anders asked.

"Oh your predecessor has skills. There were two very satisfied women the following morning," Isabela purred.

"And those buttress very unusual in a place like this," Jo explained as her cheeks burned red.

"Since when did you become an expert in architecture?" Nate asked with a knowing smile.

"Just remarking on all the things I find fascinating. It's good to stay with times, if something piques your interest," Josie said nonchalantly.

"Is Jo drunk? She seems very fascinated with the walls tonight," Isabela noticed.

"Is there naked people painted on them?" Oghren asked.

"Throw our mage a bone, Bells. We like Anders, remember?" Zevran whispered.

Isabela rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Although Anders, that electricity zappy thing you do. Maker have mercy, my knees get weak just thinking about it."

"What electricity zappy thing?" Alistair asked.

"Is there anyone at this table you haven't slept with?" Hawke asked.

"Yes, quite few actually," Isabela replied.

"But the night is young. Give her time," Zevran chuckled.

"What electricity zappy thing?" Alistair asked again.

Anders slid his hand under the table, a moment later a vibration of electricity hit Alistair's groin as pure ecstasy coursed through him. "M-maker," he grunted as he gripped the table.

Anders just grinned.

"I wanna try," Zevran whimpered.

"And what do I get out of it?" Anders asked.

"The pleasure of knowing that you gave me pleasure," Zevran offered.

"Oh, Maker. You just found my reason for living," Anders said sarcastically

"I'll tell you about the time that Jo ran naked around camp," Zev purred.

Without even looking his way, Anders shot a vibration at Zevran.

"S-sweet baby Andraste in a manger," Zevran stuttered.

"Hey wait a minute, you can't be selling off my secrets for some damn cheap thrill," Josie demanded.

"Just think Love, this could have all been avoided if you had just mentioned the Pearl," Anders stated then winked at her. "So Zev what is this about Jo running naked around camp."

Oghren stuffed a pork rind into his mouth as he mumbled, "Oooo, this is a good one."

Alistair took a sip of his ale and grinned. "It is a pretty good."

Josie looked helplessly at Leonie. "Do your Wardens treat you better?"

"No, same bunch of disrespectful grunts as yours. The only reason they haven't been telling any tales on me is because they seem to be very entertained by your group."

"So Zev, now it's your turn to share," Hawke prompted.

Zevran took large gulp of his ale then he began. "Well this one night in camp, Jo, Alistair, Leliana, Morrigan and me were the only ones still awake and Leliana was complaining that she was bored. So Josie suggested that we play truth or dare. We all agreed and Jo decided to be the one to start it.

So she turned to Leliana, "Leli, you once mentioned that you weren't always a chantry sister. What did you do before you joined the chantry?"

Leliana's face went white as ghost and her fingers began to fidget with the hem of the shirt she was wearing. "What is the dare?" She asked.

Josie began to laugh. "Wow, it's that bad that you would rather take the dare?"

Leliana nodded. Josie grinned at her and shook her head. "Okay you have to kiss someone in camp and you have to kiss as if their life depended on it."

Leliana nodded, stood up walked over to Josie, pulled her up and into her arms and kissed her as if the world was going to end in the next few minutes. When she released her Josie was literally breathless. Josie reached out and touched Leliana's lips and muttered, "So soft."

"I did not!" Josie exclaimed.

Zev chuckled. "You most certainly did."

"You are completely over exaggerating the story. I did say that her lips were soft, but I never reached out and touched. That's just creepy."

"Ignore her and go on," Isabela encouraged.

"Well Leliana looked at Morrigan and asked, 'Do you spit or swallow'? Now keep in mind that although she's a brilliant mage, Morrigan for the most part lived a sheltered life in the Korcari Wilds," Zev explained.

"Do I do what?" Morrigan demanded.

"Do you spit or swallow?"

"Josie then leaned over toward me and said, 'I'll bet you ten sovereigns that she swallows'."

"You're on."

Morrigan looked at Leliana genuinely perplexed. "I have no idea what that means."

"Okay let's say that you were pleasing a man orally with your mouth and he reached…maximum fulfillment and the evidence of his fulfillment is now in your mouth, do you spit or swallow?" Leliana asked again.

"Oh…well I never thought about it," Morrigan said.

"Does that mean that you have never helped a man reach _maximum__fulfillment_, or that you have, but you never gave a thought to what you did with the evidence?" Zev asked.

"Those are two separate questions, Zevran,and I only have to answer the first one. Leliana, I don't like to be wasteful so I would swallow."

Josie broke out laughing. "Pay up, sucker."

"And do you spit or swallow?" John-Paul asked Josie.

"We aren't playing truth or dare now, are we?" Josie replied coolly.

"I think you're a spitter," John-Paul stated and both Anders and Alistair began to choke.

John-Paul looked at them. "Does that mean she is or that she isn't?"

"That's two questions, JP and I believe they don't have to answer any. Now please continue with this fascinating tale. I'm looking forward to the naked part," Isabela stated.

"Of course you are," Hawke chuckled.

"Well, Morrigan then turned to me and asked, 'Do you feel guilty for killing those who are innocent'?"

"There is no such thing as an innocent person."

"Children are innocent," Morrigan replied.

"I would never kill a child, only adults and since all adults are guilty of something, my answer is no."

"I then turned to Josie, smile my most charming smile and said, 'What sexual act haven't you done, would you like to do, but are afraid to because you're afraid you would freak your partner out'?"

"Without even hesitating, Josie said, 'What's the dare'?"

"You aren't even going to contemplate it, my pet?"

"What's the dare, Zev?"

"Okay have it your way. You have to run five laps around the camp completely naked.

"Is that all?" she replied.

"Then Josie stood up and began cutting long strips of material from an old piece of canvas. 'My dear Warden, you don't need strips of material to run around naked'."

"I know," Josie replied as she continued to cut strips.

"Then what are you doing?"

"These are for everyone except Morrigan," Josie explained.

"And what are we supposed to do with theses? Use it to wipe the drool off of our mouths?" Zev chuckled.

Josie giggled. "No silly you are to use them to blindfold your eyes."

"My mouth dropped open, but no words came out."

Josie continued to grin. "The dare was that I had to run around the camp naked. Nowhere in the dare was it mentioned that you had to witness it, hence the blindfolds. Morrigan will be the only witness. She will make sure that I follow through on the dare and that none of you peek."

"A loophole!"

Josie chuckled. "You're the one that taught me about loopholes, Zev."

"I taught you too well."

Morrigan began to laugh as she said, "And I'll throw the biggest fireball I have if you peek."

"I do believe you had several scorch marks and when you asked Wynne to heal you she said you deserved it for trying to look."

"Aaah, but the pain and suffering were so worth it," Zev cooed.

"Did you ever learn what the sexual act was?" John-Paul asked.

"Nope," Zevran replied then he turned to Alistair.

"Did you?" the assassin asked.

"Nope," Alistair replied.

Zevran's eyes fell on Anders. "Did you?"

Anders didn't reply, just gave them a knowing grin.

"You know!" Zev replied. Anders continued to grin, but remained silent.

"Oh come on, you have to tell me. This question has kept me awake way to many nights," Zev declared.

Josie stood up obviously ready to go. "Well Zev I guess you're going to have to suffer through a few more sleepless nights and here's a little tidbit to add to your insomnia…Anders not only knows what the act is, he fulfilled that fantasy for me in the most spectacular way."

Josie then winked at the stunned assassin and spun on her heels to leave.

Anders just continued to grin as he got up. He bent over the table and whispered, "And when she says spectacular, what she means is it was SPECTACULAR!"

Both Zevran and John-Paul fell out of their chairs as Isabela and Leonie began to laugh hysterically.

Alistair watched the couple head out the door and he felt the familiar ache in his chest.

"So obviously you and the Hero are no longer together," Leonie said more as statement then a question.

"No, our relationship ended a long time ago," Alistair said.

"And you aren't seeing anyone now?" Leonie asked.

"Aaah, no I'm not," Alistair replied hesitantly.

"Now my friend would be a good time get back into the saddle," Zevran whispered in his ear.

"I've been back in the saddle for a while, Zev," Alistair stated.

"Going to the Blooming Rose is not being back in the saddle. Going out with Leonie is," Zevran explained in a hushed tone.

"Zev," Alistair hissed. "Stay out of my love life."

"Just trying to help my brother out."

"Alistair, I was about to head back to the estate. Would you mind walking me home?" Leonie asked.

"Of course, it would be my pleasure," Alistair said as he stood, walked over to her, helped her out of her chair, took her by the arm and escorted her home.

That night for the first time in years Alistair fell asleep thinking of a beautiful woman that for once wasn't Josie.

* * *

><p><strong>AN -I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face.**

*** Huge thanks and hugs to my asstastic beta and friend, Bonzy for bringing her insight and fantabulous editing skills to this chapter. You rock, sista!**


	14. Chapter 14 I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

**Chapter 14 – I Don't Want To Miss A Thing**

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch you smile while you are sleeping  
>While you're far away and dreaming, I could spend my life in this sweet surrender<br>I could stay lost in this moment forever, where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure  
>Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, 'cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing<br>'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing  
>Lying close to you feeling your heart beating and I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together<br>I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss, I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this  
>I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine, and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time"<p>

_I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith_

The sunlight that peaked through the curtain warmed Anders' face as it coaxed him out of the Fade. He reached for Josie and was surprised to find her still in bed. When they had returned home from the Hanged Man, he had kept her up rather late so that was probably why she was still there. He pulled her toward him so that her back was flushed against his chest; she murmured in her sleep as he leaned in and he breathed in the scent of her hair. She looked so peaceful and he wondered what she was dreaming about.

Anders wanted everything to stay just as it was now…just the two of them together and perfect with her in his arms…in this room, in this sanctuary that they had built for each other. Anders had struggled, but somehow managed to keep Justice out during the times he spent privately with her. However, lately that was becoming more difficult as Justice's demands became more adamant. Anders knew it was only a matter of time before he gave into Justice's directives and that knowledge deeply grieved him. Not because he had reservations about what needed to be done to bring about the necessary change for the mages, but because he knew it would cost him his life. The people would demand justice for the innocent lives that would be lost and someone would take his life as retribution.

Anders wasn't afraid to die. He would do so willingly to ensure that a hundred years from now, mages could live and love freely; that they would not be forced to choose becoming a Warden or resort to blood magic in order not to return to the Circle. What he was afraid of, what grieved him was the years that he would miss not being with Josie. He gently brushed the hair from her beautiful face and memorized every line, every curve to take into the Fade with him. He was going to miss her radiant smile, the feel of her soft lips against his skin, the sparkle in her eyes, her infectious laugh, the animated way she told a story, the graceful way she fought… those were a few of the thousands of things he would yearn for.

She stirred in his arms as she turned to face him. She smiled and he leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Morning Love," she purred.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Mmhmm," she muttered as she stretched against him. The feel of her warm body and the sight of her bare breasts as the cover slid off them sent a heated rush straight to his groin. He pulled his hips away not wanting her to misinterpret his body's natural reaction to her. She had so freely… so willingly given herself to him last night, satisfying both of their ravenous appetites for each other that this morning he just wanted to enjoy the rare treat of having her wake up in his arms.

"I was pleasantly surprised to find you still in bed this morning," Anders said.

"You wore me out last night," she said with a laugh.

"I wore you out! I believe it was you and your stamina that had us going for round number four," Anders exclaimed.

"You weren't complaining last night," she cooed as she snuggled up against his chest.

"I'm not complaining now either. I just want to clarify who worked who over," Anders laughed.

She pushed at his chest driving him onto his back then she slid across his pelvis as she straddled him. She immediately felt his hard erection, gave him a knowing smile and swirled her hips against him forcing a moan to escape his lips. "So if I worked you over again this morning you wouldn't complain?"

"Hell no," he groaned as his hands slid around the back of her neck and pulled her down to him so that she could work him over properly.

An hour later they were cleaned up and headed downstairs. As Josie started for her office he pulled her into his arms, kissed her forehead and said, "I'll bring you a cup of tea and some breakfast."

She smiled. "Thank you."

Anders walked into the dining room and found it empty, so he headed for the kitchen to put together a tray to share with Josie. When he walked in Alistair was in there talking with the Orlesian Commander, Leonie. Leonie was laughing at something Alistair said and her hand resting on his arm.

That was interesting, Anders thought.

"Aaah, sorry to interrupt, but breakfast was already cleaned up and Josie is quite hungry," Anders explained.

"Oh you weren't intruding," Alistair said.

"We were heading out to the sparring ring. Will you and Josie be joining us?" Leonie asked.

"Not today. Josie has some Arling and Warden business that she has to attend to," Anders explained.

"Oh that's right, I forgot that Ferelden gave her a noble title when they made her Warden Commander. How is that going?" Leonie asked.

"Hectic on good days, chaotic most days," Anders replied as he organized a breakfast tray for them to share.

"I can imagine. It must be difficult to juggle being a noble and Warden without letting the two cross," Leonie said.

"Well, I do believe she has the nobility thing down. She hates politics, but she plays the game very well… one might even say she was born for it," Anders stated dryly.

Leonie smiled. "Yes, I forgot that her father was a Teryn and murdered by the Arl that she now holds the title for. Correct?"

Anders wasn't sure where she was heading with this conversation, but he nodded. "Yes that is correct, but I wouldn't remind her of that fact if you want to remain on her good side."

Leonie laughed. "I most certainly do. I like Josie and I think we will work well together. Thank you for letting me know that is still a sensitive subject for her."

Anders picked up the tray and headed out the door. "Enjoy your sparring match."

When he arrived at Josie's office, Hawke was just leaving. He smiled apprehensively at Anders, "Morning, Anders."

"Morning, Hawke."

"I was just leaving, but you won't mind if I help myself to scone. Will ya?" Hawke asked as he grabbed one and took a bite.

"Good thing I didn't mind."

"Thanks, I hate to eat and run, but duty calls," Hawke said as he turned to leave.

Anders sat the tray down, poured both of them a cup of tea than sat down in the chair beside Josie. She had a troubled expression on her face.

"What did Hawke want?"

Josie was quiet for a long moment before she replied. "He told me about what happened when you were on that last mission with him."

Anders felt his heart quicken as his mind began to whirl in several different directions. "What exactly did he tell you?"

"That you lost control of Justice and that he summoned two sloth demons," Josie said matter-of-factly.

"Oh that," Anders replied nonchalantly.

"Don't you think that was kind of an important detail to leave out?" Josie asked.

"Phine, it's not that I intentionally didn't tell you about it. Since our return from our separate missions, things have been sort of hectic with your new recruit and the arrival of the Orlesian Wardens. I planned on telling you, but the timing never seemed right."

She took a sip of her tea and collected her thoughts before she spoke. He could tell she was choosing her words carefully. "I know things have been busy and a little frantic, so I haven't had time to mention that I contacted Wynne about a ritual that will free you of Justice."

Anders eyes narrowed as he studied her. "What ritual? I have never heard of a ritual that would be able to separate the host from the Spirit and keep both of them alive."

Anders watched her hand tremble ever so slightly as she set her cup back down. "You are correct there isn't. During the battle for Redcliffe if there had been time there was a ritual that we could have used to save Connor without the use of blood magic by sending a mage into…"

"By sending a mage into the Fade and killing the demon that possessed the child. I know of the ritual, Josie, but if you kill Justice in the Fade he will literally die," Anders explained.

Josie only nodded then took another sip of her tea to buy her time to collect her thoughts. "I contacted Wynne as a precautionary measure. The ritual would only be used in case of an emergency…"

"Josie, I refuse to participate in a ritual that will kill Justice. He is my friend… he is your friend. How can you even suggest such a thing?"

"Anders, he was our friend… but what he has become isn't…"

"What he has become is my fault. I did this to him! I can't kill him because my hatred corrupted him!"

"I know you can't," she said calmly.

"But you can!" He demanded.

"Yes," she replied coldly.

Anders leapt to his feet. "No you won't. I won't let you."

Josie remained seated and looked at him so tenderly it broke his heart. "Anders, the friend that you are trying to protect no longer exists. I would not be ordering Justice's death, but a distorted version of the Spirit that we once both called a friend."

"How can you talk so coldly about killing him? He was your friend. He admired and respected you…"

"And he is dead! My friend Justice is dead and what has replaced him is corrupted version of the Spirit I called friend. The Spirit of Justice that I knew would never summon demons to aid him in a fight. He found their very existence disgusting, but Vengeance on the other hand had no problem calling on the assistance of those vile creatures. He had no problem doing whatever it took to win the fight… by any means necessary. That kind of thinking is dangerous, Anders. The end does not justify the means."

Anders dropped to his knees as he gripped the side of his head. He felt Justice surge forward and take control of his body. As he struggled to his feet, he glared at Josie who remained seated and unmoved by Justice's sudden appearance.

"_The end doesn't justify the means, Commander_. We both know that isn't true. You told me yourself that if Alistair hadn't left when Morrigan had made the Dark Ritual offer you would have taken the offer to ensure that his life was spared. His life was worth saving at any cost, but mine isn't?"

Justice heard a deep growl from behind him and spun to see Alistair and Zevran standing in the doorway. "Commander, is everything alright?" Alistair asked through gritted teeth.

"Thank you for checking on me, but I have the situation under control. I need to continue this conversation with Justice in private. Would you please close the door as you leave?" Josie asked dismissively.

"Josie, I don't believe it would be wise for us to leave you alone with this Spirit," Zevran said as he stepped into the room.

Josie's eyes flared with anger, but before she could reply, Alistair stepped into the room and closed the door. "For once I agree with Zev, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with… Anders. We will just sit quietly in a corner while the two of you continue your conversation."

Justice turned back to Josie. "Their presence means nothing to me, but I am still waiting for your answer, Commander. Is your precious Alistair's life more important than mine?"

Without hesitation she leapt to her feet, stepped into Justice and hissed, "Yes and so is Anders because both of them are humans with a soul. If you were even close to being the Spirit I once called friend, you would feel the same way. Don't you remember Justice, the conversation that we had about the Maker?"

Justice hesitated and looked at her questioningly. Josie took a step back as she gathered her composure. "You told me that at times you almost envied humans because even though Fade Spirits were children of the Maker that humans were his most cherished creation because he created them in his image. I cared about my friend Justice, but he is gone and I mourn his passing. However, you, Spirit, are endangering the life of someone I love and I will have no problem putting an end to your existence."

"Anders has already chosen his path and it does not include you," Justice hissed.

Josie staggered backward as if Justice had physically punched her. "I-I don't believe you. Anders loves me."

"Since when has a man's love stopped them from betraying you," Justice replied coldly as he glared at Alistair. Alistair glared back with fury at the Spirit.

"Anders w-wouldn't do that. He wouldn't betray me," Josie replied.

"No, he wouldn't betray the way some have, but he has chosen the mage's plight over a life with you. He knows that you are nothing, but a distraction," the Spirit replied unemotionally.

Justice watched Josie reign in her emotions as she glowered at him. "This is not Anders' wishes, this is yours. Anders has always been angered by the plight of the mages. He has always wanted to stop the persecution and injustice done to them, but he wouldn't do it by any means necessary. That is your influence - the influence of a corrupt angry Fade Spirit. I warned you, Justice, not to go against the core of who he is. You should have heeded my warning."

Justice scowled at Josie one last time before releasing Anders and fading to the back of his mind. Anders looked at Josie; tears immediately stung his eyes as Justice's words echoed in his head.

"P-phine…" he gasped out breathlessly.

She raised a hand to stop him, then turned to Alistair and Zevran who were sitting in the shadows of the room. "I know you have questions, but they will have to wait. Please give me a few minutes alone with Anders."

They both nodded then quietly left, closing the door behind them. The moment that they were alone, Anders rushed to her and pulled her into his embrace. "I'm so sorry, Jo…"

She pulled out of his embrace and starred at him. "What did he mean that you have chosen a life that doesn't include me?"

Anders stepped toward her and tried to pull her back into his arms, but she stepped back out of his reach. "I thought you said you didn't believe him."

"He is a Fade Spirit… a corrupted Spirit, but he is not a demon. He wouldn't lie unless it suited his end goal. What he said has nothing to do with his ultimate objective. It was meant to inflict pain which means there were elements of truth to it."

Anders hung his head as he heard Justice ranting in his head not to give away anything regarding the plan. "You're right, it was meant to hurt, but that is because you just told him that you setting a plan in motion to kill him. You have to understand, Jo just because you see his corruption and think of him no longer as the Spirit that you once called friend, he still considers you one. He was hurt by your plan to kill him and he isn't going to go down without a fight."

"And you, Anders?" She asked weakly.

"And me, what?"

"Are you still fighting or have you given into him and given up on us?"

A single tear slid down her cheek and clung to side of her jaw. That solitary tear broke Anders' heart. He stepped into her, cupped her neck and wiped the lone drop away with his thumb.

"Did it seem like I was giving up on us last night or this morning?"

"No, but that was just sex and…"

Anders laughed. "Sweetheart, whenever I'm alone with you it is so much more than just sex. Those times that we are together are the only times that I am truly able to completely shut Justice out."

"So basically I should just lock the two of us in my room and not come out until I receive the ritual from Wynne."

Anders grinned as his arm slipped around her waist; he pulled her to him and leaned down so that his lips were mere inches from hers.

"Now that sounds like the best plan that I've heard in a long time," he whispered just before his lips captured hers, he felt her resist briefly before she gave in and melted into him. Maker, he wanted to stay her with her like this forever, lost in her and he wanted to kill Justice for causing her pain.

There was a knock at the door and Josie pulled away as she called that the door was open. Leonie and Bethany both walked in.

"I hope I'm not intruding," Leonie said.

"No, it's fine. We were just finishing up. What can I do for you?" Josie asked.

"Bethany and I wanted to discuss a few things with you and we were hoping that your second in command could join us?"

"Of course, Anders could you ask Nate to join us?"

Anders excused himself then went to find Nate. He found rogue along with Alistair, Oghren, Zevran and John-Paul in the Commons Room. Alistair and Zev just glared at him as he told Nate that Josie along with Leonie and Bethany wished to speak with him.

"So are you once again yourself or is that Spirit going to make another appearance?" Alistair snarled.

Anders glared at the Templar. "It is none of your concern."

"It is if you put my Commanding Officer in danger," Alistair retorted.

"Neither I nor Justice would ever harm her," Anders replied.

"Why don't I believe you?" Alistair responded dryly.

In order to change the subject and defuse the tension John-Paul asked, "What do you think the Commanders are talking about?"

"Oh I'm sure they want to discuss the finer points of Loghain and Stroud's lack of personalities," Oghren chuckled.

"Anders, you once mentioned that Loghain was hell bent on destroying Josie. What exactly happened?" Alistair hissed visibly trying to control his anger.

"What didn't happen?" Oghren asked rhetorically.

"I would interested in hearing the details myself since most of this happened after I left for Antiva," Zevran said.

"So would I. I only know a little based on things I've heard around the Warden Compound," John-Paul stated.

Anders drew a deep breath and began. "There really isn't much to tell. It basically started when Josie was named the Warden Commander instead of Loghain…"

"Wait… stop right there. Loghain thought he should be Warden Commander even though Josie built an army, united a nation, defeated Loghain and ended a Blight all in under a year," Alistair exclaimed.

"Yes, well he was a general and the Hero of some damn river," Oghren chuckled.

"That was his point exactly," Anders said.

"Aaaah, didn't he think that betraying his King and allowing hundreds of Wardens to die might not be the kind of Commander the Wardens were looking for," Alistair inquired.

"No he missed seeing the importance of those minor details," Anders chuckled.

Alistair rolled his eyes as he muttered, "Dumb ass."

Oghren roared with laughter. "I definitely like the new and improved pike twirler."

"Anyways," Anders said drawing their attention back to him. "Loghain was always trying to undermine Josie's authority and questioning her decision in front of the other Wardens, not that we really paid attention to what he had to say, but he was a constant thorn in her side. However what eventually sent her over the edge was when several dozen commoners gathered at the Keep outraged about the food shortage. Josie had done her best to calm the situation and neutralize the potential threat that was brewing, but Nate and I saw Loghain working his way through the crowd in sighting discontent among farmers and adding fuel to the fire of emotions that were already running high. We tried to reach him to stop him, but it was too late. The emotional powder keg went up and igniting a riot. When it was all over, well over a dozen men and women were dead and Josie was outraged at the loss of innocent lives that could have been prevented. Even though Nate and I saw what he was doing there was no evidence to that effect because those that could have testified were dead. For that reason, Josie wouldn't be able to justify his death to Weisshaupt so she did the next best thing. She sent him to Orlais to do research on Warden Histories," Anders explained.

"Ouch! I'm sure that endeared her to the General's heart," Zevran chortled.

"To say the man made a scene on his departure would be an understatement," Anders replied.

"So where does the bad blood with Stroud come in?" Alistair asked.

"I don't know. That happened after I had left."

"I can answer that," Oghren piped in. "After spending a year in Orlais, Loghain came back with Stroud in tow. Boss Lady immediately took a disliking to the man, but she couldn't put her finger on why she didn't trust him. At first, none of us understood why she disapproved of him because whenever Stroud was around her he was polite, accommodating and generally pleasant, but when Josie caught him going through her personal belongs…."

"Which belongs?" Anders growled.

Oghren chuckled. "Don't get all worked up Sparkle Fingers. He wasn't sniffing the Commander's panties. He was looking through that trunk she keeps in her room that has all of her mementos from her travels during the Blight, but he was in her room without permission going through her things. That was enough for her to toss him out on his ear."

"So from that, Josie believes they are somehow conspiring together. To do what?" Alistair asked.

"I don't know. It's just a feeling that Josie has and I've learned over the years to trust the Boss Lady's feelings," Oghren stated.

"That's always wise," Zevran added.

The Ferelden Wardens turned and looked at John-Paul. "What happened in Orlais?" Anders asked.

"Well, when Loghain arrived, Commander Leonie already had reservations about the man. She heard that he was responsible for the deaths of the Wardens at Ostagar, many whom she knew personally, but what made her truly distrustful of the man was the way he and Stroud became instant friends. The two of them were always together talking in hushed tones. At that time, Stroud was her second in command and shortly after Loghain's arrival Stroud also began to question Leonie's decisions and contradicting her orders in front of her Wardens. He even went behind her back trying to covertly sow seeds of discontent. Then somehow, the tea that she drinks every night to help her sleep had been poisoned. It would have killed her if Stefan, one of our mages, hadn't stopped in to check on her and discovered her in the middle of a seizure. There was no proof that it was Stroud or Loghain, but it made Leonie no longer trust her second in command. She demoted him and made Bethany her second. Needless to say, that didn't sit well with Stroud and ever since, he too has become a real pain in her ass," John-Paul stated.

"So we have two men that have been very bad boys trying to usurp their Commanding Officers, one possibly going as far as to have her poisoned and they are now both living under the same roof. Is anyone else's intuition screaming the alarm?" Alistair asked.

Zevran gave Alistair a sly grin. "I agree with Oghren, I am definitely liking the new and improved Alistair and I agree with you, my bastard prince, something smells like ass and I don't see any donkey's around here, do you?"

"You mean besides Loghain and Stroud," John-Paul asked.

"Unless we count Oghren's too... but his is more of an ale scented variety of ass," Alistair chuckled.

"Yes, Loghain and Stroud's arses have the distinct smell of conspiracy and bullshit," Zevran added.

"Well, if they smelled like apple pie, I would be worried," Alistair stated.

"Hmm, there's an idea. I wonder how I could manage that," Zev said in a dreamy voice.

"Maker help us, I don't even want to know what you're talking about," Alistair retorted.

"A nice ass, apple pie, maybe some whipped topping..."

Alistair put his fingers in ears, "La la la la la."

"You could always heat the pie up add some ice cream and make it ala mode," Anders chuckled clearly enjoying Alistair's uneasiness.

"You're as bad as he is," Alistair declared.

"Thank you," the apostate and assassin replied in unison.

"Gentlemen, I do believe we need to keep a close eye on Josie and Leonie and an even closer watch on Stroud and Loghain. If anyone sees them sneaking off together, I want to know immediately," Zevran instructed as he turned his attention back to the Wardens in the room.

"I think it might be a good idea if I moved into the Estate," Alistair said.

"I think that would be a wise decision. The more eyes we have on those two the better off the Commanders are," Zevran stated and they nodded in agreement.

Anders didn't like the sound of this. He had never trusted Loghain, but he never believed that the man would try to kill her. However, after hearing John-Paul's story, he wasn't so sure. Anders wanted to see her, to know that she was safe, but their paths didn't cross the rest of the day and he didn't see her until he entered their room late that night. She was sitting in her favorite chair in front of the fireplace, sipping a glass of brandy. She had a sad expression on her face. He didn't know what all had transpired the rest of the day, but he knew that he was part of the reason for her somber look.

He walked up behind her chair, leaned over the top so that he could slide his arms around her shoulders and kissed her neck. "How did your conversation go with Leonie and Bethany?"

"Oh she believes that either Stroud or Loghain tried to poison her," Josie replied matter-of-factly.

"John-Paul was telling us about that. Josie with both of them living in this house, please be careful. I don't trust either one of them and now they both have better access to both of you."

"Don't worry, I don't trust them either. I think I might make Oghren my official taster. If he doesn't pass out on the first taste then it surely won't kill me," Josie replied solemnly.

Anders began to massage her shoulders, but he felt her body tense at his touch. Something he had never felt her do before and it caused his heart to ache. He had seen the pain etched on her face from Justice's words and it broke his heart when he heard the Spirit spit those ugly statements at her about love and betrayal. He needed to make this right with her.

Anders took seat in the ottoman in front of her and he took her hands in his. "Jo, I know Justice's words caused you pain because it hurt me hearing him say those things to you. I never want to hurt and I am sorry about what he said to you."

Josie slowly withdrew her hands from his and looked him directly in the eyes. He had seen her give that cool calculated look to others, but he had never been on the receiving end of it and as the chill ran up his spine he knew he never wanted her to look at him like that again.

"Anders, do you take me for a fool?"

"What? No! Jo, how could you even ask me that?"

"I haven't survived all that I have without having fine tuned instincts and the ability to read people clearly. I know when I'm being lied to and I know that you are lying to me."

Anders felt his heart thundering in his chest as his head began to spin, but somehow he had completely lost the ability to speak, to defend himself.

"I know that Justice is planning something which means you are planning something," she leaned forward and cupped his face in her hands. "Just promise me that you will hold on just a little longer. Please Anders, for me, don't stop fighting, don't give into his demands… let me save you."

Anders kissed the palm of her hand before he hung his head. "What if you can't save me, Jo?"

"Don't say that. Please, don't say that, Anders… I-I need you," her voice broke and he looked up at her. Tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were etched in pain… pain that he was causing and his heart broke.

"Don't cry, Jo, please don't cry," Anders begged as he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to him.

"I-I can't lose you, please promise me you will hold on," Josie pleaded.

"I'll try… I promise… I'll try," Anders reassured her and he meant it. He would try because despite his guilt at what his anger had done to the Spirit a part of him knew she was right…Justice was no longer the friend he once knew.

He pulled away from her and looked into her sad eyes that were tearing him apart. He kissed the tears from her cheeks as his lips made their way to hers. His lips brushed over hers and he could taste the salty residue of the pain he had caused her. He felt her relax against him as his mouth claimed hers, hot and hungry. He wanted to stay with her forever. He wanted to hold her close, feel her heart close to his, and just stay here…in this moment with her for all the rest of time. He needed her…desperately. He needed to find solace in her. He needed to take comfort in her and he needed to provide those things for her too.

Anders stood up, pulled her to her feet, picked her up in his arms and carried her to their bed where he spent the rest of the night comforting and being comforted by her until they were both completely content and relaxed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – This will be the only chapter I will post before Christmas. Both my beta and I need a holiday break. So from my heart to yours I hope that your holidays are merry and bright. **

*******A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic beta, Bonkzy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock!**


	15. Chapter 15 The Time Dirty Bits

A/N – I normally save my author's notes for the end, but I thought you might need some context to truly appreciate this chapter. During the middle ages the Feast of Fools was held New Year's Day. It was when the classes switched places, put aside all of their Christian values and played tricks. Higher up classes such as knights, lords, ladies, etc. did the tasks of villagers and the villagers were able to order them around. The commoners would elect a Lord of Misrule or a King of Fools who had the power to call the people to disorder and for that day everyone had to obey orders given to them by these "chosen" people. Cross dressing, bawdy songs, drinking to excess, and gambling on the church altar were only a few of the wanton acts reported. For the purposes of this story the Feast will be held on December 31st instead of January 1st.

Also, this chapter will deviate from my normal style and have various characters' point of views through the chapter. I hope you enjoy this lighthearted look at the Kirkwall holidays!

**Chapter 15 – The Time (Dirty Bits)**

"I had the time of my life and I never felt this way before  
>And I swear this is true and I owe it all to you…dirty bit"<p>

_The Time (Dirty Bits) by The Black Eyed Peas_

"_I came up in here to rock, light a fire, make it hot, I don't wanna take no pictures, I just wanna take some shots so  
>Come on lets go, lets lose control, let's do it all night, 'till we can do it no more<em>"

Alistair stood near the back of room watching all of the masked covered nobles and commoners mingle, dance and laugh their way through the debauchery filled night. Alistair had always relished the traditions and celebrations for the Feast of Fools, but this year was he was having a difficult time getting into the spirit of the festivities. It was a holiday to celebrate the past year and look forward to the New Year by breaking all the rules. What could be more fun than that? Yet he struggled with all the changes this past year had brought him and the uncertainty of where this new path would lead him. He had gone from wandering drunken dock worker to being a respected Grey Warden once again. Being back with the Order that he considered family should have made him happy, but now he was subjected to see on a daily basis all that he had lost and seeing Josie every day was both good and bad.

Alistair wasn't sure how he could have forgotten just how infectious her laugh could be; how warm her radiant smile was, or how completely captivating she was when she set out to charm someone into seeing her point of view. It had reminded him of how often he had witnessed her enchant, beguile and persuade those they had come into contact with during the Blight.

Just earlier in the day he had been fascinated as he watched as Josie was ordered to switch places with a young merchant girl in the Lowtown Market. Without reservations Josie quickly jumped into the role reversal and affectionately dubbed the merchant girl, Lady of Silliness. Alistair had found it very entertaining when Lady Silliness ordered Josie to sing at the top of her lungs at the head of the stairs in the market. Without hesitation Josie leapt on top of a crate and began to sing.

"Lacy things - the wife is missin', you didn't ask - her permission,  
>You're wearin' her smalls, her silk pantyhose,<br>Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store - there's a teddy, little straps - like spaghetti,  
>It holds you so tight, like shackles at night,<br>Walkin' 'round in women's underwear…"

Even with Josie's off key and off color lyrics she had brought in quite the crowd for the merchant and the young girl went home with her pockets full of sovereigns.

Together he and Josie had reveled with delight when the commoners had the foolishly elected Zevran, the King of Fools and Isabela, the Queen of Misrule. As their first act as sovereign rulers the pair then immediately ordered Hawke to help a horse trader round up his herd while clad as a cross dressed drunken lay sister. This had the crowd laughing hysterically as Hawke over exaggerated the role of the sinfully wicked Chantry sister.

The frivolous playfulness of the day had spilled over into the evening as they prepared for the King of Fool's Annual Masquerade Ball which was being held in the Hightown Market. Alistair had always found the annual ball his favorite part of the celebrations because of all of the scantily clad dresses and the elaborate masks that were adorned with bright feathers and sequences. His fondness for the festive gala grew even more as he watched the most breathtaking woman he had ever known glide down the stairs toward him.

Josie literally took his breath away. Her dress was blood red with a gold brocade design on the low cut bodice that accented the swells of her breasts and clung tightly to her figure drawing attention to every one of her curves. The dress billowed out at her hips as the loose satin material flowed elegantly around her. The gown had no sleeves and the only thing that was holding the damn distracting thing up was two slender gold straps that secured the dress in place at the front and back.

Attached to the gold cords on her back were wings that were made of some kind of thin net material. The wings had hundreds of gold sequences adhered to it so that sparkled in the light as she moved. Her mask was gold. It too had gold jewels on it, but it also had gold and red feathers along the top. Her long black hair cascaded in curls over her shoulders emphasizing her long slender…bare neck and he vividly remembered how it felt to press his lips against her soft skin and breathe in her alluring scent. She was captivating and Alistair couldn't take his eyes off of her. That was until a man in matching robes and mask stepped up behind her and drew her to his side; as if he were marking his territory. That was definitely the bad part of being back with the Wardens. It pained him every day to see her happy in the arms of another man.

Now as Alistair watched the beguiling couple dance around the floor mesmerizing everyone that watched them, he cursed the Marker, than he cursed them and then cursed his own stupidity for ever walking away from her.

"You know, my dear wayward Prince, the best way to get over someone is get on top of someone else," Zevran whispered in his ear.

"Thanks for the offer Zev, but you know I don't swing that way," Alistair replied dryly.

Zevran laughed, "I like the way you think. You can't hurt an elf for trying."

"Wanna bet?" Alistair retorted.

"No, I'll take your word on that…" Zevran paused as a servant walked by with a tray of whiskey. He grabbed two and handed one to Alistair.

"Relationships are too hard. You should just try sleeping with girls. That is much easier."

"I'll drink to that," Alistair said as he clinked Zev's glass with his then drank the whiskey in a gulp. "However, I hadn't noticed the girls falling at my feet."

"That is because you can't take your eyes off of a certain someone long enough to look around and see all of your options," Zev replied.

"And what are these options you speak of?"

"Well there is always the sure thing with this year's Queen of Misrule," Zev offered.

"Been there, done that, not going there again."

Zevran laughed. "Okay well there is the other sure thing, your fellow Warden Kai. She can put a spark in your step."

"I don't know…I have to work with her…"

"If I have discovered one thing about delicious Kai, it is that she knows the difference between a romp between the sheets and a relationship. She won't confuse the two."

"But she seems very enamored with the fact that I walked away from being King. I think she is a noble admirer."

"Aaah…well…now that you mention it she does seem a little fixated with rank and titles. Okay, there is always the wholesome, yet beautiful Bethany Hawke," Zevran proposed.

"I would like all of my limbs to remain attached to my body."

Zevran chuckled. "Yes, Hawke does seem a wee bit overly protective of his baby sister. What about our Commanding Officer's Orlesian counterpart?" Zevran asked.

Alistair looked across the room at the lovely Warden Commander whose light red hair that was accented by the emerald green mask. Leonie saw him watching her. She gave a slight nod of her head and smiled.

"Aaah, I do believe we have a winner and what a beautiful prize she is," Zevran chortled.

"Do you think I have a chance with her?"

Zevran laughed again. "Alistair you always did lack confidence when it came to things that were clearly yours for the taking. Yes, I do believe you have more than a chance with her, but you must be the self-assured Warden not the insecure one. As King of Fools, I hereby order you to dance with the luscious Leonie at least three times and procure a kiss…not any kiss, but an Orlesian kiss by the stroke of midnight," Zevran commanded.

Alistair glanced back at Josie who was now dancing with her friends. He knew that he would always love her, he knew that Josie now loved Anders and that he had lost her. The most that he could hope for was that one day they could be friends again, but that knowledge didn't help the ache in his chest. He also knew Zevran was right. The only way he was going to move on with his life was to put Josie in his past so that he had a future with someone else.

Alistair smiled, patted Zev's shoulder and said thank you as he made his way across the room Leonie.

"_People rock it to the sound, turn it up and watch it pound, we gonna' rock it to the top, 'till the roof come burning down  
>Yea it's hot in here, the temperature has got these ladies gettin' freakier"<em>

When Anders had seen Josie emerge from behind her changing divider he felt his heart stop in his chest. She was a vision and he couldn't believe that she was his…at least for now. He knew he didn't have much longer with her so he would cherish every moment, memorize every one of her expressions and relish every touch.

When Anders and Josie had arrived the King and Queen of the Fool's Feast had ordered the two of them to join the Fool's Sovereign Rulers as they began the dancing festivities. Anders had proudly led her to the center of the room and began twirling her around on the floor. Her face had light up with joy as they had twisted and turned across the floor. Soon they were joined by others, but he only noticed her. His eyes never left hers.

Now he stood off to the side as he watched Josie, Isabela, and Bethany try to teach Merrill the latest steps to some new Orlesian dance. He was enthralled as Josie shook and shimmered across the floor to some type of dance that had everyone dancing in a line to the same moves. Her eyes glistened with delight and her laughter rang out through the market. She was enchanting to watch.

"You're mon precieux is a rare jewel indeed," Hawke said from behind him.

Anders looked over his shoulder at his friend and smiled. "Yes she is."

"I'm happy for you, my friend. It's important to have someone that can make you laugh, someone that turns you on, and someone you can love," Hawke replied.

"And it's really, really important that those three women don't know each other and never met," Varric chuckled as he joined them.

"Ain't that the damn truth; things have not been smooth sailing since Isabela and I called it quits and Merrill and I started living together," Hawke said with grin.

"Not you're the smartest move, Hawke, moving Merrill in so soon after you and Bells stopped seeing each other," Varric replied.

"They can't all be brilliant, Varric."

The two friends kept needling each other, but Anders tuned them out as he watched Alistair escort Leonie out onto the dance floor and Anders was surprised to see that the rebellious prince actually knew his way around a dance floor. He looked around the room and spotted Josie at table sipping on glass of brandy when Nate pointed the two on the dance floor to her. Josie's eyes narrowed as she watched the pair glide around room obviously enjoying each other's company. She whispered something to Nate who laughed at her comment as she continued to study the couple. Her face and emotions over the pair were completely unreadable until the music stopped. That was when Leonie smiled up at Alistair as her hand lingered on his chest, he leaned into her and cupped her face. Leonie's arms went around his waist as she pressed into him and Alistair kissed her. It wasn't a long kiss, but it definitely had some soldering heat behind it. Josie looked stunned. She must have been too busy lately to notice the budding romance between the two.

"Well, that's an interesting development," Hawke stated.

"Very interesting," Anders agreed.

"It's only a kiss," Varric countered.

"A kiss is never just a kiss. It always means something," Isabela said as she and Zevran walked up to them.

"_And_ that kiss said a lot," Zevran affirmed.

"Exactly what did it say?" Varric asked.

"First, it said that even though Leonie is a woman that likes to take charge…" Zevran said.

"Well that's obvious she is a commanding officer," Varric interrupted.

"Yes, but there are plenty of leaders that like to be submissive in the bedroom; however, our lovely Orlesian Leader isn't one of them," Zevran explained.

"How can you tell that?" Varric asked.

"She made the first move by letting her hand linger on Alistair's chest while she let her smile encourage him to continue. It was very cunning…very Orlesian in the way she told him her interest. She subtly let him know that she was attracted to him, but she still allowed Alistair to be the man by letting him pursue her," Anders explained.

Zevran smiled at Anders. "Jo wasn't kidding when she said I would find my equal in you."

"I had a lot of time in the Circle to learn how to read body language. It's come in very handy at times," Anders said with smirk.

"I'll bet it has," Zevran replied.

"What else did that kiss say?" Varric asked.

"Well, by holding her face Alistair was telling her that at that moment it was just him and her, and nothing, but the two of them matter," Zevran explained.

"It also means he is a passionate lover," Isabela interjected.

"What? I've never heard that," Zevran stated.

"Just 'cause you haven't heard it doesn't mean it isn't true. I know you think you have the final say when it comes to sex, but I hate to break it to you, my dear, you aren't the book of knowledge when it comes to sex, Zev," Isabela chortled.

"Ouch!" Zevran exclaimed as he pretended to pull a knife out of his back.

"I've heard the same thing," Anders chuckled.

"How does that mean he is passionate?" Varric asked.

"Holding a person's face like that is very intimate thing to do. It lets the recipient know that he or she is going to give you all of their attention now and later," Isabela explained.

"Who knew one kiss could say so much?" Varric inquired.

"A kiss is a message told to the mouth instead of the ear; they are the messengers of our tenderness, our intent, and our love," Anders stated.

"Who knew the rebel apostate had the soul of a poet," Varric chuckled.

"Wow!" Isabela exclaimed. "Damn, that Josie is one lucky girl."

Anders looked across the room at her. Her head was thrown back as laughter escaped her lips, and her eyes danced with mirth. She saw him watching her; she smiled at him and blew him a kiss.

"No, I'm the lucky one," Anders replied as he walked across the room toward her.

_"I got freaky, freaky, baby, I was chillin' with my ladies, I didn't come to get boogie, I come here to get crazy  
>I was born to get wild that's my style, if you didn't know that, well baby now you know"<em>

Josie had enjoyed the day and evening's festivities, but after her last dance with a gentleman that was going by the title the Lord of Laziness her feet were ready to call it quits. She sat down at the table that her Wardens had commandeered and Nate handed her a glass of brandy which she finished in two large gulps.

"All that dancing makes a girl thirsty," Josie said as she set her empty glass down.

He chuckled as he grabbed the bottle to refill her glass. "Take it easy Jo. No one wants to see the Hero of Ferelden face down in the street, begging some old drunk to take her home."

"S-speak for yourself. I would p-pay good coin to see that," Oghren slurred.

"Have another ale, my stout friend and I'm sure you will be hallucinating that in no time," Josie replied.

"Soooo, that was quite the display Alistair and Leonie made out there. Who knew the ole boy had it in him," Nate said nonchalantly.

Josie smiled serenely. "I did. Alistair can be very sweet and romantic when he wants to."

"Well that is high praise coming from his ex," Nate replied.

"I only speaking the truth, but I was completely unaware that there was even an interest on either side," Josie said.

Nate took her hand in his and gently kissed it. "Well, my dear old friend, you have been just a tad bit busy lately with planning a trip into the Deep Roads, recruiting a templar, constantly watching your back for the knife that Loghain wants to put there and keeping an eye on your troubled apostate. It's easy to see how your ex-lover becoming involved with the Orlesian Commander might be overlooked."

"Was that your version of a pep talk? If so you really need to work on it," Josie chuckled.

"Sorry they didn't cover how to give uplifting talks to Commanding Officers during my etiquette lessons," Nate replied.

"They really need to add that to the curriculum."

"Seriously Jo, are you okay with Alistair being involved with Leonie?" Nate asked.

"Of course…I'm just a little surprised is all. I want him to be happy. He deserves that," Josie said as she looked at Alistair who once again was dancing with Leonie. She did want him to find happiness, but the sting of witnessing it throbbed in her chest and she had no idea why. She loved Alistair, but she was no longer in love with him. She did want him to find happiness, but did she have to witness him falling in love with someone else? And why did the woman he was falling for have to be so beautiful? Why couldn't she be a cave troll with the personality of a pride demon?

This is what Alistair must feel everyday he saw her with Anders. She knew Alistair was over her, that he no longer loved her, but it still had to hurt a little to see her with another just as it pained her to see him.

Nate pulled her to her feet and led her to the dance floor. "Best way to get over a pain in your heart is create new pain."

"And you think by making my feet throb even more will dull that ache," Josie retorted as Nate pulled her into his arms.

"Not really, but you're the best dancer here and I've yet to have you as a partner," Nate said with a wicked grin as he spun her away from him, but still gripping her hand he pulled her back in so that her back against his chest. He then whirled her away again, but this time when he pulled her back he spun her so that she faced him, his arm slid around her waist as he dipped her back.

Josie laughed as she looked up at him. "With moves like that Nathanial Howe, I'm amazed some sweet girl hasn't already snagged your heart."

Nate brought her back up and before he could reply Josie felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Bethany Hawke standing there grinning at her. "Commander, would you mind if I cut in?"

Josie smiled back, "Of course not."

She leaned in, kissed Nate's cheek and whispered. "Seems like old times. I see I was once again used to land your latest conquest."

Nate kissed her cheek as he replied. "Not this time, Jo. Bethany is no conquest. She is the real thing."

Josie hugged the man that she loved like a brother. "I'm happy for you."

She sat back down and Oghren slid a full glass of brandy over to her. "You're looking a little parched, Commander."

"With all the ale you have consumed, how can you see at all?" Josie asked.

"Training…y-year's of training," Oghren stammered.

Josie laughed as she took a sip of her brandy when she saw Anders watching her intensely. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss. He grinned back at her as he made his way across the courtyard. He took her by the hand, pulled her to her feet and maneuvered into a dark corner. He pressed her against the hard cool wall as his mouth covered hers in a searing kiss - ravaging and voracious; he kissed her with a raw desperation as his mouth slid over her cheek and down her throat. He kissed, licked and sucked at her skin setting it on fire as a rolling heat poured into her core.

"Maker, you taste incredible, Phin," he murmured as his tongue blazed a teasing path along the edge of her bodice as he kissed the tops of her breasts. "I want to lick every inch of you."

She wanted to inhale him, devour him, to caress every inch of his incredible body. She grabbed him by the hair and brought his head up so that her mouth was right on his ear and she whispered her wicked thoughts to him. "I want you inside me, Anders. I want to feel you buried deep within me."

That was it. That was all it took. He grabbed her by the hand and with a violent growl, he snapped, "Damn you, Jo. You make me absolutely fucking crazy," as he led down the back stairs toward the estate.

"_A-All these girls they like my swagger, they callin' me Mick Jagger, I be rollin like a stone, jet setter, jet lagger  
>We ain't messin' with no maggots, messin' with the baddest, chicks in the club, honey what's up"<em>

This had been an incredible day and an extraordinary night Zevran reflected as he led a beautiful noblewoman to the dance floor. He had lived up to his role as King of Fools and had completely enjoyed playing up that angle. The persona had made him inconspicuous as both he and Isabela had kept close watch on both Loghain and Stroud. Now he maneuvered his current dance partner towards the corner of the market where he saw the two Wardens in an intense looking discussion. He heard Loghain's raised voice.

"I'm done Stroud. Count me out!"

Zev stun his dance partner around and pulled her into the shadows of the market as he tried to focus on the conversation.

"It's too late for that, Loghain. You're in just as deep as me."

"You are taking this too far. I can't…I won't do that to her."

"Aaaah, have you now developed a soft spot for her since she saved your life."

Loghain remained silent and just hung his head as Stroud continued. "Since when has sparing your life meant a damn thing to you? This wasn't the first time she saved you, but that has never mattered before because of your conviction that you would be a better leader for the Wardens and for Ferelden then she is. Has that changed?"

"She has improved in her leadership abilities. She will make a fine…"

"Bullshit, Loghain. Don't you dare back out on me now! I have too much on you for you to change your mind at this point."

Loghain leaned into Stroud and hissed. "Don't. Push. Me. Stroud. There isn't anything you have on me that wouldn't incriminate yourself too and don't forget who you are dealing with. Don't think for a moment that I don't have evidence that will implicate only you."

Zevran felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked into the pouting face of the woman he was dancing with. "What does a lady have to do to get the attention of the King of Fools?"

Zevran smiled his most seductive grin at her. "Mio Amore, you already have my attention that is why you are in my arms. Now, what you need to ask yourself is what are you going to do to keep my attention?"

She grinned back at him. "Well for starters I thought you could join me and my sister back at our estate for a little _after party._"

Zevran raised an eyebrow. "And is your sister as delicious as you, my dear?"

"She is my twin," the noblewoman cooed.

Zev smirked back at her. "My lovely lady, you now have my undivided attention."

_"I had the time of my life and I never felt this way before  
>And I swear this is true and I owe it all to you…dirty bit"<em>

Anders could barely control himself as he and Josie made their way back to the estate. At times his need for her was so overwhelming that he had to pull her into a dark alleyway as he tried satisfying his craving for her. He had just pushed her against a wall and press into the warmth and solace of her body when in the distance the loud explosion of fireworks echoed against the brick walls marking the stroke of Midnight and welcoming in the New Year.

Unfazed by the loud commotion, Josie ravenously captured his mouth with hers—hard, deep, and oh so wet. Anders' tongue slipped past her sweet, full lips and swept into her soft, velvety mouth. She swiveled her hips slightly, grinding herself against his already aching groin as she ran her nails down his neck, to his back and grabbed his bottom, pushing him even harder against her.

He groaned as a primal lust infused his body…he couldn't remember the last time he had been so fucking horny… so out of control.

He pulled back from the kiss, panting, and she moaned slightly with disappointment before he leaned down and pressed his lips against her neck as he licked his tongue over her racing pulse. She smelled so divine and sweet.

"I need…" Anders moaned as she grabbed his throbbing length through his trousers and stroked.

"You need…what?" She teased.

"Oh…fuck Phin…" She tauntingly fondled through the thin material of his pants and a guttural groan tore from his throat.

"You need what?" She prompted again.

Anders grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the alley towards the estate. "I need to get you alone in our bed before I take you right here in this dark alleyway."

After only a few more minor detours they made it back to the estate. Anders scooped her into his arms and raced up to the sanctuary of their room. The moment that he closed the door, he set her down on the ground then he pulled her into his arms. His mouth captured hers with a hungry urgency and he pushed her against the nearest wall. Holding her, kissing her, the smell of her, inundated his senses and his head began to spin, his groin tightening with raging desire. After all these years together, all the delicious things that they had done to each how could he still have this uncontrollable yearning for her. He just couldn't get enough of her.

Josie ran her tongue along his lower lip begging for admittance which he willingly granted. Her hands moved up his back to his neck and pressed him against her, deepening the kiss. He fed from the sweetness of her mouth as he absorbed her essence into his very cells.

She moaned his name as she pressed her hips into him even more. He kissed his way down her neck to the pretty little indentation between her neck and shoulder. He nipped and sucked the soft skin and smiled as she shivered against him with a soft whimper.

He slid his hands down her back and splayed them over her tight bottom as he pulled her roughly against his throbbing groin. He nibbled a path from the sweet, succulent flesh of her neck back to her ear where he captured the lobe between his teeth.

"Ohh, Love," she moaned.

He licked and sucked at her ear as he slowly, gently rocked his hips against hers, creating the most delicious friction that could just as well be his undoing. He moaned against her neck as his hands slid around to her back and nimbly undid the laces of her dress. His fingers gripped the edges and he pulled it down then he agilely removed the breast band. He smiled at the perfection that was her breasts.

Josie stepped out of the fallen garment, then her fingers nimbly undoing the hooks on his robe. She slid it off his shoulders then she pulled on his tunic as she tugged it over his head. Anders knelt before her as his caresses and teased her as he slowly, almost painstakingly slow, removed her panties; his eyes roamed over her delicious body as he kissed his way back up her torso. When he reached her breasts he boldly, kneaded the soft skin, pinching her hard nipples between thumb and forefinger as she cried out at the mixture of pleasure and pain.

He pulled her to him and groaned as her supple breasts pressed against his bare chest. He lifted her up and her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. The feel of her hot, wet center pressed against his stomach, caused a moan to tear from his throat as he ached to bury himself deep within her.

Anders brought her back to the wall and pushed her firmly against it. His mouth once again captured hers as he devoured her sweet lips. The taste of her was intoxicating. His head began to spin with yearning, but he wanted take his time with her tonight as he committed her touch, her taste, her heat as it enveloped him to memory. However, the mere thought of completely exploring every inch of her made him tremble with anticipation and longing… an all consuming hunger is what he felt for her…a raw need to possess her and he made sure she knew this as his teeth bit into the curve of her neck. She cried out as she ran her nails across his back.

With her pressed firmly against the wall, Anders played unmercifully with her body; he pinched, licked, sucked and bit as he walked the thin line between pleasure and pain so effectively, that when he hesitated for a moment, she cried out in frustration and he couldn't help but smile.

"Patience, Love," he moaned into her ear. He felt her body quiver, her breath was short and raspy and he savored the way her body was reacting to his touch.

He pulled her closer to him as he ravished her mouth, he drank from her, taking all that she had to give and then taking even more. He needed her…not just physically although his body was screaming for him to bury himself deep within her, but he needed her to be his rock, to be his strength and hopefully his salvation.

The feel of her pressed against him forced him to forget about the outside world and all of its chaos. All that mattered was Josie, and he lost himself in the scent of her body, in the taste of her delicious lips and her loving touch. Tonight was about her, and he was going to delight in every moan, every sigh and cry of ecstasy that he was able to conjure from her lips.

Anders pulled back from her, he looked into her beautifully flushed face, and he watched the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she tried to catch her breath. Her lips were swollen as they trembled slightly with desire. He set her down as he undid his pants and stepped out of them and his small clothes. Maker he wanted her, but before he could take her, she grabbed his shoulders and forcefully spun him around, slamming him against the wall. Her eyes flared with hunger and desire as her head dipped and she sucked his hard nipple into her mouth and bit, at the same time he felt her slender fingers wrap around his thick hard length, a growl ripped from his throat as his hips pushed into her caress.

"Oh Fuck… M-maker…yesss," he groaned.

"No…It's Josie, Love. Say it again," she ordered teasing him with his own words as she kissed her way down to his chest, feathering kisses down his stomach to his hips and then her soft lips brushed the sensitive tip of his member.

He trembled with anticipation just before she took him in her warm, silky mouth and a cry of intense pleasure escaped his lips. He pressed his palms against the wall, raking his nails against the stone as her suction and licks caused unspeakable pleasure to rip through him. The warm heat that surrounded him felt so incredible it forced a groan to break free from deep within him.

"Oh Josie… my sweet, sweet Jo," he moaned as his head fell back against the wall as he drowned in the sheer bliss of her mouth. Every fiber of his being was enraptured as she made love to him with her mouth. His finger entwined in her hair as he watched her head glide back and forth. She looked up at him and locked eyes with his. He stared into the love that he saw shining there and she never looked more beautiful. She was a gift to him from the Maker, one that he didn't deserve, but one that he would spend the rest of what remained of his life cherishing.

"By the Maker, y-you're trying to kill me," he gasped as he tried to remain in control. He began to recite spells backwards trying not to lose the battle waging in him. However, he was losing it in spectacular fashion. With each tug of her mouth, each twirl of her tongue, his hips grew more urgent more frantic in response. He moaned her name when she grasped the weights that hung between his legs. She stroked, licked and teased them. He was lost in the exquisite torture that she was unleashing upon him.

"Jo..p-lease…fuck….Maker…stop…I can't last much longer."

She literally laughed at him as she continued her assault on him. Her taunting laugh vibrated against him, teasing his senses even more. She reveled in the power she had over him. He cried out her name in a chorus of supplication as his hands bunched in her hair and her mouth took him over the edge as the sheer bliss finally enclosed around him, bringing him peace and he etched the vision of her and this moment into his mind.

When he returned to his senses, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. He brushed the hair out of her face and lovingly stared down at her. "I need you, Phine. I desperately, desperately need you."

She reached up and caressed his face. "Anders, you have me. I'm yours and I'm not going anywhere."

He buried his head in her hair and inhaled her. She smelled of vanilla, lavender, sweat, and sex. She smelled delicious. "I love you, Jo."

"I love you, too, Anders." He reached down, grabbed her thighs and lifted her up. Her legs encircled him as he carried her to the bed. He sat on the edge as she straddled him and Anders leaned forward and gently kissed the valley between her breasts.

With one hand around her waist, the other came to her breasts and palmed the soft swells in his hand as his fingers glided over the cream skin. "Mmmm, Jo, you're so soft, so inviting…" He bent forward and drew her nipple into his mouth.

Josie moaned as she closed her eyes and pressed closer to him as her hands wrapped around his head and holding him to her. He sucked and nipped at the tight buds. She moaned as she pressed her hips against his groin that was once again already erect, he felt her hot, wet core and his hips involuntarily surged forward.

Her arms encircled his neck, and she lifted her herself up as she whispered, "I thought I would take you for a little ride."

"I like the way you think."

Very slowly she settled over him; he could feel the heat radiate off of her. She gradually, teasingly lowered herself onto him and he watched her shudder with pleasure as he pushed through her folds and sank into her. As her wet, hot center enfolded him, every nerve ending came alive and began to sizzle.

Anders stilled for a moment, savoring the sensation of being buried deep inside her, of filling her, of being joined together in the Marker's heavenly embrace. He held her gaze as he pushed deeper, the look in her eyes stripped him to the core. He couldn't move, wanting to preserve this moment, wanting never to forget how it felt to experience perfection.

With one hand still around her waist, he raised the other to caress what he was sure the world's most beautiful face. She pressed her cheek into his hand, than she kissed his palm before she drew his thumb into her silky mouth and began to suck. His body quivered at the two sensations her body was causing.

"Look at me," he whispered hoarsely.

She lowered her gaze and looked lovingly at him with her piercing blue eyes as she started to slowly move against him. He watched her reverently and enthralled as her eyes change from loving and tender to lustful and hungry as she began to rock faster and harder against him.

_Fuck me; she was the most fantastic woman he had ever known_. _What had he done to deserve her?_

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her against him as he drove long, hard thrusts deep inside her. He gave her everything…everything he had…everything, but the promise of a future that he was unsure of. And she met his strokes with a plunder of her own, holding his gaze, raking his soul of its secrets. As if she could read his dark thoughts, she lovingly stroked his cheek as she stared into his eyes and in that moment he knew that she knew just how much she meant to him and she had forever changed him.

She continued to rock against him and he loved the feel of her breasts as they rubbed against his bare chest, the way she threw her head back in bliss, the way she purred just like a cat as she deepened the movement between them and quickened the pace. His tongue swirled and licked along her collarbone as he thrust into her. She dragged her nails across his back as he pushed into her harder, he pulled her head down to him and his mouth moved to her earlobe. He closed his lips around it and as he moved in and out of her slick center, he sucked and cherished every delicate inch of her luscious body as she pushed against him, riding him trying to gain more friction.

Their bodies melted into each other as they clung to one another so tightly that they could barely breathe. He felt her grind her body onto his as she desperately tried to take him in deeper. She cried out his name and bite gently into his shoulder. When he was with her like this –stripped down and raw - he actually felt whole, he felt he was home, he felt safe and he felt that he had found his redemption in her.

She lovingly mewed his name as her fingers entwined in his hair, she gave a hard tug and his paced quickened. His desire was now insatiable and she was the only one that could quench it. His hands slid down to her firm bottom, he caressed her, teased her, violated her as she cried out his name his head dipped down and he took her nipple in his mouth. In that moment, Anders felt her muscles constrict around him as the current of sheer pleasure ripped through her and she shook violently against him.

Anders felt the pressure start at his core, build, and then burst through him with such an incredible force that he cried from the intense ecstasy. She moaned his name and he silenced her with his lips as he claimed hers intensely… passionately as they rode out their orgasm together.

The firestorm of pleasure washed over them, through them, draining them, leaving both of them breathless as they clung to each other.

She pulled away and looked into his eyes for a long moment as they drank each other in. "I love you Anders. I know you're fighting with all that you have and I want you to know that I am fighting too. Until my last breath, I will fight for you."

Anders buried his head on her chest, he wanted to cry, but instead kissed her. "Andraste's arse, I don't deserve you, Jo and if you walked away from me tomorrow I would truly understand, but Maker help me, I need you to survive as much as I need the air to breathe."

He fell back on the bed, pulling her with him. He threw a blanket over top of them as she snuggled down into his chest. "I love you, Phin."

"I love you, Anders."

He held her tightly against him as she drifted off to the Fade. His heart ached at the thought that these might be the last few days he had with her. He knew in the coming days his actions would break her heart and even if he survived the upcoming events it would destroy whatever possible future they could have together. He also knew that if his actions resulted in his death, that too would break her, but there was no turning back now from the path that he was now on and he only hoped that those that loved her most would be enough to pull her through the days to come.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Josie's song should be sung to Walking in a Winter Wonderland.**

***Today's Italian lesson - Mio Amore – My love.**

*** A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Please continue.**


	16. Chapter 16 Please Remember

**Disclaimer - This story is an AU and all theories put forth are creations from the author's demented mind. They are not part of the DA canon. They are possibilities proposed by the author in regards to this story alone. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled program.  
><strong>

**Chapter 16 – Please Remember**

"Please remember, please remember, I was there for you and you were there for me  
>Please remember, our time together, the time was yours and mine<br>And we were wild and free and remember, please remember me

And how we laugh and how we smile and how this world was yours and mine  
>And how no dream was out of reach I stood by you, you stood by me<br>We took each day and made it shine we wrote our names across the sky  
>We ride so fast, we ride so free and I had you and you had me<br>Please remember, Please remember"

_Please Remember by LeAnn Rimes_

Hawke and Merrill's heads moved back and forth as they watched Josie pace around the room. Hawke gave her hand a squeeze of encouragement. When Merrill had arrived with Hawke, he had explained that she had struggled with the translation and he had come with her for support. Now Josie understood why.

Josie also felt her all Wardens' eyes on her… well all except for Anders whose presence was once again absent. They were staring at her in stunned disbelief, as she tried working through the information that Merrill had translated from the Darkspawn journals.

Josie ran her fingers through her hair as she let out a frustrated sigh. "So let me get this straight. The journals written in ancient Dalish were written by Flemeth herself. In her own words she said that she was willingly working with Architect to create the free thinking Darkspawn, she aided him in keeping the Darkspawn away from the Old Gods, and that she also knows the Old Gods' slumbering chambers. She also indicated that in order for the Architect to be able to contact her if he needed her assistance with the warring factions, he had taken some of Flemeth's blood so that he could track her. The journals written in modern Dalish are the Avengers'. His notes imply that the talking Darkspawn are tracking Flemeth because they want the locations for the Old Gods and they are using the Architect's knowledge to track her."

Merrill nodded her head. "Yes, that about sums it up."

Josie felt the blood drain from her face as she sat down in chair beside Nate. "Maker have mercy," she mumbled.

"But why was she working with him?" Alistair asked.

"From what I could decipher the Architect needed a very old blood magic ritual to create the talking, free thinking Darkspawn. He sought out Asha'bellanar and she agreed to help because she too believed that if the Darkspawn could think for themselves, they would choose not to go to war, but would choose self-preservation. However, I believe her true motivation was that she wanted the locations of the Old Gods," Merrill explained.

"And correct me if I'm wrong, la mia dolce cuore, but wasn't it you that killed the Architect," Zevran stated.

Josie nodded. "Well, she has to be one very unhappy witch. I'm sure you've made her naughty list."

"Well, she can get in line with the rest of the bastards that are looking for the opportunity to give me a good spanking," Josie replied.

"Well, if there is a line forming I do believe I'm at the head of it," Zevran chortled.

"So does that mean that all of those attack sites were actual areas that the Witch of the Wilds had been at?" Caron asked.

"I believe so," Josie said.

"But why is Flemeth here? Why has she stayed if she knows the Darkspawn are looking for her?" Nate questioned.

Alistair looked at her and she gave a slight head shake. Her Wardens deserved to know the truth. If they were going to lay their lives on the line they deserved to hear the whole story, but now was not the time with Hawke and Merrill in the room.

"Nate, I believe we can discuss that a bit later," Josie replied. Nate's eyes shifted to Hawke and then he gave a nod of understanding.

"Was there anything else you translated that would help us?" Josie asked.

Merrill shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Well… yes... ummm, it would seem that the Avenger wasn't lying about Urthemiel's essence changing your blood. When the Architect took your blood he thoroughly studied it and ran tests on it. His notes stated that as a result of the Old God's spirit passing through you, that it gave you extra abilities. It allowed your taint not only sense darkspawn or Grey Wardens, but to sense their emotions and communicate with them…"

"But I can't communicate with them," Josie said.

"The Architect believed that you should be able to do this because this is how the Archdemon communicated with the Darkspawn. Urthemiel's soul has also increased your strength, agility and quickness…"

"He's wrong! I don't feel any different. I don't feel stronger or more nimble or…"

"Jo, I think that's because you haven't really put this theory to the test. If you trained with those abilities in the forefront of your mind, I believe you would see what the Architect was referring to," Alistair stated.

"What makes you say that?" Josie asked.

"The day that I watched you spar against Hawke there was point when he had you on the ground, and you grabbed his sword between your hands. Do you remember that?" Alistair asked. Josie nodded so he continued. "Your reflexes were so quick it was almost impossible to follow the movement until you were slamming the pommel into his head, and leaping to your feet. Even then I didn't understand how you could move so quickly."

Zevran nodded. "I agree. It was an incredible move that was executed so swiftly, I don't think my mind truly processed what it had seen. Alistair is correct we need to begin to explore this new avenue in your training."

Josie just gave a curt nod then looked over at Merrill. "Was there anything else?"

Again the elf shifted uncomfortable in her chair and her head dropped as she stared at her hands. "J-josie… I… I'm so sorry…"

Josie's eyes went wide at the mage's anxiety. "It's alright Merrill. What is it?"

"I… Ummm… well the Architect believed that the increase in your abilities was speeding up the corruption of your blood…"

"What?" Alistair exclaimed. "What does that mean?"

Merrill was visible shaking now and Hawke rested his hand on her leg. "Her blood makes her stronger, more agile and quicker than what most humans are capable of, but it is also corrupting her taint at a quicker rate."

The room grew unnaturally silent as they all tried to understand the implications of what that meant. Josie was the first arrive at the proper conclusion.

"H-how long?" Josie muttered completely stunned by this latest revelation.

"The Architect believed it will cut your life expectancy in half," Hawke stated gravely.

Josie slumped back in her chair, stunned. "S-seven more years… at the most."

"No! He's wrong! He has to be." Alistair bellowed.

Nate grasped her hand in his. "Alistair's right, Jo, the Architect was highly intelligent, but he wasn't the final authority on the taint. When we get back to Ferelden we will visit Avernus. He is the true expert when it comes to Warden's blood. He will know if it's true and if there is a way to stop it."

Josie just nodded as she quickly reigned in her emotions and composed herself. Then she stood up and walked over to Merrill. "Thank you, Merrill. I am grateful for your help with this. I want to give this to as token of my appreciation."

Josie handed the mage a green velvet pouch. Merrill opened it and pulled out a gold chain with a gold leaf pendant, that had the words _Falon es Enansal_ engraved on it on one side, and a protection rune on the other side.

Merrill held the delicate necklace between her fingers. "A friend is a gift," she said with a smile as she touched the engraved words. "How very true, thank you Josie."

"You're welcome," Josie replied.

Hawke stood and took Merrill's hand in his. "I know you are very busy and we have given you even more things to now occupy your time so we will be heading out."

Josie escorted the two of them toward the door. "Thank you for coming by and for helping Merrill with that difficult translation. I am sure that message wasn't an easy one to deliver."

Hawke took Josie's hands in his and looked into her eyes. "Because my sister is a Warden, I have done a lot of research and know more Warden secrets than I should. If there is anything I can do to help you search for the truth… or a cure, please don't hesitate to ask me."

Josie smiled at him. "Thank you, Hawke. You too are a good friend."

Hawke hugged her then gently kissed her cheek. "Speaking of friends, tell Anders to quit being a stranger and meet us at the Hanged Man soon."

"I'll have to see him first in order to tell him," Josie said trying to sound causally.

Hawke narrowed his gaze on her. "He hasn't been at the estate. Where is he spending all of his time?"

"At the clinic," Josie replied.

Hawke just nodded. "Well, all work and no play will make Anders a dull boy. You need to drag him out of there."

It wasn't as if she hadn't tried, but Anders had become so distant over the past month that even when he was physically here, mentally he was somewhere very distant. She couldn't breakthrough to him no matter what she did. She had received the ritual from Wynne over a week ago, but when Kai looked at it she realized that the lyrium required specific ingredients that needed to be added then it needed to ferment for potency. The concoction was now ready, but her mage had been awol for the past three days.

"I will do my best," Josie said with reassuring smile.

After Hawke and Merrill had left Josie stood in the foyer for moment composing herself. She knew her Wardens were waiting to talk with her, but she really needed some time to collect her thoughts and digest all the information that had just been thrown at her. She really wished Anders was here. She wanted to feel his strong, protective arms around her, his loving voice reassure her that everything was going to be alright. She missed him terribly and hopefully after the ritual she would have her sweet, funny, sexy mage back.

Josie headed for the kitchen instead of her office. She sifted though the icebox and pulled out some cheese. She had just finished spreading the Orlesian brie onto a cracker and was about take a bite when she heard a chuckle from behind her. She turned to see Alistair leaning against the door frame grinning at her.

"I can't believe you would actually help yourself to _my cheese_ and not even offer me any," he said.

"Your cheese! When did it become _your cheese_?"

"Everyone knows Orlesian brie is my favorite," he said as he walked toward her and looked over her shoulder at the little piece that remained. "And you didn't even save me a piece big enough to truly savor. That's just heartless."

"Well, you aren't the only one who has a fondness for cheeses or have you forgotten?"

Alistair reached over quickly picked up a cracker and the last piece of brie. Josie smacked at his hand but he managed to pop it into his mouth before she could knock it away. He smirked at her. "I haven't forgotten that you can be vicious when someone or something comes between you and your cheese," Alistair said with a smile as the memory flickered across both of their minds.

_Josie was rummaging through her backpack looking for the cheese and crackers that she had hid there. Her stomach was growling at her something fierce, almost painfully so. She would never make it to breakfast if she didn't eat something soon. _

"_Are you looking for this?" Alistair teased from behind her. She spun to see Alistair holding up the bag of cheese and crackers. "You're holding out on me, Jo Jo. That's not very nice of you."_

"_Alistair give that back to me and no one will get hurt," she threatened. _

_He laughed at her. "And what will you give me if I return this to you?"_

"_I'll let you live," she snarled._

_He continued to smirk at her which was starting to truly irritate the hell out of her. Her stomach growled so loud that Alistair could even hear it. _

"_My, my, my, that's not very ladylike of you."_

_Josie reached behind her and withdrew her blade. Alistair's grin faltered slightly. "You aren't really going to stab me over a piece of cheese."_

"_Give me my cheese and crackers back, Alistair!"_

"_Come and get them," Alistair taunted as he waved the bag in front of her._

_Without even hesitating Josie charged at him. Catching him completely off guard she tackled him to the ground and wrestled the bag out of his hand. A hunger pain gripped her abdomen as she ripped the bag open, grabbed several pieces of cheese and shoved them into her mouth. She felt Alistair's chest rumble beneath her and she looked down to see that she was straddling his waist. _

_He beamed up at her as he took in their current position and his eyes darkened with a different kind of hunger. "Now that's a sight that has me hungry too," he moaned as his hand slid up her back to her neck and he pulled her down to him. _

Josie smiled at him as the memory lingered. "When a Warden is hungry you really shouldn't get in their way. It can be very dangerous and quite painful."

"Yes, I do remember being on the receiving end of that _pain_," Alistair said with grin and she smiled back at him. "Once your done stuffing your face, are you heading back to your office? I believe your Wardens have a few questions."

"I'm not stuffing my face, I'm enjoying a light afternoon snack," Josie replied as she grabbed another cracker, and headed for the door, Alistair falling in behind her.

When she entered the office all of her Wardens looked up at her with anxiety filled faces and eyes shining with pity. She would not stand for them to look at her as if she had been given a death sentence.

"I will not have you lot looking at me as if I have a death mark above my head. We have no idea if the Architect's theories are correct. These are the conjectures of a Darkspawn whose main goal was not to save my life, but to save his own species. His suppositions could be completely bias for all we know. If it turns out that he correct well… I was supposed to die on top of that tower, so every day after that one is a blessing and a gift. Now I do believe that we much bigger issues to contend with at the moment, then whether or not I'm going to live or die in seven years."

"You're right, Commander. We will deal with the Architect's speculations when we return to Ferelden. For now we need to concentrate on this new information that the Darkspawn are tracking Flemeth, but why?" Nate asked.

Josie took a deep breath. She looked at both Zevran and Alistair who gave her nods of encouragement. She ran her hands through her hair and was about to begin when a loud explosion rocked the estate and loudly shook the windowpanes.

"Maker's arse, what the hell was that?" Alistair said.

All of them rushed toward the front door and stepped out into the courtyard. The tower of the Chantry had been blown up and now smoke was billowing from what remained of the building as molten rock and debris rained down. The Chantry courtyard was just around the corner and Josie raced toward it with the Wardens falling closely behind her.

Josie skidded to a stop when she saw Anders yelling at Orsino. "I removed the chance of compromise because there _**is**_no compromise. The world we live in must change; their views of us must be altered. We have the right to be free, to live, to love, to work as free men and women. But freedom, Orsino, comes with a price and that levy is being paid today. No one will come out of this untouched, but a new world will emerge… a better world for future mages."

"The Grand Cleric has been murdered by magic, the Chantry destroyed. I hereby invoke the Right of Annulment. Every mage in the circle is to be executed. Immediately!" Meredith commanded.

From behind her both Kai and Caron gasped. "She can't do that. Please Commander we must stop them," Kai cried out.

"Jo this is a political firestorm. As Wardens we can't be involved," Alistair cautioned.

"We are already involved. Or did you miss the part where A-anders just blew a building up," Josie hissed as she tried to control her rage. She turned her attention back to the events that were unfolding in the courtyard.

Hawke had agreed to fight to defend the mages and Orsino was racing off toward the Gallows. Anders sat on a crate as his friends gathered around him. Josie walked over to him. He looked up at her and the look of utter despair was etched on his face.

"Phin, there isn't anything you can possibly say, that I haven't said to myself a thousand times."

"How could you let him win?" She asked hopelessly.

"I-I tried to fight him for as long as I could… but things changed, I changed. I knew the world needed to change too. I took a spirit into my soul and altered myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice that all mages deserve," Anders muttered.

"Anders, why couldn't you tell me? Why didn't you trust me?" Josie pleaded.

"I wanted to, Jo. Every night that I held you in my arms I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you involved. You hold too much power and as Warden you couldn't be involved in this," Anders replied.

"You didn't want me involved! Don't you see, I'm still involved Anders! Everyone knows that you are a Warden, that you live at the Warden estate, and that we are lovers. The Chantry will assume that the Wardens involved themselves in politics, they will assume that I helped you. They will believe that I murdered all those innocent people, to further the cause of my lover. Did you even stop to consider what this would do to me? Or am I just one of your causalities of war?" she spat at him.

"Jo, you're the last person I would ever want to hurt. I-I love you… I never meant to cause you any harm, but I did what needed to be done. If I pay for that with my life, then so be it," Anders said.

"Why are we even listening to this mad man's reasons for killing innocent people? He is a murder! Anders must die!" Sebastian roared from behind them. "

"By killing him you make him a martyr. You give the mages a name and a face to rally behind," Caron reasoned.

"This man caused the brutal death of an innocent woman. Someone who knew you Hawke, who trusted you; you cannot let this abomination walk free. Either he dies, or I will return with such an army that there will be nothing left of Kirkwall."

The crowd that had gathered to witness the spectacle let out a loud cheer and began to chant "Kill the Mage".

Hawke stepped forward. "Anders… I'm at a loss… I trusted you. Josie trusted you and you betrayed both of us, but more importantly you killed a lot of innocent people. Who will give them justice?"

"Hawke, my life for theirs," Anders said.

"NO!" Josie cried out.

Anders looked up at her and smiled sadly at her. "You were the one bright spot in my life. Your love was the anchor that kept me from drowning, but after awhile it wasn't enough. I-I couldn't fight him anymore. Vengeance has completely taken over, Phin, there is very little left of the man you love. Let me go, let Hawke set things right."

"No! Anders, please… I love you."

Anders smiled sadly at her. "Josie, when the pain fades, please remember all the good things that we shared… all of the laughter… all the love and take comfort that for a while we were very happy."

Hawke stepped up behind Anders, his blade drawn. He looked over at Josie, "I'm sorry Jo, but Anders is right. Justice needs to be delivered for the innocent lives that he willingly sacrificed to his cause."

"P-please Hawke… don't… I have a ritual that will separate the two of them…"

"That would have been useful before he blew up the Chantry. I'm sorry…" Hawke then raised his arm and Josie looked into the eyes of the man she loved one last time as Hawke swiftly brought his arm down. He drove the dagger into Anders back, finding his way expertly between his ribs and forced it all the way into his heart.

"Nooooo!" Josie screamed as she leapt for Hawke, but she felt a large arm encircle her drawing her back.

"No Josie… Hawke is right. This has to be done," Nate hissed in her ear.

A slight cry escaped Anders lips as a few drops of blood oozed from his mouth. He slid to his knees and fell over onto his side. A scream tore from Josie's throat as she watched Anders collapse to the ground. She stared in horror as his blood poured out of him and stained the cobblestone.

Josie broke out of Nate's grasp and fell to the ground beside him. She pulled Anders into her arms and gently cradled him, as she rocked him back and forth, tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked up at Kai, "P-please, can you save him?"

The mage slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry Commander, but the moment the blade struck Anders' heart he died. I can't bring him back."

Rage coursed through her. She was angry at Anders for his selfish stupidity, at Nate for stopping her from saving him, and Hawke for taking his life. She now glared up at Hawke and she rained in her fury. Through gritted teeth she hissed, "Hawke, I like you and I respect you and for those reasons I am giving you fair warning, if our paths ever cross again I will kill you."

Hawke hung his head and nodded. "I understand… and I am sorry it came to this." He then turned to his companions and began issuing orders.

Josie tenderly and lovingly lowered Anders to the ground; she wiped the tears from her cheeks as she took a deep breath and pushed her emotions down. Then she stood to face her Wardens.

"Despite Anders actions here today, he was Warden. He fought at each and every one of your sides and has healed you more times than can be counted. He will receive a proper funeral. Alistair, Caron, Nate and Zev please gather his body."

They did as instructed and she led them back to the estate. She asked them to take Anders to their room so that she could dress him for the pyre. Gently and tenderly she washed the blood off of him; she lovingly brushed his hair and dressed him his favorite robes. Kai had offered to help, but she had refused. She knew it would be struggle, but she felt this was something she needed to do on her own. She needed these last private moments with him.

When she was done she looked down at him… all cleaned up and dressed in fresh clothes he looked like he could be sleeping… he looked at peace as he had back at Vigil's Keep. Tears slid down her face as a horrible ache began to bloom in her chest. The pain continued to grow until it became so great that it drove her to her knees. The dam broke as a wail tore from deep within her, and she cried out his name over and over again, as the grief as strong as a tide wave crashed down on her drowning her in anguish of all that she had lost.

She felt a warm arm slid tenderly around her shoulders. She felt her best friend's cool kiss on her her cheek. "La mia dolce cuore, Kai made this for you," Zevran said as he handed her a small vial. "It will help relax you so you can sleep."

She wordlessly took the bottle and drank. She wasn't sure how long she had been crying, but it had to have been awhile because the front of her shirt was soaked from her falling tears. Zevran then stood and helped her to her feet. He led her from her room closing the door behind him and escorted her to his room. He affectionately slid off her boots and her trouser then guided her over to his bed, he pulled back the covers lovingly tucked her in. He turned away from and she grabbed his arm. He turned back to look at her and the compassion that was shining in his eyes forced a smile on her lips.

"P-please don't leave me Zev. I don't want to be alone," Josie begged.

Zev gently stroked her cheek. "La mia caramella dolce, I am only going to stoke the fire. I have no intention of leaving your side."

She sighed as leaned back against the pillows and drifted off into a restless nightmare filled sleep.

The following morning Josie woke to the sound of hushed whispers outside her door and Zevran's voice rising above the rest.

"I don't care if the entire city is burning to the ground; we will do this for her, because it is what she needs to heal so that eventually she can move on. Nate prepare the Wardens to travel heavily armed, and Kai I don't care if you have to create the biggest illusion spell of your life, to get us outside the city walls by the Maker you will find away. Am I making myself clear?" Zevran demanded.

There were low murmurs of agreement then the door opened and Zevran stepped in with a tray of pastries and a pot of tea. He saw that she was awake and he smiled at her. "How are you doing?"

She just looked at him and he smiled tentatively back at her. "I'm sorry that was a really stupid question."

She remained silent as he set the tray down on the bed, and poured her some tea. He handed her a cup and she took a sip before she spoke. "I heard commotion outside. What is going on in the City?"

"Well, there was a bloody battle at the Gallows, but Hawke was victorious… if you want to call it a victory and he killed Meredith. The Circle has fallen and both templars and mages alike are running free. It has the rest of the city completely in an uproar."

"Are there mobs of angry citizens gathered outside the doors of the Estate demanding our heads?"

"No, it seems that Hawke's companions are taking the brunt of the backlash. Varric stopped by this morning to let us know that Hawke and the others are leaving the city this morning… all of them except Bethany. Hawke felt that she would be safer under the protection of the Wardens. If Anders wanted a revolution then he must be dancing with joy in the Fade right now."

"I hope all the Circles fall," Josie said unemotionally.

Zevran stared at her stunned. She just gave him a solemn smile. "If Anders was willing to sacrifice everything for his cause, I don't want it to be for nothing. I want to see some real change rise up from the ashes of the lives that were lost."

"Well you may get your wish," Zevran replied as he pushed a pastry at her. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Josie replied.

"I need to write this date down. It's the first time that Josie Cousland wasn't hungry and turned down food," Zevran chuckled.

Josie gave him somber smile. "It isn't the first time I've turned down food."

"Oh and when was the last time so that I can record that date too," Zevran replied trying to lighten the mood.

"I didn't eat thing on the two week trip from Highever to Ostagar after the murders of my family," Josie replied unemotionally.

Zevran shoulders fell as he realized there was no way of improving her mood… not today… not when she was going to be saying her final farewells to the man that had saved her, but whom she had failed to save… just as she had failed to save her family.

"Is the pyre ready?" She asked.

"Yes, everyone is ready to whenever you are," Zevran replied.

"Good, can let them know I want to leave in an hour."

"Yes, I've also taken the liberty of having a bath sent up for you. Giles is polishing your armor and he will have it brought up shortly."

An hour later the Wardens silently made their way through the debris of the city streets under a concealment charm. Josie stared at the stretcher that held her lover, her friend, her partner, her healer and felt… nothing. She felt nothing at all. She was completely numb and empty. She started at the pyre as the stretcher was placed on top of it. Leonie stepped forward and sang a lovely song about a brave Warden mage. The Orleasan Commander had beautiful voice and the lyrics of the song were moving. Kai was crying and she even saw Nate pretend that he had dirty in eye as he brushed away a tear, but she still felt dead inside.

Josie knew that she would be unable to give Anders eulogy so Nate had volunteered. In spite of Anders recent actions, Nate's words were touching as he recalled the carefree mage he had met back in Vigil's Keep, all those years ago… again Josie felt nothing. As Kai light the pyre she was completely detached, as if she were watching someone else, Josie stared as flames engulfed Anders and he disappeared from her life forever.

The Wardens once again made their way back to the Estate in silence. Without a word Josie went up to her room, she stripped naked then she pulled one of Anders robes from their closet. She wrapped herself in it and breathed in the smell of herbs, spices and magic. She fell onto the bed breathing him in as she drifted off into restless, tortured sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Your Italian lesson - La mia caramella dolce – My sweet candy, La mia dolce cuore – My sweetheart.**

*** Big thanks, hugs and kisses to my Beta Guru Bonkzy for making it seem as if I have firm grasp on the English language and have mastered commas, colons, semicolons and spellchecker. The fact that I haven't is our little secret. You rock! Thanks!**


	17. Chapter 17 I'll Stand by You

**Chapter 17 – I'll Stand by You**

"So, if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now  
>Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too, well I'm a lot like you<br>When you're standing at the crossroads and don't know which path to choose  
>Let me come along 'cause even if you're wrong, I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you<p>

Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you  
>Take me in, into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you, I'll stand by you<br>And when the night falls on you, baby, you're feelin' all alone  
>You won't be on your own, I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you<br>I'll stand by you"

_I'll Stand by You by The Pretenders_

All of the Wardens were now beginning to understand what it truly meant to be emotionally connected to their fellow Wardens. Over the past month, they all felt Josie grief, agony and anger over Anders' death through her taint. They tried to block it out as best as they could, but at times her pain was so great that it was impossible to thwart the intensity of her feelings. During those times Alistair had to leave the Estate. He had overheard Zevran say that he had only seen Josie like this one other time, and he knew the assassin was referring to when he had left her. Alistair couldn't bear feeling her misery. It tortured him, knowing that he had once inflicted this same kind of suffering on her. It ate at him that now twice in her life the men that had claimed to love her, to always stand by her, had betrayed and broken her. He wanted to ease her heartbreak, he wanted to hold her and tell her it would be alright, but he knew he was the last person she would want comfort from, so he stood by and watched Zevran and Nathaniel try to console her as best as they could.

For the first week after Anders' funeral Josie refused to come out of her room, and had stopped eating and bathing. Everyday Zevran had tried to coax her back to the world of the living, but she numbly sat on the bed or near the fire wrapped in Anders' robes; not speaking and not engaging anyone. On the eighth day of her emotionless and nearly comatose state the assassin had enough. He forcibly dressed Josie in her armor and led her out to the practice ring. Alistair, Nathaniel and Kai watched from the fence as Zevran placed her daggers in her hands, then stood behind the wooden dummy and mercilessly began to taunt her.

"Il mio stupido abbastanza, how can you just stand there and do nothing after Anders humiliated you like he did," Zevran criticized.

Even though Josie remained motionless, Alistair began to advance toward them. Nathaniel grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. "Let him go. He knows what he's doing."

"He made a mockery out of you, Jo and out of the Wardens," Zevran sneered, and this time Alistair noticed her fingers slightly twitch.

"He brought dishonor to the Order that you revere and love," the assassin scoffed, as Alistair watched her hands tighten around the pommels of her blades.

"Josie, he made love to you every night as he whispered his undying devotion to you, while he was secretly plotting the deaths of innocent people."

Alistair could see her knuckles turning white from the rigid grip she had on the daggers, but she remained immobile. Alistair watched Zevran's face harden as the assassin prepared himself for what he was about to say next.

"He disgraced and demeaned your relationship. He deceived you and betrayed your love for him. What is with you Jo, loving men that have this need to stab you in the back?"

Alistair felt his own anger building up, but before he could stop the assassin's onslaught of insults, Josie let out a blood curdling cry as she lunged toward the dummy and stabbed it dead center in the chest. Then she let out another war cry that would have made any warrior proud, as she pulled her dagger out of the dummy. In a blur of movements almost too quick for the eye to follow, she danced, twirled and kicked at the practice dummy.

Alistair could feel the rage quickly building inside her as her blades worked in tandem, they aggressively struck the dummy in rapid succession. With each slice, each cut she cried out, "You fucking bastard…I hate you…Anders, you selfish prick…How could you!"

Then she flipped backwards. She landed pivoting to the side, she planted her right foot behind her, and left foot out in front. Swinging her leg around, and kicked the side of the dummy's head. She adjusted her stance quickly, shifted her weight, pulled her left leg back and kicked the body of the dummy; she pivoted to the front and delivered a wicked kick to the groin. Both Alistair and Nathaniel let out a groan as they unconsciously adjusted themselves.

"Not the mummy and daddy buttons!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

Kai giggled and rolled her eyes. "Your sympathy for the practice dummy is touching."

"I felt its pain… well if it could feel pain, I could have felt it," Alistair muttered.

"I know what you mean. My entire body tensed up on that kick… Well she is definitely working out her anger issues," Nathaniel said.

"Yeah, I'm glad it's a wooden dummy in there with her, and not one of us," Alistair stated.

After several more kicks to the head and nether regions, she moved in close, with her left dagger she delivered a blow to the neck as she drove her right blade into its wooden chest. Sweat was pouring down her face, but she wasn't done yet. She continued to move in a blur as she stabbed and hacked at the dummy. When she was done the object of her fury lay in chopped pieces at her feet. She stopped and looked around at the destruction. A horrible moan escaped her lips as she fell to her knees among the wreckage.

Zevran was at her side in an instant. He pulled her into his arms and tenderly kissed her forehead as she cried in his arms. "Dolce cuore, it's okay to love and hate him, to be angry at him and still mourn him. It's normal for you to want to punish him for his betrayal, and still long to be held by him."

"Oh Z-zev…I want to hurt him, I want him to feel the deep cut of betrayal…I want to scream at him, hit him, but he took that from me. He left me here all alone…again I'm all alone."

"You are not alone, my dear, sweet Warden. You are surrounded by people that love you and want to help you through this," Zevran said.

"They…you can't stop the pain…I want the pain to stop, but it doesn't. It hurts so fucking bad and it keeps going on and on… I miss him so much…I ache for h-him, b-but…" Josie stuttered as she drew in a deep breath but continued in a ragged voice. "H-he destroyed everything. How could he do that? How could he have ever loved me…and do that to me…to us?"

"I'm not going to make excuses for Anders' actions. He was a very troubled man, but what you should never doubt was that Anders loved you. Anyone who saw him with you could see that, but he was tormented and eventually his inner demons became more than he could bear. But Josie, never doubt the depths of his love for you. It was you that gave him the strength to hold on for as long as he did."

"H-how am I supposed to go on, Zev, when I feel so b-broken and empty?"

Zevran cupped her face as his thumbs tenderly wiped away the tears. "You start by making it through one moment at a time, then one hour, one day, one week and eventually one morning you will wake up and the pain won't be as bad or as strong. Eventually, you will be able to look back and remember the time you shared with him and the memories will bring a smile not a tear."

Zevran stood, helped her to her feet and led her back into the house. He asked Giles to bring up a bath and tray of food to her room. After that day, Josie started to return slowly to her everyday activities. Nathanial worked close by her side, assisting her with both her Warden and Arlessa duties. Resuming the responsibilities of everyday life had broken her comatose state, but she still remained detached and distant. It was like pulling teeth to get her to engage in conversation that didn't revolve around her obligations, but her Wardens continued to try.

The scene with the practice dummy had been the breakthrough, but Alistair knew she was still mourning. He heard crying herself to sleep her every night as he made his way to his room, across the hall from hers. There were times that her screams from nightmares would wake him. He wanted to go to her as he had when they had traveled together during the Blight, wake her, hold her and rock her back to sleep, but that would be completely inappropriate since he was now involved Leonie. His heart ached to comfort the woman that he loved while he held someone else in his bed. He was such an ass!

Alistair now stood in Warden's library as he poured himself another tall brandy, and thought about all that happened over the past several months. Zevran had said the best way to get over someone is get on top of someone else. Well he and Leonie had done that… a lot… and often. It hadn't helped him get over Josie, but Leonie had definitely given his mind a much needed distraction and during their time together he had grown to care for her. She was completely different from Josie, in both looks and personality and that was exactly what he needed.

Leonie was tall with strawberry blond hair and emerald eyes. Josie was petit, ravened hair with piercing sapphire eyes, however to make up for her stature her personality was larger than life… it was magnetic. Leonie was logical, stoic, quiet and methodical, but had very dry sense of humor that made him laugh frequently. Josie led with her heart, Leonie with her head. The only thing the two Commanders actually had in common was their voracious sexual appetites, yet somehow the two women had managed to become friends.

However, Leonie couldn't ease Josie's suffering. She didn't understand how one person could feel so strongly about another, that their entire body grieved over the loss. Alistair actually pitted her because if she couldn't understand Josie's grief then she herself had never been truly in love. Alistair knew such grief. Even though he had willingly walked away from Josie he grieved for her and for what they had lost. Now all he wanted to do was help Josie through all of this pain, to ease her suffering as he had once before.

When Alistair and Josie had started their travels together even before their relationship had evolved into something romantic, both of them had taken comfort in each other at night, as together they grieved the loss of the Wardens and Josie mourned her family. They had been the only two Wardens left in Ferelden who were facing horrific odds, so each night they would fall asleep in each other's arms finding solace and safety there. Those nights had been about finding peace and giving comfort to one another; there had been nothing sexual about it…well almost nothing.

There had been plenty of mornings that Alistair had woken up with her bottom pressed against his groin, and he would have to jerk his hips away before she woke to his raging hard on pressed against her behind, but the intent was not sexual. Now all he wanted to do was try to give her some peace, and have her find comfort in him once again and for some reason that made him feel guilty.

His reasons for helping Josie were strictly platonic. Yes, he still loved her and of course he still found her sexually attractive, but he only wanted to help her through this as he had done long ago. However, he feared such actions would cause Leonie pain, and although they were only in the beginning stages of their relationship, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Then there was the fact that even though Alistair had helped pull Josie out of her grief, all those years ago, that had been before he had broken her heart. He very well maybe the last person she wanted to comfort her.

Alistair drained his glass and made his way up the stairs to his room. He was about half way up when he heard the first scream. He rushed up the remaining stairs and was half when down the hall, when he heard her scream again. This nightmare must be a particularly bad one. Normally her first cry would wake her up. Alistair paused outside her door and listened. He could hear her thrashing around and moaning. He knocked on her door and waited…nothing. He knocked again, louder and called out her name…still nothing, but he could her flailing about.

He opened the door and walked over to her. From the light of the fire he could see her cheeks stained with tears as she tossed back and forth. Alistair reached down to shake her wake.

"Josie…." He said as he grasped her arm and shook.

"N-no…no…p-please…no…" she moaned in her sleep.

Alistair shook her arm harder. "Josie…wake up!"

She bolted upward with a start and the blankets slip off her revealing her naked breasts. Alistair stared wide eyed at her for a moment then quickly looked away. He could feel his cheeks burning from the blood that was rushing there. Thank the Maker it was flowing upward and not downward…yet.

"Umhmm, I see you still like to sleep in the nude."

Josie glanced down then jerked the blankets up around her. He could see that she was trembling. "I'm sorry, Josie. I heard you screaming…it sounded worse than normal," Alistair said.

"It was," she whispered as she clung to the blankets.

Alistair sat down beside her. He gently rested his hand on her leg. "Do you want to talk about it?"

A tear trickled down her cheek, but she shook her head no.

"I understand. I'll let you be," Alistair said as he began to stand, but she grabbed his arm.

"You said 'it sounded worse than normal'. Does that mean you have heard me before?" She asked and he could see the color on her cheeks rising too.

"Yes, but it's nothing to be embarrassed about Jo. You have been through a lot lately."

"I'm sorry," she said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"You weren't disturbing me. I wanted to help you, to comfort you, but I didn't think you would want me intruding on your privacy." He desperately wanted to pull her into his arm and reassure her that everything was going to be alright, but he fought the urge.

She remained silent and he didn't know how to interrupt it so he took it as his queue to leave. He gently squeezed her leg then stood. "If you ever need me I'm just across the hall."

She looked up at him and the hopeless look in her eyes nearly broke his heart. "Thank you, Alistair. That means a lot."

She had one hand holding the blanket up, but her other hand was resting on the bed. Alistair reached down and grasped it. His thumb lovingly caressed her. "Jo… I know you are hurting. I wish I could take the pain away. I know you feel lost and I wish I could help guide you back as I once did. It hurts me to see you so miserable. I want to comfort you, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

She tugged at his hand, drawing him back down to the bed with her. She released him and slid her arm around his neck as she leaned into him. His arms slipped around her back and he could feel her bare skin against his palms. A shiver ran down his spin then he felt the warm tears run down his neck and he heard her muffled sobs.

He wanted to comfort her by caressing her back, but he didn't want her to misinterpret the actions so he just held her and let her cry. Eventually she pulled out of the embrace and she gave him a tentative smile then lowered her head.

"My shoulder is here for you anytime you need a good cry. No questions asked; just stroll on up, rest your head and bawl away. I'll even throw in a tissue free of charge," Alistair said.

Josie chuckled as she continued to stare down at the bed. He honestly believed that was the first time he had heard her laugh since before Anders death. Alistair clasped her hand in his and gave her a squeeze. "I know your friends and Wardens are falling all over themselves trying to help you through this, but I meant what I said. I'm here for you too and I'm just across the hall. I want to help you, JoJo, if you'll let me."

At the use of his pet name for her she looked up at him and he saw her trusting eyes staring at him. Alistair's thumb stroked her hand. "I helped you once. I want to help you again."

"If I recall it correctly we helped each other," she said solemnly.

"We did. We comforted each other. Josie, allowing me to help you through this will help me too," Alistair said.

She hugged him again and her lips briefly brushed his cheek as she whispered, "Thank you." Then she released him.

Alistair stood up went over to the fire added a log and stoked the flames. He turned back to her and she gave him a timid smile as she settled back against the pillows.

"Good night, Jo."

Good night, Alistair."

The following morning as Alistair made his way down to breakfast, he heard raised voicing coming from Josie's office. He made his way there and saw Nathaniel and Leonie standing inches away from each other both red in face from frustration.

"She isn't ready. The Deep Roads are bad enough to start with, but to mentally not have all of your faculties about you is downright unsafe for her and for those with her!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

"Look I am not without sympathy and compassion Nate, but we need to move forward with this investigation. If you don't feel she is up for the Deep Roads then you need to convince her to stay behind," Leonie countered.

"You're joking right? Josie is more involved and has more at stake than anyone else. She will not stay behind if we are going. Her sense of duty won't allow it."

"Nate I am making this decision as Commanding Officer. We leave for the Deep Roads in three days, with or without Josie," Leonie ordered.

"Leonie, can you give her one more week? She is making progress she just needs a little time," Alistair asked.

Leonie spun to see him standing there and her eyes narrowed on him. He knew she thought she was siding against her, but he wasn't. He agreed with Nathaniel. Going into the Deep Roads you mentally needed to prepare yourself for it, but Josie would go whether she was ready or not.

"I am not trying to be cruel…"

Alistair stepped forward and took her hands in his. "I know you're not, but please try to understand Nate's concern. Josie isn't just grieving Anders death, she is also trying to come to terms with his betrayal and his actions that took the lives of dozens of innocent people. It's a lot for one person to come to terms with in a month, but she is trying."

"Five days, that's all I can give. I'm sorry. Translating the journals was extremely important, but we have sat on our ass for too long. We are Grey Wardens and it is time for us act as Grey Wardens," Leonie stated before spinning on her heels to leave.

Nathaniel shook his head as he headed out the door. "That's lovely, just fucking lovely."

Five days later they rode out of Kirkwall, ten days later they made camp just outside the entrance of the Deep Roads, were the latest attack took place. The group had been sombre during the trip. The usual comradely that accompanied them on these outings was gone. Josie was the capable Commander she had always been, but now in a quieter more subdued way. Alistair didn't like. Josie was a skilled leader and a brilliant strategist. However, it was her heart that made those that followed her, love her, but it's hard to lead with your heart when it is shattered into pieces.

That evening after dinner Zevran pulled Josie, Leonie, Bethany and Kai aside. He handed each of them a tiny blue little pill. "This is Crow's Lock. Basically it's a suicide pill. After ingestion you will lose consciousness in forty seconds. The ingredients then go to work on your vital organs and you are dead within three minutes. I am giving this to you ladies so that if you are captured live by the darkspawn and there is no hope of being rescued before being turned into a Brood Mother…"

Zevran was interrupted by Josie flinging herself into his arms and kissing him. "Thank you, Zev. Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me."

"Well damn, if I had known all it took for you to throw yourself at me was to offer you a quick death I would have given you the blue pill years ago."

"Zev, you know that is one of my greatest fears."

"I know my dear and that is why I took the liberty of having this secret little slit made in your armor," Zevran stated as he took Josie's arm, turned it over so that her palm was facing up, he rolled back the cuff of sleeve to reveal a small pocket in material that would hold the pill perfectly, giving her easy access to it, but remain concealed if she were searched by her captures.

"Aaah Zev, you do love me, you really do," Josie said in mocking admiration.

Zevran chuckled. "Yes, well it's hard to shop for a girl that has everything, but I thought you would appreciate this."

She tucked the pill into the pocket then leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Zev."

"Anything for lamia caramella dolce."

Josie turned and made her way over to her bedroll. When she was out of earshot Alistair spun to face Zevran. "Don't you think it was a little reckless giving her a suicide pill?"

"I thought you would grateful since you know as well as I do her fear of becoming a Brood Mother," Zevran said.

Her words from the sparing ring drift through his mind_. "They…you can't stop the pain…I want the pain to stop, but it doesn't. It's hurts so fucking bad, Zev and it keeps going on and on…"_

"I would be if she wasn't still grieving and an emotional basket case. Giving her something that in her mind will end the pain…"

"I agree that she is grieving, but she isn't suicidal," Zevran interrupted.

"How do you know that?"

"Because we all have demons in our past Alistair that we have had to come to terms with, and sometimes the only out we can see through the pain is to end it all. Some might choose pills, a blade, jumping off a roof or some might choose a suicide mission and look forward to death at the hands of beautiful Warden."

Alistair's eyes went wide. "I… I'm sorry, Zev. I didn't know."

"Of course you don't know. I've only told Josie the details of why I was there for our fated meeting. My point is I know what that kind of desperation looks like and Josie isn't there. She is in pain… a terrible amount of pain, but she hasn't lost hope… she hasn't lost her will to live. If she had I would have tied her to the bed to keep her from going on this assignment, but I believe getting her mind focused on the mission, having her fulfill her sense of duty and letting her do what she loves will give her purpose once again."

"You really believe that?"

"I know it. What I'm about to say isn't meant to be vindictive I just want to make a point; Josie has said that Anders brought her back to life after you left and she is partly correct. What she doesn't see that I did is that it was the Wardens that gave her purpose once again, gave her the resolve to continue the fight. If she had lost that then Anders would never have been able to reach her because there wouldn't have been anything left to save."

"And you really believe the Wardens can save her this time?"

"They saved her after the death of her family, they saved her after the Archdemon and I have to believe that they will save her this time too."

"Wow! You really are a smart little bugger, you know that? Who knew that the greatest lover in Thedas was so soulful? I bet the workers at the Rose would be shocked out of their panties," Alistair chuckled.

"I'll do anything I can to save her. I owe her my life."

"It would seem that we are all in her debt on that account."

Zevran smiled. "That we are, my bastard prince, that we are."

The following morning after breakfast they quickly broke down camp and made their way into the Deep Roads. The purpose of this mission was to track down the Avenger and kill him after they forced him to answer a few questions. He was the darkspawns' leader, he was the one that had been studying the Architect's research, and he was the one that was now carrying on the Architect's goals of creating intelligent darkspawn. The Ferelden Wardens had eight Wardens while the Orlesains had six. After studying the map both Leonie and Josie decided it would be best to split into three groups. There were three tunnels that all lead to what looked like a large grotto where they would set-up camp for the night. The two commanders sent Nate, Oghren, Loghain, John Paul and Reve on the most direct route. It would not take them long to arrive at the rendezvous point and that would give them time to set up camp. Zevran, Kai, Caron were in Josie's party while Leonie's group consisted of Bethany, Stroud and himself.

Alistair was not happy about being separated from the Ferelden Wardens, being separated from Josie. He understood Zevran's belief that this is what she needed, but it wasn't in Zevran's arms that she woke up screaming in from the nightmares she had while in the Deep Roads. It wasn't Zevran's chest she cried against after killing the Brood Mother, as fear ripped through her as the realization sunk in that they could take her and make her one of those abominations. And it wasn't Zevran that swore on his life he would never let the darkspawn take her alive. He had voiced his concerns to her, but she calmly explained that both groups needed a mage, and since Caron was a new recruit and this was his first time in the Deep Roads she needed to supervise him. He could understand Josie's reasoning's, but he didn't have to like.

The three groups gathered their belongings and went their separate ways. Alistair wasn't sure how he could have forgotten how depressing the Deep Roads were; maybe his memory had tried to suppress it, but the witty banter that had begun as they entered the dark tunnel quickly dissipated and the mood of the group became more melancholy the deeper they went. He worried what this gloomy atmosphere would do to Josie's state of mind.

The first few hours had been relatively uneventful and actually quite boring. They had only a few minor skirmishes with small bands of darkspawn. The Orlesian Wardens were well trained and worked well together so it didn't take them long to dispose of the beasts. The boredom quickly changed when they stumbled onto a Brood Mother's nest.

Leonie and Stroud immediately took point as they began to move toward the Brood Mother, fighting off all of the tentacles along the way. Bethany fell back in order to provide suppressing fire, while casting healing spells and rejuvenation spells while Alistair fended off Hurlocks, Genlocks and Shrieks so that the two lead Wardens could make their way to the Brood Mother.

Stroud shield bashed one of the Brood Mother's tentacles giving Leonie the advantage, which allowed her to leap into the air and drive her sword into the mother's throat. The mother let out a death cry and collapsed.

Leonie leapt down and grinned, "And that's how's done folks. I hope Josie's group is having just as much fun."

"You have a very strange definition of the word fun. Maybe the meaning has been lost in translation," Alistair said.

"I had fun with you the night before we left for the Deep Roads," she purred as she walked by him.

"Does that meet your understanding of the word?" Bethany asked with a grin.

Alistair grinned back. "Yes, it does."

Several hours later they dragged themselves into spacious cavern that camp had been set-up in. The campfire was roaring and Alistair could smell that something delicious was cooking. The Wardens were all seated around the blaze trying to warm themselves. Stroud stood near the flames stirring food that was in a large pot, while Caron stood nearby recounting the events of the day.

"She was amazing. I didn't know anyone could move that fast, but quicker than lightening Josie scrambled up the vines on the wall. As she neared the top she grabbed a lose vine, gave a powerful kick off the wall then swung out toward the Ogre and lunched herself onto its back. With her one arm wrapped around the monster's neck she plunged her dagger into the side of its neck. The thing staggered, but didn't go down. So Josie pulled her blade out, yanked the beast's head back as she sliced the across its throat. The beast fell forward and as it hit the ground Josie rolled off of it, sprung to her feet and said, 'And that's how's done folks. I hope Leonie's group is having just as much fun'."

"Hey that's my line," Leonie said as she strolled into camp.

Alistair looked over at Josie. There was a smirk on her face and a glint in her eyes that he hadn't seen in months. He reached out to her through the taint and for a moment was shocked to realize that she was happy. Damn if Zevran hadn't been right.

"I truly believe someone needs to define that word for the two of you," Alistair said.

"What is your definition?" Josie asked.

"Amusement, entertaining, merriment, pleasure…"

"Yep, that just about sums up how it feels to take off a Hurlock's head," Leonie stated.

"I would add gratifying, fulfilling, gleeful and at times I would even say hilarious," Josie added.

"Definitely hilarious," Leonie said as she winked at Josie.

"Nothing better than job satisfaction," Josie replied.

They all settled down to dinner and each group recounted the events of their day. There had been a lot of darkspawn killing, but none of the groups had encountered any talking darkspawn, and there were no signs of the Avenger. After dinner Alistair watched as Leonie and Josie huddled in a corner discussing the plans for the following day. His eyes then wondered to the opposite side of the room where he saw Loghain and Stroud deep in conversation. He stood up, eased into the dark recesses of the cave and began to make his way over to where they were. He was about half way there when he felt a tap on shoulder. He spun around just in time to see Zevran and JP emerge from the shadows.

"We have this Alistair. Wait for us by your bedroll and we will tell you what we can find out," Zevran said.

Alistair nodded then headed back toward his bed. He continued to watch the two Wardens and it seemed that their conversation had intensified. They looked around the room then Loghain said one last thing before storming off. A few minutes later both Zevran and JP appeared beside him.

"Well what did you hear?" Alistair asked.

"Well, whatever they were planning Loghain now wants no part of it," JP replied.

"That confirms what I heard at the Feast of Fool's ball too," Zevran said with a yawn. "Damn Deep Roads are wearing me out."

"From what we heard, the plan was supposed to happen in the Deep Roads, but Loghain said if he has to stand watch over Josie and Leonie every night he will," JP recounted.

"Get the fuck out of here," Alistair said in disbelief.

"I know. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears. Who knew the backstabbing noble actually had a noble bone in his body," Zevran chortled.

"So what's the plan?" Alistair asked.

"Well, Oghren and Caron have first watch with Stroud and Reve. The three of them will be able to keep an eye on him to make sure that he doesn't try anything," John Paul explained.

"But if Loghain knows what Stroud's intentions are we need to make him talk. We need to know what that bastard is planning even if Loghain doesn't want to go along with it," Alistair said.

"I agree, but I don't want to arouse Stroud's suspicion which is why I'm going to ask Josie to assign Loghain to our group tomorrow so I can get him alone and get some answers," Zevran replied.

Alistair nodded and yawned. "Good plan. I think I'm going to head to bed. I'm exhausted."

Alistair settled on his bedroll and glanced around the camp. It seemed that he wasn't the only one that the day's activities had worn out. Nathanial and Bethany were huddled together in a little niche that was far enough away to give them privacy, but close enough to the group to be safe. Stroud was relaxing on bedroll reading while Loghain nervously paced around the perimeter of the camp. Both of the Commanders were still up finalizing their plans.

Alistair glanced over at Leonie's bedroll. She had settled her bed near his while Josie's was on the other side of the fire near Zevran's. He yawned again then settled down and quickly drifted off to sleep.

Alistair had been having a very vivid nightmare that woke him with a jolt. His heart still racing in his chest; he rubbed his eyes and glanced around the cave. Everyone seemed to be resting comfortably. He reached out to pat Leonie, but her bedroll was empty. He sat up and looked around. Panic rushed in when he saw Josie's bedroll empty and the body of Loghain slumped on the ground near where she should be.

Alistair jumped to his feet and rushed over to Zevran. He roughly shook the elf's shoulder, "Zev… Zev, wake up!"

The assassin mumbled in sleep and pushed his hand away. Alistair shook him again, this time even harder, but he couldn't rouse him. Alistair looked over at Loghain. It looked as if he had taken a blow to the head and from the amount of blood that had pooled on the ground it had happened a while ago.

Alistair looked around. Oghren was sprawled out on the ground with his flask still in his hand as if he had passed out mid-sip… which wouldn't be all that unusual for him except that Caron and Reve had collapsed right next to him. Alistair hurried over to them. He checked them for a pulse and was relieved to feel one under his fingertips. He tried to wake them, but couldn't even get them to stir. He went over to Nathanial and Bethany and tried to wake them too, but with no success.

He raced back over to Zevran, grabbing a pitcher of water on the way. Alistair threw the cold water in the elf's face. Instantly, Zevran leapt to his feet, his daggers drawn as he glared at Alistair trying to orientate himself.

"Both Josie and Leonie are missing and it looks as if the entire camp has been drugged!" Alistair exclaimed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Italian lesson for the day - Il mio stupido abbastanza - my pretty fool, lamia caramella dolce – my sweet candy.**

***Thank you everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face. **

***I can't thank the spanktabulous Bonkzy enough for making my thoughts into cohesive sentences. You're awesome, sista! **


	18. Chapter 18 How Do I Live

**Chapter 18 – How Do I Live**

"How do I live without you, I want to know  
>How do I breathe without you<br>If you ever go, how do I ever, ever survive  
>How do I, how do I, oh, how do I live"<p>

_How Do I Live by Trisha Yearwood_

As Josie slowly began to regain consciousness she felt the cold ground pressed to the side of her face. Every muscle in her body ached, but she remained still as she tried to take in her surroundings. She was lying on her side, her hands were bound in front of her, but she believed her feet remained free. She slowly wiggled them to confirm that they were.

She cracked her eyes open just enough to see slightly, but not enough to alert anyone that she was awake. There was a figure lying next to her with long strawberry blond hair and she knew it had to be Leonie. She tried to clear her head, to think back to the last thing she remembered. She recalled feeling exhausted as she and Leonie went over the plans for the following day. She had trouble keeping her eyes open and concentrating. The Deep Roads had always taken a lot out of her, but she couldn't recollect a time when they had made her bone wary. As they finalized their strategy, Josie glanced around the cavern and noticed that entire camp was passed out, including three out of the four guards that were supposed to be on first watch. She had been about to march over and give Oghren a swift kick in the ass, when the room began to swim and everything went black.

Now both of the Commanders were tied up in some damn hole in the Deep Roads. Josie looked over at Leonie; her hands were tied behind her back. If Josie could inch her way over to her undetected she might be able to loosen the bindings on her wrists. She was about slid forward, when from behind her she heard voices enter the room; she recognized one of them as Stroud's. Her blood ran cold when she heard the distinct icy voice of the Avenger. Maker's ass, this must be part of his plan, but what the hell was he going to do with the two of them now that he had kidnapped them.

"Stroud, I am so glad you know how to hold up your end of a deal," the Avenger hissed.

"I'm just grateful that you were willing to take these bitches of my hands for me," Stroud said.

The Avenger gave a malicious laugh. "It's funny that you should call them that because that is exactly the purpose that they will serve."

There was a long pause before the Warden spoke. "W-what? What are you going to do to them?" Stroud asked clearly shocked by what the emissary was insinuating.

"I am trying to build a strong, unbeatable army and what a better way than to have the woman that absorbed Urthemiel's essence spawn that army for me."

The terror rose so swiftly in Josie that it choked out the scream that had been building in the back of her throat, and the panic that now gripped her had completely paralyzed her. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. No Warden in his right mind would do this to his fellow sister. It was unthinkable. Josie's mind was reeling and she couldn't think straight, but Leonie had no problem finding her voice as she rose to her knees.

"How could you? You fucking bastard, how could you do this?"

"How could I! How could you say you loved me, Lonnie then toss me aside like I was yesterday's news? I gave you my heart, my soul, my life and you threw it away for a new piece of ass."

"So this is revenge for an affair that ended almost ten years ago?"

"You broke my heart; you treated me as if I were scum…"

"AND in your mind making me a Brood Mother will make it all better for you?"

"I didn't know he was going to make you a Brood Mother!"

"No, you just thought he would drain me dry for my Warden blood. You disgust me!" She spat at him.

"Enough!" The Avenger exclaimed.

"I have no time for this. Warden here is your 30 pieces of gold; my how the price of betrayal has gone up." He said as he tossed a bag of coins at Stroud.

Josie pushed herself up onto her knees and her breath hitched in her throat as she scanned the room. There were at least a dozen Hurlocks that surrounded them. In the center of the room were two metal tables that had both wrist and ankle restraints and a head rest with a leather strap so that they could force feed her the tainted flesh and blood. Josie felt her head began to spin. This was her nightmare, the one that she had every night, coming to life before her very eyes. Her chest began to rapidly rise and fall as her ability to breathe became extremely difficult. This couldn't be happening.

The Avenger turned to toward the Hurlocks. "Please show Warden Stroud out and bring Commanders Josie and Leonie to me."

The Darkspawn stalked toward them; both Josie and Leonie scrambled backwards away from the advancing monsters, but their backs hit against the stone wall. Three Hurlocks grabbed Josie by the legs and three more seized her by the arms and shoulders. Josie kicked and screamed as she fought to get to free herself, but to no avail.

They carried her over to the table, threw her down and began to secure her legs. Josie knew once they had her hands fixed firmly in shackles that all hope would be lost. She brought her wrists up to her mouth, her teeth clamped over the cuff of her sleeve and she tugged with all her might at the hidden slit. The Hurlocks tried to push her arms down, but she fought them with all she had as her teeth worked frantically at freeing the suicide pill. One of the beasts punched her in the jaw trying to force her to relinquish her jaw's grip on her shirt, but she refused to let go of her last chance to get out of this on her own terms.

Her teeth feverishly worked at the hidden pocket desperately trying to work the pill free. She heard Leonie scream and she could have sworn that she heard Alistair calling her name. She looked toward the door then around the room, but she didn't see him. It had to have been her panicked mind playing tricks on her.

She felt the pill pop free and land on her tongue. She said a quick prayer and just as she swallowed she heard Leonie scream out to her.

"Josie! NO! They are here… they found us."

Josie turned her head toward the door and saw Alistair rush in. He saw her on the table, his eyes met hers and then fury rippled across his face. He charged towards her, he looked so fierce, and yet so beautiful.

Josie brought her hands up to her mouth as her finger tried to find her lips so that she could make herself throw up the pill, but her head was now foggy, her limbs were numb and she was having trouble coordinating her arms.

She rested her head back against the table and she turned once again to watch Alistair. He had just decapitated a Hurlock then he spun and thrust his sword in the Darkspawn that was closest to her. The monster doubled over as he pushed it to the ground.

The room was beginning to darken and all she wanted to do was close her eyes. She felt Alistair's hands grasp her face. "NO! Josie, no! Stay with me… please," he begged.

Josie's felt all of the nerves in her body begin to burn and the pain was excruciating. She looked at Alistair one last time and smiled before the room went black.

_Josie opened her eyes to find that she was lying beside pond in a large meadow. She looked around and recognized that this was the pasture behind Highever Castle. This had been her favorite spot to come to as a child when she needed to be alone. She stood up and stretched. _

"_Phine," a voice said from behind her. She spun to see to Anders walking toward her._

_His long blond hair was loose around his face just the way she loved it. He smiled at her and it light up his features. He was breathtaking and he was once again her Anders… her carefree mage that she had fallen in love with. She took a step forward to leap into his arms when the memory of his betrayal came flooding back, and she faltered in her next step. He reached out to steady her, but she pulled her arm out of his grasp. _

_His smile never wavered and his eyes never left hers. "Phin, if it would make you feel better, you could hit me to…"_

_He never finished the sentence as she drew back and punched him in the jaw with all her strength, before he had time to recover she punched in him in the gut, he doubled over and fell to his knees. _

_It took him several minutes to regulate his breathing, regain his strength and get back on his feet. "No one could ever accuse you of hitting like a girl," he groaned through gritted teeth._

_He smiled sheepishly as he looked at her and she saw nothing, but love in his gaze. "I deserved that and so much more. I am so sorry, Josie for all that I put you through. I wish I could undo it all, but we both know that is impossible. I can feel your pain and I want to take it away."_

"_YOU can't! You willingly did this to me! You willingly did this to us!"_

"_I know and words cannot adequately express how sorry I am. I knew my actions would bring you pain…"_

"_Bring me pain!" Josie exclaimed. "You destroyed me, Anders! I don't know if I will be able to ever trust a man again. At least Alistair had the balls to betray me to my face. You held me every night telling me how much you loved me, while you were plotting and scheming behind my back. How am I supposed to move on from that?"_

"_Commander," a soft, but stern voice said as the pale, ghostly figure of Justice appeared._

"_Justice?" Josie asked._

"_Yes, Commander it's me again."_

_Anger stirred deep inside Josie and she wanted to lash out the Spirit that had destroyed the man she loved, but she reined in her fury. "I see you are yourself again." _

_"Yes. The moment Anders heart stopped beating I was free from all the anger and hatred, and I returned to the Fade as myself," Justice replied._

"_That's just lovely. I'm so glad this worked out just wonderfully for you, but you'll have to forgive me for not joining in the merriment," Josie said bitterly._

"_Commander…" Justice said hesitantly as he stepped toward her. "Josie, I understand that you feel Anders betrayed you, but his actions were a result of my corrupted influence. Every day the taint in your blood eats away at all that is good in you, and if left to its own devices would pervert who you are into a warped version of yourself. That is what Anders anger and hatred did to me. Blowing up the Chantry was a distorted act of vengeful violence. It was not justice. That is the reason that the part of Justice that still remained in me required Anders death in order to set things right once again."_

_Josie had never view Justice's corruption in the same light as the taint, but after witnessing the slow deterioration of both the man and Spirit she thought it was an excellent analogy and her heart softened a little toward both of them. _

"_Thank you, Justice. You have given me a lot to think about."_

"_You're welcome. This is good-bye, Commander."_

_Josie nodded solemnly. "Good-bye, Justice." _

_The Spirit faded away and there was a long moment of silence before Anders spoke._

"_Phine, if it hadn't been for you, if it hadn't been for your love, I would have lost myself long before I did. It was your love that made me want to hold on, made me want to resist Justice's corrupted influence because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving you, but even a Warden can only fight the call of the taint for so long before they must answer it. I had almost completely lost myself to Vengeance, there was no saving me, Love. The only way I could be free was through my death. I never wanted to hurt you and I'm so sorry that I did," Anders said as he stepped into her. She felt her body tense as his arms slid around her waist and she had to fight the urge to lean into him. _

"_You said you never meant to hurt me. Did you close your eyes when I was crying?"_

_Anders hung his head and slowly shook it. "No, I felt every one of your tears and that is why in the end I stopped fighting Justice, so that I could end the pain for both of us."_

_Tears were now streaming down Josie's cheeks. Anders cupped her face and wiped them away with his thumb._

"_Josie, I have experienced what anger and bitterness can do to a person. I ask you to forgive me, not for myself, but for you. I don't want this to slowly eat away at you and destroy all that is good and precious about you. Without forgiveness your life will be an endless cycle of resentment and bitterness. I don't want that for you. I want you to know peace once again. Please Jo, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"_

_Josie looked into his warm brown eyes that were pleading with her and the longing to lean into him, to take comfort in was so strong she had to look away. She wanted to forgive him, she wanted to let the anger go, but she wasn't sure if she could. "I want to forgive you, Anders. I just don't know how."_

_Anders slid his fingers under her chin forcing her to look up at him. "Only the weak can never forgive. You are the strongest person I know. I believe with my whole heart that if you want to do this, you will. Do you love me, Jo?"_

"_What?" Josie asked stunned by the question._

"_Do you still love me?"_

_She hesitated briefly then said, "Yes."_

_He smiled at her. "Good because without love there can be no forgiveness, and without forgiveness there can be no love."_

_She smiled back at him. "Well I see the Fade has made you sound like a fortune cookie."_

"_Among other things," Anders said as he drew her to him. _

"_I love you too, Josie," he sighed against her lips just before his mouth met hers. Their lips melded, blended, and captured each other. Anders coaxed, teased and tasted her, but the kiss was completely undemanding just tender, gentle and very loving yet it made her insides tremble. She didn't want this to end. She didn't want to leave him. She pulled away and rested her head against his chest as new batch of tears began to flow._

"_H-how do I live without you?"_

"_I'll always be there, Phine, in your memories, in your dreams. What we had was special and unique and that will always be a part of you, but I want you to live, Jo. Your life did not stop when mine did. That is why it's so important for you to find forgiveness so you can love again." _

_She nuzzled her head under his chin. "I don't think I'm cut out for this whole love thing. I don't think I ever want to fall in love again."_

"_Don't say that! You have the warmest most giving heart I've ever known. It would be shame not to share that with someone. I want you to find happiness again."_

"_I've had two great loves in my life. That is more than most people. I honestly don't think my heart could take another heartbreak, Anders."_

_Anders hands cupped her face forcing her to look at him. "Josie, I will always love you. It is your image, the memories of you that I take with me into the Fade, but your time is not over, your life is not over. I want you to live, to find joy and happiness and I want you to love again. Promise me Jo, that will keep your heart open to the possibility of love…"_

"_Anders, I don't know if I can make that…"_

"_No, promise me," he demanded as his lips crashed down on hers silencing her protests. Yearning ripped through her as his lips masterfully parted hers and his tongue plunged inside to taste her. His hands entwined in her hair pulling her to him deepening the kiss. _

_In the pit of her stomach the tingling began as liquid heat seeped through her veins, pooling between her thighs. As angry and hurt as she had been by Anders, she had missed and ached for him equally as much and feeling of him now pressed against her was going to be her undoing, both physically and mentally._

_Anders pulled away, his breath ragged, his gaze tormented. "Promise me, Jo."_

"_I can't," she moaned. "I won't."_

_Anders growled low in his throat as his mouth covered hers again. His hand slid between them and covered her one breast through her dress. His strong fingers squeezed her flesh, pulled at her nipple. His lips were no longer gentle, but hungry as he plundered her mouth. His hand delved into the top of her dress and he twisted and pinched the tip her eyes rolled back with pleasure. Maker, have mercy, for being in the Fade this felt so incredible. _

_Anders pinched her nipple and darts of pleasure shot directly from her breasts, to her core that was now longing to feel him inside her. _

"_Promise me, Jo," Anders moaned against her neck. She ignored him then lifted her dress and wrapped her legs around his waist as his hand gripped her bottom pressing her wet core into him. A guttural "Fuck" spilled from his lips as his lips tugged at her earlobe. _

"_Josie, there isn't much time left…"_

_She was panting against his neck. "What do you mean?"_

_Anders tongue swirled down her neck. "Please Jo; promise me you will keep your heart open to love. I need to know you won't shut it out of your life."_

_Josie could tell this was important to him. She cupped his face in her hands and looked into his pleading eyes. "I promise I will try."_

_He smiled as he feathered tender kisses against her lips. "That is all I can ask for."_

_She looked at him questioningly as his image began to blur, and the feel of his body pressed against hers was becoming fading. "Anders?"_

"_Good-bye, Josie. I will always love you," he whispered just before the darkness enveloped her. _

She woke with a jolt as she choked, coughed and throw up the contents of her stomach.

"She's back. Thank the Maker," Alistair declared. Josie looked up into his face and saw relief flooding his features.

* * *

><p><strong>AN -** **I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments, please continue to share them with me. It always brings a smile to my face and makes me smile.**

***I want to thank Bonkzy for her beta awesomeness. I appreciate all of your help and insight. You're rawralious! **


	19. Chapter 19 I Won't Let Go

**Chapter 19 – I Won't Let Go**

"It's like a storm that cuts a path, it breaks your will, it feels like that  
>You think you're lost, but you're not lost, on your own, you're not alone<br>I will stand by you, I will help you through when you've done all you can do and you can't copeI will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight, and I won't let go  
>It hurts my heart to see you cry, I know it's dark this part of life<br>Oh, it finds us all, but we're too small to stop the rain oh, but when it rainsI will stand by you, I will help you through when you've done all you can do and you can't cope"

_I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts_

Alistair charged down the passage with the others following closing behind as they rushed to save the two Commanders. He and Zevran had wasted a lot of time waking the others, and getting all the information out of Loghain. He had been forth coming with what he knew, but when Loghain had begun to have second thoughts about killing the Commanders, Stroud had refused to confide the details of the plan to him. He only knew that Stroud was going to put the plan into action in the Deep Roads. Alistair had reined in his anger at Loghain for withholding this information from them, and he vowed to himself it anything happened to either one of the Commanders he would personally kill him.

Alistair allowed the pull of Josie's taint to guide him as he weaved a path through the dark passages. He had become so familiar with the feel of her taint that he knew it as well if not better than his own. He had reached out to her so many times through it, that if she had been able to feel his presence she would have had punched him for stalking her. Fortunately he had become an expert at masking his own so that she couldn't feel him. Alistair had tried to hold back, not wanting to invade her privacy, but it was the only way he could feel close to her, feel connected to her and up until Anders death it had been addicting to feel her happiness, her joy and contentment. Now as he reached out to her he felt sheer horror rip through her.

"By the Paragon's tits, did you feel that? What are they doing to her?" Oghren huffed as he tried to keep up with the rest of them.

Alistair didn't answer just increased his pace. Josie was fearless, brave and the list was short of things that would actually terrify her. He had rushed into a large well light room. He heard Leonie screaming at Josie. He glanced around the room, he saw the Orlesian Commander being held by four darkspawn. She was giving the bastards the fight of her life. Relief flooded her face when she saw him and then her eyes went wide with panic.

"Josie! NO! They are here… they found us," she screamed.

Alistair followed Leonie's gaze to the center of the room and what he saw outraged him. Surrounded by five Hurlocks, Josie was on a metal table, her ankles held in shackles. She was fighting the monsters as her jaw gripped the cuff of her sleeve. She had just relaxed her grip on the cuff when she heard Leonie's plea and looked toward the door. Alistair's eyes met hers and several things registered at once – they were strapping her down to make her a Brood Mother, and she had just swallowed the suicide pill. He could hear Zevran's voice in his head. _"After ingestion you it you will lose consciousness in forty seconds. The ingredients then go to work on your vital organs and you are dead within three minutes."_

Terror rippled through him, but the fear was shorted lived as blind fury took over and he began battling his way toward her. He had to get to her quickly. He was fighting on pure instinct and adrenaline as he cut a path toward the table. He killed the last Hurlock near the table when Josie's head fell back against the table, she looked directly into his eyes and smiled at him just before her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her body began to shake.

Alistair gripped her face. "NO! Josie, no! Stay with me… please," he begged. He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him away.

"Alistair move, I need to get this into her," Zevran said as he pulled Josie into his arms.

"Hold her nose while I pour this down her throat," the assassin ordered. Alistair did as instructed and watched as Zevran masterfully poured the vial of clear liquid down her throat.

"What is that?"

"It's Spirit of Ipecac, it will induce vomiting. The only thing that will save her is getting the Crow's Lock out of her stomach before it completely dissolves and hits her blood stream," Zevran explained.

The fighting continued to wage on around them, but Alistair could only concentrate on Josie. Within seconds after emptying the vial, Josie began to convulse violently. "Roll her to her side so she doesn't choke," Zevran ordered.

Alistair did just as Josie began to gag and retch. He held her in his arms to keep her from falling off the table as she heaved repeatedly onto the ground. Zevran had to fight off several darkspawn, but Alistair continued to hold her as he whispered in her ear that everything was going to be alright. When he finally felt her body relax, he rolled her over, brushed the hair out of her eyes and smiled at her. "Welcome back."

She moaned as her head fell back against the table. "Are you okay, Josie? Are you in pain?" Alistair asked.

"I feel like a herd of brontos just ran over me," she groaned.

The battle was still going, but the Wardens now had the upper hand. Alistair undid the restrains on her ankles, scooped her into his arms and moved her into a corner and out of harm's way.

"Kai, will examine you as soon as the battle is over. I'm sure she…"

"Alistair, look out!" Josie yelled just as he felt a shield bash into his side sending him sailing across the floor.

The Hurlock advanced on Alistair and he rolled out of the way of the falling sword just in time. It rang out loudly as it hit the stone floor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Josie weakly crawling away from him toward a dead Genlock. Alistair scrambled to his feet and drew his sword and shield. He raised the sword above his head blocking the darkspawn's blade from smashing into his face. His two swords connected with a deafening clang. Alistair pushed off the blades and crouched into a defensive stance. He was about to lung forward when he heard the monster gurgle as the tip of a dagger appeared at the base of its throat and blood oozed out the wound. It went down with a thud. Alistair looked over at Josie who had warily slumped back against the wall.

She smiled sheepishly at him. "I'm just trying to do my part."

"I had it under control," he huffed as he spun toward the Genlock that was stalking toward him. With his sword extended outward he spun in the direction of the advancing darkspawn, the blade whistled through the air as it collided with the side of the beast's neck removing its head from its body.

He turned with a grin to Josie, but paused as he registered the panic on her face as she struggled to her feet. "Caron, NO! We need him." She cried out.

Alistair whirled around just in time to see Caron drive his sword into the Avenger's stomach. The darkspawn emissary collapsed to the floor dead.

"Damn it! There goes finding out an explanation for all this madness," Josie exclaimed as she sank to the ground clearly exhausted.

Alistair along with Kai and Zevran made their way over to her. Alistair sat down beside her and rested his hand on her knee. "We'll find away, Jo. We always do."

"I know he's new and in the heat of battle wasn't thinking clearly, but taking the Avenger alive would have been extremely valuable," Josie groaned and winced in pain.

Kai's eyes narrowed as she asked Josie to lie back so she could examine her. Josie did as asked and Alistair felt the veil open as the mage began scan her body. After a few moments Kai's hands began to glow blue and as she released the healing magic Josie let out a sigh of relief.

"The Spirit of Ipecac got most of the poison out of your body before any real damage had been done, but there some minor damage to your liver and kidneys. I have healed that, but you will be sore for a few days so I want you to take it easy and drink plenty of water," Kai directed.

"Yes ma'am," Josie replied dryly.

Leonie came over and smiled down at her. "Seems your recruit is a little eager to prove himself," she said with a grin.

"A little too eager it would seem."

"Don't be too hard on him. He took on the Avenger without even flinching; takes a brave man to face down a powerful emissary."

"Or one that isn't too bright," Zevran chuckled.

"Maybe a little of both in this case," Josie grunted.

"I would say it was more of excited enthusiasm to prove himself to his fellow Wardens and his Commander. I also think he has a little bit of hero worship going," Alistair stated.

"Well, I'm sure he'll get over that soon enough," Josie replied.

"Yes especially after he hears you farting a lullaby in your sleep," Oghren stated as he sat down beside them.

"I don't fart in my sleep!" Josie declared.

"Yes, you do!" All the Ferelden Wardens said in unison.

After thoroughly searching the Avengers' hideout and coming up empty they made their way back to camp where they had left Loghain tied up and under the watchful eye of John-Paul. The man's face actually looked relieved when he saw Josie and Leonie walk back into camp. There had been no sign of Stroud and they assumed that he had escaped.

Josie and Leonie both marched up to the bound Warden and glared down at him, but it was Josie that addressed him. "For years you have been a constant pain my ass. I knew you felt that you were the better choice for Commander. It was clear to all those around you that you had trouble accepting that the First Warden had selected me over you. You allowed that disappointment to fester into outright hatred and it nearly destroyed you. However, I'm glad to hear that you knew nothing about what Stroud had planned here in the Deep Roads and that in the eleventh hour you seemed to find some honor once again. Although, you should have come to us, Loghain and told us what you did know."

"I already knew you suspected a plot against you and Leonie. I didn't think me confirming that would make a difference and since I had no details I could offer I thought you would just assume that my confession was just part of mine and Stroud's plans. I wanted to give you some hard evidence, but I had none to offer so the only thing I could do was try and protect you from him," Loghain stated.

"Which you failed miserably at, good job, ole boy," Nathanael said sarcastically.

"Both Leonie and I are in agreement about your fate. By Warden Law, the planned assassination of a Commanding Officer is punishable by death. However, neither one of us wants your blood on our hands. So two Ferelden Wardens and two Orlesian Wardens will escort you to Weisshaupt along with a letter from both of us giving the First Warden an account of what we have learned and the events that took place down here. We leave your fate in his hands," Josie stated.

Josie then bent down and whispered, "My letter will not contain any information regarding Morrigan, the dark ritual or the child. I want to deal with Morrigan all on my own."

"Yes, Commander and thank you," Loghain said. He lowered his head and nodded; resigned to his fate.

**xxXxx**

Alistair's heart began to pound in his chest as he watched the Port of Amaranthine came into view. He hadn't stepped foot of Ferelden in ten years and even though Anora had lifted the bounty on his head, he was extremely nervous about coming home.

"It's okay to be nervous. I would begin to wonder if you were human if you weren't," Josie said with a smile as she walked up to him.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Only to me," she said.

"Hey brat prince, if you're going to hurl make sure you lean far over the rail. I don't want your vomit ending up in my porthole," Nathaniel yelled from the bird's nest.

"Just you, huh?"

"Hmmm, I could be wrong. It's been known to happen," she said dryly, but with a smirk on her face.

XxX

When they had arrived back at the Warden Estate after the Deep Roads, both Leonie and Josie felt that with the Avenger dead, no darkspawn surface attacks and no new leads that it was time for each of them to head back to their own Warden keeps.

Giles began to feverishly pack up the estate, while the two groups of Wardens that had become friends prepared to say good-bye. Josie had instructed Giles that she would pack Anders things. On the day that she gone into Anders room to box up his belongs, all of the Wardens had cleared out of the estate as they prepared for the melee of emotions, but Alistair stayed. He didn't know how difficult this was going to be for her, but he wouldn't leave her here to deal with it on her own. He had been surprised when he had reached out through the taint that although there was grief it wasn't as painful as it had been and all the anger was gone. If anything, her mood was melancholy and nostalgic.

Alistair went to Anders old room and knocked on the door. She had called out for him to enter. She was sitting on the floor surrounded various mementos. She smiled at him as he walked over to her and took a seat beside her. "You didn't go running for the Hang Man with the rest of the cowards?"

Alistair chuckled. "No, women's tears don't frighten me."

She grinned at him. "That's not what I remember. The first time you found me by myself crying over my family, you asked me if it was that time of the month and did I need to be alone."

Alistair burst out laughing. "Yes and it's a good thing that on that occasion I was quicker than you, because if you had caught me I'm pretty sure you would have run me through."

"Lucky for you it had been a hard day and I was bone wary."

"Well, I have become more sensitive and subtle in my old age."

"I'm glad to hear it, but you don't need to babysit me Alistair. I'm a big girl."

"I know. I'm just here for support and if you need to talk."

She smiled at him. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm getting by one day at time."

"That's all any of us can ask for."

She paused for a moment then continued. "I'm glad for a moment of privacy with you. I wanted to let you know that if you want to go back to Orlais with Leonie I completely understand."

"What? What makes you think that I would do that? I swore my loyalty to you and the Ferelden Wardens, not to the Orlesian Wardens."

"I know, but circumstances have changed and I understand if you want to go back with her."

"And what makes you think that I want to go to Orlais in the first place?"

"Well I know that you and Leonie have become close over the past several months, and when she suggested a Warden trade…"

"She suggested a what?" Alistair said as he tried to control his rising anger. Leonie had proposed that he come back to Orlais with her, but he had refused. He cared about Leonie, but his place was beside Josie. He swore that he would not leave her again, and he intended to keep that vow. It bothered him that she would go behind his back to try and push her own desires and agenda.

"Well since Nate proposed to Bethany and she accepted Leonie will be losing one of her Wardens to Ferelden so she suggested that I let her have you as a trade."

"I'm not some piece of meat in the market that goes to the highest bidder."

Josie chuckled. "Oh I don't know… a nice health specimen like yourself might fetch an above average market price. Especially if you do that ass shake thing you like to do after a really good fight."

"What if my little ass shake only works on Ferelden soil or among Ferelden people... I'd be lost without it," Alistair said.

"Oh I've seen you do it here in the Free Marshes too so your ass shimmy works just fine outside of Ferelden."

"Yes, but I was among Ferelden Wardens. There's a difference."

"Oh really? 'Cause both Zev and John Paul commented on how fine your derriere looks in your new armor when you are shaking your groove thing."

"I really didn't need to know that they're keeping an eye on my arse too, but thank you for sharing. The point remains that my ass shimmy and myself belongs to Ferelden. So what did you tell her?"

"I said I wouldn't stand in the way of your happiness, and if you wanted to go with her you would have my blessing."

"I swore an oath of fidelity to you."

"I release you from your oath, Alistair."

"I don't want released!"

She didn't say anything and lowered her head. "Look at me, Jo."

Josie raised her head and looked at him. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to go to Orlais?"

"I want you to be happy."

"That isn't what I asked you."

"Alistair, if what is keeping with the Ferelden Wardens is a vow that you made to me then I release you from it."

"Damn it, you're the most stubborn woman I've ever met. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"I want you to do…"

"It's a yes or no question, Josie. Do you want me to stay with you?"

Alistair's heart thundered in his chest as he waited for her answer. He knew his heart would break if she told him to go, to leave her side. His redemption required that he remain at her side, but his heart needed to be near her to feel whole. His thumb unconsciously rubbed at the Dalish tattoo on his index finger.. the symbol of his undying love for her and his lifelong commitment to her. He had failed her once, but if she would let him, he would spend the rest of his life trying to make up for that horrible mistake.

She looked up at him, there was conflict in her eyes and his resolve to remain at her side waivered. If his presents only brought her pain then he would leave, if that is what she wanted, but he needed her to make the decision... one way or another. "Josie, I will do whatever you want me to do, but I want to hear you say it. Do you want me to stay with you or do you want me to go?"

There was a long pause before she finally said, "I want you to stay, Alistair."

He grinned at her. "Then I guess I'm remaining with the Ferelden Grey Wardens."

_**XxXxX**_

That had seemed like a wonderful idea in theory back in Kirkwall, but now as the Ferelden coastline came into clearer view he was beginning to question his own sanity. What in the Void had he been thinking? Ten years ago, he had barely escaped this country with his head still attached to his body. Now he was returning to country whose monarch and half of the nobility wanted him dead, and the half saw him as proper heir to the throne. He was returning to the Wardens that he and Josie had dreamed about rebuilding together, but who been restored by her alone. And he was returning with the woman that he had deserted ten years earlier, but whom he still desperately loved, and after Kirkwall he realized he would love her till the day he died. The woman who after having her heart shattered for a second time was unsure if she ever wanted to love again. His own heart shattered when he heard her utter those words. Not because he thought that she should fall in love with him again, but it seemed almost like a sin for someone as loving and giving as Josie not to share that with another.

He had accidentally overheard a conversation she was having with Zevran, as he had stepped out onto the second floor balcony that overlooked the training yard. Although he couldn't see them, he heard Josie and Zevran in deep conversation just below him. He had turned to leave and give them privacy when Josie's words stopped him dead in his tracks.

"I saw Anders in the Fade."

There was a long pause before Zevran spoke. "Y-you passed into the Fade?"

"I don't think I died. You and Alistair could answer that better than me, but I was in the Fade and I saw Anders."

"Well now, that's interesting. What did our hotheaded revolutionist have to say?"

"Before or after I punched him?"

Zevran burst out laughing. "Oh my deadly goddess, only you would go into the Fade and punch the man that you have been mourning for months."

"Twice!"

Zevran continued to chuckle. "That's even better."

"Anders said a lot of things… and did a lot of things." Alistair could hear the sly smile in her voice "None of which is any of your business, but Justice…"

"Justice was there?"

"Yes, as a Spirit once again and he made an analogy that after a lot of consideration, that helped me come to terms with who Anders had become towards the end."

"Well, the Spirit must have made a very persuasive argument to make you pause and reassess the situation. What did he have to say?"

"He said that Anders pain, anger and hatred ran so deep that it slowly, methodically corrupted him, until both man and Spirit were shadows of their former selves. He said that their corruption was similar to how over time a Warden's taint destroys them, and if left unanswered turns the Warden into a monster."

"Hmmm, his augment makes sense and is based in logic. Is that why the anger you felt toward both of them has lessened?"

"Yes, it would be like getting angry at a Warden because the taint in his blood had finally corrupted him."

"But Anders willing took Justice into himself."

"At the joining Wardens willingly take in the taint. At the time, we don't realize that the taint will eventually destroy us, but neither did Anders. He willingly took in Justice to try and make things better for the mages, never realizing that his hatred had placed a death sentence on them, which is similar to the expiration date that the taint gives each Warden."

"Very interesting and compelling, I can see why Justice's words eased some of your pain, but I can see something else is troubling you, my dear."

Josie was quite for a long moment then he heard movement and he imaged her pacing back and forth. "Anders made me promise to keep my heart open to finding love again."

"Aaah, how sweet of our romantic apostate? So you have your lover's permission to seek comfort in the arms of another. What is troubling you?"

Again there was another long pause as the speed of her pacing increased. "I don't think I can keep my promise to him."

Zevran burst out laughing and then Alistair heard the distinct sound of a fist making contact with flesh. "Ouch! Maker's hairy balls, who in the hell taught you how to punch?"

"Fergus! And it isn't funny!"

"Oh it's very funny, my sweet, Josie Cousland, remain celibate from now until the day she dies? Impossible! In the four months it took you to seduce Alistair, I thought your eyes were going to turn green from how horny you were…"

"How in Andraste's arse would you know how horny I was?"

"When we made camp near a lake or pond, you don't think you were alone during all those long baths do you? Someone had to keep an eye on you and make sure you were safe. Leliana and I would fight over whose turn it was to be your hidden protector."

Smack! "Andraste's sweet tits, do I need to put my armor on to continue this conversation?"

"Do you understand the meaning of the word _private time_?"

"I do _now_…" Alistair could see the assassin's smirk and wink.

"The point my sweet, is that you enjoy sex too much to go the rest of your life without it. I don't care how talented your hand is," Zevran chortled.

"You're the one missing the point, Zev. Anders didn't ask me keep my legs open, he asked me to keep my heart open. I promised him I would, but… I just don't think I can… I can't take one more heartbreak… I forgive Anders and Alistair, but I don't think I can open myself up to that kind of pain again."

Zevran paused as he took time to consider his response. "Josie with both Anders and Alistair you loved them intensely which is why their betrayal cut so deeply, but they loved you in return just as passionately. With both of them you knew great joy and happiness. Are you telling me that if you could go back and change the past that you would give up that time that you had with them to spare yourself the pain?"

There was another long pause and a sniffle. "N-no," she whispered.

"Anders isn't asking you to fall in love again. He is asking you to be open to the possibility of falling in love, because if you are open to that then you haven't allowed your hurt and pain to turn into bitterness and I agree with him, Jo. Don't close your heart off to all this life has to offer."

"I-I don't know if can."

"The fact that your promise is weighing on you tell me that you're considering it, and for now that's all I think anyone can ask of you."

Their voice began to trail off as they headed into the estate, but he caught the last part of their conversation and smiled.

"So my pet, how was sex in the Fade?"

"What makes you think I had sex in the Fade?"

"You've had sex everywhere else why not there?"

Pause.

"Ha, you missed!"

Smack!

"Ouch! You really have become a lot more violent since Anders death," the assassin stated with a pout.

Alistair felt a warm hand press on top of his, pulling him out of the memory. He looked into Josie's smiling face. "It's going to be okay. You're a Warden. Since the blight, Wardens are highly revered in Ferelden. Not to mention everyone knows you mess with my Wardens, you mess with me."

"Are the bounty hunters aware of that?"

"If they aren't, they will when I'm through with them."

"Thanks, Josie… for everything," Alistair said as he squeezed her hand.

She squeezed back. "That's what friends are for."

"I just need to adjust to be back on Ferelden soil. If we could make it to Vigil's Keep without notice I think I'll be fine."

"Well, only a few people know that we are arriving today so there shouldn't be a line of assassin's waiting for you."

"Well that's encouraging."

Josie's prediction had been correct. The only person that was waiting for them when they disembarked, was a Warden mage by the name of Mason who obviously had been recruited during Josie's absence, because she only knew him by his Ferelden Warden armor. However, he immediately recognized Josie even though she wasn't in hers. He informed her that he had secured horses for them, and that he would stay behind to assist Giles with securing transportation for their luggage.

The trip to the Vigil's Keep had been uneventful and as they dismounted in Keep's courtyard Alistair had begun to relax, until he heard a booming voice from behind them that made his teeth rattle.

"Where's my baby sister? I've heard rumors that she finally decided to grace Ferelden with her presence once again?"

Alistair turned to see a tall man with dark brown hair coming down the Keep stairs toward them. Josie squealed with delight as she raced across the courtyard and leapt into her brother's arms. The Wardens started to make their way toward the stairs when from behind the Teryn of Highever, the Arl of Redcliff stepped out of the shadows stopping Alistair dead in tracks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Thank to everyone that has as added this story to their alert and favorites list. Also that thank you those that have added me to their favorite authors list. I am honored by such a wonderful gesture. I also want to thank those that have left such amazing and thoughtful reviews. I love hearing your thoughts both good and bad so please continue to share those with me.**

***Last, but never least I want to thank Bonkzy for working her wonderful betalicious magic on this chapter. Thank you for your help, insight and friendship.**


	20. Chapter 20 Landslide

**Chapter 20 – Landslide**

"I took my love, I took it down, climbed a mountain and I turned around  
>And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills till the landslide brought me down<p>

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?  
>Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?<p>

Well, I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you  
>But time makes you bolder even children get older and I'm getting older too"<p>

_Landslide by Fleetwood Mac_

Fergus laughed as he held Josie tightly in his arms and kissed her forehead. "Miss me that much did you?"

"It's good to be home and to see you. This is an unexpected surprise," Josie replied.

"I wanted to be here to personally welcome back my long, lost sister," Fergus chuckled.

"Oh I haven't been gone that long."

"The hell you say. Mayhem probably won't even recognize you," he said as he gently pushed her back. "Now stand back LuLu and let me get a good look at you."

He eyed her up and down. "I do believe all that rich Kirkwall food finally put a few pounds on your skinny arse."

Josie chuckled. "No that would be the Orlesian Chocolate."

"LuLu? Where did she get a nickname like that?" Kai asked.

Fergus chuckled and before Josie could stop him he explained. "Well, when Josie was younger she was always so preoccupied with whatever had her attention at the moment, that she had this bad habit of waiting till the very last minute to use the chamber pot. When she could barely hold it any longer she would begin to dance around, grabbing herself and crying out, 'Loo,loo, I need to use the loo, loo now'."

All of her Wardens burst out laughing. "Commander LuLu, can I use the loo?"

"Warden Caron, call me LuLu again and I'll make sure you become personally acquainted with all the chamber pots in the Keep."

"Now I would pay good coin to see a reenactment of that dance with you grabbing yourself, my sweet," Zevran purred. Josie reached out to smack him, but he leaped out of her way.

"I'm on to now, my dear. You need to get some new moves," Zevran cooed.

"You're a dead man, Fergus," she grunted. As she started for the Keeps main doors and stopped dead in tracks when she noticed for the first time Eamon standing behind her brother.

She raised an eyebrow at her brother. "Personally welcome me back, huh?"

"Yes, my dear and Eamon is here to welcome Alistair home," Fergus replied a bit uneasy.

"It is not surprising that my brother is here to welcome me home, but I find it disconcerting to find you here, Chancellor Eamon. To what do I owe the Queen's Premier of State a welcome home visit?"

"Chancellor?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, I'm sorry Alistair that I didn't go over Ferelden politics with you sooner, but I honestly believed I had some to time to brief you on the current situation," Josie explained.

"Commander, I am sorry if my presence has alarmed you. I am not here on official Ferelden business. I am here to see my nephew whom I haven't seen in ten years."

"Nephew is a bit of a stretch don't you think," Josie said dryly and she saw Alistair's lips curve slightly.

"I did raise and educate the boy," Eamon said defensively.

"Yes, a boy that you treated little better than a stable hand and a man that you used as a political pawn and since then in my dealings with you I have seen nothing different," Josie replied.

"Sister, I do believe that in your haste to protect Alistair you are overreacting a bit. When Eamon heard that Anora had lifted the bounty on Alistair…"

"A bounty he did nothing about for nine years!" Josie declared.

"Commander…Josie, I tried make Anora see reason with regards to Alistair, but she was unyielding. It was only her father who finally was able to make her see that Alistair posed no threat. I know my actions in the past haven't always seemed noble, but I always had your best interest at heart, Alistair."

"I believe that you believe that Eamon so for the sake of an argument I am willing to leave the past where it belongs. I've come back to Ferelden for a fresh start with the Grey Wardens and I am willing to take this visit at face value that you are here to welcome me back," Alistair stated.

"I am my dear boy, I am. When Fergus informed me that you were once again with Josie and the Grey Wardens and that Anora had lifted the bounty I was thrilled and hopeful that you would return home," Eamon explained.

"Look, let's finish this discussion in my study. Nate and Alistair, please join us and Sigrun can you please assign rooms for both Alistair and Caron," Josie stated.

"Yes Commander," Sigrun said as they headed into the Keep.

Once they were finally seated at the table Josie began. "So just to be clear this visit is strictly personal there is no political reason that you are here," Josie inquired.

"Commander, I am here to welcome Alistair home after being gone for ten years. I consider Alistair family," Eamon said defensively.

"I love how you throw around the word _family_ when it's convenient for you," Josie replied coolly.

"Sister, don't you think you are being a little unfair," Fergus replied.

"No, I'm not. You weren't there, Fergus. Eamon pushed Alistair to take the throne even though he had made it clear that he wanted to remain a Warden, but because it would help him politically…"

"Commander, I have only wanted what was best for Alistair," Eamon retorted.

"What was best for Alistair was for him to keep his head attached to his body, but I didn't see you leaping to his defense then," Josie countered.

"I privately tried to pursue Anora from that decision, but she wouldn't hear of it," Eamon replied.

"Of course in private because you didn't want the other nobles to see you taking sides; always trying to play both sides of the fence," Josie accused.

"Josie, you are being unfair! Eamon was overjoyed when he heard that Anora had lifted the bounty and expulsion from Alistair," Fergus stated.

"Yes and Alistair has Josie to thank for that not his family," Nate said dryly.

Eamon's eyes went wide. "It was you that convinced her? How did you do it?"

"That is unimportant. What is important is that the band has been lifted, but you can understand my apprehension when we haven't even been in Ferelden for a full day and the Chancellor to the Queen is on my doorstep welcoming us home."

"Well, now that you put it that, I can see how this might seem, but let me assure you Josie that I am here on a personal visit not on country business," Eamon explained.

"So there are no secret agendas or covert messages being sent?" Josie asked.

"We are here to welcome you home Sister, that is all. I know that you will be busy over the next several days settling into your duties as Arlessa so I want to make sure that you are aware that the Landsmeet is in a month. This meeting will also mark the tenth anniversary of you slaying the Archdemon so there will be additional festivities that will require you to attend. You have been absent from the last three meeting so I think you should make every effort to be at this one," Fergus said.

"Damn, I knew I should have postponed my return for a month," Josie replied.

"I'm sorry, Sister, but you're going to have to make an appearance in court, don a pretty dress, charm all the nobles and remind them why they love you so much," Fergus said.

"Can't Nate or Varel do that for me? Nate looks absolutely lovely in a dress," Josie stated.

"Only if it's embellished with ruffles and lace and make sure its blue that will bring out the smoky grey color of my eyes," Nate said matter-of-factly.

Fergus smirked. "Sorry Nate, but this time we must subject the nobles to seeing Josie in gown. There is one more request I need to make, Josie."

Josie looked up at her brother grinning, but his face had taken on a serious look. "Anora has stressed the importance of Alistair attending the events."

"Absolutely not! There is no reason for Alistair to attend these celebrations. He wasn't even there at the end of the Blight," Josie exclaimed.

"Josie, you must be reasonable. This man whom many consider a traitor needs to explain his actions before the Queen and the nobles, if you want him to have a chance in making a difference here in Ferelden. They will never accept his presence if he doesn't," Fergus stated.

"Are you here to welcome me home as my brother or as my Teryn?"

Fergus stood and he went to her. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders trying to calm her. "I am here as your brother who has missed his sister terribly over the past year, but I am making the request for Alistair to be present at the Landsmeet as Amaranthine's Teryn."

"Fergus, you and I both know this is nothing, but a powerplay on Anora's part. How dare she try to dictate to me who will accompany me? She has no authority over the Wardens or me."

"She has allowed a man, that up until a few months ago the whole nation considered a traitor and many still do, back into her country. You can't conceal Alistair here at the Keep and pretend that his actions don't have consequences."

Alistair stood. "Jo, your brother is right. I can't hide behind you or the Wardens. I need to face Anora and the nobles…"

"Alistair you realize this could be a set-up," Josie said as she walked toward him.

"Yes, and if that is how Anora decides to play this then I will answer for my actions."

Josie's eyes furrowed as she studied him. She didn't like the idea of Anora anywhere Alistair. The idea made her sick to her stomach, but she had no idea why. However, she had to admire and respect him for taking responsibility for his actions. She about say as much, but Fergus beat her to it.

"It would be an understatement to say that I was not pleased to hear of your return Alistair, but I can respect a man who is willing to own up to his mistakes."

"Even though Anora lifted the bounty, there are many that feel I betrayed my country. I need to stand before them and be held accountable for my actions. I have much to atone for, all that I ask is for the opportunity to do so," Alistair replied.

"Humility…not something I'm used to seeing in a Theirin. It's becoming. It takes a brave man to admit to his mistakes and be judged by his equals," Fergus said.

"So this is to be a trial? Will Anora and the Landsmeet be passing some kind of judgment?" Josie asked.

"No, they just want Alistair to stand before them and explain his actions. They want to hear his side of the story," Fergus explained.

"I am willing to do that," Alistair said.

"You don't have to do this…"

"Yes, I do, Jo. As a Ferelden, as a Warden and as a man this is something I need to do," Alistair stated.

Josie paused for a moment as she studied Alistair's resolve then she nodded her consent.

"Great now that all of that is settled, I'm starving," Nate exclaimed.

Alistair agreed and they all stood to head down to the dining hall.

"I'll be down in a minute there are a few things I need to take care of first. Nate, would you stay behind for a moment?" Josie asked. Nate nodded and once everyone had left he closed the door behind them.

"So I know you aren't going to take this lying down, oh fearless leader," Nate said with a smirk.

"Damn straight, I'm not. The nobles want to sit on their pedestals and judge others for their actions… well, that's fine two can play at that game. I have no intention of letting Alistair walk into that meeting as the sacrificial lamb. I want some leverage and a little dirt of my own. So over the next month, I want you and Zev to find out all of their dirty little secrets… the dirtier, the more illegal their secrets are the better.

"A month isn't a lot to work with."

"I know so Zev many have to pull in some favors, but I need that information. I don't trust Anora and there are plenty of nobles that have ulterior motives of their own. We can't go into this meeting blind, but this needs to stay between you, me and Zev. No can know especially Alistair."

"Why aren't you letting Alistair in on this?"

"Alistair feels guilty and he is allowing himself to be set-up because of his guilt. Besides, lying was never his strong suit. I want him to go into the meeting the humble, repentant Warden that he is. The nobles will see his true heart and many will forgive him because of it."

"You my dear, Josie, would have made an excellent Queen. If the nobles were smart it is you they should fear."

Josie grinned. "It has been ten years since they have known fear and they have become complacent. They are fat, drunk and happy and that is something I can use to my advantage."

"I would not want to be on your bad side, my dear Commander. You are positively evil."

Josie and Nate made their way down to the great hall for dinner. When they entered the room Josie couldn't help, but admire the aggressive recruiting that Sigun had done in her absence. When she left there had been twenty-five Ferelden Wardens. In the year that she had been gone Sigrun had doubled that number.

"Sig, I'm impressed with the number of Wardens that you have recruited. How have you done it?"

Sigrun grinned. "Well we started out with an aggressive recruitment campaign by putting poster in all towns and villages…"

"What did these posters say," Josie interrupted.

"Not so much what they said that left an impression," the mage from port chuckled.

Josie's eyes narrowed on the handsome young man, "Mason, right?"

"You recognized me at the ship, even though I've never met you before. How is that?"

"Well, it was the recruitment poster. Your image is on it."

"And you joined because my image is on a recruitment poster?"

"You bet Andraste's sweet ass I did."

Josie's face began to redden as she spun to face the Warden that had been in charge while she was gone. "Sigrun, what is on this poster?"

The dwarf smiled sheepishly at her. "Aaah… well… not much really, it basically says that you want them to join the wardens."

"I want to see one," Josie demanded.

Sigrun grinned nervously. "Well, I'm all out at the moment. The artist is working at reproducing them."

"I have one Commander," a young recruit said.

Josie tilted her head. "What is your name?"

"Dex."

"And why do you have a Warden Recruitment poster?" Josie asked.

"Cause I wanted to hang it in my room," the warrior replied.

Zevran leaned forward and gave a knowing grin. "And what purpose would it have by hanging it on your wall?"

The warrior blushed, but ignored his question. He turned to Josie to ask, "Would you like me to get it, Commander?"

"Yes, I would. Thank you."

"Oh why do I have feeling this is going to be deliciously good," Zev chortled.

"Jo, once you see the poster, please keep in mind that this recruitment strategy obviously worked. Within a year Sigrun has doubled your numbers."

Josie raised an eyebrow. "You've seen these posters?"

"Ummm, yes," Fergus said.

"Seen it! He approved," Sigrun said defensively.

"Really? Huh, so now if I don't like it I know whose ass to kick first," Josie retorted.

"Well Sister, you needed Wardens, your presence would have been the easiest way to recruit new Wardens, but you weren't here so Sigrun had to improvise and I thought her plan was brilliant."

"Oh this ought to be good," Josie mumbled as just as Dex raced back in carrying a piece of rolled up parchment.

The rogue unrolled the paper and turned it for Josie to see. Her eyes went wide and her cheeks began to burn as she studied the parchment. She was wearing her Ferelden Warden's rogue uniform… what there actually was of it. The artist had made her armor resemble a corset that pushed her breasts up and almost out of the material. The corset cinched her waist in and flared out her hips. Her leather pants were so tight that it left little to the imagination. Her black hair swirled around her face and her pouty red lips as she blew a kiss. In one hand she held the head of an archdemon out to the side while her other hand held her dagger pointing out at the reader. In large bold print the caption read, "I WANT YOU!" In much smaller print below it said, "For the Ferelden Grey Wardens. Recruitment at the Denerim Warden Compound."

Alistair began to choke as Zev gave out a low whistle. "Well, la mia caramella dolce, you definitely make killing darkspawn look sexy. If I wasn't already in the inner circle, that would make me want to join… and be joined."

Josie spun to her brother, "I'm a walking advertisement for sex. By looking at that you would think we're all walking around in sexy lingerie and getting laid…"

"We're not?" Nate chuckled and then stopped when Josie shot him a dirty look.

"No, no of course we aren't," Nate said dryly.

Josie leapt to her feet, grabbed the poster out of Dex's hands and spun to face her brother. "YOU approved this?"

"NO! Of course not. The poster that I approved was not an advertisement for a brothel. It was alluring, but tastefully done," Fergus said defensively.

"Dex, where did you get this?" Alistair asked as he took the poster out of Josie's hand. He placed a reassuring had on her shoulder and she relaxed under his touch.

The boy's cheeks turned scarlet red, "Aaah…well at the Pearl in Denerim."

"Might as well be advertising as a brothel… fuck!" Josie said as she ran her hands through her hair. "This was your brilliant plan, Sig."

"No, Commander you have to believe me. This was not the poster that we approved. In our campaign poster, your armor looked like armor, a little tighter, might have showed a little cleavage… sex does sell you know? But very chic… you looked like the beautiful noble leader you are."

Zev stood up and addressed the Wardens. "Has anyone else seen this poster?"

Three men and two women raised their hands and all of them said they saw it in a brothel.

"Josie, obviously someone is having a laugh at your expense, but I promise we will get to the bottom of this," Zevran said.

"I want to see the poster that you approved, Fergus. I don't care if you have to rip it out of someone's bedroom," Josie demanded.

"I will do my best, Sister."

"Can I have my poster back?" Dex asked.

Alistair just glared at him.

"I hope you have a good memory, my friend cause there isn't a snowball's chance in the Void that you are getting that back," Zevran chortled.

"I should have kept my mouth shut," the rogue muttered as he went back to his seat.

By the time they had finished dinner Josie had a headache and was exhausted. The only thing she wanted to do was relax. She quietly excused herself and headed to her room. She settled on the rug in front of the fireplace and Mayhem curled into her lap. She laughed and rubbed the mabari's ears. "I hate to inform you of this, but you are too big to be a lap dog, Ole girl."

"I've been telling her that the entire time you have been away, but she still insisted on sleeping in my bed every night so close to my face that at first I thought she was going to Orlesain kiss me," Fergus said from the doorway.

Josie chuckled. "Maybe she was, you look like her type."

"Funny, very funny," Fergus replied as he entered the room carrying a bottle of brandy and two glasses. "I've brought a peace offering."

"I'm not easily bought off you know," Josie said as Fergus pour both of them a glass and then took a seat in the chair near the fire.

"Really? 'Cause the last time I checked, Antivian Brady was still your weak spot." Fergus said as he handed her a glass.

"Josie, I want to apologize again. I'm sorry about those posters. You have to know that I would never do anything that would disgrace you or the Wardens. The posters that were hung in the towns and cities were elegant and stylish just like the Warden that they depicted."

Josie couldn't stop her lips from curving into a smile. "Fergus Cousland, you should know by now that your charms don't work on me, but I will drink your fine brandy as you attempt to make it up to me."

"Well, at least you're allowing me to try to make it up to you. Unlike that time I cut your braid off. You wouldn't even look at me for a mouth."

"I had been letting my hair grow for three years, all that hard work gone in seconds just because you wanted to dress me up as a boy, and enter me in a tournament so you could win a bet with Nate."

Fergus laughed. "Yes you kept threatening me that you were going to throw the competitions, but I knew your take no prisoners nature would kick in once you entered the ring. You swept that tournament and won me ten sovereigns."

"And a month of chamber pot duty when Father found out what you had done," Josie said with a giggle.

"It was worth it Lu, to see you win that tournament… you were magnificent to watch. That is why I approved the posters. At times, I don't think you realize how people are drawn to you, and I knew getting your image out there would make people want to become a Warden just like their hero."

"Becoming a Warden is a calling and it's dangerous. Not everyone should be put through the Joining," Josie explained.

"Well, Sigrun followed your plan of sending recruits to the Denerim to evaluate them first before sending to Vigil's Keep."

"You seem to know a lot about Warden business," Josie said suspiciously.

"Don't worry, your secrets are still safe. Sigrun didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know, but with you gone there were times that she needed advise and I was more than willing to help out."

"Thank you, Fergus. I appreciate that."

"Anything for you, Sis, you know that." Fergus paused as he collected his thoughts before continuing. "When you left after dinner, Nate and Zev filled me in about what had happened in Kirkwall. Your letters had indicated that things had declined, but…," Fergus' voice trailed off as he took a sip of his brandy as he gathered his thoughts.

"Josie, I'm so sorry. No one should witness the brutal death of someone they love no matter what that person had done. I wish I had been there, not because there would have been anything I could do to ease the pain, but just to be there to help you come to terms with it."

She smiled tenderly at him. "Thanks, Fergus."

Fergus sat his glass down and slid onto the floor beside her, drew her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "Over the years you have lost so much, and you have been so strong through all of it, but you don't have to be strong for me, Lu. You're not my Commanding Officer or my Arlessa, I'm not looking to see if you agree or disagree with the Mage Rebellion. You are my baby sister and you are grieving over the death of the man you loved. I know what that's like. I've been where you are and its okay for you to mourn Anders in front of me."

Josie didn't even realize she was crying until she felt a tear splash down on her hand. She quickly brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I thought I was done with this… I want to be done with this."

"Grief is a process, Lu and it takes time. One minute your fine, you think you've come to terms with it and the next minute you're a babbling idiot, but that's okay. I understand the pain, the questions, the self-doubt, the anger and the loneliness."

Josie nodded as new tears flowed. "The loneliness at times is so overwhelming."

"I know. You could be in a room full of people and never feel more alone because the one person that made you feel whole, that made you feel cherished and loved is gone. You don't have to hold back with me. I'm here for you."

Josie sobbed against her brother's chest. "I-I feel so abandoned. He chose to do this. He chose to leave me, desert me… a-and I'm so mad. Not because of what he did, I've come to accept that he was not his self, but I'm mad at him for willingly deciding to leave me, and yet I still miss him so much."

"It's okay to be mad at him and miss him at the same time; it doesn't make you a bad person to feel that way. No two people grieve the same. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling. Don't close yourself or your emotions off. Okay?"

Josie nodded as Fergus handed her a tissue. "That's my girl, now dry your eyes and tell me what happened in Kirkwall."

So over the entire bottle of brandy, Josie spent the rest of the night recounting the events that took place in Kirkwall. He listened patiently; he laughed, asked questions and reminisced with her about Anders. It was cathartic to actually talk with someone about Anders. Everyone tip-toed around his name, never bringing up a memory about him in front of her for fear she would breakdown. It was liberating to talk, laugh and muse over the life of the man that she had loved. By the time Fergus tucked her into bed she felt a weight lift off of her shoulders and for the first time since Anders death she didn't have any nightmares.

Over the next two weeks, Varel kept Josie so busy that she barely saw her brother before he had to head back to Highever and she hadn't been able to clear any time to see how Alistair was settling in, so when he walked into her office looking well rested and tan she literally did a double take. He was even more handsome than on the day she had met him over ten years ago.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been a better Commander and checked in on you sooner, Alistair. I hope that your accommodations are okay and that you have settled in."

His eyes narrowed, "Oh so you don't know what room I'm staying in?"

"No, I'm so sorry. Varel has kept me so busy with bringing me up to date with the Arling that I completely forgot to ask."

"Well, I'm in the room right beside yours. As a matter of fact I think my bed is against the same wall as yours," Alistair stated.

That room had been Anders' room when he had first arrived at the Keep. He had once made the comment that the walls were so thin that he could easily hear every breath, every gasp she made. Josie felt the heat rise in her checks as a very personal memory flickered across her mind and she had to bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling.

Alistair noticed the flush in her cheeks. "If it makes you uncomfortable to have me so close…"

"No Alistair that isn't it… Its… well I've been told that those walls are very thin and I would hate for my nightmares to keep you up at nights."

"I haven't heard you screaming or thrashing around so either you have learned how to have silent nightmares or you haven't been plagued with nearly as many lately."

She smiled at him. "Home definitely has had a calming effect on my subconscious, but if my nightmares should return please to hesitate to request a room change."

"I think I'll be able to manage it if they do."

"Okay if you say so. Look the reason I asked you to stop by office was because there are a couple of things I want to give to you."

She stood and walked over to a large cabinet in the corner of her office. She opened it and pulled out Duncan's sword. "Do you remember Wade and Herrin from Denerim?"

"Yes, the blacksmith and merchant that acted like an old married couple."

Josie giggled. "Yes, that's them alright. After the Battle of Denerim, while the city was being rebuilt Wade and Herrin came to Vigil's Keep for a while. One day, Herrin pulled me aside and told me that you had sold this to him right before the final battle. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he could tell that you really didn't want to sell it. I purchased it back for you in hopes that I would see you again and be able to return it to you."

She handed him the sword. Alistair gripped the beautifully engraved pommel with one hand and tenderly ran his other hand over the blade. "I was so torn up about selling this, but I was in desperate need of money. I only had a few items that were worth anything. Duncan's sword was one of the items that I sold and I regretted it immediately. I-I can't believe that you purchased this back for me. Thank you, Josie. That was very kind of you. I will repay you whatever it cost you to purchase it from Herrin," Alistair said.

"I don't want to be repaid. I just wanted it back in the hands of the one person that deserves to carry it," Josie replied.

Alistair bowed his head and mumbled, "I don't deserve to carry it anymore. Duncan would be so disappointed in me, but I will do whatever it takes to earn the right to carry."

"You already have, Alistair, by coming back to the Wardens. This is where Duncan wanted you to be. He knew this was your family," Josie said.

"I have one last thing to give you," she spoke as she walked back over to the cabinet in the corner of her room, "After we set-up the Denerim Compound I inventoried the Warden warehouse and I found this."

She pulled out a shield and handed it to him. She could tell that Alistair recognized it as Duncan's. He stared at the shield then at her. She could see the tears welling in his eyes. He closed them tight as he tried to remain composed. He tried to speak, but all that he could manage was, "Why?"

"I'm not sure why Duncan didn't have it at Ostagar with him, but I am glad that I found. I knew you would want."

"No, that isn't what I meant. Why are you being so kind to me? After all the pain that I have caused you, after I deserted you when you needed me most and left you to fight the biggest battle of your life alone, why are you being so kind to me?" Alistair asked as his voice cracked.

She leaned back against her desk and asked, "Would you prefer that I hate you?"

"YES!" Alistair exclaimed. "You have every reason to hate me. You should hate me. Why don't you?"

She stared at him as a range of emotions flooded her body, but the anger that she once had toward him wasn't there. She cared deeply for him and she wanted him to be happy, but she wasn't ready to completely open herself up to him again. She finally replied, "The same could be said for you. Why don't you hate me?"

"I did, for the longest time I did hate you while at the same time my heart ached for you. Part of me didn't want to know if you were alive or dead, but the other part longed to see you and know that you okay… Jo, I realize now incredibly stupid and self-centered I was. I had thrown away everything that I had ever loved and cared about over my pride and need for vengeance. I will be paying for that mistake for the rest of my life. You on the other hand have every right to hate me, but you don't. You have been nothing, but kind to me. You have fought to have me reinstated as a Warden, to have the bounty lifted from my head and you made me feel welcome. Why?"

She had only discussed this with one other person. He had been the one that had helped her come to terms with her decision and to live with it, but even though she accepted the outcome of her choice, if it was in her power to make things right she would. However, Alistair deserved to know why?

"Because of a rash decision on my part, I turned you from your path and your destiny. That day in the Landsmeet, both of us were wrong. Both of us made hasty decisions that forever changed the course of our lives. The ramifications of your decision were obvious and very public and you paid a heavy price for that. The consequences of my choices were much more subtle and they ate away at me like a lesion slowly eats away at the skin. I want… I need to make it up to you Alistair. My decision cost you everything…"

"No Jo, you're wrong. It was my reaction to your decision that cost both of us everything. Even though I disagreed with you, I should have never left you. You have every right to hate me. Why don't you?"

"For the longest time, I was angry at you… I was so fucking angry at you. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. Part of me wanted to die on that tower so that you would know the pain of what it felt like to have me leave you, but I could never hate you Alistair. You were the first man that I ever loved."

"You know how fucked up that sounds, right? Not the first man you ever loved bit, but the dying on the tower part."

She chuckled. "Yes now I do, but at the time I just wanted the pain to stop and to inflict pain on you."

"If it makes you feel any better there isn't a day that goes by that I don't beat myself up about that decision. And you keep doing all these nice things for me which makes me feel even worse."

"I don't want to cause you pain Alistair. I think it's time for both of us to move on from our past and have a fresh start."

Alistair stood up and pulled her into his arms. She hesitated at first, but then she relaxed against him. "I couldn't agree more. Before we were together romantically we were good friends and we made a great team. I know we have to build trust in each other again, but I would like us to be good friends once again."

"I would like that too and you did a great job of building trust when you saved my life in the Deep Roads," Josie said nonchalantly.

"Okay great then let's just throw you into a few more life threatening situations where I can play the hero and we will be best buds in no time," Alistair chuckled.

"I'm surprised that you haven't realized this about me yet, but I don't play the damsel in distress very well," Josie replied.

"Now don't be bringing down my plans with your technicalities."

"Oh so now it's my fault your plan has flaws."

"Yes, you're our fearless leader. You need to work out the details of the plan."

"I strategize better on a full stomach. Let's go get something to eat," Josie said.

"Good plan, this is going to work out splendidly," Alistair chuckled as they headed for the kitchen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. I always try to respond to review posts, but if I missed someone, I apologize and please know that I am grateful for you taking the time to read and review.**

***A big thanks to the randy minx, Bonkzy, for being such a shagadelic beta and friend. You're awesome! **

***I made a few last minute changes to this chapter after I received it back from B so if there any errors they fall strictly on my shoulders.**


	21. Chapter 21 Never Can Say Goodbye

**Chapter 21 – Never Can Say Good-bye**

"Every time I think I've had enough I start heading for the door  
>There's a very strange vibration, that passes me right through the core<br>It says, "Turn around, you fool", you know you'll love her more and more  
>Tell me why is it so I don't wanna let you go<br>I never can say goodbye, Oo oo, baby  
>I never can say goodbye, no no no, no no no, oo"<p>

_Never Can Say Good-bye by Michael Jackson_

Alistair sat on his bed and stared at the sword and shield that was propped in the corner. Part of him was stunned that for all these years she had saved Duncan's items for him. It was as if she expected him to one day return to the Wardens…to her. The other part of him was not surprised at all because it was true to her character. She never lost faith in those she loved and believed in. That had been so evident with Anders; her belief that she could save him up till the very end. That is what made her Josie Cousland; that is what Duncan had seen in her the night he conscripted her.

Alistair needed to feel close to both to them, so he riffled through his night stand and pulled out Duncan's journal. He turned towards the end of the book. To a passage he had read a hundred times.

_Harvestmere, Fifth Day of the Thirtieth Year of the Dragon Age_ -

_I witnessed something today that I never believed possible… love at first sight. During our trip from Highever, Josie Cousland had been sullen, withdrawn and at times ill-tempered. The complete opposite of the young, carefree rogue I had encountered at Highever Castle. Her mood is to be expected after the atrocities that she has witnessed, but even as she explained to King Calian the circumstances of her family's demise, she was detached and unemotional. I was truly beginning to worry that in her current mental state, that she would not make it through her Joining._

_However, her demeanour completely changed when she saw Alistair. Her lighthearted manor and humor returned almost instantly. The witty exchanged the two of them had revitalized her. Her transformation wasn't just from sexual attraction either. Although there is no shortage of that for either of them, this was something spiritual. It was as if two souls recognized each other. There is no other way to explain the instant repiore, their immediate comfort and trust of each other and the undeniable attraction they had for one another. _

_I've never seen Alistair so relaxed, so charming. It was like watching Maric all over again. I've never seen him so at ease with anyone, let alone a beautiful girl. It will be interesting to watch these two as their relationship grows and matures. _

That had been Duncan's last entry and Alistair read that passage often. It comforted him to know that both he and Josie were on his mind those last few hours of his life. It also reassured him that Duncan also felt that he and Josie were soulmates or would have been if he hadn't fucked it all up.

He had to stop thinking like that. He and Josie had agreed that it was time for both of them to leave their past behind them, and as hard as that might be, he would try to honor agreement to the best of his ability. He rolled over and fell into a peaceful sleep as he dreamed of both Duncan and Josie.

The following morning as Alistair ate his breakfast, Zevran slid onto the bench beside him. "I'm on to you, my Brat Prince," Zevran cooed.

"What are you going on about assassin?"

"You thought no one noticed, but it didn't escape my attention?"

"I have no idea what the bloody hell you are talking about, Zev."

Zevran gave him a sly grin. "The poster."

"Oh that…"

"Yes that; I know you aren't spending _private time_ with it," Zevran chortled.

"What!...NO!...That's just…" Alistair stuttered as his cheeks burned.

"Just what?"

"I am just keeping it safe is all," Alistair said defensively.

"Alistair, I have observed that your liaison with Leonie was nothing more than a distraction from your true desire," Zevran stated.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play coy with me. You're no good at it, not to mention your charms don't work on me, but they do work on our lovely leader."

"You're delusional, elf."

"Oh really? The night of the great poster reveal, did I not see the tension run out of her body by you simply touching her shoulder? Did she not secure and safely store a sword and shield that held sentimental value to you? You underestimate the effect that you still have on her, my friend."

Alistair was silent for a long moment before he spoke. "She is still mourning Anders. She still loves him."

"Alistair she will always love Anders, that is something that you will have to come to terms with just as Anders had to come to terms that she will always love you."

Alistair shook his head. "She doesn't love me anymore…"

"You're wrong, she does and she needs you to remind her of the feelings that she has for you."

"How can you say that?"

"You never get over your first love. They are always with you, always a part of you. But I have also seen the way she looks at you…"

"How does she look at me?"

Zevran smiled. "Wistfully… reflective… whenever something happens to spark a memory of your time together during the Blight, she smiles thoughtfully with amusement; those are the moments that you can use to your advantage to re-establish your connection with her."

"I don't want to be the guy she uses to get over Anders."

"See that is beauty of this, she wouldn't be using you, Alistair. She would be rediscovering her feelings for you… feelings she already has. Your right she is still mourning Anders, but you can help her through that and remind her that life still has so much to offer. That is if you want to help her move on and find happiness."

"Of course I do!"

"Well, then you subtly need to remind her of what you once had and what you meant to each other. You have to make her want you by being slightly out of reach…"

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to do that when all I want to do is be with her?"

"Don't be the one to make the first move. You have to make Josie come to you. It's the only way you're going to know that it's you she truly wants, but in the meantime always leave her unfulfilled and wanting more. That will make her think and want you more."

"Zev, I'm not good at this. You are good at being the charming yet detached lover. You even said yourself I'm not coy. How am I supposed to do this?"

"I will help you," Zevran said.

"Why?"

"Because I want to see her happy once again and I know you're the one to do that. So here is your first lesson, sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, thirty percent is your attitude, so ninety percent of what you are saying isn't coming out of your mouth. You need to learn to read her body language and make sure you aren't sending the wrong signals. That's where I come in, my friend. Let's go down to the practice ring, I saw Josie head there a little while ago."

They made their way down to the sparring ring; Josie was in the ring with Mason and Caron. They were gathered around her, her hands were on her hips as she gave instructions.

"Now, Josie is an expert at nonverbal communication. It's what helped her coerce all those people into seeing her point of view during the Blight. She is always completely aware of her body and what signals she is giving. She only gives signals that she wants to give. Now Mason and Caron are open books. Tell me what you see, Alistair."

"Mason, your lack of concentration can only be from another late night with Oghren. I warned you that if you showed up in this ring hung over again, I was going to put you on chamber pot duty for a week," Josie said sternly.

Mason smiled stiffly at her, he stared into her eyes until it almost became awkward, but Josie never broke eye contact with him. "Honestly, Commander, I'm not feeling well. I think I have food sickness. That wild boar just didn't sit well on my stomach. I was up all night vomiting and gagging and when it wasn't coming out my mouth it was coming out the …"

"That's enough, Mason. I don't need a detailed description of your imaginary illness."

"It's the truth Commander, honest to the Maker," Mason said.

Josie stepped into him and hissed. "Mason, your lips say no, but your body tells me yes."

Mason's eyes went wide, "Aaah, a-are we still talking about drinking?"

"After practice, report to Varel for chamber pot duty, lie to me again and I'll make you Oghren's personal wiper."

Both Zevran and Alistair burst out laughing. Josie spun, she smiled warmly when she saw them and waved. They waved back.

Zevran turned to Alistair. "How could Josie tell he was lying?"

"Well, when he smiled at her it wasn't a genuine smile."

"Yes, exactly. It's nearly impossible to fake a real smile because the emotion never reaches the eyes. There are people that are good at faking by forcing their minds to feel an emotion that should be connected with that smile. However, that takes years of training and excellent memory recall. What else did you notice?"

"His eye contact seemed unnatural."

"That's because it was. Every liar knows that you have to make eye contact, but they tend to hold the contact for too long. What else?"

"He gave too many details in his story."

Zevran chuckled. "Yes sometimes less is more, especially when talking about bodily functions. Did you also notice that when Josie saw that we were here that her body relaxed, her eyes lit up and her smile was genuine?"

"Yes."

"Good, now I want you to approach her, ask her about sparring together and pay attention to how her body reacts to you."

Alistair hopped over the fence and walked over to her. He stopped a few feet away from her. She smiled and stepped closer to him as Alistair leaned toward her. "Hi there," she said softly.

"Hi, I was wondering if later on today when you're caught up on all your duties, if you wanted to spar together."

Josie tilted her head slightly and coyly smiled. "You just miss me putting you on the flat of your back."

A mischievous smirk played with the edges of Alistair's lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, the view is pretty good from down there."

Josie licked her lips. "Then you won't have a problem landing there more frequently." She smiled as she added, "It's been a while since we sparred together. I would love to."

"Great, I'll let you get back to training this sorry lot," Alistair said then turned to leave.

"I'll give you a sorry lot," Mason said as his fingers glowed blue with magic.

"Try it mage and you'll be the one flat on your back with your mana drained," Josie stated.

Alistair just grinned as he made his way over to Zevran. "So now you have a date with our lovely lady. What did you learn?"

"Well, her smile was a real one. She tilted her head…"

"Yes that is a typical female flirting move. Did you notice anything else?"

"Not really."

"Well this is what I saw, when she approached you she stepped into your own personal space indicating she wanted to be closer to you, but you showed just as much interest by leaning into her…"

"I leaned into her?"

Zevran chuckled. "Yes you did and you didn't even realize it because it's was a subconscious move, but I can guarantee that Josie noted that you did that. You ran your fingers through your hair which says you were nervous, and that is a habit of yours that we need to break. Also, before she gave you an answer that indirectly referenced a sexual position she licked her lips. This could be an indication two things. One, her subconscious desire to kiss you or she was recalling a memory from when she had you in that position before."

"You got all that from her licking her lips."

"Yes, I did. It was in my best interest to know what individuals were not telling me than to hear the lies that fell from their lips."

"That was a good first lesson, Alistair. I want to hear what you observe after your date with the Commander."

"It isn't a date," Alistair said defensively.

"If you say so."

Over the next week, under Zevran's tutelage Alistair studied Josie's body language closely. He thought that he had been able to read her well in the past, but now he noticed little things that he also had missed. He noticed that when she wasn't being fully truthful about something she would tug at her earlobe. She didn't do it every time and there were times he saw her catch herself and stop, but when she was fully engaged in a conversation and wasn't paying attention she did it.

He also noticed that she mirrored the movements of those that came into contact with and this put them at ease. Zevran said when she did this with him that it was a sign of attraction. He wanted to believe that, but he wasn't so sure.

The ability to read her not just through the taint, but also by the unspoken language of her body, Alistair felt he understood her and closer to her than he had in a very long time. So when a messenger rushed into the dining hall to deliver an urgent letter, Alistair watched the subtle cues of her switching from noble to fearless Warden-Commander, as her back straightened, her gaze hardened and lips formed a straight line. She spun and called to her second in command to gather the Wardens for an emergency meeting. Once they were all present, Josie began.

"There has been a darkspawn attack not from Highever Castle and the initial reports are stating the presence of talking darkspawn. There have been numerous injured and they have been taken to Highever Castle. So we will split into two teams. Nate, you will take Kai and Caron to Highever Castle so that Kai can heal the injured. I will take Alistair, Zev, Oghren and Mason to inspect the battle site. Sig, I am leaving you in charge of the Keep. I want everyone to be alert. These aren't your typical darkspawn. They are intelligent and organized. Don't let your guard down around them. Be prepared to leave in two hours."

Everyone rose to leave except for Alistair, Nate and Zevran. Once the room was cleared, Nate looked at her. "What aren't you telling us?"

Josie's hand shook ever so slightly before she moved it behind her back to clasp them together. "My brother was injured in the attack. I am not sure how serious his injuries are, but he was alert enough to communicate a message from a darkspawn emissary that goes by the name, the Advocate who has requested a meeting with me."

"Why request a meeting with you? Why not just kidnap you like the Architect did?" Nathanial asked.

"You were kidnapped by the Architect?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, long story for another time. I have no idea, Nate. Maybe they are developing manners."

"Well, I hope they aren't expecting an invitation to tea," Alistair said dryly.

"We will find out. Let's get moving," Josie instructed.

As they started toward the stairs, Alistair touched her arm and she looked up at him. "I'm sorry about Fergus. I'm sure he will be fine and you know Kai will do everything in her power to heal him."

"I know… and thank you."

She turned to rush up the stairs to her room, but Alistair saw the tears forming in her eyes. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but he didn't want to impose on her either. He decided to ignore the logical side of his brain and went after her.

He knocked then entered her room without waiting for her to let him in. She was standing over by the window. She spun when she heard him. Her eyes were red, her cheeks stained with tears and her face splotchy from crying. As he approached her, she quickly tried to wipe her tears away.

He pulled her into his arms and against his chest. He soothed her hair down and kissed the top of her head. "You don't ever have to hide your emotions from me. You should know that by know, JoJo."

She relaxed against him as she melted into him and her tears came harder and stronger. He held her tightly against him until there were no tears left. "Fergus is a fighter, Josie. He fought his way back to you after the Blight, and you have to have faith that he will continue to fight."

"I-I can't lose him, Alistair. I've already lost so much, sacrificed so much, I need him. He is the only blood family I have left."

"Kai is an excellent healer. Her spiritual healing is as good as Wynne's. She will do everything in her power to save him," he said as he pulled back, cupped her face and gently wiped the tears away with his thumb. He yearned to lean down and kiss her, but now was not the time nor was that the comfort she was looking for. He kissed the top of her forehead then stepped away from her.

She smiled up at him. "Thank you, Alistair. I really needed a good cry."

He laughed. "Well, I believe I once told you my shoulder was always here for you."

She wiped her eyes with her hand. "Yes you did. It's a good thing that I'm not prone to emotional outbursts very often cause the way things have been going lately, my head might be permanently attached to your shoulder."

Alistair grinned at her. "Well, that wouldn't be a bad option from my perspective."

"You say that now, until you develop shoulder rot from the constant flow of tears."

"To have your beautiful head resting there permanently, it's a chance I would be willing to take."

Josie's cheeks flushed red as she smiled a sweet innocent grin at him.

"Josie Cousland, did I just make you blush?" He paused and looked at her as her cheeks color deepened. He chuckled. "I did make you blush and here I thought only whispering naughty suggestions in your ear in front of a room full of nobles could have that effect on you."

"It must be the heat… does this room seem unreasonably warm to you?" She asked as she swung the window open and cool breeze blew in.

"Aaah, yes that must be what caused that attractive flush of color on the fair maiden's cheeks," Alistair said as her cheeks deepened even more. Alistair chuckled. "Since when, can't the legendary cool and collected Josie Cousland not take a compliment?"

"When the compliment is completely unexpected and coming from a surprising source," Josie stated.

Alistair stepped closer to her and smiled tenderly at her. "It should be no surprise that I find you attractive, my Lady. I have thought you were the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas since the day I met you, and nothing that I've seen since has dissuaded me from that view point."

Before she could reply, he kissed her cheek then headed for the door. "I will let you pack for our trip."

_**xxXxx**_

They arrived at the attack site a few hours before the sun was due to set. It was a horrific scene and it would take them a full day to gather the bodies and burn them. There was no sign of darkspawn or the latest talking emissary.

Josie leapt off of her horse, drew her sword as she made her way toward the mouth of a small cave. Alistair followed her. He reached out through the taint and felt her apprehension, but as he fell into step beside her the anxiety waned.

"I don't feel any darkspawn close by," she stated.

"Neither do I," Alistair confirmed.

"Mason, can you close this opening temporarily? I don't want any more darkspawn using it tonight, but I want to be able to explore this cave a little further tomorrow."

"I can close it off by collapsing up the entrance. Tomorrow I will just make the big rocks into little rocks by blowing them up."

"Sound good to me," Josie replied, she took a step back as the mage cast several strong stone fist spells at the entrance. In a matter of seconds the opening was closed off.

"There is a lot of work to be done here. It will be dark in a few hours. Let's ride further south a few miles and set-up camp for the night. We can get a fresh start on this in the morning," Josie instructed.

They found a clearing a few miles away that had a stream nearby for water. They quickly went to work on setting up camp. Once the fire was started, Josie began cooking dinner for everyone.

"You have to love a woman that knows her way around a kitchen," Mason purred as Josie stood over the pot, stirring the stew.

"If you say anything about her being barefoot and pregnant, I'll enjoy watching her remove your manhood," Oghren grunted.

"I would never dream of ruining the fantasy by giving her a big belly," Mason stated.

"Are you a fan of Holy Smite, mage?" Alistair sneered.

"Last time I checked, wasn't one of my favourites, but if she is the one doing the smiting, I'll bet it could grow on me," Mason chuckled.

"Oh, she'll do a lot more than just smite you. You won't be walking away from it with all your pieces intact... I guarantee it," Zevran chortled.

"So she likes it rough. Good to know," Mason sighed as he eyed her up and down.

"You know what... Since you're not so good at listening to valuable advice, I'm gonna shut up now and let you learn your lesson the hard way. Good luck to you. You'll need it," Zevran stated.

Josie scooped out some of the stew and walked over to Mason. She bent down and smiled at him. "Would you like a sip?" She cooed.

Mason smiled at her. "Why, yes I would, darlin'."

Josie eased the ladle toward him. He leaned forward to take a taste, but Josie's other hand came up lightening quick and Mason paused as he felt the cold steel of Josie's blade press against his throat.

"Let me be very clear, I have had my fill of rebel apostates who think they can charm their way into my pants. Been there, done that, bought the souvenir. So until you show me that you have more to offer me than your smartass and rather lame pick-up lines, you will remember that I am your Commanding Officer, and you treat me with the respect that title holds. That is unless you want to try and take the title from me, but I have to warn you, the last chap that tried that is now in Weisshaupt answering to the First Warden."

Oghren and Zevran burst out laughing. "Tried to warn you, my friend."

Josie dropped the ladle, stood up and spun to face the forrest. Alistair was immediately on his feet too, drawing his sword. "Darkspawn," they hissed in unison.

The group sprang into action preparing for a fight, but only a tall, muscular emissary emerged from the woods.

"There is more than just him," Alistair whispered.

"I agree. They are hiding in the shadows," Oghren replied.

"What do you want?" Josie demanded.

"I am only here to talk," the darkspawn replied.

"Why are the rest of your followers hiding in the shadows," Josie replied.

"We are not here to fight unless that action cannot be avoided. I am here because we fight on the same side, Josie."

"Haven't we heard this tune before, Commander? Same shite, different day," Oghren growled.

"I'm the Advocate," the darkspawn emissary said.

Josie shook her head. "Why don't you things ever have normal names?"

"Like Bob or Jake," Mason added.

"What's the deal with all the adverbs?" Josie asked.

"The names are selected according to our purpose," the Advocate stated.

"So you're the Advocate, what exactly are you advocating?" Alistair asked.

"An alliance," the Advocate declared.

"Sorry, I'm done making deals with darkspawn. It didn't work out so well the last time. You could ask the Architect about that… oh right you can't 'cause he's dead by my blade."

"That was a most unfortunate incident, but inevitable. The Architect lost his way and in doing so forgot the purpose of why he was created," the Advocate stated.

"Besides being one ugly son of bitch he had a purpose," Oghren grunted.

"Yes, to protect the Old Gods. He became too caught up in trying to eradicate the Old God's calling that he lost sight of the main objective, which is never to allow the darkspawn to find the last two Old Gods."

"And how exactly was he supposed to do that?" Josie asked.

"Flemeth, she had an ancient ritual that would silence the Old God's song from the darkspawn so that they wouldn't seek them out. With no song to drive the darkspawn, they would cease to have purpose, they would begin to fight amongst themselves eventually killing each other off."

"But there is obviously a fraction that doesn't want the ritual to take place, hence all the fighting, but why is this infighting taking place on the surface?" Alistair asked.

"When the witch and the Architect were working together they performed a blood magic ritual that allows the more intelligent emissaries to track her, but she also has the ability to track us too. When we sense her both fractions seek her out. My side so that she can perform the ritual on the Old Gods and the other to kill her before she can."

"So are the sites where these battles are taking place where you have sensed Flemeth's presence?"

"Yes," the Advocate said.

"Why is she back in Ferelden?"

"I am unsure. Her movements are erratic, but lately she seems to be appearing in locations near you."

"Near Josie, but why?" Alistair asked.

"I am unsure. I find her behavior very curious and perplexing," the Advocate stated.

"This makes no sense. Hawke took that amulet of hers to Kirkwall while I was still fighting the Blight. Why would she start tracking my movements when I arrived in the Free Marches?"

"Again, I have no answer for that. I only know that when you arrived in Kirkwall, her presence became more frequent, and then it disappeared for a time, but reappeared back in Ferelden not far from Vigil's Keep."

"What do you want from me?" Josie asked.

"That you make yourself accessible to the Witch of the Wilds so that she can seek you out if that is what she is trying to do. When we sense her, we will come to your aid immediately. Do we have an alliance, Commander?"

"Don't do it, Josie. You know better than to trust them," Alistair warned.

"I will need to think on what you have told me and do some research of my own before I can give you an answer," Josie replied.

"A wise decision, but don't wait too long. We don't know why she is here or how long she will stay." The Advocate said as he stepped back into the dark cover of the woods. The Wardens felt the darkspawn taint grow fainter and fainter until it was gone completely.

"How are you going to research this?" Alistair asked.

"I have no fucking idea, but I had to buy us some time. If I turned him down and they attacked, we were easily outnumbered four to one" Josie said as she sat down on a log.

"This conspiracy between Flemeth and the Architect just keeps getting stranger and stranger," Alistair said as he sat down beside her.

"Tell me about," Josie said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"On the bright-side, my deadly goddess, at least this one didn't seem interested in your blood," Zevran said as he sat down on the other side of her.

"Thank the Maker for small favors," Josie sighed as she rested her head against Zevran's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay, Jo." Alistair said as he laid a reassuring hand on her knee. "We will find a way to get to the bottom of this. We always do."

She smiled at him and rested her hand on top of his. "Yes we do!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN -** **A huge thank you to those of you who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You always bring a smile to my face and make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts so please continue sharing your views and feelings with me.**

*** A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic beta, Bonkzy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. Thank you for always being there and being so supportive. You're the best!**


	22. Chapter 22 What Doesn't Kill You

**Chapter 22 – What Doesn't Kill You**

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller  
>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone<br>What doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter  
>Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone<p>

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger, just me, myself and I  
>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"

_What Doesn't Kill You by Kelly Clarkson_

The following morning Zevran insisted that Josie head to Highever Castle to see her brother. Alistair accompanied her while Oghren and Mason stayed behind with him to clean up the battlefield. Josie didn't argue with him. She had slept restlessly; her brother's unknown condition weighing on her. She rode hard to get to him. She had barely brought her horse to a halt in the courtyard, when she leapt off and raced up the steps towards the east wing where the family's private chambers were.

Josie skidded to a halt outside Fergus' room. She took a deep breath and was about to reach for the handle when the door opened. Josie's eyes went wide as she stared into the startled face of Bann Alfstanna.

"Commander, I wasn't expecting you so soon," the Bann stated clearly stunned.

Josie raised an eyebrow, "Clearly. How is my brother?"

"He is resting comfortable. Your mage, Kai, has been tending to him most of the night and has managed to heal him completely including the broken bones in his leg."

"That is good news. If you don't mind I would like to see him."

"Oh, of course, I know he will want to know that you are safe," Bann Alfstanna said as she stepped aside so that Josie could enter. Josie made her way over to the chair beside her brother's bed, sat down and took his hand in hers.

His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at her. "You're okay… good. I was worried," he said.

"By now, you should know better than to waste your time worrying over me. I see that all of your needs and whims were taken care of by the lovely Bann Alfstanna."

Fergus smiled sheepishly at her. "Oh you saw her?"

"Yes, dear brother I saw her and when were you going to tell me about her?'

"Well, when I visited you at the Keep you were very distracted, settling back into your role as Arlessa, I didn't think it was a good time."

"What were you going to do, wait and drop it on me at the Landsmeet?"

"No, I would have told you before that."

"Really? Because the Landsmeet is a little over a week away, when were you going to get around to it?"

"Oh what difference does it make, you know now Sister."

"And how serious is this affair?"

Fergus smiled at her. "I want to ask Anna to marry me when we return from the Landsmeet."

Josie smiled and kissed her brother's cheek. "I couldn't be happier for you, Fergus. From my interactions with Anna, she seems delightful, charming, and to put up with you she must have the patience of the Maker."

"She is all that and much more. Josie, I think once you get to know her, you will really like her."

"You deserve to be happy, but why wait till after the Landsmeet. Why not ask her before? That way if she is crazy enough to accept your proposal we could have a private celebration before we head to Denerim."

Fergus' eyes lit up. "You really think I should?"

Josie giggled. "Yes, I think you should. Would you like me to get mother's rings out of the vault?"

"No, I bought a ring to give her."

"But why not give her…"

"Because, those rings are for you."

Josie tried to push the pain down and hide the grief. "Fergus, I don't think I will ever get married. Wardens are not meant to marry and have children."

"Josie, you have been breaking the rules all of your life and I believe if you keep your heart open you will find love again. You may want to even marry that man, and if you do Mother's rings will be waiting for you."

"Since you are still recovering I won't argue with you. So should I stick around for an engagement celebration?"

Fergus grinned at her. "I will plan a romantic dinner with her this evening if all goes well, we can have a small celebration tomorrow night."

"You do realize I have three Wardens and an Antivian Crow traveling with me. They don't understand the meaning of 'small celebration'," Josie chuckled.

"That's even better," Fergus chuckled.

_**xxXxx**_

The following morning Josie's eyes shot open from a dead sleep when she realized what day it was. She got up, went directly to the kitchen and immediately began baking. When Cookie came in a short time later, the old cook started raising hell that Josie was once again messing up her kitchen, but she ignored the territorial cook and continued baking. Cookie stormed out.

A few minutes later, Fergus came in. "What is this I hear about you destroying Cookie's kitchen."

"Oh you know that woman is prone to exaggeration. So what did Anna say?" Josie asked.

"Well after much wining and dining and a night filled with passion…"

"I really didn't need to know that last bit," Josie interrupted.

"Oh please, like I haven't been subjected to you rambling on about one of your trysts."

"Let's not squabble about semantics. What did she say?"

"She consented to be my wife."

Josie spun around and leapt into her brother's arms. "Oh Fergus, I am so happy for you. Well, it looks like we have a party to plan."

"Yes, and Cookie will be happy when you turn her kitchen back over to her, so that she can start her preparations," Fergus said as he peered over her shoulder. "Cupcakes, huh? Who's birthday is it?"

"Look, I know that we have a lot to do today, but I really need to take care of something before I can help. I will give thorough instructions to my Wardens."

"Lu, I don't care about the celebration. Whose birthday is it?"

"I-it's Anders… and I really need to go do this and…"

"I understand. You take as long as you need. Cookie will have everything under control," Fergus said as he kissed her forehead.

"Well, there are plenty of cupcakes. We can start a new tradition; cupcakes - not only to celebrate birthdays, but engagements too."

Fergus smiled. "I like that idea."

Josie carefully boxed up one of the cupcakes. After sending a message to Nate, instructing him on what preparations she needed of him, she headed for the stables. Alistair saw her as she crossed the courtyard toward the stables, and called out to her. Damn it! She had wanted to leave without anyone noticing.

"Hey, I hear we are having a celebration tonight. You must be thrilled for your brother," Alistair said as he walked up to her.

"I am and thank you for helping Cookie get things ready," Josie replied.

"I'm glad to help," Alistair said as he eyed her backpack and daggers. "Umhmm, where are you going?"

"There is something I have to do. I will be back as soon as I can," Josie said as she turned and walked toward the stables.

Alistair followed behind her. "Josie with all that is going on you really shouldn't be traveling alone."

"I'll be fine, Alistair. I will be alert and cautious, but I need to do this," Josie said as the stable boy walked her horse over to her. She took the reins then he cupped his hands together to assist her into the saddle.

"Josie, I don't have a good feeling about this. Just give me a minute to saddle a horse…"

"NO!" She exclaimed. When she looked into his startled face she felt horrible. "I'm sorry, Alistair. I didn't mean to yell, but this is something I have to do by myself. I promise I will be careful and I will be back as soon as I can."

With that she took off, out the main gates, urging her horse on until they'd reached a flat out gallop. She rode hard, alternating her pace, but never dropping her gate below a canter. It took almost an hour until she reached the pond. She dismounted then led her horse over to the water so that he could drink and cool off.

She walked over to the tree that was closest to the pond and knelt down on her knees. She carefully unpacked the cupcake and set it down in the grass. She remembered the first time that she had brought him here on his birthday so long ago.

"Happy birthday, Anders… I hope you're happy where you are." A few tears slid down her cheeks and she quickly brushed them away.

"I miss you… I miss you so much, but I'm trying to live my life like you asked. I'm trying to move on… but it's so hard. I think I'm doing good… that I'm making progress, then something like remembering your birthday will happen, and the memories come flooding in ushering the pain back in … Then there are the moments that I feel true joy and I feel guilty that you aren't here to experience that with me. Life goes on, I know this and as time goes by the pain does lessen… but I want the pain to stop Anders. I want to feel happy again… and moving on doesn't mean I don't love you… I always will, but I have to let you go… P-please… please let me know that you're okay with me letting you go."

She closed her eyes as the tears rolled down her cheeks. A gentle wind blew across her face and through her hair. The breeze almost felt like loving fingers caressing her tears away. She opened her eyes and looked at the leaves of on the trees… they were perfectly still. A chill ran through her and she shivered. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Thank you…Thank you, Anders."

She sat under the tree for a long while before she got up and walked away from the pond that she knew she would never visit again.

When she had arrived back at the castle, she was pleasantly surprised at the transformation of the courtyard. Alistair and Mason cleared everything out and created a pit for a bonfire in the center of the yard Above the courtyard, connecting at various points on the castle, hung multiple strings of candle lights that would give off a warm glow once lit.

Zevran and Oghren were left in charge of the alcohol and entertainment. Josie was truly worried about what those two would view as acceptable forms of entertainment, but she really didn't have a choice and they had to know that she would be unforgiving if they did anything to embarrass her brother.

Alistair noticed her surveying their work and walked over to her. "Does it meet your approval?"

She smiled at him as she rested her hand on his arm. "Yes, it's perfect. Thank you so much for doing this for him and for me."

He nodded and looked at her with concern. "Are you okay?"

She thought about it before she answered. "Yes… for the first time in a long time I can truthfully answer yes."

Alistair eyed her curiously. "Where did you go today?"

"To wish someone a happy birthday."

Alistair looked completely confused. She giggled and kissed his check. "Thank you again for making this night special for Fergus and Anna. I need to go get ready now. I'll see you in a little bit."

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair sat a table with Nathanial, Zevran and Oghren drinking and watching the local nobles that were able to make the trip to congratulate the happy couple, while all the eligible men lined up to dance with the Hero of Ferelden. Alistair admired the way she graciously and kindly interacted with each and every one of them. It was obvious that the people of Highever were extremely loyal to the Cousland Family.

"So let me get this straight, she bolts out of here like a bat out of the Void, is gone for most of the day and when she returns she says that for the first time in a long time that she is okay," Zevran questioned.

"Yes," Alistair replied.

"Women, I don't care how brilliant they are or how good they are at fighting - they are all crazy," Oghren grunted.

"Problems with the old ball and chain?" Nathanial chuckled.

"You could say that."

"And Josie didn't say where she went?" Zevran asked still thoroughly perplexed by her behavior.

"No, just that she went to wish someone happy birthday," Alistair stated.

Nathanial's eyebrows narrowed as he looked over at the food table. "Oh…now it makes sense."

"Really? Would you care to enlighten us?" Zevran asked.

Nathanial sighed and looked sadly at Alistair. "It didn't make sense until you said birthday. The Couslands have a tradition that on a family member's birthday, another member of the family bakes cupcakes for the honoree. It's the only time of year that cupcakes are made in their house so that the gesture and the day remain special."

"So whose birthday is it?" Zevran asked.

But Alistair knew before Nathanial even replied. That would explain why she was so adamant about going alone, and why she was gone for so long.

"It's Anders'," Nathanial stated.

Just when he thought he was making progress with her, that things were moving in a more romantic direction; something always happened to remind her of the man that had been violently taken from her, and who he could never replace.

"Alistair, don't let this discourage you. You know she is still mourning Anders death, but even she said herself that for the first time in a long time she felt good," Zevran said encouragingly.

Alistair said nothing as he watched some noble ass swing her around the bonfire. Josie was smiling and laughing as the man twirled her around the fire.

"Alistair, why are you sitting here drinking ale with us, when it should be your arms that our Commander is in," Nathanial asked.

"Since when has everyone taken an interest in my love life," Alistair retorted.

"Since we all decided that you would be the best thing for her," Nathanial replied.

"Don't you think that is up to her and not her Wardens," Alistair stated.

"Oh she'll come around eventually, but we are here to help you keep your eye on the prize," Nathanial chuckled.

"I don't need your help."

"Oh yes you do," all of them said.

"Don't let the fact that Josie acknowledged Anders' birthday discourage you. Nate is right, go ask her to dance," Zevran instructed.

Alistair sighed as he stood and started toward her. "Body language," he heard Zevran yell from behind him.

Josie was dancing with a tall well-built man who was holding her much too close for his liking. Alistair tapped the man on the shoulder and he paused. "Excuse me, but could I cut in," he asked.

The man hesitated then looking annoyed said, "Well, that would be up to, Commander Cousland."

Josie smiled, "Thank you Bann Richards for the lovely dance, but I have yet to dance with my fellow Warden this evening, so if you don't mind?"

The man bowed, "No my Lady, of course not."

Alistair stepped in and placed his hand on the small of her back and drew her into him. He could smell the lavender, vanilla and spices in her hair and he breathed her in deeply. It felt wonderful to have her back in his arms. He took her hand and began to twirl her around the fire.

She grinned up at him. "I forgot what a wonderful dancer you are. At least Eamon got that right."

"I could never forget how it feels to lead you around a dance floor," Alistair whispered in her ear just before he spun her around, drew her back into him then dipped her deep; her head flung back, exposing her neck and cleavage. It took every ounce of strength he possessed to keep from burying his head in her neck, and kiss his way down to her breasts. He snapped her back up to him and he could see she was flushed with surprise.

"Well, you certainly have learned a few new moves since the last time we danced," Josie replied.

"It's been over ten years since we last took a spin around a dance floor. A man can learn a lot in that time."

"And what have you learned?"

"I've learned that the past doesn't have to define you, but instead should be your guide for the future. I've learned that forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts that you give and receive, and I've learned what I want and that I'm willing to risk everything to have it."

"And what do you want?"

He looked into her beautiful face and yearned to tell her how much he still loved her, but just hours before she had ridden off to say happy birthday to a dead man. How could he compete with a ghost? He couldn't. So he was just going to have to be patient and give her time.

However, when she looked up at him with those big blue eyes all of his resolve nearly slipped away. Then Zevran's words flickered across his mind, "_Don't be the one to make the first move. You have to make Josie come to you. It's the only way you're going to know that it's you she truly wants, but in the meantime always leave her unfulfilled and wanting more."_

Josie smiled at him. "Do you want to kiss me?"

Alistair choked. "What?"

"Well, you're holding me so close and the way you're looking at me…Umhmm, I thought you were going to kiss me?"

Alistair smiled warmly at her; he guided them into a dark corner of the courtyard where they could have some privacy. He gently tucked a loose hair back behind her ear then took a step back from her. She looked up at him confused.

"Josie, sometimes when we are sitting in those briefing meetings or around the campfire, and I'm watching you talk or laugh, all I can think about is kissing those luscious, pouty lips of yours; and I know the moment our lips touch the world would stop and it would be perfect… just you and me again…" he looked down at her puzzled expression. "To answer your question, no, not tonight, I'm not going to kiss you."

"What? Why not?" Josie asked stunned.

"Because when I fantasize about kissing you Jo, you're kissing me back. That you're just as lost in me as I am in you. And you're not thinking of him or trying to find a way to cover up the pain, you're kissing me because you want me. So I can wait."

She muttered something so low it was barely audible, but it sounded like she had said, "But I'm not thinking of him."

Alistair narrowed his eyes at her. "What did you say?"

She was silent for a long moment. Then she shook her head as she said, "You're feeling pretty confident that there is going to be a next time."

Alistair smiled at her and turned to leave. Over his shoulder he said, "Yep, I know there will be."

* * *

><p><strong>AN – I know this chapter is shorter than most, but I felt for these scenes to have the most impact they didn't need to be drawn out. **

***A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this. You make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***A big shout out to the Spankalicious Bonkzy for working her magic on this chapter. Because two pair of eyes are better than one the Betalicious Mistress Vo as joined Team Isabella to help turn my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You ladies are awesome! Thank you for your help and support.**


	23. Chapter 23 Bad

**Chapter 23 – Bad**

"The Word Is Out, You're Doin' Wrong, Gonna Lock You Up Before Too Long,  
>Your Lyin' Eyes, So Listen Up Don't Make A Fight,<br>Your Talk Is Cheap, You're Not A Man  
>You're Throwin' Stones To Hide Your Hands<br>But They Say The Sky's The Limit And To Me That's Really True  
>And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin'<br>Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . .

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad You Know It come on  
>(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)<br>You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- You Know It, You Know  
>(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)<br>(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)  
>Just To Tell You Once Again, (Just To Tell You Once Again)<br>Who's Bad"

_Bad by Michael Jackson_

After their return from Highever and during the trip to Denerim, Josie had been unusually quiet. Her last conversation with Alistair had completely unnerved her. She tried not to purposely ignore him, but due to her own embarrassment over that last night in Highever she found herself heading in the opposite direction whenever she saw him coming. How could she have been so stupid as to ask Alistair if he wanted to kiss her? How could she have misinterpreted all the signs? She was normally so good at this. Flirting, innuendos, double entendres were second nature to her, how could she be so off? But even as she berated herself about being an idiot a tiny voice reminded her, he fantasizes about kissing you and that brought a smile to her lips.

"La mia caramella dolce, with a smile like that on your lips, what delicious thoughts you must be having. Do share," Zevran purred in her ears as he brought his horse alongside hers.

"I know this will be a hard concept for you to grasp, but sometimes people's thoughts are private," Josie cooed back at him.

"What is this _private thoughts_ you speak of?" Zevran stated in feigned confusion.

Josie laughed.

"Whatever is putting that delightful smile on my deadly goddess' lips is an idea that needs to be shared."

"We are about to ride through the city gates. I will tell you about when we have some time alone."

Zevran pretended to pout.

Josie smiled at him. "All good things come to those that wait."

They stopped at the city stables to stable their horses, gathered their gear and made their way to the Denerim Compound. They had barely made it through the Compound gates when a messenger rushed up to her.

"I have an urgent message for Commander Cousland," the boy said.

"I'm Commander Cousland," Josie replied as she took the letter and tipped the messenger.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she read the message. "Maker's arse, I'm not even in the city ten minutes and I'm already being summoned to the Palace. This is going to be a very long week."

"Does the bitch…I mean the Queen say what she wants?" Zevran asked.

"Of course not. That would give me time to prepare. Where's the fun in that? It's so much more fun to see the look on my face when she blindsides me," Josie muttered.

"I don't believe you have ever seen your face when someone blindsides you, but I would have better luck reading a wall than your mind," Nathaniel said as he strolled up beside her.

"Nate, you and Zev will accompany me to the Palace. Giles, please find accommodations for everyone and please have a bath brought to my chamber. I'm going to have to get cleaned up before I head to the Palace."

"Yes, my Commander," Giles said as he hurried off.

Two hours later, Josie was being lead into the Queen's private quarters. When they entered, Anora rose to greet them. Josie curtsied as Nathainel and Zevran bowed.

"It's wonderful to see you again Commander," Anora said with a smile that never reached her eyes.

"Always a pleasure to see you too, your Majesty," Josie replied coolly.

"I hope your trip was uneventful," Anora said as she took a seat at a table near the fireplace and offered Josie a chair. Josie reluctantly took a seat.

"Yes, not a bandit insight."

"That's good to hear. Since you are the Hero of Ferelden and the Arlessa of Amaranthine, protocol requires me to offer someone of your station accommodations here at the Palace," Anora stated coldly.

"That is a very generous offer, but my rooms at the Compound are perfectly acceptable."

"I had a feeling you would say that, but since this is the tenth anniversary of the Blight's end and you are the star attraction, the Compound is unacceptable. Proper etiquette requires you stay in the house of a noble. Eamon has graciously opened up his home to you and your top advisors."

"Fuck you and your etiquette," is what Josie wanted to say. What she actually said was, "How delightful? I am overwhelmed by the Chancellor's hospitality."

"Yes, I am sure you are," Anora said.

"Now on to the main reason I asked you here. The city guards tell me that Alistair was among the Wardens that accompanied you into the City. I am pleased that you followed my orders…"

"Let's get something clear," Josie interrupted. "I don't take my orders from you. I take them from Weisshaupt. Alistair is here because Alistair felt it was in his, and the Warden's best interest, to stand before the Landsmeet and explain his actions."

"You seem to forget that I am the one that pardoned your precious Alistair and I can easily revoke that decree now that he is back on Ferelden soil," Anora replied calmly.

"And you seem to forget that I have the letters that were sent between you, your father, and Rendon Howe regarding your involvement in your mock kidnapping," Josie said evenly.

"Yes, about these letters, I find it difficult to believe that they have come into your possession. To ensure Alistair's continued safety, I would like to see them," Anora stated.

A wicked grin spread across Josie's lips. "You are absolutely right, your Majesty. You have every right to see the evidence of your deceit and treachery. I do believe the first session of the Landsmeet convenes tomorrow. I will present the letters to you and all the nobles then. Will that work for you?"

Anora's face hardened into an icy cold stare. "I don't believe you have these so called letters in your possession and I refuse to be blackmailed by a woman that has fabricated events in her mind."

"_Dearest Father, I understand the necessity of Rendon kidnapping me, but is it truly essential to the plan for him to lock me in a room. I recall the room he is speaking of and it's quite small and rather drafty," _Josie quoted in a mocking tone."

"Does that ring a bell, Anora?" Josie asked.

The Queen's face went pale, but the Queen remained silent so Josie continued. "I have the letters, my Queen and I have no problem parading them in front of the nobles. You fear Alistair because he is a Theirin and the rightful heir to the throne, but he doesn't want it. However, if you continue to threaten him and try to turn the Landsmeet against him then I guarantee that when the nobles read those letters they will call for your abdication and name him King. If you want to remain on the throne you better realize that I am your ally."

And still Anora remained silent. Josie smiled, stood and curtsied. "I believe we have come to an understanding. No need to get up, your Majesty. I can show myself out. I'll see you tonight at the Welcome Reception."

Josie spun on heels and strolled out the Palace. Once they were out the Palace gates and out of earshot. Nathaniel grabbed her by the waist and spun her around. "That was brilliant, Jo."

He sat her back down and Zevran slid his arm around her shoulders. "Beautifully played, my sweet, I've taught you well."

"You're crazy, Zev. What you witnessed in there was a Maker given gift," Nathaniel said.

"Yes, but before she met me she was, but a diamond in the rough. I turned her into the manipulative, devious beauty that stands before you today," Zevran cooed.

"When you're done patting yourself on the back, tell me what dirt the two of you managed to dig up."

Nathainel slid his arm through hers and Zevran did the same on her other side and grinned at her. He waved his hand in a broad stroke in front of them. "Let me paint you a picture of lies, smuggling and murder," Zevran purred.

She smirked at them. "I do believe that for the first time ever, I'm actually looking forward to a Landsmeet."

"It will be one for the ages," Nathaniel said dryly.

As a part of her strategy, Josie didn't want Alistair anywhere near the nobles and Anora until she absolutely had to present him at the Landsmeet. Her reasoning being that she wanted to create an air of mystery around him. She knew all the nobles would be anxious to see the wayward prince and she wanted to keep them in a state of perpetual anticipation.

That meant that tonight Nathaniel would escort her to the Welcome Reception while Zevran remained in the shadows keeping a constant eye on her and the guests. In the short period of time that Zevran and Nathaniel had been given they had done an excellent job compiling the information and evidence needed to secure Alistair's safety.

Josie already knew that Anna, Bann Shianni of the Alienage, Arl Bryland and Arl Teagan were loyal to her and Fergus. Arl Wulff was a fence sitter who would side with the majority if it came down to a vote. That left the Grand Cleric who wouldn't have a vote, but would be allowed to voice her opinion. It was no secret that she wasn't a fan of Alistair's ever since he had left the Chantry for the Wardens. Nor was she a supporter of Josie because of her association with Anders and her nasty habit of conscripting Templars and mages. The other solid supporters of Anora's were the new Bann of Denerim, Derek Milner, appointed to the position by Anora, the new Teryn of Gwaren, Hartley Adkin, who was also the Queen's cousin, and that sniveling weasel Bann Ceorlic. All of the other nobles didn't hold enough power or influence for Josie to worry about.

When they arrived at the palace the Steward helped her remove her cloak. She wore a simple, but elegant baby blue velvet dress that was cut with a high empire waist. The purpose this evening was not to draw attention to herself, but to be able to blend in and mingle with the nobles.

Nathaniel smiled at her, "You look lovely tonight, Milady."

"She looks good enough to eat," voice added from the shadows.

Josie turned toward Zevran's voice. "You hush. You're supposed to be not seen _**and**_ not heard," Josie hissed.

Josie and Nathaniel worked their way into the room socializing with the nobles as they went. Josie was looking for Bann Derek Milner, but hadn't spotted him yet when she felt a poke in her back as Zevran whispered, "Milner is to your left near the first column."

Josie nodded, strolled over to him and extended her hand to him. "Bann Milner, I have been looking forward to meeting you."

The young, handsome Bann smiled a devilish grin as he took her hand, bowed and kissed it. "Commander Cousland, please call me Derek and it is I that have been looking forward to meeting you."

"Oh and why is that?"

"I wanted to see if the lady lived up to the legend," Derek replied.

"It's not because you want to try and pry out some more of my secrets for your dirty tell-all tome," Josie purred as she watched shock register on the Bann's face.

However he recovered quickly. "So you have heard of my little pet project."

"Spreading lies and half-truths is a hobby of yours? Whatever happened to gardening or needlepoint?"

He smiled at her. "The people have the right to know." He reached out, touched Josie's arm and gently stroked it. "And some of your secrets are too delicious not to share."

Josie pulled her arm way from, feeling the instant desire to take a bath. "We all have secrets, Derek…even you. It would be a shame for your secrets to become public knowledge."

Derek blinked as the color drained from his face then he smiled at her. "I've been warned about you and you are definitely good, but you're empty threats will not have an effect on the production of this book."

Josie smiled at him, leaned into him and whispered in his ear, "I wasn't threatening you, Derek. You will know if I threaten you and I guarantee they will be anything, but empty."

Derek laughed nervously as he backed away from her. "Just to give you fair warning, the master script is kept in my vault which is guarded by a pack of mabari and magical wards. The manuscript itself is locked in a box made of ironbark. It's impenetrable."

Josie smiled at him, her eyes dancing with mischief. "Did I give you the impression that I was a thief? If those are the lies you will be spreading about me, you really do need to check your facts."

Derek continued to back away from her then swiftly turned away and blended into the crowd.

"Josie, Derek was one of the nobles that we were unable to get any dirt on," Nathaniel said.

"Yes, but he didn't know that and by his reaction I would say that he definitely has a few skeletons in his closet," Josie stated.

"How are we supposed to get at this script?" he asked.

Josie grinned, "I do believe this calls for the Dark Wolf to come out of retirement and with the help of a certain mage that is a master in pyromancer fire we should have no problem getting at it."

"I love it when you talk dirty, my sweet," Zevran purred from the shadows.

Before Josie could reply there was aloud commotion near the entrance of the room that drew her attention as a dwarf pushed a guard off of him. "Get off of me you big oaf. I have an urgent delivery for the Grand Cleric."

"What is the meaning of this?" A tall woman with grey hair in Chantry robes asked as she approached them dwarf.

"I have delivery for the Grand Cleric. Is that you?"

"Yes, that is me, but why is this being delivered here instead of the Chantry?"

"Look lady they don't pay me to ask question. We were paid handsomely to deliver this to the Grand Cleric here at the Palace." The dwarf spun around and yelled. "Sedal, bring that delivery in here."

"That's my cue," Zevran whispered in her ear. Josie gave a curt nod of acknowledgement.

Another dwarf began pushing a cart with numerous wooden crates on it. The Grand Cleric began waving her arms. "No, no, no, you can't bring that in here. I demand that you take it the Chantry."

Josie watched the dwarf push the cart further into the room ignoring the Grand Cleric's protests. Josie was joined by Fergus and Anna as they watched with curiosity at the spectacle taking place. When the cart had nearly reached the center of the room, Josie grinned as a stick mysteriously wedged itself under the front wheel of the wagon. The cart stopped moving, but the dwarf kept pushing and before anyone could stop him, the wagon pitched forward scattering the crates all over the floor. Several of them broke wide open dumping raw lyrium onto the Palace floor. The Grand Cleric's eyes went wide as her face turned white as parchment.

"Wow, that's a lot of lyrium," a noblewoman called out.

"I heard rumors that the Chantry was dealing in lyrium to keep the Templars addicted, but I always contributed those stories to old mages tales," Anna stated loudly.

If Josie didn't love her sister-in-law to be before she surely did now.

"What?" The Grand Cleric exclaimed half crazed. "This isn't mine…this is a mistake."

"What is going on here?" Anora demanded as she made her way through the crowd. She paused when she saw the piles of blue crystals on the ground. Anora stared astonished at the grey haired woman that now didn't look so tall as she recoiled under the Queen's gaze.

"Your Majesty, this is some kind of mistake…I have no idea where this came from."

Anora looked around at the Palace servants. "Well what the bloody hell are you waiting for get this mess cleaned up."

"Anora, lyrium is very dangerous to humans without magical abilities. I would be happy to send over several of my Wardens that would be happy to assist," Josie said.

"I would appreciate that," Anora replied coolly.

Josie gestured to Nathaniel who nodded and quickly motioned a servant over to send a message to the Warden Compound.

Josie felt Fergus eyeing her curiously. "Well, that was an interesting development"

"Yes it was. Made for some good entertainment on what was otherwise turning out to be a rather dull affair," Josie stated nonchalantly.

"And how convenient for Alistair, that the Grand Cleric's reputation will now be called into question right before he is to face the nobles. Her opinion of the ex-Templar will carry much less weight now," Fergus surmised.

"It's sheer coincidence, but yes a convenient one at that. However, it's nice to know that justice has been served. I've known for years that the Chantry was using lyrium to control the Templars and now their dirty little secret has been exposed," Josie replied.

"You don't believe in coincidences, Sister."

"I do now," Josie said as she turned to Nathaniel. "It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes I believe all the excitement is over for the evening. Good night Fergus. See you tomorrow at the Landsmeet," Nathaniel said.

"See you two tomorrow. I wonder what thrilling delights await us tomorrow," Fergus said suspiciously.

"Thrilling delights? At a Landsmeet? Are we taking a field trip to a brothel?" Josie asked.

"You wish, Sister," Fergus replied dryly.

"Well it would add some excitement to another wise boring event; might even cause a few of those old geezers to have a heart attack. Hmmm, now that you mention it, a field trip isn't a bad idea."

"Good-night, Sister."

Josie smiled tenderly at her brother. "Good-night, Fergus."

_**xxXxx**_

Ever since Alistair had turned down the opportunity to kiss Josie she had been distant and it was clear that she was avoiding him; which was driving him crazy and it made him want to kick himself for being so stupid. Zevran had tried to reassure him that he had done the right thing that Josie distancing herself was a good thing because it was forcing her to evaluate the situation. Alistair had his doubts.

She had been unusually quiet on the trip to Denerim and when they had arrived they had been in the city for less than an hour before she had been summoned to the Palace. When she had returned she had instructed Giles that she, Nathaniel, Zevran, Kai and Alistair would be moving to Eamon's Estate. It was very clear by her mood that this wasn't her choice and to be honest he wasn't thrilled with the idea either.

Then she spent every free moment that she had behind closed doors with Nathaniel and Zevran. Alistair knew she was up to something. He had no idea what she was scheming, but he didn't want her to risk everything for him. He wanted to talk with her about this, but she had slipped out to head to the Welcome Reception before he had the opportunity. He hoped that they could talk on the way to the Palace, but he had been surprised to find Nathaniel waiting to escort him to the Palace instead of Josie. "Where is Josie?"

"She has a business matters to take care of. She told me to go on ahead of her and she will join us there shortly," Nathaniel replied.

They made their way to Palace in silence. Both men lost in their thoughts. Alistair mentally rehearsed what he was going to say to the nobles. Weeks ago he and Josie had worked on his remarks together. Once they had a final script that they both felt comfortable with Josie had instructed him to memorize his speech and to practice it often in front of a looking glass. Initially the very idea made him uncomfortable, but the more he practiced the more relaxed and at ease he felt.

When they entered the Palace, Fergus and Anna met them in the foyer outside the throne room. Fergus looked around suspiciously. "Where is my sister?"

"Oh she is on her way," Nathaniel said nonchalantly as he made his way into the grand hall.

Alistair had only attended one other Landsmeet and that one had been a spontaneous one to discuss the future of the throne, Ferelden and the Blight. As he entered the room memories of that terrible day flickered across his mind, but he willed himself not to think about them and to concentrate on the matters at hand.

It helped that the room looked nothing like the bare open space it had been on that day. Today there were ten round tables with six chairs at each set in a crescent moon shape facing the throne. The tables would seat the nobles and their Seneschals or, as in Josie's case, her Second in Command. Behind each table was a single row of chairs for any guests the nobles brought. Fergus made his way down the center aisle to the front of the room. There were two tables on either side of aisle that sat apart from the rest. This was obviously for the two Ferelden Teryns. Alistair looked behind him and saw that the nobles were arranged according to title and the amount of influence they held.

Nathaniel, Fergus and Anna took their seats at the table and Alistair slid into the chairs behind the table. Fergus glanced around the room and then leaned over to Nathaniel, "Where the bloody hell is Josie? Every noble is here except for her which means the Queen is waiting on her."

"She should be here any…"

The words died on his lips as the back doors opened and Commander Josephine Cousland strolled in. Every eye turned to look at her as she made her way down front. She wore a tight fitting, brown, soft leather dress that was embroidered with gold thread work, bullion, metal sequins, beads and crystals. The dress itself only went down to her mid-thigh, but she wore a candy apple red silk overcoat that was cut so that it hugged the sides of her breasts revealing the bodice of the dress. Then red material cut in just under her breasts and cinched in at the waist before the fabric cut back to her hips as it flowed to the ground. To accent the dress further she wore brown high heeled boots that came above her knees and rested just below the hem of the dress. Her long raven black hair was down and the curls framed her face perfectly.

As she glided down the aisle towards the front she exuded confidence, power and most definitely sex. There wasn't a person in the room that didn't want to be her or be with her and when the Queen entered it would be a strong reminder to her that just because she sat on the throne she wasn't the only one that held a large amount of power in Ferelden.

Alistair couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was no longer the spunky, beautiful, and at times uncertain, noble girl he had met all those years ago. She had become a strong, powerful woman who, when she wanted to, could command the attention of those in any room. He had never wanted her more.

She slid into the seat between Fergus and Nathaniel. Fergus leaned over and hissed, "Has anyone ever defined the word subtle to you?"

"There is time to be subtle and there is a time to send a very clear message."

"Oh I do believe Anora will receive your message loud and clear, little Sister. I really hope you know what you're doing."

"Oh ye of little faith," Josie replied just as the trumpet blew announcing the Queen. Everyone in the room rose to their feet as Anora entered and made her way up the dais. She looked over at Josie and eyed her up and down before she gestured for everyone to take a seat.

"I do believe the Queen realizes you were the reason for the delay," Nathaniel whispered.

"Good."

"I call this Landsmeet to order," Anora stated. Then she looked over at Eamon. "What is our first order of business?"

"The nobles of Ferelden will hear from Alistair Theirin regarding his actions ten years ago. Warden Theirin, please approach the front of the room so that you may address the nobles."

Alistair drew in a deep breath as he walked toward the front. He bowed to Anora, she nodded her head in consent then he turned to face the men and women gathered in the room. He looked briefly over at Josie, who gave him a reassuring smile. He drew his confidence from her and began.

"Your Majesty, my lords and ladies, I humbly stand before you today to ask for your forgiveness. Ten years ago when I stood before you, I believed Loghain Mac Tir to be a traitor to the crown, to Ferelden and to the Wardens. He quit the field leaving the King and hundreds of my brothers and sisters to die horrible deaths at the hands of monsters. I still do believe those things about him. However, what I failed to realize, and what Commander Cousland didn't, was that ending the Blight was bigger and more important than the lost lives at Ostagar and my need for vengeance. I couldn't see beyond my need to bring justice to those who had lost their lives. When Commander Cousland had agreed to conscript the man that I viewed as a murderer and so unfit to be called my brother; I allowed my anger and hatred to control my actions."

Alistair paused as he collected his thoughts. "I was wrong. By all accounts Warden Mac Tir fought admirable and bravely that day on top of that tower and aided Commander Cousland in killing the Archdemon…There isn't anything anyone here can say to me that I haven't said to myself a thousand times regarding my hasty and impetuous decision. I had fought tirelessly beside Commander Cousland for a year to reach that point; I should have been with her on top of that tower, and would have been if my actions hadn't led to my exile before I could write the terrible injustice that I had done to her. However I am determined to atone for this poor decision. This Court has every right not to believe in the sincerity of my commitment to the Wardens and to Ferelden. I simply ask for the opportunity to prove that my heart and actions are genuine. Thank you."

Eamon stepped forward. "Would anyone care to address Warden Theirin?"

Fergus stood up. "Yes, I would. Alistair, you said that you are sincere in your commitment to the Wardens and Ferelden. What have you done to show your loyalty to Commander Cousland and the Ferelden Grey Wardens and what are you prepared to do to show your allegiance to Queen Anora and Ferelden?"

"When Commander Cousland allowed me to rejoin the Wardens I swore an oath of loyalty to her and the Wardens. I am willing to swear my fealty to my Queen and my Country."

"Your Majesty, are you willing to accept Warden Theirin's oath?"

Anora glared at Fergus. She had only three choices. She could say no, but then she would appear cold and heartless. If she said yes, she would have no grounds to pursue further actions against him. Or she could play it safe by sitting on the fence and let the nobles determine her fate. Some would view this as the coward's way out, but others would say that it was a shrewd move on her part.

"I will accept Alistair's oath of fealty if the nobles decide that his past actions are to be forgiven," Anora replied coolly.

"Do you have any other questions, Teryn Cousland?" Eamon asked.

"No Chancellor, not at this time," Fergus said as he took his seat.

Alistair notice that Zevran had slipped into the chairs and was in deep conversation with Josie. She was smiling and nodding her head.

"Would any other nobles care to address Alistair?" Eamon asked.

"I would," Teryn Hartley said as he rose to his feet.

"Warden, you are asking your Queen and her people to trust you, but how are we to trust a man who by his own admission left the woman he loved, the woman, who by all accounts was betrothed to you, to die just because you had a disagreement with her? Who is to say you wouldn't desert us in our time of need because you don't like something we say or do?"

"You have no reason to trust me. Commander Cousland has no reason to trust me…I am plagued every night with nightmares of what could have happened on top of that tower and when I wake up I thank the Maker that because of my stupidity the worst didn't happen. As I said, I have much to atone for. All I ask is for the opportunity to prove myself and I hope in time you learn to trust me."

Teryn Hartly sat down as Eamon stepped forward. "Anyone else?"

Bann Derek Milner shot to his feet. "I do. Is it true that you and Commander Cousland had a tryst with a…"

His question was interrupted as the doors to the hall were flung open and a messenger rushed in. "Bann Milner, your estate is on fire!"

"What?" the Bann bellowed as he started to hurried for the doors then paused to look at Josie.

She looked back at him innocently. "How horrible, Derek? I hope everything will be okay. I would hate for you to lose anything valuable."

The Bann's eyes went wide as he rushed out of the throne room.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – If you are curious about Josie's "power dress" I took the inspiration from this Alexander McQueen dress. Ht tp:/www. polyvore. com/cgi/ set?id=28034440 (Remove spaces)**

*** Thank you to everyone that has added this story to your fav and alert lists. Also, thank you to everyone that has shared their thoughts with me. Your comments always bring a smile to my face and make my day.**

*** Special thanks to Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for working their wonderful beta magic on this chapter. You ladies are awesome and I thank you for continuing to make me look good.**


	24. Chapter 24 Lady, You Bring Me Up

**Chapter 24 – Lady, You Bring Me Up**

"Lady - you bring me up when I'm down, maybe you're gonna change my life around.

You came to me when I was lonely and no one cared.

You made me see that I was only just runnin' scared.

I saw your face and somethin' told me you were the one.

You smiled at me and now I see: My life's begun.

Lady - you brought me in from out the rain, maybe my life will never be the same.

Once I was filled with desperation - a solitary man

You gave me hope and inspiration like only true love can.

Now I believe in what you're sayin' - I'm ten feet tall.

This love don't need no explainin' - we've got it all.

Lady - you bring me up when I'm down, pretty Lady, you bring me up when I'm down"

_Lady, You Bring Me Up by The Commodores_

Josie sat at her desk going over the things that would need to be taken care before the meeting tomorrow. Due to the Bann Milner's unfortunate tragedy, Anora adjourned the meeting until the following day, which worked out in favor for Josie as she made final preparations. There was a slight knock on the door. Josie looked up, saw Alistair and smiled.

"Do you mind if I come in?" He asked.

"No of course not, I wanted to tell you that I thought you were wonderful today," Josie said as she got up and moved to the chairs near the fire.

"You did?"

"Yes, you were humble, apologetic, but at the same time you defended yourself. I was very proud of you," she replied.

"Well, I had a good coach," Alistair stated.

"A teacher is only as good as the willingness of the student to learn," Josie replied.

"So these past two days have been rather eventful. I heard about what happened with the Grand Cleric, and now Bann Milner's house catching fire. I don't think Denerim has seen this much excitement since an archdemon landed on the tower," Alistair stated.

Josie laughed. "You're probably right."

"And I must say you definitely know how to make entrance, Milady. I'm sure you'll have the noblewomen buzzing about that dress."

"Oh yes, I'm sure they are all calling me a slut, but then will be placing their orders with their Orlesian dress makers by morning."

"Of that I have no doubt… You were breathtaking Jo. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, Alistair."

"La mia dea intelligente, you aren't going to believe the rumor on the streets…" Zevran stopped mid sentence when he realized that Josie wasn't alone.

"And what are the commoners gossiping about now?" Alistair asked.

Nathaniel followed in behind Zevran and joined them near the fire. "Well, it would appear that Bann Milner's fire was confined to his vault. Everything inside the vault was destroyed including a valuable ironbark box."

"Huh, his box wasn't as indestructible as he thought," Josie replied.

"I've also heard that the Dark Wolf was behind the fire," Nathaniel stated.

Alistair raised an eyebrow as he looked over at Josie. "I thought the Dark Wolf was retired."

"Obviously something was compelling enough to pull him out of retirement," Josie stated nonchalantly.

"Was it ever confirmed that the Dark Wolf was male?" Zevran asked with a mischievous grin.

"The Dark Wolf is whatever you need him to be," Josie replied.

"Indeed," Zevran chuckled.

"Commander, we have that information that you requested, but we need to go over it with you in private," Nathaniel stated as he quickly turned the conversation to business.

"Of course, Alistair can you excuse us," Josie said as she stood and they all followed her.

"Yes, but can I speak to you first, privately," Alistair asked.

Josie nodded and Zevran and Nathaniel headed out closing the door behind them. Once they were alone Alistair stepped closer to her. "Josie, I don't know exactly what you are up to, but you risk too much for me."

"Alistair, I am risking nothing. There is nothing that will link any of the misfortunes that have befallen the nobles of Ferelden to me."

"Anora will know you are behind these. Her wrath will be swift and not nearly as well thought out as yours."

Josie smiled as she stepped closer to him. She rested her hand on his chest and she felt the muscles beneath her palm tremble slightly. "Thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it, but I promise you that Zev has taken every precaution to ensure my safety."

"I'm sure he has, but that still doesn't stop me from worrying about you. Backing Anora into a corner will be like trapping an injured, frightened Wilder Witch. She will fight back and her attack won't be pretty. JoJo, I just don't know what I would do if anything happened to you," Alistair muttered.

"I promise, I will be careful, but some risks are worth it to ensure your continued safety and freedom," Josie said.

Alistair gently stroked her face with his hand before pushing a lose hair behind her ear, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Nothing is worth losing you. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you on my account."

"Good thing nothing is going to happen to me then," Josie said.

"Do you always have to be so cocky?" Alistair asked.

"Don't confuse cocky with confidence. Trust me I know what I'm doing."

"Oh like the time you nearly got us all killed by a high dragon because you were bored?"

"Yes, exactly like that time and look it all worked out in the end."

Alistair chuckled. "If you call taking two months for my eyebrows to grow back working out then yes, I guess it did."

Josie laughed as she stepped away from Alistair. "At least you didn't have a beard to lose on top of that. Oghren never lets me hear the end of that either. I'm sorry, Alistair, but I really do need to speak with Nate and Zev."

"I understand," Alistair said as he headed for the door.

_**xxXxx**_

The following morning Alistair, Josie, Nathaniel and Zevran made their way through the Palace foyer towards the throne room when Zevran accidentally bumped into Teryn Adkin's Seneschal scattering his papers all over the floor.

"My good Ser, I am so sorry about that. Here let me help you," Zevran said as he bent down to help the man.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," the Seneschal said.

Josie just rolled her eyes, "You're losing your touch, my friend, not as surefooted as you once were."

"It was your beauty that distracted me and I didn't see the man."

"Nice recovery," Nathaniel said as he took Josie by the arm to escort her into the throne room.

A few minutes the Sensechal made his way into the room. Several minutes later Zevran led a hooded woman and young girl in and seated them behind Josie.

Fergus eyed them suspiciously. He leaned over and whispered. "Friends of yours?"

Josie grinned."You could say that."

Before Fergus could reply the trumpets blew announcing the Queen's arrival. Everyone in the room rose to their feet as Anora entered and made her way up the dais.

"I hear by call this Landsmeet to order. Chancellor, what is our first order of business?"

"Teryn Adkin's would like to resume the Alistair Theirin discussion by presenting some evidence to the Landsmeet," Eamon stated.

"Very well, he may proceed," Anora said.

Teryn Adkin made his way up to the front of the room. He bowed to Anora then turned toward the nobles. "My Sensechal is passing out copies of evidence that I have acquired regarding the character and actions of the man that we considering allowing to remain in, and serve, Ferelden. The first page is a copy of a ledger from the Blooming Rose in Kirkwall. You will notice that Alistair Theirin was a frequent costumer there."

Alistair shifted uncomfortable in his chair. He did not like where this was heading. He had committed a multitude of sins to try and forget Josie, but he didn't want that on display for all to see. He glanced up at Anora who wore a triumphant look on her face.

"Although going to a brothel might be considered unsavory by some, the last time I checked it wasn't a crime against the crown. If that were the case most of the men in this room and some of the ladies would be arrested for treason," Arl Teagan stated and the nobles laughed uneasily at his comments.

"Lucky for you Teryn Adkin, Madame Sanga doesn't keep a ledger," a man yelled from the balcony.

The Teryn looked up trying to find the heckler, but to no avail. So he ignored the comment and pressed forward. "I understand it isn't a crime, but I wanted to use this to establish the character of the man that we are discussing. Now if you will turn to page two you will see a signed copy of a…"

The Teryn's voice trailed off as the room grew eerily quiet as all the nobles stared at an Antivan Crow contract that had been taken out on a nobleman several years earlier and was signed by then Bann Hartley Adkin.

"T-this is a mistake… How did this get in there?" Hartley stuttered.

"Maker's breath, what is the meaning of the Hartley? Bann Lowell was a personal friend of mine. How could you do such a thing?" Arl Bryland stated as he stood up in outrage.

"I-I didn't… this is a forgery," Hartley said defensively.

Josie rose to her feet. "This is no forgery and I have a witness that can verify that you were present at the time of his murder." Josie turned to Anora, "Your Majesty, may I present my witness?"

"Well… this is most unusual. We are actually here to discuss Warden Theirin, not the supposed crimes committed by Teryn Adkin," Anora replied flustered.

"The Teryn has brought Warden Theirin's character into question, but we should also consider the integrity of the individual who is doing the questioning," Josie replied.

"Your Majesty, I agree with Commander Cousland. Before we can believe anything that Teryn Adkin's presents we need to clear up this matter," Chancellor Eamon said.

Anora glared at Eamon and then at Josie. "Very well, present your witness," Anora said through gritted teeth.

Josie turned to the girl sitting in the chairs behind them. Alistair estimated her age to be around sixteen or seventeen. The girl looked nervous, but determined as she glowered at Hartley Adkin.

Josie smiled warmly at the girl. "I'm sure you are scared, but I promise no harm will come to you. I just need you to tell the truth. Okay?"

The girl nodded. "Okay."

"Can you please tell us what your name is?"

"Clare Lowell."

"And what is your relationship to Bann Theo Lowell?" Josie asked.

"He was my father," Clare replied.

"Your father was noble, correct?"

"Yes, he was the Bann of Gwaren."

"How old are you Clare?"

"I'm seventeen."

"And how old were you when your father died?"

"I was twelve," she replied.

"Do you remember the night your father was murdered?"

The young girl nodded.

"Can tell the Landsmeet what you saw?"

Clare nodded as she cleared her throat. "Yes, my father and I were heading back to our estate from the village after the Harvest Celebration. As we approached a bend in the road my father sensed something was wrong, and hid me in a strand of trees while he rode forward to investigate. I heard a lot of yelling and the loud clanging of swords. Staying hidden in the shadows of the trees I moved forward to see what was happening. A group of bandits had attacked and my father had done his best to fend them off, but they eventually drove him to the ground. From the shadows on the opposite side of the road from where I was hiding a man stepped forward and scowled down at my father."

"Did the man speak to your father?"

"Yes."

"Do you recall what he said?"

"Yes, I will never forget it. He said, 'I warned you Theo not to overstep your bounds. You may have fooled the people of Gwaren that you will serve them better, but you haven't fooled me. I also warned you to stay away from what is mine. Farrah belongs with me not you'."

The room was motionless as the nobles were transfixed by the girl's story.

"Then what happened?" Josie prompted the girl.

"T-the man faded back into the woods as the bandit that stood over him…d-drove his dagger through my father's c-chest," Clare stammered as the tears flowed down her cheeks.

Alistair reached into his tunic and handed the girl his handkerchief. She smiled at him gratefully as she took it from him.

"Clare, now this is very important. Can you identify the man that spoke to your father?"

"Yes, I have dreamed of that man's face every night for the past five years."

"Is that man in this room?"

"Yes."

"Can you point to him?"

"Yes," Clare said, as she pointed to Hartley Adkin.

"S-she's wrong. That was so long ago and she was so young, how could she remember what she saw that night?" Hartley declared.

"I will never forget the man's face that stood over my father and sentenced him to death!" Clare exclaimed.

"But why would Teryn Adkin go to such extremes?" Bann Ceorlic asked.

"I can answer that," the woman that had sat beside Clare said as she rose and removed the hood from her cloak to reveal a stunning beauty underneath. Alistair looked up at Hartley who looked visible shaken as his eyes went wide and the color drained from his face.

"And who are you?" Anora demanded.

"My name is Farrah McCallistair. As many of you know Bann Lowell's wife died giving birth to Clare. I was hired on as Clare's nanny then stayed on as her governess," Farrah explained.

"Could you please explain why you believe Teryn Adkin would want Bann Lowell dead?"

"Well, it was no secret that Theo was not the Queen's first choice for Bann of Gwaren, but he was the more beloved by the people of Gwaren then Hartley so to keep the peace in the region Queen Anora named Theo the Bann. Hartley didn't take this decision well and began to plot against Theo by spreading lies and rumors about him."

"How do you know these things?"

"Because at the time I was his lover."

The room burst into hushed whispers as the nobles fed on this latest piece of gossip as flies feast on shite, and Alistair had to hide the smile that was threatening to spread across his lips. Josie had masterfully swung the focus of this meeting away from him and brought the attention back on the man that was trying to destroy his reputation.

"Were you still lovers with Hartley when Bann Theo was killed?" Josie asked.

"No, I had ended it several years earlier when his jealousy, plots and schemes became too much. I don't think he ever forgave me for that and it only fueled his anger at Theo since I remained in his employ," Farrah replied.

"What happened after the Bann's death?"

"Clare and I both feared for our safety. If Hartley ever discovered that Clare had been there that night we knew we would be next on his list so under the cover of night we left and went to Walking Sea where Bann Alfstanna has graciously provided us food, shelter and security."

"Did Bann Alfstanna know of the details of Bann Theo's death?"

"No, we never told her. I did not want to place her in danger."

Josie smiled at both of them and tenderly squeezed both of their hands. "Thank you for bravely coming forward and providing testimony today."

"Your Majesty, I request a complete investigation into these accusations against Teryn Adkin. Theo was my dear friend and if another noble was involved in his death I demand justice for Theo and his family," Arl Bryland.

Anora's face was unreadable, but Alistair knew she had to be enraged. Her cousin, whom she appointed as Teryn, may have plotted the murder of a fellow noble to acquire the position. Even if the Queen had no knowledge of Hartley's schemes there would be those that would believe that she knew. What frightened him was that Anora would take her anger out on the woman who brought the whole sorted affair to light. Although many may have assumed that Josie had a hand in the incidents with the Grand Cleric and Bann Milner there wasn't a shred of evidence that linked her to those events. However, Josie had drawn attention to herself by exposing the Queen's cousin as a possible murderer and Alistair now truly feared for her.

Anora drew in a deep breath before she spoke. "I will arrange a counsel to examine the charges brought against Teryn Adkins. In the meantime, the Teryn will be taken into custody and will remain under guard here at the Palace until formal charges can be brought against him or until his name has been cleared."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Arl Bryland said.

"What? Anora, you can't honestly believe I had anything to do with Theo's death?" Hartley questioned.

"I am not sure what to believe Hartley and that is why there will be an investigation. Guards, please escort the Teryn back to his room and keep a guard at his door at all times," Anora ordered.

"Yes, Your Majesty," the royal guard said as he led Teryn Adkin out of the room.

Josie remained on her feet. "Your Majesty, I would like to address the Landsmeet."

"Don't you think you have done enough talking for one day?" Anora spat at her.

"I will make it brief," Josie replied calmly.

"Very well, get on with it," Anora retorted.

Josie turned to face the nobles in the room she drew in a deep breath as she looked each noblemen in the eye. "To quote the Chant of Light, 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' If there is one thing that this week has taught us it is that none of us are without sin. We have all made mistakes in our past. Some of our fellow nobles' iniquities have been exposed for all to see and judge, some of our secrets still remain buried just waiting to be unearthed, but only one of us has stood before the men and women of this Landsmeet, confessed their past failures and asked for the chance to atone for those mistakes. Alistair has nobly asked the people of Ferelden to forgive him and to give him a second chance. I ask the nobles in this room to grant Alistair's request to redeem himself and be allowed to faithfully serve the Wardens and Ferelden."

Fergus stood beside his sister. "I second the request."

The Queen sighed, "Let's put it to a vote."

As the nobles went around the room declaring their choice, Zevran leaned over and whispered, "Do you still doubt her love for you?"

Alistair was truly humbled by the lengths she had gone to. He was overwhelmed with all the emotions that he felt for her; the strongest being the infinite love he had for her. He didn't trust his voice so he just shook his head.

Anora stood, "It's unanimous, the Landsmeet accepts Alistair Theirin request to serve Ferelden and the Wardens. Alistair, I told you that I would accept your oath of fealty once the Landsmeet had come to decision. I am prepared to hear your vow."

Alistair walked up to the dais and knelt before Anora. "I, Alistair Theirin, swear by the Almighty Maker that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Anora, her heirs and successors, according to the law of Ferelden."

Anora bowed slightly. "I accept you oath Warden Theirin, and to honor your return to your country and to have the people of Ferelden embrace you, I declare that tomorrow, at the tournament, you and Commander Cousland will put on an exhibition match to celebrate your return."

"I would be honored, your Majesty," Alistair replied as fear began to prick at his heart as he returned to his seat. His anxiety must have shown on his face because Jose leaned back, took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's going to be okay, I promise," she whispered.

"Cocky," Alistair hissed.

"Confident," Josie retorted.

The next day the two of them stood in the tournament arena near a pair of stairs that led to stage that Anora would address the crowd. Josie leaned over to Alistair, "They want to be entertained. So let's show them The Dance."

The dance was series of well timed, complicated moves that Alistair and Josie had used to warm up before they sparred against each other. Zevran had called it the Warden Mating Dance, but it eventually became known simply as The Dance.

Alistair beamed at her. "Brilliant idea."

"Let me present to you, Commander Cousland and Warden Theirin," Anora announced.

Both Alistair and Josie handed their weapons over to the master of arms before they climbed the stairs to the dais. They both took a bow to the cheering crowd before they hurried back down the stairs, retrieved their weapons and headed to the center of the field.

The announcer explained to the crowd that both of them were using blunted weapons, a head shot was considered a killing blow or if the opponent was knocked down and unable to get to their feet then after a dramatic pause exclaimed, "Let the battle commence."

They smiled at each as they began the dance. Alistair lunged forward, she twisted to the right and jabbed at his back, but he pivoted out of the way miss the blow. They both spun to face each other, crouched into a fighting stance as they began to circle each other once again.

Alistair swung his sword toward her head, she brought up the short sword just in time to stop the blow, she leaned over the swords toward him and kissed his nose. The crowd let out cheer of delight.

"See I knew they would love you," Josie purred.

"No, it's you they love my dear," Alistair replied as she pushed off his sword, backed up a step as the continued the dance… swing, block, attack, parry, the sound of steel clashing over and over again.

She swung her short sword and their swords connect again with a loud clash, "So you ready for the fun part?" She asked.

"Let's do this," he said with a grin as he circled her then swung his sword low towards her knees and she jumped over the blade, twisted around and delivered a hard blow to his back with the pommel of the short sword. Alistair stumped forward, but remained on his feet and quickly spun towards her.

"When did you start to hit so hard?" He asked.

"I'm sorry sometimes I don't know my own strength," she replied with a grin.

"Well, play nice. I bruise easy." Circle, attack, parry, swing, block and the dance continued for what seemed like hours each move being met blow for blow as sweat ran down both of their faces.

Alistair advanced on her again and lunged forward; she spun to the right in a circle, her lose hair splaying out like a fan around her head, he was memorized by her that as she came back around he forgot to block her and her sword slammed into his side.

Excruciating pain ripped through him. Maker, she wasn't kidding about not knowing her own strength. He was about make a joke when he looked at the horrified look on Josie's face. His legs began to tremble as he looked down at his side. Blood was pouring out through his armor and running down his side.

He heard Josie's sword clatter to the ground as she rushed toward him. His legs gave out and he crumbled to his knees. "J-josie," he stuttered as her beautiful face began to blur.

He felt her pull him into her arms. "Alistair stay with me. Don't you fucking leave me. Kai, Mason get down here now."

He felt her cool hands run down the side of his face into his hair. The last thing he heard before everything went black was her sobbing, "Alistair, p-please… I need you. Don't leave me…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN –** **Italian lesson for the day - La mia dea intelligente – my clever goddess.**

***A wholehearted thank you to all of you lurkers, reviewers and readers, your support really helps motivate me so thank you for taking your time to do that. Shout outs to those who put me on their favorite author and story list!**

***A big thanks to the randy minxes, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You two rock!**


	25. Chapter 25 Shadowboxer

**Chapter 25 – Shadowboxer**

"Once my lover, now my friend, what a cruel thing to pretend, what a cunning way to condescend, once my lover and now my friend

Oh, you creep up like the clouds and you set my soul at ease then you let your love abound and you bring me to my knees

Oh, it's evil, babe the way you let your grace enrapture me when will you know I'd be insane to ever let that dirty game recapture me

You made me a shadowboxer, baby, I wanna be ready for what you do, I've been swinging all around me

'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move, oh your gaze is dangerous and you fill your space so sweet

If I let you get too close you'll set your spell on me so darlin' I just wanna say just in case I don't come through

I was on to every play, I just wanted you"

_Shadowbox by Fiona Apple_

Josie knew the moment that the blade connected with Alistair's side that it wasn't blunted, as it cut easily through his armor and sliced into his tender flesh. She watched in horror as blood began to flow down his armor and an image of Anders crumbling to his knees flickered across her mind. This couldn't be happening, not again. She couldn't lose someone else she cared about to violence. Her sword clattered to the ground as she rushed toward him. Alistair fell to his knees and she was at his side instantly pulling him into her arms.

She grasped his face and looked into his eyes. "Don't you leave me, Alistair! Please stay with me… I need you!"

Josie looked up into the crowd. "Kai! Mason!"

Alistair's hand reached for her face, a smile faltered on his lips before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he began to convulse against her.

"That is a reaction to poison," Zevran hissed in her ear. "The blade has been tipped. I need to know what it is if I'm to help him, dolce cuore."

Kai and Mason rushed to her side. "Commander, I need you to release him so I can heal him," Kai stated as she eased Alistair out of her arms.

"Kai, he has been poisoned. Keep him alive until we can administer an antidote," Josie ordered.

"I'll do my best," Kai said as her hands began to glow blue as healing magic poured out of her and into Alistair.

Josie stepped back as the mages worked on their fellow Warden. She looked over at Zevran. "What the fuck happened?"

"Josie, Nate and I stood guard over the weapons rack the entire night. No one entered the room that housed them and we know for a fact that the blades were blunted when you and Alistair entered the arena. It had to have been the master of arms when the two of you walked up to Queen Anora on the dais. Although for the life of me I have no idea how he switched them. My eyes never left the man and I saw no sleight of hand. Nate and Sigrun are tracking the bastard now," Zevran explained.

Josie scanned the crowd and saw Anora standing off to the side a short distance away. Josie briskly walked over to her, her guards immediately coming to attention as she approached. "At ease men, I highly doubt the Commander is going to try to kill me in front of all of these witnesses."

Josie glared at Anora. "I know you are behind this."

The Queen leaned in so that only Josie could hear her, "You fuck with what's mine and I'm going to do likewise. You need to learn that you aren't as indestructible as you think."

Josie stumbled back slightly, completely stunned by the Queen's admission then anger began to course through her. "I'll have your throne for this!"

"You'll need a King first. That sword was tipped with Concentrated Crow's Poison. Alistair will be dead within the hour," Anora gloated.

Josie tilted her head to the side and smiled slyly. "You really aren't good at this." Then she spun on her heels and rushed back to Zevran.

"The blade had Concentrated Crow's Poison on it."

"How did you manage to get that out of her?" Zevran asked.

"I wish I could say that I choked it out of her, but her pride and her need to put me in my place gave us the answers we needed."

"Pride is one of my favorite sins. Brings them down every time," Zevran chortled.

Josie looked over as a group of Wardens lifted a stretcher that held Alistair and headed for the Compound. "You stay with him, my dear. I will go to Eamon's to retrieve the antidote and will meet you at the compound."

Josie nodded as she followed the entourage out of the arena.

Josie and Zevran had administered the remedy hours ago, but Alistair still remained unconscious. Kai and Mason had worked on him nonstop for an hour before she declared that they had done all that they could and he was now in the Maker's hands.

Josie paced around the room like a caged animal as rage at the murderous bitch seethed through her veins. Anora had gone too far. She needed to be dealt with. An image of the Queen dressed in leather and tied to a pole as Zevran approached her from behind flickered across her mind. He cracked a whip as he leaned over her and purred, "I hope this will be as good for you as I know it will be for me." Josie smiled as waved off the fantasy. Maybe that wasn't exactly the justice she was looking for, but it had potential.

She thought about the evidence that she had held onto all these years; evidence that if she used it would have the nobles calling for her execution. However, if she did use it they would then want to put Alistair on the throne. She couldn't do that to him. He had never wanted the throne before, but due to his sense of duty and honor had accepted the path that had been laid out before him. Things were different now and he had already been through so much. He had finally found peace back with the Wardens and he was content. He deserved to be happy and she couldn't bring herself to deny him that.

Anora's words kept running through her head, "You'll need a King in order to do that."

Something was tickling at the back of her brain trying to come to the surface, but it continued to elude her. She picked up her glass of wine draining it as she looked over at Alistair resting peacefully and she felt guilty for making decisions about his future. His bloodline went back centuries and was as old as…

Her eyes widen as the answer hit her and a mischievous smile slipped across her lips as the plan began to take shape. She needed to speak to Teagan, but this could definitely work. She grabbed her travel cloak, daggers and headed for the Arl's estate.

Several hours later Josie entered Alistair's room again and was disappointed to see that there had been no change. She removed her rain drenched cloak, draped it over a stool near the fire then sat down in the chair beside his bed. She took his hand in hers and pressed it to her lips. "Alistair, please come back to me. I need you. I can't lose you again."

She didn't know how long she sat there, clasping his hand, begging him to return to her, but eventually her eyes became extremely heavy and she was having trouble keeping her head up. She laid her head down in his lap intending to only rest her eyes for a moment, but when she felt herself slip over the edge of unconsciousness she welcomed the enveloping darkness.

_**xxXxx**_

As she teetered on the verge of consciousness, her mind not ready to relinquish its grasp on the Fade, she felt cool fingers caress the side of her cheek before entwining in her hair. "So beautiful," Alistair whispered in a raspy voice.

His fingers slid down the side of her neck to her collar bone and gently stroked the sensitive skin there sending a shiver through her.

She lifted her head and smiled. "You're awake."

"Who could sleep when there is a goddess sitting beside your bed with her head in your lap?"

Josie cocked an eyebrow, "Goddess? I think that poison went to your head and now you're delirious."

"Delirious? If memory serves, that's one of the things you like about me."

She grinned at him, "Among other things."

He grinned back at her, ""Other things, huh? So what are these other things that endear me to you?"

"Oh I have a whole list."

"Would it be enough to fill a book... Or am I over reaching a bit?"

"Have you seen my journal?"

"So that's why you keep it so well hidden," Alistair chuckled.

"That and I don't want Zev finding out all my dirty little secrets."

"Secrets? Now I really feel inclined to go on a treasure hunt!"

"I wouldn't recommend it if you want your hand to remain attached to your body," Josie replied dryly.

"Well, if you're pulling out the bodily injury threats there must be some damn good stuff in there. Come on, give an injured man a hint," Alistair purred.

"Hmmm, a Templar, a noble and lots of gratuitous sex," Josie said with smirk.

"Sounds like the beginning of one of Zev's stories," Alistair chuckled then grabbed at his side as he winced in pain.

"Well, I believe that is enough excitement for you today. Kai said you would be sore for a couple of days," Josie explained as she stood. "I should let you get some rest."

Alistair grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Please don't go."

"I too really need to get some rest, Alistair."

"I would rest more comfortably with you here," he persisted.

"Alistair, tomorrow is going to be a long day at the Landsmeet," Josie argued.

He looked at her with those sad wounded puppy eyes. "What if Anora sends an assassin here to kill me, who will protect me?"

Josie laughed. "You're attempts to have me spend the night are pathetic, but to give you peace of mind I will post a guard outside your door."

"A guard isn't going to be as comforting as you or as pretty."

Josie rolled her eyes and ignored the compliment. " Besides, I don't think the kink in my neck would appreciate more time hutched over your bed."

Alistair gingerly scooted over and patted the space beside him. "There is plenty of room for you here."

Josie eyed the bed and then Alistair suspiciously. He grinned at her. "I won't bite, I promise… well unless you ask me to."

Josie hesitated, unsure if this was a wise choice. "Come on, JoJo. It will be just like when we first started traveling together. Just two people taking comfort and solace in each other… nothing more."

Alistair flipped the covers back beckoning her to join him. Josie sighed as she slipped off her boots and slid out of her trousers.

"Hey, I know you like to sleep in the nude so don't let my presence stop you from your normal routine," Alistair said with a grin.

Josie raised an eyebrow, "Nothing more, huh?"

"I'm just trying to make you comfortable. If you're most comfortable in the nude don't let me stand in your way."

"I believe I'll keep my clothes on, but thank you for thinking of my comfort," Josie said as she slid in beside him. The warmth of his body immediately seeped into her wary bones melting all of her reservations away. His arm encircled her as he drew her to his chest. She had forgotten how soothing his embrace was and as she relaxed against him a calming reassurance blanketed her as she drifted back into the Fade.

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair barely slept a wink. He couldn't believe that she was back in his arms and he didn't want to miss a moment of it by slipping into the Fade. He just stared into her peaceful, beautiful face as she slept. He kissed the top of her forehead reassuring himself that she was actually here and not a dream. For years, he had longed to have her back in his arms and now that she was here, pressed up against him, he never wanted to let her go again. The longer he held her, the more content he felt. She brought him the solace that he had longed for, she eased his mind, comforted his body and brought serenity to his soul… she was home and until he had held her once again in his arms, he had never realized that before. She was his home.

As the sun began to peek through the window she began to stir beside him. Her body rubbed against his as she looped her leg over his, she shifted and moaned in her sleep as she pressed her pelvis against his thigh. Desire immediately ripped through him sending a rush of blood to his groin. He should get out of bed, leave her alone to wake up in peace, but the incredible way she felt pinned against him sent every one of his good intentions out of his head.

She mumbled in her sleep as her arm slip down his chest and came to rest across his stomach just above his pelvis. Fuck! Why couldn't her hand have continued down a little further? His heart was pounding in his chest as her touch drove him closer to the point of insanity. She pressed herself against him and this time let out a deep moan. Maker, she had to be having one hell of dream.

Her hand slid across his lower abdomen, skimming the top of his underwear then down his thigh. Maker, he wanted to touch her, to stroke her…fuck, to get her off, but they had only started to rebuild their relationship. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the progress they had made, but as she rolled away from him, her nipples pressed against the thin material of her shirt all he could think about was his mouth covering those taut nubs, but he held back, he remained in control.

"Mmmm, Alistair," she moaned as she looked up at him dreamily through half veil lids. He leaned toward her.

"Do you want to kiss me?" She asked.

"Maker, yes," Alistair groaned.

She grinned impishly at him as she rolled away from him and out of bed. "Good, that should teach you to tease me with the idea of a kiss."

Alistair's eyes went wide as he stared at her completely stunned. "You fucking tease!" He bellowed as he threw a pillow at her which she easily knocked away.

"I'm a tease! You're one to talk. Dancing with me, holding me tightly against you, practically drooling on my breasts and then denying me a kiss… a simple kiss… was that too much to ask for? So I just thought you needed a little payback," she said playfully.

"You were a wake the whole time?"

"Not the whole time," she replied coyly as she slid her pants back on and retrieved her cloak.

"You know that denying a kiss and teasing a man to the point of insanity are two very different things," Alistair retorted.

Josie walked over to him, kissed his forehead and whispered, "Point of insanity might be a bit of an exaggeration. You look mentally stable to me."

"A dance and the denial of a kiss are completely different then you pressing your hot, wet...whoha…"

"Whoha!" Josie burst out laughing. "We are adults here, we can use big people words."

"Cock tease! Is that adult enough for you?" Alistair retorted trying to feign anger, but failing miserably as his lips turned into a grin.

"Don't be a spoil sport and take it like a man."

"Take it like a man! Oh we'll just have to see about that. This isn't over, my dear."

Josie grinned as she headed for the door. "I certainly hope not."

As the door closed behind her Alistair fell back on the bed as a huge grin spread across his lips. Not only had the woman that he loved spent the night in his bed and in his arms, but her teasing and playful banter with him afterwards were signs that the old Josie was emerging from her grief, that her heart was healing and hopefully that meant she was ready to move on.

Due to the soreness in his side it had taken Alistair longer then he had anticipated to get ready. He had just settled into his chair behind Fergus and Josie's table at the Landsmeet when the trumpet sounded announcing Anora's arrival. She frowned when she saw Alistair there, but quickly composed herself.

Eamon stepped forward to announce the agenda for the day when Josie rose to her feet. Eamon eyed her suspiciously. "Commander Cousland, would you like to say something?"

"Yes Chancellor, I would like to address the Court," Josie replied.

Anora shifted uncomfortably on her throne. "We have a full schedule today, Commander, we do not have time for this nonsense," Anora interjected.

"I believe we need to make time. I believe what I have to present to the Court is of the utmost importance and I believe the nobles in this room will want to hear what I have to say," Josie replied calmly.

"Nobody cares what you believe," Anora snapped. "Eamon get on with the…"

"I care," Arl Teagan said as he rose to his feet. "Commander Cousland is a respected noble of this Court. If she believes something is important enough to present to us then I think we should hear what she has to say."

Arl Bryland rose to his feet. "I second the motion."

"Oh very well, get on with it," Anora snorted.

Josie walked to the front of the room with a stake of papers in her hand. She looked at the original letters for a long moment before she looked up to address the Court. "It is with a heavy heart that I stand before you today. Some evidence has come to my attention that is disturbing and troubling." She nodded to Zevran and Nathaniel who stood up and began to pass out copies of the original letters stacks to the nobles.

"My colleagues are passing out copies of correspondences between Loghain Mic Tir, his daughter, Anora and Arl Rendon Howe. The letters go into detail about a conspiracy between Loghain and Rendon to kidnap Anora to try and keep her from speaking at the Landsmeet. Then the real plan between Anora and her father to fake her kidnapping, in order to ultimately force me to kill Howe, thus eliminating him as potential witness against them."

The room fell silent briefly as the nobles scanned the documents they had been given them. Anora shot to her feet. "This is outrageous. It is no secret that the Commander has not been a friend to me or the Crown. She is falsifying documents to turn this Court against me."

"Anora, this looks like your handwriting," Arl Wulff stated.

"I have already had a handwriting expert compare the signatures and he verifies that those letters are in Anora's handwriting, but I would suggest that Court hire an independent authority to analyze them," Josie said.

Tears began to fall down Anora's cheeks as she stepped forward playing to the crowd. "P-please you have to understand. I was afraid of what my father would do if I didn't go along with his plan. He was a terrifying man and I-I truly feared for my life."

"Teryn Loghain, could be a frightful man at times. It is understandable how a young, naive girl might be afraid to stand up to him," Bann Ceorlic said sympathetic.

Josie nearly choked. Please, Anora hadn't been naïve a day in her life.

"He could be horrible and fearsome when he wanted to be," Anora said through now rapidly falling tears.

Bann Ceorlic stepped to Anora and slid his arm around her. "There, there my dear child, he can no longer hurt you."

Josie rolled her eyes. This charade had gone on long enough. She looked over at Zevran and Nathaniel and gave another nod. This was the piece of evidence, that except for the assassin that had acquired it, no one, but her knew about. She was now laying all of her cards on the table and she prayed it was enough.

"The last bit of evidence is a letter from Anora to her father begging him to give Cailan a quick death and not to let him suffer. Anora knew her father intended to kill our King. She stood by and did nothing about it."

The room erupted into chaos as the implication that their Queen had been involved in the assassination of their King sunk in. It took several attempts for Eamon to regain control of the room.

Josie quickly continued. "You can make excuses for her involvement in her own kidnapping, but there is no amount of fear that should have allowed her to remain silent with regards to an assassination plot against her husband, the King. If you allow fear to control you that much then you have no business sitting on that throne."

Josie walked back to her table and took a seat just as Fergus sprung to his feet.

"With the evidence provided here today, I call for the immediate abdication of Queen Anora and for her to be placed under arrest for treason," Fergus demanded.

"I second the motion," Teagan said.

The nobles then all quickly cast their votes. Unanimously, the nobles voted to have Anora removed from power and arrested for treason. As the guards began to lead her way she stopped and spun to face Josie. "Are you happy now? You get to put your precious Alistair on the throne."

Josie remained silent and unreadable as Fergus once again stood up. "This country is now without crowned sovereign ruler. There is only one man left from the Theirin bloodline and he is with us today…"

As Fergus began to state his case on why Alistair should be named the Ferelden King, Alistair leaned forward and hissed in Josie's ear, "What the fuck are you doing? I don't want to be King. I didn't want it ten years ago and I don't want it now!"

Josie turned to face him, she looked directly into his eyes and without wavering she asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation.

"Then prove it and have a little faith in me," she replied.

"We all witnessed him take an oath of fealty to Ferelden, now is the time for us to put that oath to the test," Fergus concluded.

Josie shot to her feet. "Alistair is Warden. He has put aside his right to hold any titles. Not to mention he doesn't want the crown. He didn't want it back then and he doesn't want it now! He came back to Ferelden to serve this country as a Warden not as king."

"He is of the royal bloodline! It is his duty to follow in his father's footsteps," Eamon demanded.

"He took an oath to defend Ferelden against darkspawn not to rule it," Josie shot back.

Teagan now stood and faced the Court. "There is another here whose bloodline is as old as the Theirins and who is just as fit to rule. I put forth Fergus Cousland as King."

"What! I don't want to be king," Fergus exclaimed.

"Good luck with that excuse. It didn't work so well for me last time," Alistair muttered.

Josie shot to her feet, "I second the motion."

Fergus grabbed her wrist and yanked her back down. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"I'm seconding the motion to make you King," Josie said nonchalantly.

"Have you gone mad, woman?"

She smiled at her brother and clasped his hands in hers. "No, I think you would make an excellent King, Fergus. You would be exactly what this country needs; a fair ruler that would lead with steady, but strong hand."

Fergus' eyes narrowed on her. "Was this your plan all along?"

"No, I had no intention of removing Anora from the throne until she made an attempt on Alistair's life. She felt threatened even though none of the exposed secrets implicated her. If she is willing to take an innocent man's life because she is paranoid, what else is she willing to do, Fergus?"

"So from the moment you stood up to present evidence against Anora, your every intention was to make me King."

"Fergus, without a viable Theirin heir you are the next logical choice."

"Why didn't you just come to me? We could have talked about this."

"Since I was the one bringing the accusations against Anora, I needed the nobles to believe that you weren't conspiring to rise to the throne. I needed your reaction to be genuine if they were going to believe that you had nothing to do with this. Fergus, you are our father's son, you were born to rule and because of the humble man that I know you to be, you will be an exceptional ruler," Josie explained.

"I'm going to get you for this," Fergus said through gritted teeth.

"You can't be mad at me forever, I'm the only bloody family you have left," Josie said with a grin.

"The Landsmeet has voted unanimously to crown Fergus Cousland, King of Ferelden," Eamon stated and a cheer went up for the nobles.

Fergus stood and turned to the nobles. "I am humbled by the faith you have placed in me and I will do my best to serve Ferelden and its people."

Alistair sat there stunned… again by the lengths she had gone to in order to protect him. How would he ever repay her?

* * *

><p><strong>AN - ****I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. Please continue to share them with me. It always makes my day!**

***I also want to thank the betatastic dynamic duo, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for their fantabulous beta-ing skills, for their support and for being such a great sounding board. You ladies are rock stars!**


	26. Chapter 26 I Belong to You

**Chapter 26 – I Belong to You**

"You make me feel so divine, your soul and mind are entwined

Before you I was blind but since I've opened my eyes

And with you there's no disguise so I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start but I could not figure out that I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fight now I'm gonna live my life giving you the most in every way

I belong to you and you, you belong to me too

You make my life complete, you make me feel so sweet"

_I Belong to You by Lenny Kravitz_

Alistair stood at the foot of the stairs waiting for Josie. He was escorting her to the celebration for the anniversary of the Blight and the naming of Fergus as King. Alistair played with the seam of his doublet as he anxiously waited for her to appear.

"And here I thought we were making such progress and then I come down to find you fiddling with your clothes like a child," Zevran said as he approached him.

"I'm not fiddling, I'm adjusting," Alistair retorted.

"Well stop it! It lets everyone know you are nervous. We want Josie to see you as confident and self-assured."

"You know, Zev as much as I appreciate you trying to help, I think I have this covered," Alistair replied.

Zevran chuckled. "Oh you do and what is the cause of this sudden assertive, confident Alistair."

"None of your damn business," Alistair replied as the image of Josie sleeping in his arms flickered across his mind.

"Is la mia caramella dolce holding out on me?"

"I have no idea what that even…" Alistair's words died on lips as he stared in awe at the beauty descending the stairs.

Josie wore a strapless, deep, burgundy satin gown that had a tight fitting corset that was adorned with pale gold embroidered ivy leaves. The neckline of the corset and the upper part of the detachable sleeves are studded with garnet crystals and trimmed with ivory pearls. The corset lay over a full A-line skirt that flowed to the floor. Her hair was pulled up, but dark ringlets framed her face. Maker, have mercy, what was she trying to do to him? How in Andraste's knickers was he supposed to concentrate on anything except ripping that damn dress off of her?

Zevran followed his line of sight and then let out a low whistle. "My dear sweet Warden, you are a vision."

Then he turned toward Alistair, leaned in and whispered, "If you don't want to pass out, breath."

Alistair inhaled a deep breath as he tried desperately to collect his thoughts into a cohesive sentence. Alistair stepped forward, took her hand, kissed it then bowed. "It will be an honor to escort you to the celebration. I will be the envy of every man there."

Josie smiled radiantly at him as she ran her hand down his black and gold tunic. "Well, as handsome as you look, I'll be lucky to get one dance with you," Josie cooed.

"Nonsense, all of my dances are reserved for you," Alistair purred.

Alistair's eyes flickered up to Zevran. His expression was one of shock and surprise, but as the grin spread across his face he mouthed, "Smooth."

"Well, I believe the Ferelden Wardens will be the best dressed people at this shindig," Nathaniel said as he strolled up to them wearing a royal blue and silver damask doublet with solid blue velvet pants. He was escorting his fiancée, the lovely Bethany Hawke, who was wearing a matching tight fitting damask dress.

"I thought this celebration was only for nobles," Alistair said.

"And their Seneschals and since Varel isn't here I'm filling in for him," Nathaniel replied.

"Can this party really be called a shindig?" Bethany asked

"Maybe it's a hootnanny," Nathaniel said with a grin.

"With a bunch of stuffy nobles it would never be a hootnanny. Our wedding reception will be hootnanny," Bethany replied as she winked at Nathaniel.

"Hey watch who you're calling stuffy," Josie said.

"I would consider this more of a gathering," Bethany stated.

"What's the difference?" Alistair said.

"Well, a gathering has Orlesian brie, wine spritzers and mellow song styling; shindig, dip, less mellow song styling, and perhaps a large amount of malt beverage and a few shots here and there, but hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, with just a little bit of nanny," Zevran said with a grin.

They all turned to look at Zevran who was also dressed in a silk black shirt with a black and gold brocade long vest over top and a beautiful leather belt that hung around his waist that held one of his daggers. He wore tight black pants with black boots that came up just above the knee. The elf who was always a snappy dresser, but he was looking especially stylish this evening.

"And how did you manage to get an invited?" Nathaniel asked.

"I will be escorting the lovely, and might I add, virginal, Lady Joslyn Sighard," Zevran stated.

Nathaniel began to choke as Josie burst out laughing. Zevran looked at them completely perplexed. "What?"

"If you were hoping to deflower the lovely Joslyn you are a little late," Josie said as she continued to giggle.

"What? She lied to me," Zevran said in feigned shock.

"You and every other noble she has knocked boots since Nate took her virginity fifteen years ago," Josie said with a grin.

"I'm getting Nathaniel Howe's sloppy seconds?" Zevran demanded.

"Sorry ole boy, but if it makes it any easier I promise she will show you a good time. I taught her everything she knows," Nathaniel smirked.

"I'm not sure if I should be excited by that prospect or frightened," Zevran retorted.

"I would be frightened," Josie said as Alistair slid her cape around her shoulders and led her out the doors.

From the moment that they had entered the Palace Grand Hall Josie had been pulled in many directions, from the nobles wanting to talk to her about the exciting Landsmeet; to her future sister-in-law who seemed none too pleased to find herself in the position of becoming Ferelden's next Queen, and finally to her brother who still seemed to have a few choice words for her about being made King, while in the same breathe he demanded her word that she would be in Denerim for Anora's trail and his coronation.

The nobles seemed rather fascinated with him too. Every chance they could get they were cornering him to talk about Ferelden politics, his father, the Wardens or to push their daughters to dance him. They obviously didn't get the message that Wardens couldn't have children. Alistair couldn't even remember the name of the woman he was currently dancing with. He just smiled and nodded at the appropriate times as he looked around the room for Josie. From behind him he heard her laugh as she twirled by him in Teagan's arms.

Great! How lovely? Teagan gets to dance with her while he was stuck dancing with some woman whose name he can't remember, and who was bruising the hell out of his toes. He looked over his shoulder at the couple as the Arl expertly lead her around the floor. Her eyes were gleaming with delight as the two were obviously engaged in a deep conversation. Alistair remembered how Teagan had shamelessly flirted with Josie in Redcliff and much to his dismay, how boldly she had flirted back. She had later confessed that she had been only toying with Teagan to get a reaction out of him after the argument they had over him being heir to the throne. However, seeing her in Teagan's arms made him jealous of the man once again.

Teagan effortless guided Josie over to where Alistair was trying to lead his partner while minimizing the bruises on his feet. Teagan paused beside them, "Lady Cynthia, I believe Warden Alistair has monopolized enough of your time. I have wanted to dance with you all night. Would you be willing to switch partners and dance with me?"

The silly noble woman giggled at the compliment as her cheeks turned red. "I would be honored to dance with you, my Lord."

They exchanged partners, Teagan winked at Alistair before he gracefully lead the noble woman away from them. Alistair stepped into Josie, with one arm he pulled her close to his chest as he rested his other hand on the small of her back holding her firmly against him. He looked down at the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was everything he had ever wanted or needed and for the second time in less than twenty-four hours she was once again back in his arms.

He recalled what it felt like to have her pressed against him this morning and his eyes locked on hers with both hunger and desire. In the year that they had spent together during the Blight, he had memorized every one of her graceful her movements and every curve of her body. He knew exactly what to do and say to make her body react exactly how he wanted it to and he intended to use that to his advantage for a little payback of his own. He pulled her tightly against him, he bent down to her ear and as the band played the melody to their song, he sang the words to her just as he had all those years ago when he had danced with her for the very first time.

"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces, all day and through. I'll be seeing you, in every lovely summer's day, in everything that's light and gay, I'll always think of you that way"

He felt a shiver go down her spin as words from the song filled her ears; she looked up at him and smiled as the memory floated across her mind.

"I'll find you in the morning sun and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be seeing you"

Their bodies were close together and heat radiated off both of them as he guided her around the dance floor. "You know Josie, it seems that I left you with the impression that I don't want to kiss you. When that is actually the furthest thing from the truth," Alistair whispered into her ear.

She pulled her head back, looked up at him and smiled, "So you do want to kiss me?"

He smiled seductively back at her as he bent her into a deep dip, sensing that he was continuing the teasing game that she had begun, she brought her right leg up and wrapped it around his left thigh as he pressed into her. He had to bit his lip to keep from groaning. He looked down at her and she winked at him. She was enjoying driving him crazy.

He swung her body from right to left then snapped her back up to him, their faces now only mere inches apart. He felt her hot breath against him, he smelled her sweet, spicy fragrance, he grinned at her and in a gruff voice said, "I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you, Josie Cousland, but I'll settle for that for now."

"A little cocky aren't you?" She purred as he slowly, sensually continued guided her around the floor.

He smiled. "Confident, not cocky."

She smiled back at him. "I like confident."

"I know."

Her eyes burned with desire as she looked at him, but she gave him an impish grin as she purred, "So what exactly do you want to do besides kiss me?"

Alistair smirked at her ready to tease her, but the sweet look on her face, the twinkle in her eye melted his resolve and all he wanted to do was bare his heart to her. "I want to treasure you, Josie. I want to give you all that you need and desire and then give you all things you haven't even thought of. I want to cherish every moment with you. And when the times for me to kiss you and I promise it will, I want to kiss you till your toes curl, your knees go weak and thighs quiver from desire."

Her eyes flared with hunger before her lips turned into a grin. She raised an eyebrow as she cooed, "If this is payback for me teasing you in your bed you're going to have to work harder than this."

Alistair dipped her again and pressed into her, letting her feel just how much he desired her. When he brought her back up he groaned in her ear, "Was that hard enough for you?"

Her breath hitched and Alistair felt her body react as a tremor rippled through her. He smiled down at her as he steered her into a dark alcove.

Alistair's fingers slid around to the nape of her neck while his thumb rested along her jaw line. He titled her head back so that he could look into her lovely face. The soft light from the ballroom made her eyes dance and glisten with desire. When he could no longer resist her, he leaned down until their mouths met and he was rewarded with the softest pair of lips he had ever had the privilege touched. She was just as sweet and supple as he remembered. His lips moved over hers coaxing them apart, his tongue glided in, tasting her as her tongue greeted him with velvety softness, his head began to spin with want as he fed from her sweetness.

Alistair backed her into the wall and pressed into her. "Oh, M-aker Jo… I want… I need you so badly," he moaned just before he captured her lips again.

She was intoxicating and he was drowning in the taste of her, the smell of her and the feel of her pressed against him. Maker, he had no idea that one kiss could be so perilous. She was dangerous to his peace of mind, his willpower and self-control. He hadn't wanted things to happen so quickly between them. He had wanted to give her time, but now that he finally had her willingly in his arms he couldn't bring himself to let her go. He wanted her with such a rapidly growing hunger that it actually frightened him and if he didn't end this now he wouldn't be able to. He forced himself to pull away from her; he cupped her face and brushed tender loving kisses against her lips. He was worried that his need and desire for her would make her uneasy and uncomfortable so he decided to play the whole episode off as part of their game. "How was that for continuing to play _**your**_ game?"

Her breath was rapid as her chest rose quickly as she tried to regain control once again as she stepped away from him, her eyes immediately filling with pain. "Is that what this is, a game?"

In that instant he realized that their kiss had changed everything… not just for him, but for her too and the last thing he wanted to do was cause her to doubt his intentions. His eyes darkened as he pulled her back against him. "No, I meant what I said Josie. I want to be there for you, to treasure you, love you and give you all that you need. Will you let me? Can you ever trust me enough again to let me in?"

"I want to Alistair… I really do… I-I just need time."

"I will give you all the time you need. For you Jo, I would wait a lifetime."

Alistair led her back to dance floor, took her in his arms where she remained the rest of the night. When they eventually made it back to the estate he had wanted her to sleep with him again, but she had refused. She had said they both were going to need their rest since they were heading back to the Vigil's Keep in the morning. It was probably for the best because after that kiss he wasn't sure if he could control himself around her.

_**xxXxx**_

Josie stared at the ceiling willing herself to go to sleep, but failing miserably. Her mind wouldn't stop thinking about Alistair and the masterful way he had charmed her, the skilled way he had kissed her and calculating way he had left her craving for more. He was definitely not the shy chantry boy she had met all those years ago, nor was he the poised lover he had become after their year together before he had left. This was a new Alistair, a much different man, who during their time apart had become very confident and self-assured. She didn't let herself think about how he honed those skills over the years.

What she did think about was what had nearly been her undoing. When he had pressed into her and she had felt exactly how much he wanted then he had uttered those words, "I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you" in that incredibly sexy gravelly voice, making her instantly wet.

However, it had been his tongue as he expertly stroked, caressed and explored her mouth that had caused her legs to nearly give out on her. Alistair had always been a good kisser, but tonight his lips had caused a fire to ignite deep with her and the longer that he had kissed hotter the flames had grown and she had been grateful that he had found the will power to break away because she wasn't sure if could have found it.

It had felt so good to once again be in the embrace of someone that cared about you, someone that desired you and the contact had been almost addictive. Until that kiss, she hadn't realized how much she had missed the intimate touch of another, the security that could be found in their embrace and the sexual hunger that he had awaken. It had taken all of her will power not to invite him back to her room. She knew that they would have one hell of a night together, but she also knew she would regret it in the morning. She didn't know where this was heading, but wherever it was leading she didn't want there to be any regrets. The two of them had already experienced a life time of those.

She cared about Alistair… if she were truthful she loved him… always had, but had buried those feelings down deep to recover from the pain. Anders… her loving, passionate mage had helped her overcome that pain, but as deeply as she had loved him, he had never been able to fully possess her heart because a piece of it would always belong to Alistair.

Alistair had asked her if she could trust him enough to let him in again and she honestly didn't know. She was honest when she told him she wanted to. She did. It was just that between what both Alistair and Anders had done she wasn't sure if she was capable of trusting a lover like that ever again, and was it fair to him if she couldn't open herself up to him. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him any more pain. She had brought enough of that into his life.

Alistair's sincere eyes and tender voice flickered across her mind as he muttered, "For you Jo, I would wait a lifetime." Those words had caused her stomach flip and her heart to soar. His words had paralyzed her while at the same time they had brought such unexpected joy and she clung to his words as she slipped into the Fade.

Early the following morning as Josie finished the last of her packing there was a knock at her door and yelled that it was open. Fergus stepped in and smiled at her tentatively. "Hi."

She smiled back, "Hi yourself."

"I couldn't let you leave when there is this strain between us. I can't say that I'm happy about you going behind my back and plotting with Teagan to put me forward as King, but if I am honest with myself and I were in your position I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. I love you, Lu and I didn't want you to leave without hearing me say that."

She hugged her brother. "I love you too, Fergus."

"Now don't forget that you promised to return for the trial and the coronation," Fergus reminded her.

"Do you honestly think I would miss Anora's trial? Besides I have a feeling I will be a key witness and you know damn well that come hell or high water I'll be there for your coronation. However, since your King, if you would schedule both of those events during the same week I would be most grateful."

"How grateful?"

"The size and value of your wedding gift will be determined by your willingness to see things my way," Josie said with a grin.

Fergus laughed. "You're impossible, but I still love you."

Josie hugged her brother good-bye and quickly finished her packing.

The group of Wardens had headed out of Denerim for Soldier's Peak before heading back to Vigil's Keep. Due to bad weather, they had arrived at the Warden outpost late in the day. After having dinner with Levi Dryden and his family, Josie, along with Alistair, Nathaniel and Zevran made their way up to the tower to speak with Avernus. Josie could feel Alistair's tension as he paced quietly behind her while they waited for the mage to speak.

Avernus looked gravely at her before he started. "Commander, I was grateful that Warden Howe had the foresight to send me a sample of your blood along with a copy of the Architect's journals so that I had plenty of time thoroughly study them before your visit. After many hours of investigation and long exhausting experiments on the taint in your blood… I…I'm sorry to say that the Architect wasn't wrong. Your taint is corrupting at an accelerated rate…"

"NO! You have to be wrong," Alistair bellowed from behind her. "You missed something! You had to have! Do the tests again!"

"I wish that I was, but as I said I thoroughly researched this. I'm sorry, Commander."

"So he was right… that my life expectancy will be cut in h-half," Josie stuttered.

"Give or take a few years… yes."

Josie felt the air rush out of her lungs as the confirmation of the death mark sank in. This news wasn't surprising, but to actually hear the affirmation that she would be making way into the Deep Roads in the next eight to ten years was hitting her unexpectedly hard. Her head began to spin and she suddenly felt warm. She felt her lungs closing up, she couldn't breathe. She needed to get out of here; she needed to get far away from the eyes that were now all staring at her. She stood suddenly.

"Thank you, Avernus for all of your help," she replied then she spun on her heels and rushed out of the tower.

"Josie," she heard Alistair call after her, but she didn't stop, she only ran faster. She had to get out of there; she had to get away from everyone. She raced through the Keep, out the main doors and into the dark of night. She ran down the path that led away from the Warden's fortress, away from the Wardens and away from the death sentence that had just been given her.

When her legs were too tired to carry her any further she fell to her knees in the snow and began to cry. She faced death every day and would willing die in battle to save the life of others, but that was different. That was her doing her duty. The reality of it was that she didn't want to die. She wanted to live; she wanted to see her brother get married, have children and successfully reign as Ferelden's King, she wanted to be with her Wardens, whom she had grown to love as family, she wanted to continue to enjoy the life that she had created with Zev, Nate… and Alistair… Alistair who had been lost to her for so many years who had finally come back into her life… she realized most of all she didn't want to leave him.

"Maker, why? Why let me live at all? Why didn't let me die on top of that tower?" Josie cried out as she began to rock back and forth as the tears freely flowed down her cheeks.

She felt a warm blanket wrap around her as two strong arms enfolded her and pulled her against his chest. "Because I needed you, JoJo; because without you I would have not found my redemption, without you I would not have found my reason for living again and without you I would not have learned to love again," Alistair said as he held her tightly against him and gently rocked her. She relaxed against the security of his embrace taking solace in his warming presence.

"I still need you, Josie. I will always need you. I refuse to give up on you and I refuse to allow you to give up too. We'll find away. We always do."

"Alistair… I don't want to die."

She felt his chest hitch against her and heard his stifled sob. "I refuse to believe that there isn't a way to save you. I refuse to let you go this time. I will fight this with everything I have until you breathe your last breath, Jo… I-I can't lose you not after I just got you back."

He rested his head against the side of her neck and kissed along its slope to her shoulder. She felt his warm tears run down her cool skin as he silently wept with her.

When they both were too tired to cry anymore, Alistair stood up, scooped her into his arms and carried her back to the Keep. He took her to his room, stripped her out of her wet cloths down to her smalls then tucked her into bed. He stoked the fire before he stripped out of his cold, wet clothes then crawled into bed behind her. He held her tightly, warming her and comforting her. He stroked her hair, tenderly planting kiss on her neck and ear as he whispered how he was going to find a way to save her. She took his comforting words and loving embrace with her into the Fade.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - I must give credit where credit is due. The explanation regarding the difference between a gathering, a shingdig and a hootnanny is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite shows, Buffy, by one of my favorite characters, Oz. **

***Italian reminder - ****la mia caramella dolce – my sweet candy.**

***I truly appreciate everyone who is following this story and has taken the time to review it. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. I also want to thank everyone that has added this story to your favs and alert lists. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. **

***Hugs and kisses to the fabulous Beta Wizard One – Bonkzy and equally as fabulous Beta Wizard Two – Mistress Vo for working their magic on this chapter, for their support and for being such a great sounding board. You ladies are awesome!**


	27. Chapter 27 The Wind of Change

**Chapter 27 – The Wind of Change**

"The world is closing in, did you ever think that we could be so close, like brothers

The future's in the air, I can feel it everywhere blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment on a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away in the wind of change

Walking down the street, distant memories are buried in the past forever

I follow the Moskva down to Gorky Park listening to the wind of change

The wind of change blows straight into the face of time

Like a stormwind that will ring the freedom bell

For peace of mind let your balalaika sing what my guitar wants to say"

_The Wind of Change by The Scorpions_

It hadn't taken long for the word to circulate amongst the Wardens that Avernus' findings were not good, and the mood, as the group departed from Soldier's Peak, was somber. Alistair had been stunned by the news. He had always believed that the old mage, who had cheated death, would have been able to find a way to help Josie, but as he explained she was a unique case because no one who has had the soul of an archdemon pass through them has lived to confront the consequences. Urthemiel's soul had given Josie increased strength and power, but that came at a heavy price. One Alistair was unwilling to allow her to pay. He had meant what he had told her, he refused to believe that she had come back into his life only to be cruelly ripped away from him.

Alistair had held her all through the night; comforting and calming her when the nightmares became to much and she cried out in her sleep. It had reminded him of all those time he had held her at the being of their travels together. Both of them had been a mess after Ostagar and both of them had found solace in each others arms. At times he thought those nights were the best nights of his life. Even better than all the nights they had spent together giving and receiving pleasure from each other. Because in the beginning it had been innocent, yet still very intimate. It was two souls connecting and healing one another. He had fallen in love with her in those early days and he knew than that she would be the only woman he would ever truly love.

A hawk screeched pulling Alistair out of his thoughts. He looked up at the dreary looking sky and noticed two hawks circling above him. His eyes squinted as he stared at the pair of birds.

"They have been following us since we left Soldier's Peak," Zevran whispered beside him.

Alistair's eyes furrowed. "Really? That's interesting."

"I thought so too. Josie has been too lost in her thoughts to notice, so while she is distracted I have been keeping a close eye on them."

Alistair just nodded as he too watched the hawks as the pair followed the traveling party from the sky. About an hour before dark Josie had found a clearing with a small creek nearby for them to make camp for the night. It hadn't taken the group long to set-up the camp and for Josie to begin preparing their meal. Once their bellies were all full Josie pulled out a bottle of brandy that she had purchased from Levi. She walked around the camp and filled everyones glasses, she then stood before them as she collected her thoughts.

"A little over eleven years ago Alistair and I stood on the edge of a battlefield and looked out at a sea of broken and dead bodies, that were scattered like dolls upon the ground. Both of us trembled with anger at the betrayal that had taken place there, and with fear at the monumental task ahead of us, but the bodies of our fallen brothers and sisters fueled the fire within us to continue the fight and to win against all the odds. I tell you this because as my closest friends I want you to know that the same fire still burns within me. I don't care what Avernus or the Architect says. It is not in my nature to give up, to quite the field, nor retreat. I will face this thing head on. I will fight it to the bitter end and with my last breathe I will go down swinging in a blaze of glory."

A huge cheer roared from the group as Josie took a seat on a log near the fire. Zevran stood and lifted his glass, "To going down swinging."

"To going down swinging," everyone chanted back as they all took a swig of their brandy.

"To going down in a blaze of glory," Oghren bellowed.

"To going down in a blaze of glory," everyone yelled back.

"I am ready to meet the Maker. I'm just not sure the Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me," Zevran chuckled as he sat down beside Josie.

"Sweet Andraste arse, I want to be there to see that," Kai chuckled.

"Speaking of Andraste's sweet arse, I'm looking forward to see that too," Zevran chortled.

"Might want to refrain from hitting on the Maker's bride, unless you want a personalized tour of the Void," Bethany stated.

"Can Andraste be my tour guide? I wouldn't mind taking a detour in the Void with her," Zevran replied.

"You're hopeless," Josie laughed.

"You wouldn't want me any other way," Zevran countered.

Josie smiled. "No I wouldn't."

"You know, I always find it comforting when I'm at a funeral and someone is delivering the eulogy that I'm _**there**_listening to it," Bethany declared.

"That was rather profound, my dear," Zevran stated.

"I heard people fear public speaking more then death," Kai said.

"Death is number two! That has not been my experience," Zevran chuckled.

"If you are correct; than if you go to a funeral you're better off lying on the pyre than giving the eulogy," Alistair laughed.

"See, this what I love about joining the Wardens. You hear the most fascinating things, travel to the most exciting locations and meet the most interesting people…" Nathaniel paused for a moment then shrugged his shoulders.

"Granted, nine out of ten times we have to kill them, but up until that point they are quite interesting," Nathaniel chuckled.

"Most people can't sit in a Chantry for hour once week; how the bloody hell are they supposed to make it through eternity…" Josie began, but then paused. Alistair saw her back stiffen as he felt the first tingle in his blood.

"Darkspawn!" They both cried out as they lunged for their weapons. They had barely gotten the words out when a half a dozen hurlocks and genlocks crashed through the trees. Alistair, Caron and Oghren rushed the oncoming darkspawn while Kai, Bethany and Mason dropped back and began casting healing spells and protective grafts as Nathaniel rapidly began to shooting arrows. Zevran fell in beside Josie as the two of them swiftly maneuvered themselves behind the darkspawn, as they faded in and out of the shadows evading attacks and delivering backstabbing blows. The darkspawn were outnumbered and were easily disposed of.

When the last of the hurlocks had been slain Bethany stepped forward and looked around the group. "Is anyone injured?"

Before anyone could answer Josie's brow furrowed. "They aren't through, yet," Josie stated just as three ogres crashed through the trees.

Mason was closest to the first beast that entered the clearing. The orge grabbed the mage in its brutish hand and began to swing him around. Josie let out a bloodcurdling cry as she charged the monster, leapt into the air, driving her sword and dagger into the sides of the fiend's neck. The monster released Mason and staggered as it tried to swat at Josie, but she was too quick for it. She withdrew her dagger then using the sword that was still in the ogre's neck as leverage she pulled herself up to the beast's shoulder. The ogre cried out in pain. Once on the beast's shoulder she drove the dagger into the back of ogre's neck. The monster lurched forward and fell dead on the spot.

Relieved, Alistair turned from the scene and rushed the second ogre that Oghren has already charged. Just as he reached the beast he saw Zevran appear from behind and deliver a backstabbing blow. The monster pivoted to face the assassin, but he had already disappeared back into the shadows. Alistair stabbed it in its side and the fiend let out cry of pain. Alistair was about to deliver another blow when he felt panic rising in Josie's blood. He spun; his eyes went wide as at least twenty darkspawn emerged from the tree line on the opposite side of camp. The damn monsters had them surrounded and outnumbered.

The noise from the fighting was deafening, but Alistair heard Josie command the mages and Nathaniel to fall back to the middle of camp. He looked over as she leapt into the air to deliver a heart crushing blow to its chest. As the beast fell she jumped to the ground and rolled away from the falling ogre. She looked over at him then she yelled… but her mouth didn't move… yet the words were clear… inside his head, "Alistair! Jump to your left!"

He did was she instructed without hesitation just missing the fist of the ogre as it smashed down into the ground. "As it raises its arm, drive your sword underneath its arm into its chest," she instructed once again inside his head. How the bloody hell did she do that?

He did exactly as she had commanded and as Alistair slid his sword into its soft flesh the beast stumbled backwards. Alistair slammed his shield into it driving it to the ground where he and Oghren quickly ended its life.

Alistair pivoted away and saw that Josie was in trouble. She, Zevran and Caron were being overrun by the onslaught of darkspawn entering the field. Alistair started to charge forward when a loud screech sounded from above. He looked up just in time to see an enormous high dragon swoop down and blow a wall of fire into the oncoming darkspawn swarm. Josie and the wardens continued to fight the hurlocks and genlocks that made it through the wall of flames as the dragon shriek again. It circled the clearing once more then blew an inferno barrier at the beasts killing the last of them.

Josie spun to face the dragon just as it landed in front of her. A bright light shot out the dragon's chest blinding them. When the light faded and they were able to see Alistair stared in shock at the woman before them.

"Flemeth," Josie said dryly. "I've been expecting you."

"You have?" Alistair questioned.

"Always a little too wise for your own good, girl," Flemeth replied.

"It's kept me alive this long," Josie stated.

"I believe it's a combination of your sword and you wit that has done that, Warden," the witch retorted.

"What do you want, Flemeth?" Josie asked.

"I believe you owe me a favor and I have come to collect."

Josie arched an eyebrow. "How do you figure that?"

"Oh this ought to be interesting," Zevran chuckled.

"I saved you from the tower at Ostagar…"

"I let you live when I came I for your grimoire. A life for a life, we are even," Josie retorted.

"I allowed my daughter to accompany you on travels during the Blight. She saved your life numerous times," Flemeth countered.

"Allowed! You allowed! That's a joke, right?" Josie demanded.

"La mia caramella dolce, I believe she is using a loose interpretation of the word," Zevran surmised.

"Flemeth, you sent Morrigan with me for the soul purpose of getting her knocked up by a Warden, just before the final battle so that the dark ritual could be performed. So don't stand there and pretend that you were doing me some big favor," Josie challenged.

"So this is the Witch of the Wilds. She doesn't look as stupid as you described, Beth," Mason loudly whispered.

"Ix-nay on the upid-stay. We don't want to piss the nice dragon off," Bethany hissed.

Flemeth's eyes flickered over to Bethany. "I know you, girl. You're the sister of the Champion of Kirkwall." Flemeth stated as her eyes glinted with malice as she turned her attention back to Josie. "The same man that killed your lover, correct Warden?"

Josie didn't rise to the witch's bait. She continued to stare her down as she said, "What do you want Flemeth?"

"Something I want seeks you out. I want to work out a deal with you regarding her."

"I don't make deals with witches that have proven that they can't be trusted," Josie retorted.

"Don't you even want to hear my offer?"

"No, because anything you offer has some hidden scheme attached to it."

"Would you put your own mistrust of me ahead of preventing a Blight from occurring again?"

Josie crossed her arms over her chest, but remained silent, so Flemeth continued. "Warden, I am aware that you know that I have the locations of the last two old gods. I am willing to share those locations with you in return for a small favor."

"You think turning Morrigan and her child over to you would be a small favor?"

"That is no mere child and we both know it."

"All the more reason I would never deliver that child to you. Do I look insane to you?"

"No Warden, you look like a woman that has just received an early death sentence."

If the fact that Flemeth knew about Josie's taint shocked her, you couldn't tell by the stone expression she wore on her face. "And are you going to promise a cure in exchange for Morrigan's child?" Josie asked sarcastically.

"In a matter of speaking, yes," Flemeth retorted.

"Well, you should have read the Architect's note more thoroughly because there is no cure," Josie replied.

"Not in the traditional sense no there isn't, but there is still away. Deliver the child to me and you will live a long, full life and prevent a Blight from ever happening again," Flemeth replied.

Josie remained as still as a statue and just as unreadable. "I will give you time to consider my offer, Commander. In the meantime, I will lead the darkspawn away from you so that the rest of your trip will remain unencumbered. I will seek you out soon to hear your decision."

Without giving Josie time to reply, a bright light burst out from Flemeth's chest as she transformed into a high dragon again and the beast took off into the night sky.

"Well, I was right, that was definitely interesting," Zevran stated.

"So there is a way to cure you," Alistair stated.

"I'm not giving Flemeth that child," Josie hissed.

"I'm glad to hear that," a cool voice said from behind them. Alistair immediately recognized the voice from all of his nightmares and as the witch appeared from forest his body shivered with loathing.

Josie's blue eyes darkened until they were almost black as pitch. "Morrigan," she sneered.

"It's a Wilder Witch family reunion. You just missed mommy," Alistair said dryly.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you were you stand for going behind my back and betraying me," Josie jeered as her hand came to rest on the pommel of her dagger.

Morrigan's eyes flickered over to Alistair. He watched as the conflict rippled across her face, but Morrigan was not stupid and the witch knew better than to head down that path if she wanted Josie's aid so she simply said, "Josie, you have every right to hate me and to turn your back on me. I did betray you. Yes, part of my reasoning was for my own selfish needs, but it was also because I desperately wanted to save the woman that had showed me the true meaning of the word family and whom I had grown to love as a sister."

Alistair noticed Josie tremble slightly as Morrigan's words sunk in. "What do you want, Morrigan?"

"I need your protection for my daughter from Flemeth. You saw what was in her grimoire, you know what she wants to do to my child and you know also know that Flemeth can never possess that kind of power…she would become nearly as powerful as an old god."

"Tell me about your daughter," Josie said.

Morrigan smiled and Alistair thought it was the first time that he had ever seen the witch genuinely express joy. "She has a very sweet and gentle spirit and she is very powerful."

"How powerful?"

"The power that Urthemiel's soul has given you is minuscule compared to what she is capable of," Morrigan replied.

"Can I meet her?" Josie asked.

Morrigan nodded. Then the witch stood perfectly still as if silently calling for her. A moment later a young girl no older than nine stepped into the clearing. She slowly walked over to them by the fire and as she neared them Alistair heard a sudden intake of breath from Josie and a hiss escape Nathaniel's lips.

The girl had long raven black hair, almond shaped sapphire blue eyes and perfectly shaped rose colored lips. Her skin was a smooth and white as porcelain. She was breathtaking and she looked exactly how Alistair had always pictured Josie as a young girl and from the astonished looks on both Nathaniel and Josie's faces the resemblance was dead on.

"W-what? How?" Josie stuttered.

The young girl stepped up to Josie, took her hand and Alistair watched as a shudder rippled through her body. In the sweetest voice he had ever heard the young girl said, "Josie, please don't be afraid. I am sorry that my appearance startles you."

"M-maker's breathe, Jo… its like looking at you as a child," Nathaniel stuttered.

"You look exactly like me when I was nine. How is that possible?"

"When my soul passed through your body it was a blank canvass as my essence mingled with your blood it imprinted on your core traits and characteristics and absorbed them," the young girl explained.

"Well, you couldn't pick a more delicious set of traits to imprint on," Zevran cooed.

Josie shot the assassin a dirty look as she knelt down in from of the girl. "What is your name?"

"Kyleigh."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Kyleigh."

The young girl smiled a radiant smile that was so eerily similar to Josie's that Alistair nearly stumbled backward from it. Alistair looked down at their hands that were still clasped and warm golden light shimmered out from where their hands were held together, but both of them seemed completely unaware of it. "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Josie. It's as if a part of me recognizes something in you."

Josie grinned the same smile back at the girl as her eyes danced with fascination. "Exactly."

_"Josie, only you and Alistair can hear me now."_

_Josie's eyes went wide as she stared at Kyleigh then up at Alistair. "Did you hear that?" She asked silently._

_Alistair nodded then replied. "Yes, it is exactly what you were doing during the battle."_

_"No I wasn't," Josie stated defiantly._

_"Yes, you did. You issued commands to Nate and the mages and you warned me about the ogre's fist."_

_Josie's eyes went wide. "I had only thought those things."_

_"I know, but I heard them in my head."_

_"Josie, you are able to communicate telepathically just as I am able to do the same. This is how the old gods communicated with one another and how the archdemon communicated with the horde. Since my essence is in you, you too possess the same ability. As I watched the battle from a distance I was able to reach out through your taint and show you how you could do the same."_

_"That was you?"_

_Kyleigh nodded._

_"Maker's breathe, I thought I was going insane. Can anyone else hear us?"_

_"No, because I don't want them to, I need to speak with you the two of you privately."_

_"Why us?" Alistair asked._

_"Because the two of you have been there from the beginning and because Josie will need you to face what is coming."_

_"What is coming?" Alistair asked._

_"The real reason for me insisting that Morrigan seek you out is…"_

_"It's not because you need our protection?" Alistair asked._

_The young girl smiled at him. "No, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I do not fear Flemeth. As powerful as she is, she is no match for me."_

_"Then why seek my aid," Josie asked._

_"You see, one of my abilities is to see the future."_

_"Really? So you're like omniscient?" Alistair asked._

_The girl continued to smile patiently at him. "No, I can't see the whole future, I just get glimpse of it."_

_"And that is why you are here, because you saw something that needs to be changed," Josie asked._

_"No, for the first time ever I have foreseen two very real, and very different futures."_

_"You've never seen two different possible outcomes before?" Josie questioned. _

_"No, normally when I receive a glimpse into the future the wheel has already been set into motion and there is very little I can do to change to outcome. However, this time because the fate of mankind hangs the balance I believe the Maker has allowed me to see both scenarios before any decisions have been made that would begin the chain reaction of events."_

_"What have you seen?" Josie asked._

_"In the first, Flemeth is captured and tortured by the darkspawn into revealing the locations of the last two old gods. Within three years both of the old gods will be found and a full scale Blight will take place in Ferelden and in Orlais. By the time two Wardens are able to kill the last two archdemons over half of the world that we know will be destroyed. In the second possible future, you confront Flemeth before the darkspawn find her and you destroy her. However, during the battle my mother and someone you love dearly will be killed."_

_Alistair watched Josie's hands shake slightly and heard the tremor in her voice. "W-who?"_

_"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. This is a decision that needs to be based on what you feel is best for the Wardens, for you and all of Thedas. Once you choose the path there is nothing you can do to change the outcome." _

_Josie shot to her feet and began to pace around. She ran her hands through her hair as she looked over at Alistair and then over at Morrigan. "There is no choice here. What do I need to do to force a confrontation with Flemeth?"_

* * *

><p><strong>AN – I know this chapter is shorter than most, but there was a lot of information thrown at you and I wanted to give you time to absorb it all since it's kind of key to the rest of the storyline. I hope you enjoyed the few twists I threw in there. For those of you that have a canon fetish let me remind you this is an A/U and I am taking artistic license for the sake of the story.**

***A huge shout out to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists and to those that have shared your thoughts with me. I really appreciate it. I also want to thank those that have added me to their favorite author's lists. It is an honor to be mentioned among such great and talented writers.**

****I also want to thank my fantabulous betas, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for their rad, mad beta-ing skills, for their support and for being such great sounding boards. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You ladies are the best!**


	28. Chapter 28 Could U B the most beautiful

**Chapter 28 – Could U be the most beautiful girl in the world?**

"When the day turns into the last day of all time

I can say I hope U are in these arms of mine

And when the night falls before that day I will cry

I will cry tears of joy cuz after U all one can do is die, oh

Could U be the most beautiful girl in the world? Could U be?

It's plain 2 see U're the reason that God made a girl, Oh, yes U are

How can I get through days when I can't get through hours?

I can try but when I do I see U and I'm devoured, oh yes

Who'd allow, who'd allow a face 2 be soft as a flower? Oh

I could bow (bow down) and feel proud in the light of this power"

_Could U be the most beautiful girl in the world? by Prince_

"What the hell was that?" Nathaniel bellowed as all of the Wardens gathered around the three of them.

"What?" Josie asked nonchalantly.

"All three of your facial expressions changed as if you were carrying on a conversation, but no words were spoken," Nathaniel stated.

"We were having a conversation. It was just taking place in side our minds instead of begin spoken out loud," Josie said matter-of-factly.

"She says that like it's an everyday occurrence," Mason interjected.

"After traveling with Josie all these years it would take more than a telepathic conversation to shock me," Zevran stated then he turned to Josie and looked pointedly at her. "What I want to know is what was said in this private telepathic conversation?"

"Kyleigh basically told us that if we don't get to Flemeth before the darkspawn do then we are looking at two more Blights happening simultaneously and destroying most of the world as we know it," Josie stated.

"When you say, 'get to Flemeth' what does that mean exactly?" Bethany asked.

"We must kill her," Josie stated plainly.

"Oh is that all! Did anyone notice that Flemeth can turn into a big, nasty ass dragon? And the last time we faced a high dragon the hair on my face and ares was fried off," Oghren grunted.

"Your ass was in need a good shaving so it really just helped you out, my friend," Zevran chortled.

"How long do we have to find and kill Flemeth?" Nathaniel asked.

Josie looked at Kyleigh. "Not long, a few months at the most," the young girl replied.

"Glad there isn't any pressure," Nathaniel said dryly.

"She could have given us a week. Then we would be in a real pickle," Alistair stated trying to remain optimistic.

"Morrigan, you and Kyleigh would be safest with us at the Keep, would you be willing to be a guest of the Wardens," Josie asked.

"Yes. Thank you, but by now you have to realize that Flemeth is tracking me. She will know that I am there and will conclude that Kyleigh is there too," Morrigan replied.

"Flemeth isn't stupid. She may know you are there, but she wouldn't attack an entire Keep filled warriors and mages. She is powerful, but not powerful enough to face a head on attack. No, if she comes after you she will be stealthy about it and I do believe we both know an expert in covert operations who will be able to help on that front."

Zevran bowed deep before them. "I'm at your service."

"Good, now that we have that settled when we leave tomorrow Kyleigh can ride with me. Morrigan, can you follow us in the air?"

"As you wish, but Kyleigh can take to the air too," Morrigan replied.

"Follow us in the air?" Nathaniel asked.

"Morrigan is a shape shifter. She can change into a hawk and scout for trouble in the sky." Then a thought hit her, "Was that you and Kyleigh this morning in the air following us from Soldier's Peak?"

"You saw them? I thought you were preoccupied," Zevran asked.

"All this time traveling with me and you still doubt me."

"Never, my pet."

"Ah-huh."

A small smile spread across Morrigan's face, "Indeed it was. We have been tracking your movements for some time now."

"So Kyleigh can shape shift too."

"Yes, she is able to mimic all of my talents."

"That's amazing," Josie said.

"She is amazing," Morrigan replied.

A smile spread across Josie's lips. "She is good for you. She has softened you."

Morrigan stiffened at the term normally used to imply weakness, but when she realized that Josie meant it as a compliment the witch relaxed. "Yes, she has.  
>She has taught me many things."<p>

"I'm happy for you, Morrigan."

"Thank you, Josie. That means a lot coming from you."

"You're welcome." Josie turned to her second in command. "Nate, can you find some extra bedding for Morrigan and Kyleigh?"

"Yes, Commander."

As the Wardens continued their discussion about Flemeth and the highs and lows of fighting a high dragon Alistair pulled her into the woods and away from prying ears.

"You didn't tell them that one of them will die. Don't you think they have the right to know?" Alistair asked.

"They face death every time we engage in a fight. Going into a battle with Flemeth will be no different, so why add to their stress," Josie replied.

"Because now there is certainty of death, someone you love deeply will die because of this decision. Don't you think they deserve to know what they are facing?" Alistair questioned.

Josie paced around in front of him completely frustrated. She turned to face him and he saw tears brimming in her eyes. "If I tell them then its acknowledging that one of them is going die…I've already lost so much."

She ran her fingers through her hair in irritation. "You… you Alistair are one of them… You're one of the ones I could lose… I-I can't lose you… I-I just can't," Josie's voice broke and he heard her trying to stifle the sods.

Alistair leaned back against a nearby tree as he pulled her into his arms bringing her tightly against him. Her head only came up to the middle of his chest, but she nestled herself there her arms encircled his waist. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Jo, I can't claim to know the future or even try to understand the mind of an old god, but Kyleigh purposely brought me in on this decision because she said you would need me to help you get through this. I can't very well do that if I'm meeting the Maker."

She looked up at him as smile began to form on her lovely lips. "I forgot she said that."

Alistair reached up cupped her face and began to gently wipe the tears away with his thumb. "I'm not going anywhere, Jo, I promise," Alistair whispered as his hand slid to the nape of her neck, her body quivered at his touch as he drew her to him.

He leaned down so that his mouth hovered inches above hers; he could feel her warm breath as it washed over his face. Her soft lips curved into a delicious promise just before Alistair pressed his lips against hers. Her mouth moved against his, tantalizingly caressing him as the feel of her lips beneath his intoxicated him; the heat from her body pressed against him sent a shock wave through him and he felt himself tremble with yearning for her. He needed more from her, had to have more. He pressed forward and his tongue encountered no opposition as it swept with fervent need into the softness of her mouth. Their tongues stroked, danced and intertwined with each other, fire licked through him, deep and low.

Josie deepened the kiss. Her mouth was heated and demanding, and it seemed to suck his will right out of him. He couldn't resist her any longer; he let go of his restrain and allowed his hunger and yearning for her to consume him. He was at the mercy of his love for this woman and his body's growing need to possess her. His craving for her continued to build as he greedily devoured the sweetness of her mouth. He tried to rein in his hunger for her, but in the end it was a futile effort so he indulged himself the honey sweet taste of her mouth until the need for air forced him to pull away.

"The taste of your mouth is intoxicating," he moaned against her lips as he tried to catch his breath.

"Then come take another sip," she said in a hushed moan as she nibbled at his lip before she recaptured his mouth with hers with a renewed hunger and urgency. She ran her fingers through his hair and heat scorched from her fingertips, and crackled from her mouth as Alistair's lips surged against her as his longing to claim her rushed through him. He pulled her tight against him and her body conformed to the contours of his chest. She was so soft… so supple and he wanted her so desperately… but he needed to stop this… needed to resist her… needed to fight against his growing need for her. He didn't want their first time together in ten years to be pressed up against a tree with their companions only yards away.

Alistair pulled back from her, immediately missing the contact of her mouth. The sounds of their heavy breathing filling the night air as they fought to recover from the desire that had claimed them.

"Josie, we need to stop," Alistair panted.

She pressed her lips against his neck sending a shiver through him. "Why?" She moaned as her mouth continued to press against his flesh sending his mind and rational reeling. Fuck! He wanted her so badly. Every fiber of his being was crying out for her, but this was not the time nor the place.

"J-josie…" he stuttered as her tongue swirled up his neck.

"We s-shouldn't…" he mumbled as she raised herself up on her toes, her breasts sliding against his chest as she licked and sucked at his earlobe invoking a crude groan from his lips. With his last bit of will power he grabbed her by the shoulders and moved her back. He looked at her flushed cheeks, her chest rapidly rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath and her stunned, pained eyes as she looked up at him.

"Josie, I don't want to do this here," Alistair said.

"Well finding an inn in this neck of the woods might be a problem," Josie chuckled as she went to move back against him, but he held her firmly in place.

"I haven't been with you in over ten years; I don't want our first time together to be with your ass pressed against a tree," Alistair stated.

She gave him a roguish grin. "Some of our best times together were with my ass pressed against a tree."

Alistair smiled impishly back at her. "And I hope to relive each and every one of those moments with you, but not here, not now."

Her eyes darkened with desire as her stare settled on him. "Have I told you what a tease you've become?"

Alistair laughed. "Me, a tease? Hardly."

"No, I'm serious. You keep luring me into these dark corners, you touch me, caress me and kiss me to the point I feel like I'm about to explode and then you stop. There is no follow through. That is the definition of a tease. Unless…" she grinned mischievously as she looked down at his groin.

His eyes went wide, "Unless what?"

She continued to smile at him. "Unless the plumbing isn't working right down there."

"Oh honey, I do believe you felt for yourself that everything is in proper working order."

"Yes, but getting it up might not be the problem. Maybe it's keeping it up or maybe it's your follow through to the end. Are the stresses of the job keeping you from achieving maximum fulfillment?" she said with devilish gleam in her eyes.

Alistair leaned into her, pulling her tight against his chest as his hard length pressed into her, his breath washed over her face as he purred, "Sweetheart, when I actually get you alone I will give you a new definition for maximum fulfillment."

"You're feeling pretty cocky that there is going to be a next time."  
>Alistair smiled at her as he slid his arm around her waist and he lead her back to camp. "Confident darlin', not cocky."<p>

_**xxXxx**_

They had arrived late the following night back at Vigil's Keep. Varel being the smart Seneschal that he was had hot bath and a bottle of brandy waiting for Josie upon their arrival. A few hours after they had settled in Alistair heard voices and laughter coming from her room and knew that Nathaniel and Zevran were in there with her sharing her brandy and he decided to head down there too.

Her door was open. When he knocked, she looked up and smiled at him. "Mind sharing some of that brandy?"

"Oh course not, but you better pour yourself a glass quickly before these two lushes suck it all down," Josie chuckled.

"Takes one to know one, my dear, you were stealing brandy out of your father's liquor cabinet before I even knew the joys of spirits," Nathaniel retorted.

"Nathaniel Howe, you do realize that it is a sin against the Maker to lie? The first time I ever got drunk was with you and that nasty ass whiskey you took from your cook's larder."

"How old were you when this happened, my sweet?" Zevran asked.

"Hmmm, that was the year that you won the spring tournament in all the adult categories you entered so you would have been eighteen and I was fifteen," Josie replied.

Nathaniel nodded in agreement.

"Nate, you got this lovely lady drunk and it never occurred to you to press your advantage with her," Zevran inquired.

Alistair watched as their eyes flicker toward each other than shift away. Zevran noticed it too and immediately pounced on it. "I knew you were lying, la mia caramella dolce, when you declared so adamantly that nothing ever happened between and our stoic brother."

"To be honest Zev, she really wasn't lying," Nathaniel protested.

"Well, how about you tell me the story and I'll be the judge of that," Zevran chortled.

"There really isn't anything to tell. I stole this bottle of whiskey from the larder and the two of us rode out to the cliffs that overlooked the sea. We spent most of the day drinking in the hot sun with little food. Now I would be lying if I tried to tell you that at the time I didn't find Jo attractive. Any hot blooded male with a pair of eyes would have thought so when she laid back on the blanket dizzy from the whiskey. I couldn't stop myself from leaning down and kissing her, but the moment our lips touched it felt wrong. However, only being eighteen and a guy…"

"A horny guy," Josie interjected.

Nathaniel laughed. "Yes, a horny guy I continued to kiss her, but the moment my tongue slipped into her mouth I felt sick. It was like Orlesain kissing my sister. I immediately pulled away and knew I would only ever see her as family…as my sister."

"I do believe I had a more adverse reaction to that kiss," Josie chuckled.

"I blame that on the amount of alcohol you consumed and the lack of food that you didn't," Nathaniel laughed.

"What was Josie's reaction?" Alistair asked.

"I threw up all over him," Josie snickered.

Alistair and Zevran burst out laughing. "Maybe it's your kissing technique, Nate ole boy. You're not supposed to stick your tongue so far down her throat that you hit her gage reflex," Zevran chortled.

"It had nothing to do with my kissing technique…"

"I don't know about that. I can honestly say that I have never had a girl throw up on me after I kissed her. How about you Alistair?"

Alistair grinned. "Nope, thank the Maker."

"Nate is right. It had more to do with whiskey than his kissing performance. But the whole thing just felt wrong, like my brother was sticking his tongue down my throat. Yuck!" Josie said with a shudder.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "Yuck! Now you're just being overly dramatic."

"Want to kiss me again and see what I mean?"

Before Nathaniel could reply Alistair said, "No need to put your theory to the test."

Nathaniel grinned. "So you would have a problem if I kissed Josie?"

Alistair just glared at him and Nathaniel laughed. "Well, it's a good thing I only intend on kissing one woman for the rest of my life and she isn't in this room at the moment."

"A very good thing," Alistair grunted. He looked over at Josie, she winked at him and his heart immediately softened.

Nathaniel shifted uncomfortably in his seat then turned back to Josie. "Ummm, Jo I know that I thanked you for letting Bethany and I hold the ceremony here. It means a lot for us to have it in my childhood home…"

"You don't have to thank me again, Nate. I told you I would honored to have it here," Josie replied.

"Yes… aaah here's the thing…well, you see…"

"What the hell Nate? You're as nervous as a chantry boy about to get his cherry popped. Trust me when I say this 'cause I've seen it first hand and it isn't pretty," Zevran chuckled.

"Shut up, Zev," Alistair retorted.

Nathaniel took a deep breath then said, "Beth wants her brother to be at the wedding ceremony and I would really appreciate it if you didn't kill my future brother-in-law."

The room went deadly silent as Josie's face went ridged and completely unreadable.

"Josie, you have every right to hate the man. That is completely understandable, but he is the only family that Beth has left. She really wants him to be there so that he can give her away. If you no longer want to have the wedding here I…"

"Family is important," Josie interrupted. "You have to hold onto to them tightly. I would never want to be the cause of keeping a brother away from his sister on the most important day of her life. Hawke… Hawke will be a welcomed guest of the Wardens."

"Thank you, Josie. This will mean the world to her."

"You said I couldn't kill him… can I at least maim him?"

"I would prefer that he leaves from here in one piece with all of his limbs functioning properly," Nathaniel stated.

"Am I at least allowed to hurl insults at him, make him the butt of my jokes, place a 'kick me' sign on his back?" Josie chuckled.

Nathaniel laughed. "If you place a 'kick me' sign on his back I want to be there to see that."

"Deal!"

Nathaniel stood up to leave. "Thanks again, Josie."

"That's what sisters are for," Josie replied.

"Well they certainly aren't for kissing," Nathaniel replied as he headed out the door.

Alistair could tell that Josie's mood had drastically changed at the mention of Hawke and all the memories that accompanied him. Alistair looked over at Zevran. The assassin made a slight gesture towards the door. Alistair knew that he would have better luck improving her mood with regards to Anders then he could.

"It's been a long day. I think I will hit the sack," Alistair said as he stood up and walked over to Josie. He knelt down and took her hand in his. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine."

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Good-night."

"Good-night, Alistair."

Over the next two weeks as Varel, Bethany and Nathaniel prepared for the wedding as Josie tended to the many pressing needs of the Arling. Alistair had offered to help her just so that he could be close to her, but she had taken him up on his offer and she really put him to work. She had him going over trade agreements, merchant contracts and her least favorite noble complaints. He was learning a lot by her side. She was a brilliant strategist on the battlefield, but as he watched her apply those same tactics to ruling he was in awe and once again regretted that she wasn't Ferelden's Queen.

Now as he stood behind her at her desk as she went over some briefing documents from the Constable in Amaranthine, she explained a portion of the law that the law officer had over looked or neglected when he processed a warrant against one of the noble's sons in the Arling. "See if he leaves this piece of information out of his report than I will be forced to throw out the whole charge on a technicality because…"

She was going on about due process, but Alistair couldn't concentrate on a word she was saying. Today, she wore her hair pulled up and he couldn't take his eyes off the nape of her neck as his increasing desire to press his lips there before his hands slid down her shoulders and slipped inside that damn low cut dress to caress the soft, supple mounds that were taunting him.

He leaned further into her and the scent of lavender and spices inundated his sense as an image of her spread out on her bed naked as he explored every inch of her, getting lost her smell, her touch, her taste. Without even realizing it, Alistair dropped his head to the back of her neck and began feathering kisses there. Her voice faltered as she drew in a deep breath.

"Forgive me, Love, but you are so beautiful and I could no longer resist you," Alistair sighed as his knelt down and his arms encircled her waist, drawing her back against his chest. Sweet Andraste it felt so good to have her back in his arms, her warm body pressed against his. With his lips still on her neck he took her fragile skin in-between his teeth and sucked on it until a moan escaped through her lips. He moved one his hands from around her waist and slid it up to cup her breast. His lips made their way to her ear and he started to nibble on the sensual part of her ear as she arched her back into him. Maker he wanted her. Why couldn't he just lock the door and take her right here on top of her desk? He was just about to whisper the suggestion in her ear when a loud knock came at her door.

"Damn it!" He hissed.

She chuckled as Alistair stood up and she yelled that the door was open.

"Commander, there is a young man waiting to speak to you in the throne room," Varel stated.

"Did the young man give his name?"

"Yes, Garrett Hawke," the Seneschal replied.

Alistair felt Josie stiffen. "Tell Ser Hawke I will be with him in a few minutes."

"Yes, Commander."

"Remind me to kick Hawke's ass for interrupting us," Alistair mumbled.

"Oh I don't think that will be a problem," Josie said with a grin as she tucked a scroll of paper into her sleeve and headed for the door.

Alistair followed her down to the throne and Hawke spun to face them when they entered. He smiled tentatively at Josie as she approached him. "Josie, I know that when we parted ways it wasn't on the best of terms. I can't thank you enough for allowing me to be here."

Josie smiled back at him, "Yes, I do believe I threatened to kill you if our paths ever crossed again."

Hawke's smiled wavered slightly as he laughed uneasily. "Well, it's a good thing we are meeting in a path free room."

"Yes, it's a good thing," she replied.

"It means a lot to me and to Beth…she is the only family I have left."

"I understand the importance of family, Garrett. You should be with your sister on the most important day of her life so I am willing to let the past remain where it belongs," Josie said.

"Thank you again for your generosity," Hawke replied.

"Now I am sure you are eager to see your sister. Let me escort you down to the training ring," Josie replied as she patted him on the back as she walked by him leading him to the Keep's side entrance that led to the sparring rings.

Alistair fell in behind them and had to bit his tongue to keep from laughing when he saw the sign she had nimble attached to his back. Oh she may have promised not to kill him, but she was definitely going to have some fun at the Champion's expense.

As they started across the courtyard Oghren walked up behind them and grunted, "Hey Champion."

Hawke spun around just as Oghren nailed him in the shin with his boot. Hawke yelped in pain. "What the hell?" He bellowed as he looked at Josie.

Josie shrugged her shoulders. "He's a dwarf. It's really hard to try and rationalize his actions."

Before Hawke could reply Zevran strolled up behind them as he walked by the Champion he swung his leg in an arch and kicked Hawke's behind. "Mother fu…"

"Language, my friend. We really try to keep a civil tone here," Zevran purred.

"Why the hell did you just kick me?"

"I was only doing as I was instructed," Zevran replied.

"Instructed by who?"

But before he could reply there was a high pitched shriek as Bethany called out his name, raced across the courtyard and leapt into her brother's arms. Hawke laughed as he picked her up and spun her around. "Beth, it's so good to see you."

"Oh brother, I am thrilled that you are here."

Nathaniel walked up to them and extended his hand toward his future brother-in-law.

"Garrett, good to see you again. I am so happy you could make it," Nathaniel said as they shook hands.

"It's good to see you too, Nate."

"Well, if it isn't the Champion of Kirkwall," Kai said as she approached them from behind. She swung her leg out to kick him, but Hawke had obviously caught on and easily side stepped her.

"Am I wearing a kick me sign?" Hawke demanded as he spun around for Bethany to see his back.

She giggled as she pulled the sign off of his back and handed it to him. It read, 'Calciarmi. Sono un asino!'

Hawke looked at sign then looked up at Josie. She grinned at him. He shook his head and smiled back at her. "I guess this is better than a knife in my back."

"I promised not kill you or cause you any bodily injury. I kept my word. Besides it's only your pride that is bruised," Josie chuckled.

"My shin and ass beg to differ with you, milady, but if that is the worst that you give me then I will take it. For I deserve much worse from your hands," Hawke replied.

Josie's eyes narrowed and her head titled slightly. "Would you care to clarify that statement?"

"I would be happy to, but I would prefer to do so over a mug of ale," Hawke replied.

"That can be arranged. In the meantime you should go catch up with your sister," Josie said.

Later that evening after dinner and a large consumption of ale had been consumed. Hawke made his way over to were Josie sat between Alistair and Zevran. He sat in the chair across from her. He looked at her for a long moment then he stared at the ground as composed his thoughts. "Josie, I am glad that you allowed me here not just because of my sister, but because I wanted to look you in the eye and apologize to you."

He looked up and stared directly into her eyes. His eyes looked haunted and pained. "Josie, I am so sorry for taking Anders' life. I have lived with this regret and guilt from the moment that my blade sank into his back. What Anders did was wrong and the innocent lives that he took deserved Justice, but I should not have been his judge and executioner. He was a Warden. His Commanding Officer was there, I should have turned him over to you for you to deal with. I wish every day I could change that decision, that there was a way for me to set things right. I-I am so sorry, Josie. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Josie stared at him for a long moment as she collected her thoughts. Hawke shifted uncomfortable during the awkward moment of silence. She took a long sip from her mug before she spoke. "Garrett, I too, know what it's like to make hasty decision when all eyes are on you and you are feeling an insurmountable amount of pressure to resolve the conflict. I also know what it's like to make the wrong decision in that circumstance. Your decision took the life of someone I loved and cared about. When I made my decision I lost someone I loved, but it didn't cost him his life…I want to forgive you Hawke. I really do because I know the peace that can come from forgiveness…I can't promise that your apology is going to immediately bring the absolution that you seek, but I promise I will try, for both of our sakes."

Hawke leapt out of his chair and pulled Josie into his arms. He kissed her cheek as repeatedly thanked her. Eventually she pulled out of his grasp and took her seat. Hawke raised his mug. "To Anders, who hopefully has found peace in the loving embrace of Andraste."

A grin slid across her lips as she raised her glass. "If anyone could charm a hug out the Maker's bride it would be him. To Anders."

The others did the same as they said, "To Anders."

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Italian lesson for the day - Calciarmi. Sono un asino! – Kick me, I'm an ass!**

***A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***A huge thank you to my spankalicious betas, Bonzky and Mistress Vo, I appreciate your help in making it seem as if I have mastered commas, colons, semicolons and the spellchecker button. You ladies are the best!**


	29. Chapter 29 Tangled Up In You

**Chapter 29 – Tangled Up In You**

"You're my world, the shelter from the rain, you're the pills that take away my pain

You're the light that helps me find my way you're the words when I have nothing to say

And in this world where nothing else is true here I am still tangled up in you

I'm still tangled up in you, still tangled up in you

You're the fire that warms me when I'm cold, you're the hand I have to hold as I grow old

You're the shore when I am lost at sea, you're the only thing that I like about me

How long has it been since this storyline began and I hope it never ends and goes like this forever"

_Tangled Up In You by Staind_

Alistair stood back sipping his ale as he watched Hawke spin Josie around the dance floor under the canopy of candles that illuminated the courtyard for Bethany and Nathaniel's wedding celebration. He knew that it was good for Josie to come to terms with Hawke and the role he played in Anders death, but that didn't mean that Alistair had to happy that she was now in arms of the handsome rogue as he twirled and spun her around the courtyard as her laughter drifted through the night air. Hawke dipped her and Alistair tensed as he watched the Champion's eyes fall on Josie's supple mounds as they pushed at the top of her dress. When he brought Josie back up to him and his hand slid down to the small of her back, a sneer pulled on Alistair's lips as his hand unconsciously went for the pommel of his sword.

"Now, now Alistair, I do believe that Josie would be a bit put out if you ran her dance partner through with a sword," Zevran chortled from behind him.

"If it would get his hand off of her ass I might be willing to suffer her wrath," Alistair retorted.

"Only a fool or a fool in love would willingly face Josie's ire," Zevran chuckled.

"She's worth every minute of it," Alistair replied with a grin.

Zevran returned the smiled. "Yes she is, my friend, yes she is."

As the song and tempo changed, Hawke released his hold on Josie as all the women rushed to the dance floor, formed a line and began dancing some new Orlesian dance that Bethany had learned while she was with the Orlesian Wardens. He took another sip of his ale as he watched Josie quickly pick up the dance steps. The new dance was slightly provocative as the girls' hips swayed with the beat while they shook their shoulders back and forth.

Alistair had to discretely adjust himself when Josie had leaned forward and tops of her breast nearly came out of her dress. Maker, he wanted her and she was making it more and more difficult to resist her. Now that they were back at the Keep there really was no reason for him not to be with her, not to take her… except that nagging fear that she only wanted him because she was lonely, not because she loved him. He knew this was not rational. Her very actions at the Landsmeet showed how much she cared about him and the extent that she would to in order to save him. He needed to have faith in her and to trust her.

He watched her as she walked over to the bar with Bethany. "Beth, I want you to stay out here until the sun begins to peak over the horizon and your too exhausted to dance one more step, but I am completely bushed and going to head to bed soon."

"Oh Jo, don't be a party pooper. The night is young," Bethany cooed.

Josie laughed as she looked up at the moon. "You have been enjoying yourself too much to notice, but it is at least three hours after midnight and I have a long day tomorrow, while you and Nate get to head off to Highever for your honeymoon."

"About that Josie, I can't thank you and Fergus enough letting us use the cottage on the bluff. It is exactly what we need for a little escape."

"You are very welcome. I am sure that Fergus will have the place completely stocked and ready for a very romantic honeymoon. Now, as I said, party all night into the wee hours of the morning. I want both of you to celebrate until your heart's content."

Bethany hugged Josie. "Thank you, for everything."

"You're welcome."

Alistair watched as she made her way through the crowd giving her guests her well wishes. He smiled as grabbed a bottle of wine from the bar then headed into the Keep and made his way to her room. Alistair opened the bottle, poured two glasses, stoked the fire and sat down in one of the chairs near hearth. From the open window the sounds of the band floated in. The song they were now playing had a sultry, seductive quality to it and as the drums kicked in Josie sauntered into the room.

She had the front of her dress in both hands waving the material back and forth as she had lifted it up revealing her luscious legs. As she danced her way into the room she purposely placed one foot directly in front of the other forcing her hips to sway enticingly to the beat of the drums. She danced her way over to the two poles that were in the corner of her room near her bath tub. The poles ran from floor to ceiling with a bar attached at the top that had a curtain draped across it so that Josie could have privacy if someone was in her room while she was taking a bath. When the curtain was not in use it hung on a hook above the tub. Alistair had always thought that it was a little extravagant for a personal bathing area, but as much as she had sacrificed he thought she deserved to spoil herself every now and then. However, as he watched her grab the pole swing herself around it then grip the rod as her bent down with the post between her legs he was having serious second thoughts about its purpose.

The voice of the lead singer drifted in.

"Early in the morning and I can't get right,  
>Had a little date with my baby last night<br>Till it was early in the morning, early in the morning  
>Early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues."<p>

Josie tantalizingly unlaced her skirt and as she let it fell to the ground she kicked it to the side then strolled over to the other pole. Alistair licked his lips unconsciously as he watched the way her silky panties clung to her swinging hips. When she reached to other pole she spun so that her back against the pole, she seductively lowered herself down the post as her hands roamed across her body until she was only inches from the ground, she rested her hands on her knees then to the beat of the music she opened and closed her legs so fucking entrancingly that Alistair's wine glass nearly slipped out of his hand as all the blood in his entire body rushed to his groin giving him a raging hard on.

"Went to all the places that we use to go,  
>Went to her house, but she don't live there no more<br>Early in the morning, early in the morning  
>Early in the morning, you know it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues."<p>

Josie turned to the side, her legs split apart as she lowered the center of her body to the floor. Maker have mercy, he knew she was flexible, but she was giving a whole new meaning to the word. She pivoted her torso so that now her legs were stretched out straight in opposite directions at right angles to the center of her body. She leaned forward so that her chest was inches from the floor and her beautiful breasts were pooling out from the corset. In one swooping motion she brought her legs together behind her as she pushed herself off of the floor and back on to her knees. She bounced in time with the beat, her delicious breasts spilling out as she swayed with the music as her hands roamed across her breasts, down her thighs and then to the junction between her legs. Alistair bit down on his knuckle to stifle a groan. He should let her know he was here. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do, but he was so mesmerized by her and so fucking hungry for her he couldn't move.

She swung her right leg over her left leg, with her foot planted on the ground she pivoted on her knee so that her back was now to him. In a graceful arch she straightened her left leg out, swung it around and then brought it back against her other leg. With her hands resting on her ankles she began to straighten her legs until they formed a perfect upside down V with her head between them. Her hips swayed as Alistair fantasized about grabbing her and taking her from behind.

"Went to her girlfriends, but she was out,  
>Knocked on her mama's door and she began to shout, get away here boy,<br>Early in the morning, early in the morning  
>Early in the morning, you know it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues."<p>

She then spun around and once again placing one foot directly in front of the other she sauntered over to the bed. She crawled slowly, almost predatory up the mattress, she paused as her body bounced and swayed to the beat then she rolled onto her back, her arms were extend behind her holding up her weight, her legs were slightly bent, and as she dropped her head back panting from the excursion. Alistair was out of his chair and at her side in an instant. Lost in whatever fantasy was running through her head, she still hadn't registered that he was there.

He leaned over and whispers in her ear, "I have never wanted you more."

She cried out, clasping at her chest as her eyes go wide. "Fuck… Alistair… how long have you been here?"

"I watched every tantalizing move," he sighed as he licks the side of her neck. She shivered against his lips as she backed away from him.

"Y-you should have let me know you were here," Josie replied still visibly shaken that she had an audience for her dance.

"I couldn't. From the moment you entered the room I was enthralled by you. I still am," Alistair said as he crawled onto the bed and made his way toward her. He grabbed her ankle and pulled her towards him. He kissed the side of her foot then her ankle. He watched as her eyes darkened with desire.

"Jo, I can't sleep." He kissed her calf.

"Every night I lie awake, thinking about you, fantasizing about you." His tongue licked a path up to her knee and he heard a moan escape her lips.

"I picture all the things I want to do to you," he nipped at the soft flesh just above her knee and her legs quivered against his head.

"W-what do you want to do?" Josie asked her voice raspy from the hunger he could see growing in her.

He ran his tongue up the inside over thigh, he paused at the apex between her legs, and he could see that the thin silky material was already wet with her need for him.

"I want to make you beg," he moaned as he clasped his lips over her core and sucked at her through the thin fabric, breathing in the musky scent of her arousal. Josie whimpered as her hips pressed against him mouth.

"I want to lick you until you scream," he muttered as he ran his tongue down the inside of her other thigh. His hands reached up and pulled her panties down.

"I want to bend you over and take you hard until you are crying out my name over and over again," Alistair said as he ran his tongue back up her thigh.

He paused at her glistening curls, in a voice rough with need he asked, "Do you think of me, JoJo?"

"Always," she moaned with anticipation.

"What do you think about?" Alistair asked as his tongue slid through her curls and stroked the taut bundle of nerves. Josie cried out as her hips surged against his mouth.

"Answer me, Josie," Alistair demanded as his tongue licked her from her core to her pearl and back down again.

"I remember and fantasize… w-what your tongue felt like on my skin… what your fingers felt like as they caressed me..." Alistair slid one... two then a third finger inside of her as his lips clamped over the bundle of nerves and sucked.

"Oooh… fuck… yesss," she moaned.

His eyes looked up at her as she writhed against his mouth. Maker, she was exquisite.

His thumb replaced his lips as he asked, "What else did you think about, Jo?"

"You… what it felt like to have you inside of me," she hissed.

"There is nothing I want more then to be inside you… in every way possible, Josie," Alistair moaned as his arms circled around her thighs, opening her up even further to him while holding her in place. He kissed her lips tenderly at first, slowly allowing his tongue to slowly trace the velvet contours as she writhed against his restrain of her. Then his tongue swept over her hot center before darting in and out of her, drinking her in before he moved up to her swollen nub, and then repeated the same movement all over again.

"You taste so sweet, Jo," Alistair groaned. "Even better than I remember."

Alistair smiled as she dug her heels into his back to pull him closer as his tongue continued to lick, twirl, and suck at her, coaxing her closer and closer to the edge. He brought his fingers up and slid them into her hot center, and then pulled them out again.

"Ali… Maker… fuck," she cried out, her fists clenched at his.

He thrust his long fingers in and out while he sucked and licked her pearl, his tongue teasing and twirling around the hard nub.

"De… lic…ous…" Alistair moaned as he lightly grazed the tender flesh with his teeth. "My sweet JoJo… you… taste… wonderful," he whispered against her flesh.

"A-Alistair… close… oh Maker… so close…" Josie sobbed as the sweet agony of her impending orgasm grew stronger with every sweep of his tongue and every thrust of his fingers.

He increased the pressure against her taut nub as he drove his fingers into her with increased speed. "Come... come for me, Jo," he said. "I want to taste you on my tongue."

"Oh… Ali…yessss." She screamed as body tightened, she arched into him, her hips thrust against his mouth as the intensity of the orgasm coursed through her.

"Ali…Alistair...Alistair," she chanted over and over again as the pleasure enraptured her. He loved the sound of his name falling from her lips. It was music to his ears.

Alistair's mouth never left her core, he groaned as the sweet evidence of her climax flowed into his tongue and over his lips, but not giving her a chance to recover, his tongue replaced his fingers at her opening as it darted in and out of her throbbing center while his fingers circled her swollen nub.

"Oooo… mmmm, Maker…yessss Ali…fuck yesss," she cried out as another strong orgasm burst through her. He continued to lovingly stroke her, slowly easing up on the pressure until she lay there completely sated, panting as the occasional tremor passing through her.

As she relaxed, a satisfied sigh escaped her lips, he gently removed her legs from his shoulders then he kissed his way back up to her mouth, with the taste of her still on his lips, he claimed her mouth once more and she eagerly returned the kiss causing his already painful erection to throb even more. His fingers nimbly undid the laces on her corset and he tossed the material aside, he stared longingly at her luscious breasts when a flame from the fire flickered across her lighting up the shadows on her body. His eyes went wide as he took in the long scar that ran down her neck along the side of her breast and across her torso. Pain coursed through him at what he had done to her.

He pressed his lips against her neck where the scar originated and slowly followed its path downward and with each kiss, each caress of his tongue he silently pleaded for absolution and vowed to never leave her side again. The blemish was a legacy to who she was – a fighter, a survivor, a hero - and she never looked more beautiful to him.

He hadn't even realized that he had been crying until he felt her warm hand stroke his cheek and brush away a tear. "It's okay, Alistair. It's in the past and all is forgiven."

Alistair shook his head as he pressed him mouth against the soft flesh under her breast where the scar turned in. "H-how can you possibly forgive me for this?"

She grasped his face in her hands and forced him to look up at her. "You didn't do this to me, Alistair. The Archdemon did this."

"But if I had been there…"

"If you had been up on that tower there is no reason to believe this wouldn't have still happened. We were overrun, outnumbered there was nothing you could have done to prevent. Please Alistair, don't blame yourself for this."

Alistair pressed his lips against scar as he vowed, "I promise you Jo, I will never leave you again, with last breath I will fight at your side."

Her hands captured his face and she pulled him up to her as her mouth captured his. She kissed him ravenously, her tongue eagerly exploring him then she pushed him on his back. She leaned back, pulling him forward as she tugged his tunic over his head and tossed it aside. She pushed him back down as she began to kiss her way down his neck, to his chest down to his stomach. She nimbly undid his trousers and pushed them down as Alistair kicked them off. She slid between his legs as her soft lips brushed against the sensitive tip of his cock causing it to jump with anticipation.

She looked up at and smiled. "I accept your vow, Alistair and I promise the same."

Then she took him in her warm, velvety mouth and a cry of intense pleasure tore from his throat. Alistair gripped the sheets as the suction from her mouth caused unspeakable pleasure to rip through him. She swirled her tongue around the tip before taking him deep into her throat.

"S-sweet Andraste…Jo…my sweet, sweet JoJo…" he moaned as his eyes trained her, never looking away as she gripped him with her lush lips and he basked in the heat of her mouth as he struggled to remain in control as the rhythm of her strokes increased.

Oh Maker, she felt incredible. His body ached from the heat of her touch and he let out a groan as she looked up at him, her mouth enfolded tightly around him. She laced her tongue around him again and it took every ounce of strength not to release into her. His finger entwined in her hair as he watched her head glide back and forth. "By the Maker, y-you're trying to kill me," he gasped.

She laughed and the vibration of her throat nearly sent him over the edge. She stroked the weights between his legs as her tongue licked and sucked at his sensitive tip. He cried out her name in a chorus of prayers.

He knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he grasped her wrist and pulled her up to him. He needed to be in her, to feel her wrapped tightly around him. He was so hard that by the time she actually straddled him, he thought he might shatter. He reached down, positioned himself at her slick center and she slowly eased herself down onto him. He heard her sigh as she took him in deep.

How many times had he daydreamed about being inside her again? How many times had he dreamt of the feel of her heat as it envelope him? And in all of those fantasies he had never imaged the feeling of completion… the feeling of being home that he would feel at being so intimately connected with her once again, but now his body trembled against hers as a fire burned through him causing his vision to blur. He felt whole… for the first time in ten years he felt complete.

She began to move slowly against him and as she glided back and forth, she gripped him with each stroke, causing him to shudder with pleasure. It was such a sweet torture, but his body was now demanding more… need more of her. He grasped her hips and began to move her faster and harder against him as his hips thrust up, driving deeper into her. She cried out as she arched her back and her beautiful breasts swayed with each movement.

"Look at me," he whispered hoarsely.

She titled her head forward as she lowered her gaze and looked lovingly at him with her piercing blue eyes as she continued to ride him. He watched her reverently, enthralled by her as her eyes change from loving and tender to lustful and hungry as she began to rock faster and harder against him.

He reached up, caressed the soft mound before rolling the nipple between his fingers. She moaned out his name, her hips moving faster as the delicious friction continued to build, but it still wasn't enough. He needed to be deeper in her, to be buried completely in her; with one arm around her waist and the other on her hip, he rolled her, he thrust forward burying himself in her to the hilt. She cried out as she wrapped her legs around him, bringing him even deeper into her. She was as incredibly tight and hot as he remembered and he could have come right then, but he held on refusing to let this end quickly. It had been ten years since he had felt this good and he sure as hell wasn't going to let it end just because he lost control.

Alistair dipped his head down to capture a nipple in his mouth. He gently pulled and tugged as she ran her nails along his back to ass and gripped him hard, encouraging him to pick up the pace. He leaned up on his arms and began driving himself quickly in and out of her. The feel of her wrapped around him, the sweet keening sound that both she and her taint made, the way she writhed against him in sheer bliss, he never wanted this to end. He looked into her beautiful face, saw the ecstasy that ravished her features and he nearly came. He began to recite the Templar code… backwards… in Antivian. Their breathing became ragged as beads of perspiration clung to their bodies, but he gripped onto the edge of the cliff with everything he had.

"Alistair… yesss…" She moaned as the sensation continued to build, growing more intense with every thrust. He shifted, slipped his hand between them, and stroked the bundle of nerves. She cried out his name again as her hips rose to meet him.

"Jo…" He moaned as she rocked with him and he could feel that she was close. He moved harder and faster against her. Over and over again he thrust deep into her and guttural groan tore from his throat as he felt her wet center constricted around him, clamping down on him as she went over the edge. She dug her nails into his shoulders as she cried out his name in a chorus of pleasure.

As her muscles rhythmic constricted around him, Alistair felt the pressure start at his core, build, and then burst through him with such an incredible force that he cried from the intense ecstasy. A firestorm of pleasure washed over and through them, leaving them breathless, clinging to each other, panting and yet completely sated. He buried his head against her neck and breathed her in. She smelled like vanilla, lavender, spice, sweat and glorious sex. He had dreamed of this smell for ten years. It was the most wonderful smell in the world to him. As he nuzzled against her, completely content, without even thinking he whispered, "I love you, Jo."

His eyes went wide with horror. Oh Shit...Oh shit, oh shit oh shit. He couldn't believe he had just said that. It was true of course. He had always loved her, even when he hated her, he loved her and longed for her, but the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable when they had just reconnected with each other.

He felt her lips close over his earlobe as she bit down gently then she whispered, "I love you too, Alistair."

He pulled back and stared at her in surprise. She smiled warmly at him, leaned up and kissed his lips. "Alistair, you were my first love. I tried to get over my feelings for you, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, you always had a piece of heart that no one could touch. I learned that you never really get over your first love. They are a part of you… always."

He slid out of her, rolled on his back and brought her with him. He kissed the top of her forehead. "I never stopped loving you either. Even when I believed you betrayed me and I hated you, I couldn't stop loving you which really made the whole hating you thing rather difficult."

She laughed as she feathered kisses on his chest. "Oh I completely understand that feeling. I use to fantasize about tying you up ,working you over with riding crop while you cried out my name, begging me to forgive you and declaring your love for me."

"I had the exact same fantasy, but it was you that was tied up!" Alistair declared.

"Well, you would look funny in a leather corset and black leather boots," Josie purred.

Alistair raised an eyebrow and grinned. "If that is what you're going to wear, you can tie me up anytime you want, my Love."

"I thought you would see it my way."

"I normally do," Alistair said. He looked over at the poles near the bath tub then back down at woman in his arms. "So what's up with those poles?"

"What do you mean?" Josie asked innocently.

Alistair reached down and smacked her bottom. Her eyes went wide as she looked up at him. "Don't play coy with me, Jo. You know damn what I mean."

An impish grin spread across her lips as she slid on top of his chest and he could feel the evidence of their love making on the inside of her thighs, on her sex and he was instantly hard again. She gently stroked his chest then pinched at his nipples as she swirled her hips against him sending a current of desire ripping through him. "My, my Alistair, haven't you become the assertive lover?"

Alistair slipped his hand up her back to the nape of her neck, he grasped her hair and pulled her head back as he leaned up kissed the hollow spot on the base of her throat. "You have no idea," he growled as he pulled her down beside him and rolled on top of her.

"But I'm about to show you," he stated just before he claimed her lips once again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – The music for Josie's pole dance was Early in the Morning - Poncho Sanchez. Great song! You can find it on youtube.**

***A big hugs and thank you to the betalicious Bonkzy and betatabulous Mistress Vo for working** **their magic on this chapter. You two are awesome and I can't thank you enough!**

***Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their alert and favs list. I also want to thank everyone that took the time to review. I love hearing your thoughts and I hope that you will continue to share them with me.**


	30. Chapter 30 Longer Than

**I want to apologize for the delay in this chapter. I really struggled with this one and had a serious case of writer's block. The release of ME3 didn't help. I hope it was worth the wait. **

**Chapter 30 – Longer Than**

"Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean, higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens, I've been in love with you

Stronger than any mountain cathedral, truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeval, I am in love with you

I'll bring fires in the winters you'll send showers in the springs

We'll fly through the falls and summers with love on our wings

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow, burning lines in the book of our lives

Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow, I'll be in love with you"

_Longer Than by Dan Fogelberg_

Alistair watched Josie as she slept peacefully beside him. Her rhythmic breathing and the feel of her warm soft skin comforted him. After years of restless, sleepless nights she was the tranquility that his body and mind craved. During their travels during the Blight, no matter how crazy, how out of control the world around them was they had always found peace in each other's arms. That had been the hardest part of leaving her. His mind drifted back to the last time he had seen her before making his way to the docks to leave Ferelden.

_It had been a long day of intense fighting. Many around him had given their lives in defense of the City, but it was quickly becoming overrun as the Archdemon called his minions to his defense. He had seen the beast overhead, watched as a Warden had fallen from its back and had prayed a prayer of gratitude that the body had been too large to be Josie's._

_He felt her before he saw her; that familiar humming in his taint and he stepped into the shadows so that she would pass without seeing him. She emerged through the smoke and fire, face stained with blood, soot and sweat, despite her current state, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She had a fierce determination in her eyes as she fought her way through the darkspawn, Oghren and Loghain at her sides, Zevran and Wynne bringing up the rear. This was why he had stayed, he needed to know that she would survive this battle. Even if he wasn't fighting at her side, if helping clear the path would ensure her survival then it would be the last thing he would do for her before he walked away from her forever. _

Walking away from her had been the biggest mistake of his life. She had somehow found it in her heart not only to forgive him, but to love him. The peace and contentment of that knowledge settled on him like a warm blanket and he vowed that once all the craziness of this impending battle with Flemeth had died down, he was going to renew the vow that he had made to her all those years ago and this time swore that only his death would stop him from fulfilling it.

The month that had followed the night of the wedding reception had been best of his life as the two of them quickly fell back into the routines they had established all those years ago. Each day he was at her side as she trained with the Wardens, planned for the upcoming battle, or fulfilled her Arlessa duties and each night he was in her bed as the two of them became once again intimately re-acquainted with each other's bodies. As he thought about the feel of her bare skin pressed against his, the smell of her body and the incredible way she tasted and his groin immediately began to react as he thought of the sweet keening of her voice and blood as she came.

Alistair gently pulled back the covers and stared at her bare luscious breasts. As the cool air hit them, her nipples instantly hardened. He reached over and tenderly stroked the soft supple mounds. She sighed in her sleep and instinctively rolled towards him. He lovingly pinched the taut nubs between his fingers. His hand slide under the cover and in between her legs; heat radiated from her and as his fingers tenderly glided over her sex he could feel how wet she was. He continued to lightly caress her, stirring her desire on a subconscious level. She whimpered in her sleep as her hips pressed against his hand craving more contact from him.

"She must be having one hell of a dream," he thought with a pleased smile as he played with her damp curls.

His fingers glided down the length of her before they slipped through her moist curls and rubbed at the taut nub.

"Mmmm…" she moaned.

Leaning over, Alistair vigorously sucked at one pink-tipped breast then carefully, he brought his teeth down and captured the erect nipple, gently tugging it away from her body. Subconsciously, she pushed her breasts toward the suction of his mouth, he repeated the bite on her other nipple.

"Yesss," she mumbled.

Alistair's finger encircled her core before sliding inside of her. Her hips surged against his hand as she cried out, "Oh yes, Oghren!"

Alistair's head shot up as he looked at her with complete shock. She grinned roguishly back at him, "Gotcha!"

He grinned at her as he rolled on top of her. "You're going to pay for that."

She pressed her hips against his throbbing groin. "I certainly hope so."

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair watched anxiously as Josie paced the room with fear, pain and frustration clearly etched in her face. She had been debating with herself and him for the past month about letting those close to her know that someone would die during the battle with Flemeth. They had devised a well thought out plan. One that didn't come without risks, but that if executed properly should guarantee them success with a minimal amount of casualties…It was the casualties that Josie was struggling with and she was refusing to believe that there wasn't something that she could do to save them.

Kyleigh patiently sat there studying Josie walked around her office. Alistair knew she was an old god inside of a child's body, but every time he interacted with the girl it amazed him how mature and controlled she was. The connection that Kyleigh and Josie shared was also fascinating. The two of them had grown close in the short amount of time that Kyleigh and Morrigan had been at the Keep. They were drawn to each other in a supernatural way, bonded together not only by the blood in their taint, but characteristic traits they both shared. At times it was eerie how they finished each other sentences or how they have the exact same reaction to something. However, what disturbed him most was the mischievous nature that the girl sometimes showed. When she thought of a clever idea, her eyes would gleam with an impish delight that he had seen in Josie's eyes a thousand times. Kyleigh also had the same playful nature as Josie and she was constantly playing practical jokes on the Wardens. What troubled Nathaniel was that some of Kyleigh's pranks were exactly the same things that he had watched Josie do as a child. Both he and Howe had numerous long talks discussing and theorizing over this, but they only had speculations and conjectures.

"Kyleigh, there has to be a way to save them. If you told me who it was I could leave them out of the battle, I could leave them at the Keep…"

"Josie we have been over this a hundred times," the young child said patiently. "It is this person's time to go; this isn't some weird accident or an injustice being dealt. Even if you left this person behind, Fate would work to correct itself and in the process even more lives could be lost. There is nothing you can do to change this outcome. I'm sorry."

Alistair watched as Josie's beautiful face contorted with pain as she struggled to accept this fact. He wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he knew now was not the time.

_"Alistair," Kyleigh said inside his head. His head shot up as he looked at the girl. "You're going to have to be strong for her. She has lost so much. This is going to be a difficult death for her to come to terms with and she is going to need you to get through this."_

_"Of course, where else would I be?"_

_"When she lost Anders, all of the Wardens could feel her pain through her taint and it was difficult for most to handle…"_

_"I felt it too and I was there for her then."_

_"Yes, but it will be even more difficult this time because you love her."_

_"I loved her then too," Alistair replied defensively._

_"Yes, but at the time you were uncertain of her feelings for you. Now that the two of you have renewed your relationship, the bond between your taints will be stronger. You will feel her sorrow as if it were your own and to escape the pain it might be tempting to leave."_

_"I will never leave her! No matter how painful it is to stay."_

_A slight smile creased the old god's lips. "I'm glad to hear that."_

"So the question is Josie, will you let your companions know that one of them will not make it?" Morrigan asked.

Josie thoughtfully studied the mage that she had once been as close to as a sister. Alistair already knew the answer to this question. Josie if wasn't going to share Morrigan's fate with her there was no way she was going to tell the others.

"No, I need them at their very best tomorrow. I don't want them over thinking or overreacting. The only thing this information would do is cause them to have doubts and second guess their actions."

"That is a wise choice," Morrigan stated as she stood to leave. "Tomorrow will be a long day so we should head to our rooms."

Both Alistair and Josie stood. Josie hugged both of them as she said good-night. The moment that the door closed behind them, Alistair pulled her into his arms, kissed her forehead then pulled her against his chest. "It's going to be okay, Jo. We will get through this."

She just nodded as she took comfort in his embrace. He backed her up against the bed, laid her down and repeatedly listened to the serenade of her blood as he made her cum numerous times.

_**xxXxx**_

The following day they rode out to a deserted field that was not near any villages or homes so that the confrontation would not result in civilian casualties. Morrigan believed that once she had left the sanctuary of the Keep that it wouldn't take Flemeth long to track her down. Morrigan explained that once Flemeth shifted into a dragon that all of her magic would be used to hold the form so she would no longer be able to conceal her presence from the darkspawn, which meant the deadly beasts would be making an appearance too.

The Witch of the Wilds had insisted that she had lived in Flemeth's shadow long enough and that in this battle her mother was to be left for her alone. Josie had objected strenuously to this, stating that Flemeth was too dangerous for one person to take on by themselves, but Morrigan smiled slyly at her as she informed the Warden-Commander that there would be more than one dragon making an appearance on the day of the battle. Even with that bit of information Josie reluctantly agreed to let the witch deal with her mother.

Josie than divided the rest of those the Wardens that would be accompanying her into two groups. The first group would fight the darkspawn while the second group would protect Kyleigh despite her objections that she was perfectly capable of protecting herself. Nate was in charge of the first group of Wardens who consisted of Oghren, Caron, Sigrun, Bethany and Mason and Josie's squad was made up of himself, Zevran and Kai.

Now Josie's group stood in the center of the clearing encircling Kyleigh, further out from them Oghren, Caron and Sigrun also formed a protective barrier while Nathaniel, Bethany and Mason were concealed along the perimeter. Morrigan stood out of sight as she waited for her mother to make her presence known.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the waiting part," Oghren snorted as he opened his flask and took a gulp.

"Don't tell me you actually expected the wicked bitch of the wilds to show up on time, did you?" Zevran chortled.

"Can you imagine how great it would have been if she was the one waiting for us, for a change?" Alistair stated.

"She would most likely be waiting to fireball your arse just for thinking of such a ridiculous notion," Josie added.

Zev took Oghren's flask and took a large gulp. "Although I have to say I was most impressed with her fine use of leather. Who knew a woman that old could fill out a leather dress so splendidly."

"Is there a woman alive that you would not want to bend over a barrel for the Lothario special?" Josie questioned.

"I don't think I would want to bend Oghren's mother over. I have never seen the woman, but I'm going on a hunch."

"I look just like her, only she's more hairy," Oghren grunted.

"Well, if you are taking her from behind Zev you might not notice all the hair," Nathaniel stated dryly.

"He'll notice, alright! She has more back hair than me," Oghren declared.

"I don't even want to think about how you know that," Josie said.

"That's impressive, dwarf. Because I recall Leliana braiding the hair on your back once," Alistair said.

"I hope she didn't braid his ass hairs too. I would be begin to question her sanity if that was the case," Kai interjected.

A loud roar sounded overhead interrupting their banter and drawing their attention to the sky as a red and black high dragon came into view flying above them as it circled the border of the clearing. The beast bellowed out again as it swooped down upon them, fire shooting from its mouth as it charged for Kyleigh. It neared the ground and another thunderous cry rang out as a second dragon flew over the treetops and dove toward the first, slamming full force into its back. Flemeth screeched as she was propelled into the ground, sending the Wardens scattering as they sprung out of the path of the downed dragon. Morrigan roared as she took to the air.

Flemeth quickly recovered then flew after her daughter. The two dragons bobbed, weaved and dove around each other as they looked for the other's weakness. The group was so mesmerized by the dragon fight taking place in the sky that they didn't register the darkspawn presence until the beasts were nearly on top of them.

"To Arms," Josie yelled as the two of them dropped into a defensive pose in front of Kyleigh and drew their swords. Four darkspawn rushed directly towards them while the rest of small horde spread out around the perimeter.

Kyleigh stepped between him and Josie; he went to push her behind them when she extended her hand toward the oncoming monsters. A wave of energy shot out of the old god's hand causing Alistair to stumble backwards. As the surge of power struck the darkspawn in the chest, the force propelled them backwards. Alistair stared at the young girl in disbelief, but the scene had barely registered with Josie as she pushed Kyleigh behind her and began moving in a blur of motions as she rushed forward to meet the downed beasts with Zevran at her side.

Alistair stepped in front of Kyleigh as a Hurlock charged at them, but he quickly disposed of it with three consecutive shield bashes to the head and a sword through its middle. As the beast fell he felt fear run through Josie's taint, he spun in her direction and his eyes went wide with a mixture of fear and rage as he saw a Hurlock grab Josie from behind and press a dagger to her throat as it taunted Zevran. As Alistair rushed forward, he heard the whistle of an arrow as Nathaniel hit the Hurlock in the shoulder with pinpoint accuracy; the creature loosened its grip on her as it stumbled backwards. Just as he reached her, he read her thoughts perfectly. They moved simultaneously together in one fluid motion as Josie pivoted, ducked and drove her sword into the darkspawn's stomach, just as Alistair swung his sword, removing the monster's head from its body.

They barely had time to recover when a loud screech bellowed from above. He had completely forgotten about the battle that was taking place in the sky. They looked up just in time to see Flemeth's powerful jaws latch onto Morrigan's throat; a roar of pain filled the air as the two dragons spun out of control. Flemeth refused to let go of Morrigan as the two spiraled to the ground both slamming into the earth with a ground shaking crash. Morrigan lay motionless as the body of the dragon transformed back into the witch's naked lifeless form.

Flemeth, still in her dragon form, unsteadily rose up to face the remaining Wardens. In horror, Alistair watched as Josie charged forward, leapt into the air and dug her daggers into the dragon's side. Flemeth roared in pain and reared on its back legs trying to shake Josie off, but she clung to the pommels of her daggers as the beast bucked and reared again. When the dragon came back down, Josie jumped down, the beast shot a fire bolt at her, but missed her as she rolled when she landed and came up on her feet. A sword was clasped in the hand of a nearby dead genlock, Josie pulled the sword from it hand and as the dragon reared again, she charged the beast, then slid under it on her knees with the sword extended upward, driving the blade in deep and slicing its belly open. Flemeth roared again just before she fell onto her side, her body transforming back into its human form. The witch's breath was ragged, she glared up at Josie with pure hatred in her eyes as Flemeth's last breath escaped her lips.

"Mother!" Kyleigh cried out as she raced toward Morrigan's broken and bloody body. She fell on her knees beside her mother; tears flowed down her cheeks as she touched her mother's arm trying over and over again to heal her to no avail.

"Please…don't go…not before I tell you how much I love…please Mother."

Even though the old god had known that Morrigan would not survive the battle it didn't make witnessing your mother's death any easier and it was heartbreaking to watch as Kyleigh continued to try and revive her mother, begging her not to go yet.

Josie was about to start for the young girl when a bloodcurdling scream rose from behind them. They spun to see Bethany pulling Nathaniel in her arms, an arrow protruded from his neck as she cast healing and resurrection spells at her husband. Alistair felt Josie stagger beside him and his arm instinctually encircled her waist to help keep her on her feet. Tears stained her cheeks as she shook her head in denial as the word "No" repeatedly fell from her lips. Unable to move at the sight of her oldest friend's lifeless body, inept at offering any type of comfort, it was Kai that moved beside Bethany to soothe and console the grieving wife. The kind hearted mage drew Bethany into her arms, rocked her gently as she whispered words of comfort to her.

Alistair knew that Josie was in no condition to take control of the situation. He looked over at Zevran, whose face was etched with grief; he nodded at the elf to come to Josie's side. Once she was secure in arms of her best friend, Alistair quietly instructed half of Wardens to gather enough wood build two pyres and the other half to remove the darkspawn bodies along with Flemeth's away from camp and burn them. The Wardens somberly set out to accomplish their tasks.

Several hours later they gathered around the pyres that now held the bodies of their two fallen comrades. Kai stepped forward, cleared her throat and began to sing. In all the time that he had known her, he never knew what a lovely voice the mage had.

"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
>Never settle for the path of least resistance<br>Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,  
>Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making,<br>Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
>When you come close to selling out reconsider,<br>Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,  
>And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.<br>I hope you dance...I hope you dance.  
>I hope you dance...I hope you dance."<p>

Alistair looked over at Bethany who now wore the blank stare of a woman that had just suddenly lost the man she loved. He knew that look well, he had seen it on Josie for almost year and only recently had it been replaced with the look of contentment and happiness. Alistair knew the young mage was about to travel long and difficult path. Bethany was in the loving embrace of Josie, who knew and understood the pain of the young mage. Josie's other arm held onto Kyleigh and unfortunately Josie also understood the pain of losing your mother to violence. Both the young girl and young wife clung to her as if she was the life-line that was going to save them and although Josie was putting on a brave face and was remaining strong for them, he could see the painful grief in her eyes.

Kai finished her song and stepped back as Josie stepped forward. She took a deep breath as she composed herself.

"From the first time I laid eyes on Morrigan, I knew that I had met my match in wit, feistiness and sarcasm. At times she was thorn in my side, she never questioned my actions but always questioned if I was remaining true to myself and my mission. She was my compass and I was hers. By the end, we considered each other sisters. If it were not for her I would not be here right now. I owe her my life. I love you, sister. Sleep well and rest easy."

Kyleigh stepped forward, raised her hand and an instant later the wood under the pyre broke out into flames that spread quickly.

Josie turned toward Nathaniel's pyre, big tears brimmed in her eyes as she breathed in deeply.

"I can't remember a time in my life that Nate wasn't a part of it. Even when there was distance between us, whether physically or emotionally, he had always been a strong, stoic presence in my life – an anchor when the storms of life raged – I know that I wasn't the only person his strength helped carry on many occasions. As hard as it is for me to say good-bye to my oldest friend, I know he died the way he wanted to…by bringing respect and integrity to himself as a Warden and to the name that he had worked so diligently to restore honor to."

Josie stepped forward and laid her hand on Nathaniel's arms. Bethany tried and failed at stifling the sob that escaped her lips at the tender gesture.

"Nate, you have been the most loyal friend, loving husband and noble Warden. I love you and I will miss deeply, my friend."

Josie stepped back as Bethany stepped forward. She reigned in her emotions as she extended her staff forward and cast the spell that lit the pyre. They all stood there for a long moment, silently watching the two pyres burn as they said their good-byes.

After the pyres were nothing, but smoldering ash, Mason and Caron gathered more wood and stared a bonfire in the center of camp. Both Oghren and Zevran pulled out several bottles of rum and brandy as the group gathered around the fire and spent the rest of the night reminiscing about Nathaniel and Morrigan.

_**xxXxx**_

It had been six months since Nathaniel and Morrigan's deaths and things at the Keep were slowly beginning to return to normal as the gloomy mood of the Wardens had begun to lift. During that time they had witnessed the execution of Anora, the coronation of Fergus and a few months later had received word that Queen Anne was expecting the first heir to throne. The news that she was about to become an Aunt had brought an expected gleam to Josie's eyes and Alistair was glad to see her spark return.

Also, over the past six months, both Josie and Alistair had become close with Kyleigh. Even though she might have the soul of an old god she was still a young girl who had recently lost her mother and the bond that was shared between her and Josie had helped with the healing process. It was the girl's spirited and resilient nature that had drawn Alistair to her, but the more time that he spent with her it was her tender and gentle heart that made him want to protect her with his life. He hadn't even realized it until Josie had pointed out that he was acting exactly like an overprotective father when Kyleigh had asked for the quarter master to take her into the woods for her riding lesson. It was then that he realized that he did love her as a father would and that with Josie at his side, Kyleigh could be the daughter that the two of them would never be able to conceive.

Not long after their return to the Keep, Josie had all of Alistair's things moved into her room. Alistair had questioned her about appearances and she had replied that life was too fucking short for her to worry about what others thought of her, but Alistair did. Maybe it was the chantry boy in him, but he didn't want anyone ever thinking ill of her. Now he sat across from her on the blanket that held the picnic that he had prepared for her as he nervously pulled at the cuffs of his shirt.

"Alistair," she purred, bringing his attention back to her. He looked up at her and she smiled warmly at him. "You look like you're about to invite me back to your tent even though you know I'm a sure thing."

He looked at the face of the only woman he would ever love, the only woman that he had ever loved and all of his nervousness just floated away. He took her by the hand and pulled her into his lap as his arms encircled her waist he kissed the side of her neck.

"Josie, a very long time ago I had made a vow to you…a vow that I broke, but one that if you will let me I want to fulfill. On the night before the Landsmeet, I had told you that I loved you, that I would love you until the end of time…and that part is true and despite the time we had spent apart my love for you never stopped. I told you that being with you made me want to be a better man. I also asked you to be my wife and vowed if you let me I would be the best husband I could possibly be to you. I broke my word when I left you, but I'm here now and I desperately want to fulfill my promise to you. Josephine Cousland, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you as your husband. Will you do me the great honor of being my wife?"

She smiled radiantly at him just before she threw her arms around his neck and claimed his lips with hers. When he eventually had to pull away for air he grinned back at her, "I take it that is a yes."

She nodded vigorously as leaned into him took possession of his mouth once again. He gently leaned her back and tenderly made love to the woman that had agreed to be his wife. When they returned to the Keep, Josie enthusiastically shared the news with everyone. Everyone, including Bethany, was overjoyed for them and for the first time in a long time they had something to celebrate.

Later that evening after many rounds of celebratory toasts they had made their way up to their bedroom. When they entered, they found Kyleigh waiting for them. She turned toward them and smiled. "Josie, Alistair, I know the two of you have traveled a long and painful road to reach this point and I am thrilled that the two of you have found happiness once again in each other."

He and Josie glanced at each other and both had bit their lips to keep from laughing. At times it was hard to hear words of wisdom spoken from such a tiny person, no matter how old the soul that resided inside was.

"Thank you, Kyleigh," Josie replied.

"It pains me to think that the taint in your blood will force the two of you apart when you have already lost so much time with each other." Both Alistair and Josie shifted uncomfortably as she continued. "Josie, I can heal you. I can heal your taint…"

"What? Why haven't you mentioned this earlier?" Alistair questioned.

"Because to change the future so drastically there will be a consequence for that action; I don't know what the ramification will be so I have been hesitant to make the offer. However, with so much at stake I wanted to leave the decision up to you," Kyleigh replied.

"When you say consequence do you mean my life for another's?"

"No, the result of your healing would only affect you, but I am not sure how it would affect you," Kyleigh replied.

"I want Jo to live for as long as possible, but I don't want her to suffer because of this decision," Alistair said.

"I do not believe the consequence will bring physical pain to her. I would not offer it if I did."

Alistair looked at Josie. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about her receiving her calling and going into the Deep Roads long before her time. He had already lost so much time with her he wanted to be with her for as long as possible, but this wasn't his decision to make. There was a price to be paid for this choice and it wouldn't be him that was paying it.

"Josie, you know I want to be with you for as long as possible, but you're the one that has to live with this decision. You're the only one that can make it."

Josie paced around the room for what seemed like hours as she weighed all the information that had been given her. She paused, turned and looked at him. "I want to live the rest of my life loving you and I want to do that for as long as possible. I'm willing to pay the price to be with you."

Alistair had never loved her more, but his eyes narrowed on hers. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," she replied as she turned to face Kyleigh. "Please heal my taint."

The young girl walked over to her and Josie knelt down in front of her. Kyleigh placed one hand on the top of Josie's head and the other in the center of her chest. The old god closed her eyes as she concentrated. The atmosphere around them became thick and began to crackle and hiss as the air swirled around them. The papers nearby scattered, but the hair on their heads remained utterly still. From the places where Kyleigh's hands came in contact with Josie, a glowing light began to radiate out, as the wind around them intensified, the glowing light became brighter as it spread out, enveloped the two of them and lifted them off of the ground.

Alistair stared in complete amazement, but completely unafraid. The light that emitted from them was warm, inviting and loving. Alistair reached out to Josie through the taint, he felt her corrupted taint slowly dissolving…fading and as it vanished, her blood sung out so sweetly that it brought tears to his eyes as he fell to his knees with relief. Josie was healed…she was whole and he would have the rest of his life to love, cherish and adore her.

**Epilogue**

_Harvestmere, Sixteenth Day of the Fifty-second Year of the Tranquility Age-_

_As I prepare to say my final good-byes, a poem I read a long time ago comes mind. 'The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.' It was that last part, 'miles to go before I sleep' that stopped me from following Alistair into the Deep Roads when he had received his calling eighty-seven years ago. It had been Kyleigh that had reminded me that I still had so much more to accomplish and as always, the old god had been right, but that didn't mean it had been easy._

_Immortality isn't as enthralling as the bards, poets and storytellers would lead you to believe. Watching all those you love grow old, frail and die while you continue to look and feel like a young twenty-nine year old is draining…mentally, physically and emotionally. If I had known that this would be the consequence for allowing Kyleigh to heal my taint I'm not sure I would have agreed to it. Even though without it I would not have able to see Fergus become one of the greatest rulers Ferelden had ever seen nor watch my nephew ascend to the throne to follow in his father's footsteps, I would not have had twenty-five of the best years of my life with the love of my life as his wife, friend and lover. I would have never seen the young girl that I had grown to love as a daughter grow into the beautiful, amazing woman that she has become and I would have missed the years of friendship with Zevran, Oghren and Kai. _

_However, the years of loneliness and solitude that have followed the lighting of the last pyre have been hard and painful and now even though my blood has been tainted for one hundred and twenty two years I am not any closer to receiving my calling than the day I went through my joining. But now…now the woods are looking lovely, dark and deep and I am ready to sleep._

_I have been without the love of my life for eighty-seven years and there hasn't been a day that has gone by in the time that my heart, body and soul has not ached for him. Alistair had lived a long life for a Warden. He had lived with the taint for almost thirty-five years. In those years together, we had loved each other with a passion and hunger that was so fierce that it would have taken several lifetimes to burn out. When we could no longer deny that his calling had come, I had vowed that I would go in with him. Of course he had refused. "The Maker has blessed you, JoJo with an extraordinary gift. You can't waste it by going with me. You are meant to continue to do great things. Ferelden…no, all of Thedas still needs you. And when your time comes, I will be there to greet you with open arms, Love."_

_I had nodded in agreement, but Alistair knew me so well. He knew I wouldn't let him go so easily so he had arranged for Zev to share a bottle of brandy with us the night before he was to leave for Orzammar; little did I know that Zev had laced my glass with a powerful sedative. The following morning, I woke up to find my bed empty except for the love letter that Alistair had written me, I had been so enraged that I would have run that damn assassin through with my sword if I hadn't found him in the courtyard waiting for me with two horses saddled and ready to go. _

_We had ridden hard, but so had Alistair and by the time we had arrived in Orzammar he had already left for the Deep Roads. Of course I followed in after him with Zevran following close behind to ensure that I didn't decide to stay. Three days later, I found his broken and battered body. He had given the bastards a hell of a fight, but in the end the Deep Roads had served their purpose and had carried home a brother that had fought and served the Wardens with courage and dignity. With the help of the Legion of the Dead we carried Alistair's body out of the Deep Roads and built him a pyre. As I watched his body disintegrate into ashes a piece of me…a very large piece of went up in those flames. How do you move on once your other half has died?...You don't. You just learn to live without them._

_It was only a few years later that I watched Oghren make the final Warden journey…then Sigrun and finally Kai, the last of my Wardens who had started out with me all those years ago. After that I had distanced myself from the men and women that served under me. It was just easier that way…less painful when they fell in battle, less sorrow when they left for Orzammar. _

_Weisshaupt, Kyleigh, Zevran and Fergus were the only ones that knew about my taint and prolonged life, so before too many questions were raised, I pretended to receive my calling. With the burden of command lifted, I took a much needed vacation to Antiva with Zevran and Kyleigh. The trip had been good for all of us. It was good to get away from a life that had become so mundane – forty years of fighting darkspawn, the loss of your husband and most of your friends, takes a toll on a girl. _

_All of that pent up frustration, sorrow and grief boiled over during our time in Antiva and I went a little crazy. Wine, women, men all helped me forget what I had lost and how many more years I would have to endure before I joined them in the Fade. The debauchery that I indulged in delighted Zevran who said I had become a party pooper in my old age and if he had known this was how I was going to turn out, he would have left me years ago. Yeah right, as long as Kyleigh was by my side the elf was going nowhere._

_As the old god had grown from a girl into a woman, her resemblance to me became uncanny, she could have been my twin. She too had stopped aging when she had reached womanhood. As a child, she and Zev had become inseparable. She had been fascinated with the assassin and he had been intrigued with the mystery of the old god. He trained her in the sparring ring, in the art of assassination and when she had become a woman in the art of making love. He joked that since my heart had been spoken for before he met me that Kyleigh was the next best thing. I knew that he wasn't serious because anyone that saw the two of them together would know that she possessed the assassin's mind, heart and body. She was good for him and him for her. And it warmed my heart to see my best friend who said he would take his pleasures where he could find them fall head over heels in love._

_I could have lived out the rest of my life happy and content in Antiva with the two of them, but Weisshaupt managed to track me down. There had been a flurry of darkspawn activity in Ferelden, the Advocate had been seen and they insisted that they needed an experienced leader to get to the bottom of this. I honestly didn't think I ever wanted to go back to the Wardens, to a life that had been hard and at times painful, but as I read the First Warden's letter, the taint in my blood had begun to hum and my fingers were itching to wrap themselves around the pommels of my daggers and bury them into some darkspawn flesh. _

_So two years after Josie Cousland had made her way into the Deep Roads, Weisshaupt announced that Phine Cousland, a warden from Orlais who was a distant cousin of the Hero of Ferelden and who looked remarkably like her would be the new Ferelden Warden-Commander. This decision had not sat well with the Ferelden Wardens and it had taken several years for me to earn their trust and respect. During that time of proving myself with both Zevran and Kyleigh by my side, I had once again found happiness._

_For the next twenty-five years the three of us had turned the Ferelden Wardens into an elite army of warriors, mages, rogues and assassins. We had one of the largest Warden armies in all of Thedas, but all of them were highly skilled and trained. However, I also watched my nimble and quick assassin age and lose his agility. Despite his body's decline, his mind had remained strong and even as he drew his last breaths, his endearing charm had remained steadfast. With the coals of his pyre still warm, Kyleigh had said good-bye to me. She couldn't remain at the Keep that held so many memories for her, but the Wardens were all that she knew and her blood sung out that was who she was so she packed up her things and headed to Weisshaupt. In a matter of days, I had lost the last two people that I had loved deeply._

_That was fifty-two years ago. During that time, I have stopped the darkspawn numerous times from hunting down the last two old gods, played the political games that my noble title required and have had plenty of lovers fill my bed, but I have never allowed myself to love again. I just couldn't endure the heartbreak one more time._

_I look around my office as I wait for the new Commander that Weisshaupt has sent to replace me to arrive and I believe that she will be pleased that I have left it exactly the same as when she had left. Most of the mementos will mean just as much to her as they do to me and the keepsakes from my earlier travels she will want just because they once belonged to me. I tenderly run my finger over the bronze dagger that Zevran had given me. The blade sits neatly on top of the book, A Rogue for His Majesty's Pleasure, given by Wynne. Beside it is the music box from Leliana, my love-able mage's empty phylactery and of course the enchanted rose from Alistair. She has heard the stories behind those items hundreds of times from me, Zev and Alistair and I know the mementos will bring her comfort in the first weeks and months of her command. _

_She will be nervous of failing, but she would make an outstanding leader. She has had years of training and lifetimes of experience. She will make an outstanding replacement. I have no doubt that Kyleigh Arainai will make an exceptional Warden-Commander of the Ferelden Grey and will undeniably leave her mark on the Wardens that will follow her, just as I have hopefully left my mark on those who have willingly followed me. _

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><p><strong>AN – I hope that you have enjoyed Josie, Alistair and Anders story. I enjoyed sharing it with you. I have started writing a prequel to this story. It's called The Beautiful Ones Book II. It is Josie and Anders story set during Awakenings. It will not be a retelling of the game, but it will serve as the backdrop for the story. I hope that you will enjoy reading more about Josie Cousland, who has quickly become my favorite OC. **

***The song that Kai sang at the funeral was **_**I hope you dance **_**by Leanne Rimes.**

***I wanted to thank all of the faithful readers to this story. It had a big following and I appreciate your support.**

***Hugs and kisses to everyone that took the time to share their thoughts with me. Your comments and reviews meant the world to me. They always brought a smile to my face and made my day.**

***Throughout this story I have had three swagtastic betas. Huge hugs to Jinx1983, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo for helping make this the best story possible. Thank you for sticking with me, I know that beta-ing two chapters a week can be a lot, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with me and standing by me.**


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